Update: he's here! Horse shopping: trusting your gut vs letting anxiety take over

[fivestrideline]

Warning: ramble ahead

I’m shopping again for the first time in a decade. I have a great network of people to keep me from being extra stupid but I’m not in a Program per se - which means I’m doing all the legwork myself. I enjoy shopping, and I know what I’m looking for BUT:

Boy howdy the anxiety has reared its ugly head. Last time I shopped I was young and dumb and the economy was different. Now that I’m older, and have an SO and “real” bills, spending ANY large amount of money is a huge deal. I’ve crunched the numbers and a second horse is in the cards but of course it’ll change my budget drastically.

I’m used to picking horses based on gut feeling - but now I’m riding the line between trusting my gut and never doing ANYTHING because of the what-ifs. I’ve found a lot of good options, but have talked myself in and out of the whole thing multiple times a day

I don’t remember horse shopping being this mentally draining. I don’t know how anyone does it - horses are such a large commitment and honestly all I see are stories of broken horses and expensive useless animals (I have one!). I’m a better, happier person with horses in my life (and yes, I do actually want to ride, which is why I’m shopping. I already have a broken one), but I almost can’t wait for this to be over.

I guess this is mostly a post to get these feelings off my chest - but also I’m wondering if anyone else feels this way. I’m purchasing vs leasing for a large number of reasons, and I’m honestly excited about one I have lined up for a vetting, but this adventure is keeping me awake at night wondering if I’ll choose the wrong horse. (I’ve never met a horse I didn’t like, though).

[lenapesadie]

I think it’s easy to go far in either direction; trusting your gut or spiraling in anxiety!

Sounds like you are doing a decent job though balancing the two. You have a prospect you are excited about but you are doing a vetting before making a decision.

I’m fairly cautious myself. Even though I keep horses at home, it doesn’t alleviate all of my anxiety. OTOH, I believe some things are meant to be. Like the sometimes stray pony that showed up again right as I was freaking out about getting another companion horse.

[2DogsFarm]

I must be your Polar Opposite

My Gut Feelings have led me to just about every one of the 7 in my life.
Only #1 - TB bought through H/J trainer - had any Pro input. But, even then, I knew I wanted this horse before I sat on him & set aside the Hard Sell from Pro, who was mostly looking for her commission
& So on, down the line, last being the mini I bought as a 2yo, with 66yo me a Newb to Driving.

My 2¢ says:
Relax, trust your gut, get a PPE if your budget & intended use warrant & mostly find one you pretty much click with on the test ride.

[pluvinel]

I go with trust your gut…BUT…they are horses. You should not mortgage your house to buy. Purchase what you can afford…and for a price you can afford to lose.

Horses are animals with a suicidal tendency, so you have to be willing to acknowledge they might be great the day of the PPE and impale themselves on a fence post tomorrow.

[cayuse]

Trust your gut and take it one step at a time, if everything falls into place easily it’s meant to be.

If there are many roadblocks and bumps in the road looking at a particular horse, I always took it as a “sign” to walk away. I probably sound a little woo-woo with relying on fate like that, but in hindsight it saved my wallet and heart a few times.

I hope you find a wonderful horse!

[showy]

Was in your shoes this summer and I know exactly how you feel!

Something that helped me balance the yo-yo between “my gut says this is the one!!!” and “omg why am i spending this much money on a farm animal!” was checking in on how I felt about conquering a problem with each potential horse. No horse will ever be foot perfect 100% of the time. You will run into bumps along the road and you’ll work past them with the horse.

I tried one horse that wow just blew my socks off. Felt like he was made for me. But when asked to do something hard he immediately shut down. My trainer assured me she was capable of working the horse through it. Once a few days passed I realized this was not a horse I wanted to work through problems on.

My current horse is such a trier and although we are still working on getting it altogether, he never ever holds anything against me.

Call me a starry eyed horse obsessed kid but I believe certain horses come into your life for a reason.

[NancyM]

Never pay more money than you can afford to flush down the toilet. The horse doesn’t know what his purchase price was. Good luck, and happy shopping.

[candyappy]

All I can say is that nothing changes us more than the passage of time. We don’t really realize it until something like this happens.

I think you can still trust your gut instincts but the what if’s are there for a reason too. Just have to balance them out.

Coming on here and reading about all the horses with ulcers, soundness issues, metabolic issues, Lyme, EPM, PSSM 1-50 and KS kind of takes the thrill out of it and makes it seem like finding a healthy horse is impossible.

I think you will get there eventually. I hope the one you are looking at pans out

[anon55755751]

@showy

checking in on how I felt about conquering a problem with each potential horse. No horse will ever be foot perfect 100% of the time. You will run into bumps along the road and you’ll work past them with the horse.

This is brilliant. I never would have thought about it this way when shopping for a horse, thank you for this.

I can handle a wide variety of training problems. Some I dislike dealing with more than others. I could still enjoy myself despite xyz showing up with most horses, but the horse’s mind and character and how we get on in an intangible way make the difference between whether it feels “worth it” vs. just “what has to be done”.

[anon55755751]

@candyappy

the passage of time

I totally keep reading this as the dressage “pah-sahge of time” instead of the normal “pass-age of time”!

[blue_heron]

I am really not a woo-woo person. I’ve worked in tech and engineering my whole career. I love math and systems.

Horses are the only thing I don’t intellectualize. They don’t follow rules. In buying and selling horses, it’s always just felt right. And that means easy. If it’s too hard to keep in touch with a buyer/seller, scheduling the PPE is near impossible, you find a dealbreaker or almost dealbreaker on the PPE, you have to scrape together cash, the buyer/seller is having second thoughts, just walk away. There will be another horse for you to love just as much.

I try to let horses “happen” to me as much as possible. I find a perfect ad or something falls into my lap. And same when I’m selling horses— someone will come try a horse and I know it’s a great match. It makes it much less stressful to let them go.

[Foxglove]

I just bought a horse two weeks ago . . .I wasn’t really looking BUT my go-to hunt horse will be 28 in January; my best horse for archery has an anthric knee that got us waived in the trot up in Oct. We managed to pass the second try (massage, 'bute, prayer). The knee is not going to get better. So unless I wanted to realistically quit hunting and mounted archery sooner rather than later, I needed another horse. DH said to wait until one or the other “really couldn’t” do it --and I sort of agreed until . . .
A friend put me on to a horse that was exactly what I was looking for at the price I could afford. Other than checking all my boxes (8 year old gelding, quiet, w/t/c, ties, loads, Hancock bloodline, bay-roan, good feet, passed PPE and had mounted shooting background) --said horse was only 20 min from my farm owned by a woman I knew threw 4-H (she’d been in with my kids). Selling due to her ill health (mass in her abdomen) . I KNEW if I didn’t buy him, I’d regret it forever. I’ve only had him on my farm two weeks, and so far, he seems pretty solid. Only thing “wrong” with him is he doesn’t like clippers --but we are working on that --last Wednesday he touched his nose to them. I’ve had him trail riding twice, and pretty much ride him every day establishing communication between us.

Gut? Well, I hedged.

I took two women with me who knew more about horses than I did and both knew exactly how I ride (one is my dressage instructor, the other is my mule skinner buddy who has seen and ridden more horses than Eddie Arcaro). Both like him. Both women and my horse shoer said if I didn’t buy him, they were going to make offers --seller had him underpriced --and said she had a phone offer sight-unseen if I didn’t take him --for more than I was paying. Could be BS but she really wanted him in a good home before she went into the hospital for exploratory surgery. As I said, we live pretty close to each other so she can come see him. I hope she will/can.

I saw, I bought --that quick. Two test rides (one in a group to see how he’d do with strange horses). Passed his PPE. Shoer liked his feet and his pedigree. I tracked back and messaged all his previous owners --everyone said the same thing --nice horse --smooth ride --laid back --lazy. He’d been passed along after the breeder to two barrel racing women --both said “no speed, lazy.” And that is just what I like in a horse. Lazy is easy to work with b/c the horse will always choose the option that is the least work for him. Rider just has to figure out how to make the right movement the easy movement and the wrong movement the hard one. The woman I bought him from used him for strictly trail riding and had planned on doing a lot more before she got sick.

He’s got a whopping long QH name (Hancock and One-Eyed Jack line) --I call him Bob. Always like the name from the Jane Smiley book, “Horse Heaven.” One horse in the book was named “JustABob.”

FYI I went through AGONY for 24 hours after I put down my deposit until I picked him up. Constantly questioning my decision --but at the end of the day --if he doesn’t work out for me --I can sell him in the Spring for more than I paid for him. But so far, he’s growing on me.

[Rothesay]

I hear you.

I’ve been looking for a while now and am having trouble finding not only a suitable horse but suitable sellers! In the months I’ve been looking I’ve had a seller ‘disappear’ with a 10% deposit, had horses sold after booking flights and accommodation to go and view, had prices increase during the sales process and numerous other acts of dishonesty. Everyone always says to go with contacts you know, but that only gets you so far. It’s been a really disheartening experience to encounter so many people willing to be devious. I now check out the seller as much as I do the horse. It’s a hard process for sure. All the best with your search.

[fivestrideline]

Well I tried one today - not the one booked for a vetting (that one would be a long distance sight unseen purchase and risky in its own right) - but if today wasn’t the epitome of the struggle I’m having idk what is

I’m looking for an RRP horse. This one raced quite recently, is close to me, good size and build, and seems to have the BEST brain (okay yes “could it be drugged” has crossed my mind, but it was alert and bright eyed). Gut feeling is “yeah this is a good one”.

BUT

The horse was technically lame. My knowledgeable friend and I both think it’s due to the horse being fresh off the track (tight) and freshly barefoot (ouchy). The horse did NOT want to go forward and the lameness was vague and inconstant - MAYBE a particular front?

Red flags everywhere. I still like the horse.

I’ve walked away from two others due to being off so this isn’t a case of getting attached to the first thing I sit on. I’ve passed on “nicer” horses due to vague weirdness behind on video. My What If brain says run from anything lame on the trial ride - but darn it if my “Gut” doesn’t like the horse a lot.

I’m tossing around the idea of doing a PPE despite the horse being off. Or making a darn low offer and seeing what they say. I’m sure my farrier would love a new truck/house/Mercedes . Meanwhile my What If side is telling me to quit horses all together and take up mountain biking…

Weirdly, I don’t have the same anxiety over this horse as I have had over some others. We shall see if that changes as the day goes by and I mull it all over.

[Pepsy]

Can you go back to see horse again tomorrow?

[fivestrideline]

Not with the weather - though I did tell the seller I might want to come see it again. I also suspect it’ll still be ouchy unless they shoe it; I’ve poured over the videos and I definitely think the horse is ouchy on both, but more on one front.

Could be anything from just sore to falling apart; abscess to splint interfering with the soft tissue.

ETA the general anxiety about horse shopping is new. And weird. I don’t like it.

[dmveventer]

@showy

Something that helped me balance the yo-yo between “my gut says this is the one!!!” and “omg why am i spending this much money on a farm animal!” was checking in on how I felt about conquering a problem with each potential horse. No horse will ever be foot perfect 100% of the time. You will run into bumps along the road and you’ll work past them with the horse.

This is how I approached shopping too. I wasn’t expecting to get on a horse and feel like it was “the one” (partly because I was looking for something green and partly because I knew I’d need time to get to know any new horse) but I did want to get on and feel like it was something I could work with. The one I bought was pretty green but was tuned into me and really trying to do what I asked. What really sold it for me was he spooked pretty big and then just went back to work like it never happened. The trial wasn’t perfect by any means and there were a lot of areas for improvement for both of us, but overall I felt like we’d be able to figure things out together.

Especially with fresh OTTBs there’s an element of uncertainty with every horse. You do what you can to buy the best shot at a sound, sensible partner, but you’ll never know for sure until you’re on the other side. It may help to reframe it from trying to find THE horse for you to trying to find one of the many suitable horses out there that would be a great match for what you’re looking for. You can always resell if the chemistry doesn’t turn out to be right.

And TBH OP, if you really find you’re talking yourself out of good horses that’s a gut signal worth listening to as well. Anxiety exists for a reason, but in my experience when things are right the excitement will outweigh the doubt. It’s much better not to buy if you’re not sure than to override that doubt and wind up in a bad situation. If it’s just horse shopping you find stressful that’s one thing, but if you’re also stressed about the money and responsibility and risk that goes along with an additional horse this could be your brain’s way of signaling it’s just not the right time for you.

[dmveventer]

That’s more risk than I’d be comfortable with, especially if you think it’s uneven and not just general soreness. There are plenty of nice OTTBs out there that don’t have obvious issues brewing. If you have a vet you trust and some money to burn you could do a PPE and see what your vet thinks, but you may just wind up more invested in the horse without any better answers.

[Pepsy]

Learned the hard way, DO NOT IGNORE RED FLAGS!
Does not mean you don’t return for a second time to verify if really red flags or anxiety about the whole process.

[Gardenhorse]

I know COTH is all about enabling, but don’t do a PPE on a lame horse. And definitely don’t buy it.