Unique Barn Breakup Advice - help!

[Hunterjump93]

Long time reader, first time poster. I’ve searched and searched and read every “I’m leaving please help” thread but can’t find a situation like mine. Seeking advice! Above all else I’m wondering: am I overthinking things?? Sorry in advance for the long post…advice is welcome!

I’ve been at my current barn for about 9 years. It is a lesson barn with lots of kids. Lots of school horses. A handful of clients who board (less than 10). I’m in a horse rich area in the Midwest so no shortage of barns. I used to own a mare who I boarded for about 2 years then retired her. Then leased a horse from my trainer and kept him at the barn. Now, I am horseless but have been in their quarterly lesson program for a year ish. This barn has a quarterly lesson plan where you pay in advance for a 12 week set of lessons that you can schedule as needed but cannot get a refund if you don’t use. You either get makeups or “forefeit.” I just paid for second quarter which takes me through end of June.

Now, I am at a place where I want a change. I’m an older adult and want a smaller barn with more idividual training and less hectic w all the lesson kids. I also am sort of priced out of boarding now. I have a trainer at a new barn I have been riding with off and on who has a horse for lease I’m interested in who is in my budget and board is more affordable there. However, I’d have a 1x a week lssson all of may and June still at the “lesson barn” I can’t get a refund for. I feel awkward telling the trainer and BO I’m going to stop lessoning at the end of the quarter and then still be riding there while I am also riding and potentially leasing elsewhere. I feel like my only option is to either ride at both places and just enjoy being a lesson student at the lesson barn, or forefeit the 4-6 weeks of lessons paid for that I can’t get refunded for — which seems silly.

Am I overthinking the leaving? Signing up for next quarter of lessons comes out next month and I’m not certain I need anything more than a “thanks, but I am looking for a change and won’t be signing up for lessons next quarter?” I don’t have a horse to move and even though I once was a boarder and heavily involved client I’m just not anymore. How do I leave when I want to go to another barn with a horse at the ready for me, with a trainer I like? Is it really that simple?

[4Frogs_aLilypad]

Sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought into this and have pretty much made up your mind. I say go for the second place with the trainer and lease horse you like. Finish the lessons at the kid-centric barn only if you feel it’s worth it…and by that I mean enjoy it lol.

[blondewithchrome]

I think it IS that simple! Sounds like you have loyalty to this barn and that’s as expected, but you are just a lesson rider these days. Lesson students come and go. Just give your notice to your BO that you will not be signing up for the next round so she or he can fill your spot, and enjoy the time with the new trainer.

A simple email thanking them for having you as a client, saying you are going to be making a change, and thanking them again for all they did is sufficient. Leave it on positive terms. Unless it’s sufficiently awkward or you think the quality of the remaining lessons will suffer, I’d do the final 3-4 you paid for. As adults, any extra ride time is beneficial, and I agree it doesn’t seem right to leave paid lessons on the table.

[clanter]

let me throw a wrench into this, what about sub leasing these remaining paid lessons to some one else? (maybe I should not have taken those contract law classes?)

It appears by contract OP has the option since the the riding slot is to be used or its lost… contract law will not allow a one sided contract thus voiding the contract

" An unconscionable abusive contract is a contract that is so one sided, it would be unjust for one of the parties to be required to perform their duties under the contract."

[Gardenhorse]

Agree that it is that simple. I recognize that it feels weird to end any kind of relationship that you’ve been in that long, but it sounds like you’ve found a good opportunity at the other barn. When the lesson sign-up comes out, simply send them an email saying that while you’ve greatly enjoyed lessons with trainer and will be finishing out the current set of lessons, you’ve really missed riding more often than once a week, and you’ve found a great lease opportunity that you’re going to try out so you won’t be signing up for the next lesson session.

[RedHorses]

I don’t think you need to volunteer a reason, just let them know you’re not signing up for the next quarter.

Do figure out what you want to say when someone asks you why so you’re not floundering for a response. It can be as simple as you’re not able to get what you need out of the lessons at the moment.

[atr]

It will be fine. They will understand. They don’t have a lease horse for you, the other barn does.

Be kind. Be effusive in your thanks for all they have done for you, enjoy your rides.

[PNWSunnyDay]

@blondewithchrome

As adults, any extra ride time is beneficial, and I agree it doesn’t seem right to leave paid lessons on the table.

If you don’t want to use the lessons up, is there a promising kid who you would like to gift the lessons to? That way they are not wasted, but you can move on to the new barn? That is, of course, you don’t feel like finishing the quarter. We have several kids at my barn who can only afford to lesson once a week and would enjoy the opportunity to add a second lesson.

[Moon_River]

You’re overthinking this. It really won’t be an issue (if it is, then you need to be out of that barn anyway). You’re just one of many business clients to the trainer, you’re not stiffing them so you aren’t leaving on bad terms you are just taking up an opportunity that has presented itself to move in another direction.

[Zevida]

Yes it really is that simple!

As for the lessons you have already paid for this quarter, that money is gone. You cannot get it back. So, prioritize doing what will bring you the most happiness - not getting the “value” for the money. If you enjoy the lessons then finish them up. But if you don’t enjoy them, then don’t go. Prioritize how you want to spend the time because the money is gone regardless.

[eightpondfarm]

if it were me, i’d continue and finish up the lessons already paid, i would let BO and instructor both know that i was moving along to lease and lesson elsewhere. Assuming this original barn is a decent place, i would be as nice as i could be about my exit…because one never knows where life will lead, and i may need to return oneday.

[Mango20]

@Hunterjump93

I’m not certain I need anything more than a “thanks, but I am looking for a change and won’t be signing up for lessons next quarter?”

Yep, that’s exactly what you need. I’m sure students come and go for many reasons, so it won’t be a huge shocker for them, and it shouldn’t affect the quality of your remaining lessons.

[hoopoe]

This barn does not meet your needs, it is as simple as that. Everything changes, we all do.

If you want to make use of your lesson rides yourself, go ahead and do that, . Otherwise I am with PNW, perhaps gift the lessons to a young rider who could use a boost up I assume you have met a favorite kiddo.

when I bought some new equipment I gifted my old set to a young person. I knew her parents would not be able to buy the quality. All I asked is that they give the equipment to the school or pass on to another young person

when I was a young barn rat I was supported by the kindness of a benefactress . It was not A system stuff, just a chance to earn a weekly riding lesson. I believe in passing it forward.

[Hunter_Mom]

I do know that some areas have trainers who want to know that the client left under good terms before they’ll take a new client. Especially if they were established long-term at a nearby barn. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a change - that is a natural part of growth. If they press, just let them know that, while you enjoyed your time at Barn A, you’re simply wanting a program more like Barn B has at this time.

[Baybear]

I think you’re over thinking it. I would ride at both places until the lesson runs out. Let them know you’ve come across a great lease opportunity so want to see how this lease works out. The less said the better, and leave it so if something happens with the lease you’ll be coming back. Most jprofessionals realize that clients often need to move on. Best of luck and let us know how things turn out

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

Honestly, I have twice left barns where I didn’t “use up” all of the available ride time left to me. The first was when I was leasing a horse. The outside trainer I had coming in to give me my lessons was wonderful, but the barn owner clearly wanted me to end the lease and was absolutely awful to me–laying down more and more restrictions about when I could come and what I could do with the horse I was riding. So I left mid-month, obviously telling my trainer and the horse’s owner immediately.

The second was when I was at one of those chaotic lesson barns with lots of kids and “very beginner” adults, and although I’d been there for years, I was getting increasingly frustrated with lessons that were so poorly instructed and planned (dead beginners placed with more experienced riders in the same lesson slot), I told the instructor I was quitting riding (which I was thinking of doing, because the lessons were going so poorly) and left, eventually finding another barn.

In your instance, you’re going to have the exit interview at some point with this instructor, and it’s only fair to her to have it sooner rather than later, if she has a waiting list or if someone turns up who wants to start riding over the summer and use your slot. But you’ve paid for the lessons so you certainly have a right to use them. You know her best, though.

I mean, I have known some instructors who will bad-mouth a program or treat a student differently if they know they are leaving or taking lessons elsewhere. If your instructor reacts badly and you DO have to leave before the package runs out, though, thank goodness you’re out of there. But the worst thing to do is to use up all the lessons and wait until the last minute to tell her you’re not renewing when you’ve done so consistently for years, since I assume the instructor is counting on the income.

[trubandloki]

Changing barns is always hard, even if you know it is the best choice.

There is so much good advice here.

In your situation I would:
Write the current trainer/BO a nice note thanking them for all the wonderful instruction and having you be part of their program. Tell them how much you have learned and all kinds of other flattering things.
Then simply say that you are not signing up for the next lesson program. If you want toss in something like “I hope if things change in my life I will be welcomed back”. (Note I did not say to tell them why you are leaving.)

Then show up for your lesson every week, smiling and happy that you are there. Thank your instructor for the great lesson. Repeat until your lessons are done.
If you do not feel comfortable doing that then simply do not use your last lessons or ask if you can donate them to another student.

Go to the new barn. Say nothing bad about the old barn. If asked by a gossipy person at the new barn just say something about how great leasing Dobbin is. Don’t even add that the old barn did not offer you something comparable.

[noreins]

I agree that although you don’t technically need a reason to leave a barn, OP says she’s been at this barn 9 years so someone at some point is probably going to ask why. In order to leave on the best terms possible, I echo other posters in saying simply that you found a great opportunity for an on-site lease at another barn, and that you will be finishing out your lesson package.

This should be enough for any reasonable person to understand, but we know that horse people aren’t always reasonable. But even if they are unreasonable, you haven’t said anything defamatory or burned a bridge. You’ve simply found a horse you click with to lease, and that horse is at another barn. I agree that as a “lesson only” student, it will not be hard to fill your slot and will not have the economic impact of say, having an empty stall as opposed to one less lesson student. Still, given you’ve been at the barn for 9 years, I think the cryptic “thanks, I will not be taking lessons anymore” will invite questions and it’s best to just have your non-offensive, non-personal reason ready.

[Small_Change]

What about a parting gift to your BO when you deliver the news that you will not be renewing your lesson package. I would think that thanking them for all the learning over the years, telling them how much you have enjoyed their horses, and that you have the opportunity to try something new should suffice? You can also soften the blow by saying you will be sure to recommend their program to anyone you think would be a good fit. Being open but kind always seems like the best option.

With costs being what they are, BO’s and those managing lesson programs probably appreciate the heads up that they will not have the income from your package to work into the next quarter’s budget.

Depending how the conversation goes, you can then decide to finish up your package, or if it feels uncomfortable, just move on. If you choose not to use the lessons yourself, you could ask about gifting them to another person, but be prepared to be told “no” if news of you leaving wasn’t taken well.