After 4 pages of genuine responses, telling someone whose strory has now changed to the point of incredulity and who seems to be impersonating your profession (poorly) that you don’t believe them is hardly any more “mean” than jerking people into giving you advice based on lies and a wholly/partially fabricated scenario you passed off as real. There some real meanness out there. Telling someone their story about riding lessons reads like a lie is awfully tame stuffed
[QUOTE=vxf111;8854843]
After 4 pages of genuine responses, telling someone whose strory has now changed to the point of incredulity and who seems to be impersonating your profession (poorly) that you don’t believe them is hardly any more “mean” than jerking people into giving you advice based on lies and a wholly/partially fabricated scenario you passed off as real. There some real meanness out there. Telling someone their story about riding lessons reads like a lie is awfully tame stuffed[/QUOTE]
I wouldn’t have cringed at saying that it read like a lie. I cringed at “Really?? I thought she sounded like a crazy old biddy (or thirteen year old playing crazy old biddy) who possibly suffers from Aspergers. Really, it seems beyond mere social awkwardness.” As another poster pointed out, equating Aspergers with craziness, irrational behavior, in this case maybe lying, is not cool – and then using that poster’s depression (or maybe diagnosing her with it? I’m not sure if she’s discussed having depression on other boards because I don’t read them) as a weapon in an argument, is also really low.
Vxf111 don’t worry, I’m the meanie now for suggesting that the language used by the op might suggest a particular issue. And please note I am talking about language because that is all we actually have to go on in this format
Possibly it’s time to start including trigger warnings
[QUOTE=ladyj79;8854859]
Vxf111 don’t worry, I’m the meanie now for suggesting that the language used by the op might suggest a particular issue. And please note I am talking about language because that is all we actually have to go on in this format
Possibly it’s time to start including trigger warnings[/QUOTE]
Ah yes. Anyone who is possibly the least bit offended by anything you said must be oversensitive.
ETA: Way off track - but I’m going to leave this here:
http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/06/the-case-for-restraint-in-all-things/489083/?utm_source=atltw
I don’t know- I thought the story sounded fairly plausible. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of boarding at a few barns with a good chunk of very ignorant/rude people and I could 10000% see this kind of thing happening. I could see it from the pop-in instructor who is new to teaching (and to formatting paragraphs on her phone), the bitchy comments post-lesson going on back at the barn, the student not saying anything, and the backyard doofus/teenager/whoever setting up her post every week to gain an education so she can “train.”
There are a lot of very bad boarding situations going on out there, a lot of trainers who know what words to say from watching other instructors but not what they mean, and a lot of inability or unwillingness to communicate, on all sides. The only person who seemed to be behaving well is the BO, but really- none of this is surprising to me.
Anyway, I like a good pile on as much as anyone but there doesn’t seem much reason for it here. The OP has remained polite and respectful throughout and I admire that- I would have been tempted to give everyone the middle finger by this point. Or to create a houseguest to do so! :lol:
[QUOTE=ladyj79;8854859]
Possibly it’s time to start including trigger warnings[/QUOTE]
Possibly it’s time for some to get off their keyboard.
Attacking the OP, attacking another poster… How’s your personal life?
To the OP, I suggest you let this thread go.
Good luck!
[QUOTE=Kaylinne;8846778]
I am an itinerant instructor so travel to various boarding facilities to teach intermediate H/J. I don’t mind an occasional observer of my lessons. However, I have a few non clients who “just happen” to watch my lessons but say they are keeping an eye on their horses turned out in the small paddock next to the outdoor arena. I have spoken to these individuals in private that I welcome their taking lessons but I am uncomfortable with their weekly presence on the rail as I teach. I have politely explained my students are distracted by their presence and if they wish to take lesson, I am happy to talk with them. Lesson after lesson, these same people are either at the rail or within easy ear
I never heard of such a thing as not wanting people to watch a lesson where I boarded my horse. I guess I would say you could go teach elsewhere to bad lady.
[QUOTE=Kaylinne;8852532]
Thank you, everyone for contributing to this interesting scenario. I will report things some what came to a head yesterday which, although uncoumfortable, has, I believe resolved the issue. Please allow me to explain the events. I had scheduled my top rider for an impromptu lesson late Sunday at rider’s request. She needed me to eyeball something that tangled her up on Saturday when riding a combination at a show. I could not attend the show for family reasons, so we scheduled this odd time lesson. Not a big deal for me as I pay to lease the arena
Gosh maybe like somebody said OP is telling a bit of a tall tale. This is getting silly. Snacks, chairs and popcorn…yeah right.
[QUOTE=alibi_18;8854878]
Possibly it’s time for some to get off their keyboard.
Attacking the OP, attacking another poster… How’s your personal life?
To the OP, I suggest you let this thread go.
Good luck![/QUOTE]
What in particular would you like to know about my personal life that I haven’t addressed on the boards? I mean generally if I dont write something on a public message board its because I don’t feel it warrants public discussion, but feel free to inquire away.
What an odd turn, Alibi!
[QUOTE=ladyj79;8854891]
What in particular would you like to know about my personal life that I haven’t addressed on the boards? I mean generally if I dont write something on a public message board its because I don’t feel it warrants public discussion, but feel free to inquire away.
What an odd turn, Alibi![/QUOTE]
I interpreted the gist of the comment to be alluding to the principle that if a person is tearing down others with personal attacks, it generally says more about said person’s own personal circumstances than the circumstances of those said person is attacking (i.e. the question re personal life was rhetorical.)
[QUOTE=Kaylinne;8846778]
I am an itinerant instructor so travel to various boarding facilities to teach intermediate H/J. I don’t mind an occasional observer of my lessons. However, I have a few non clients who “just happen” to watch my lessons but say they are keeping an eye on their horses turned out in the small paddock next to the outdoor arena. I have spoken to these individuals in private that I welcome their taking lessons but I am uncomfortable with their weekly presence on the rail as I teach. I have politely explained my students are distracted by their presence and if they wish to take lesson, I am happy to talk with them. Lesson after lesson, these same people are either at the rail or within easy ear-shot of my instruction. I have spoken with the barn owner who says boarders may go where they wish. So basically, I am teaching a paying student while two or three nonpaying riders who are boarders watch- under the guise of keeping an eye on their horses in the paddock alongside the arena on a regular basis. Not fair to me and not fair to my paying students. Any suggestions on how to handle these “regular” “free-loaders”? They put their horses in these paddocks about five minutes before my lesson begins, as I set up cavaletti, etc… And conveniently, take their horses from the paddock back to the barn just as my lesson ends. (I can’t change my lesson time slots.). Any suggestions beyond what I have already tried to do to stop this behavior?[/QUOTE]
This is the original post with the original details that posters replied to. Subsequent “clarifications” by OP to answer replies have added some details and revised others presented in the…opening statement. Or scenario, OPs word choice.
Sounds like a typical boarding stable with no resident trainer and mostly recreational to intermediate riders, some of whom watch the lessons. However, subsequent…updates (?) have added many more details including a seriously competitive Jumper client who went to a show without trainer and made a mess of it, over a hundred hours of videoed and recorded lessons over a year and that person offering a running critique to everybody else in the barn stirring up bad feelings and drama. Morphing from casual observing boarders described in the original telling to competing trainer also teaching in the barn to chair carrying videographer to bad mouthing stalker in the course of this thread.
Had what has actually been (purportedly) going on been more clearly expressed initially, the thread may have gone in a different direction. As it has evolved, it comes off like a soap opera with each episode adding more intrigue and complications to beef up ratings. Whether intended or not. Find myself wondering when the 40 year old Jumper rider client is going to join us. Sorry but…
The only person who can solve OP and her clients’ problems is the Barn Owner, if they don’t act, a more appropriate barn environment seems to be the only other option-don’t teach at that barn. OP is a free lancer, a paying guest with no authority over anything but arena space that needs to respect barn traditions and culture, and successful free lancers learn to work with the barns they teach at as they are or move. OP can’t “do” anything else as a visiting free lancer.
Is the Blue Saddle open for Happy Hour?
[QUOTE=findeight;8855134]
Is the Blue Saddle open for Happy Hour?[/QUOTE]
With the handwritten notes, finger sandwiches, and referencing a cell phone as a hand-held recording device… I was hoping a certain pretentious handbag might make an appearance.
This does read a bit like a soap opera or an early draft for NaNoWriMo.
OP, now that it’s been clarified that this is one of your most advanced students, I can understand the attraction of watching her lessons. Most barns I’ve been at have a peanut gallery and the best riders are often a draw. Unless she can trailer to one of your other locations or lesson at the shows, I don’t think there is much she can do other than ignore her fellow boarders. Unfortunately, letting the bullies know they are affecting her might encourage them.
[QUOTE=ladyj79;8854859]
Vxf111 don’t worry, I’m the meanie now for suggesting that the language used by the op might suggest a particular issue. And please note I am talking about language because that is all we actually have to go on in this format
Possibly it’s time to start including trigger warnings[/QUOTE]
Not to worry dear. You’ve been on my “Meanie List” for quite some time, so nothing you said here made any difference.
[QUOTE=foursocks;8854871]
I don’t know- I thought the story sounded fairly plausible.
<snip>
Anyway, I like a good pile on as much as anyone but there doesn’t seem much reason for it here. The OP has remained polite and respectful throughout and I admire that- I would have been tempted to give everyone the middle finger by this point. Or to create a houseguest to do so! :lol:[/QUOTE]
Absolutely agree with you foursocks. Not sure why a somewhat detached writing style is being called out as lies, etc.
This scenario can absolutely happen…and many pieces of it do happen daily in boarding barns across the country.
I’m just happy there is some closure here. You know, unlike those OTHER threads…
In spite of some heavy criticism and speculation about her, the OP has not deleted posts, threatened to leave in a huff, come back to argue, or done any of the usual immature nonsense we get on some of the more drama-filled threads. That alone lends her great credibility in my book. And as I said before, it doesn’t even matter because this is a situation which could easily exist and it brought up some enlightening opinions and experiences.
[QUOTE=AffirmedHope;8855446]
I’m just happy there is some closure here. You know, unlike those OTHER threads…[/QUOTE]
I don’t know, I was kinda hoping the “Railbirds” would show up and tell their side of the story. It’s almost too clean of a finish as is, minus the whole drop down the rabbit hole of psychiatric disorders :eek:
[QUOTE=NoSuchPerson;8855369]
Not to worry dear. You’ve been on my “Meanie List” for quite some time, so nothing you said here made any difference.[/QUOTE]
Really? I don’t remember any interactions with you whatsoever, nor do I recall anything particularly outlandish or even memorable I’ve said throughout the years. Oh well, not everyone is going to like you.
Interestingly enough, I think my most controversial post on this thread was #90. And I’m ok with that. because sometimes bad behaviour has to be called out, which is what I imagine you believe you are doing right now, and I can appreciate that.
But thanks for calling me dear. That was nice. Are you sure we aren’t friends?
Just unloaded pony for my kid’s lesson. I trailer out on Wed - we don’t board at the facility. This thread did make me glance around. The same older lady sits on a picnic table (provided by barn) and watches lessons. Thinking about it- she watches almost every week. I know for a fact she doesn’t ride with my kid’s instructor.
I can think of reasons the lady in OPs post would be there at and odd time and have food (like maybe it’s dinner time?). Maybe that’s HER regular time on Day X, oP doesn’t know- she’s not usually there. Maybe she’s always there. Personally- I would not let my student speak to someone in such a manner as the OP describes. I expect decorum and professionalism, even in trying circumstances.
If this got back to me as the BO- I would NOT be having this outside trainer back and I’d be speaking with the “lesson”. Student on how to treat fellow boarders.
For those of you who can’t believe someone would watch a lesson or gasp- you’d be offended if they watched yours have clearly not ridden at more professional barns, run by, you know, professionals.
When I joined the COTH I used my real name. Some may think this is nuts but it puts me in the perspective that I am having an actual conversation in person. If all posters here sat together having a discussion regarding this thread would it be as aggressive? I’ll bet you are all the nicest people, let’s stay that way. This post is way overdue to end. (ducking and running) :eek:
