You mean like victim shaming me when, by LKs comment, I posted screenshots of LKs unwanted messages to me that threatened to put a lien on my house and farm and I was attacked for posting ALL THE THREATS TO ME AND NAMED POSTERS?
LIKE THAT?
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We havenāt lived her torture, have we? I will never judge someone like GJ who has suffered such a loss and then be harassed repeatedly about it in the most vulgar, hate filled ways possible.
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Also maybe looking for support. As I said, if the person who committed a crime against my family was being discussed online Iād be there adding my two cents about that person out of justified and righteous anger.
The stuff that was in GirlJoeyās screen shots that was said to her as a mother who just lost a young child was, there is no other word, depraved. And pornographic. Her minor child had died - not almost died, not nearly died, not but-for-quick-police-response didnāt die; actually died.
It was, without exaggeration, the most repugnant thing I have ever read. Literally āshocks the conscienceā level vitriol.
Could you imagine going after a young woman who had lost her minor child, mocking her saying it was her fault and making up grotesque scenarios about what she was doing while her child was drowning? Honestly, not a rhetorical question: can you imagine such a thing or the type of person who would do such a thing? It was awful to read as a mere bystander. Imagine reading it as a grieving mother.
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Im not condoning that, but Iām mentioning it so people who read this might stop and think when they engage in drama with unstable people that it is never actually in their best interest to do so.
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I think one issue is that MB contacted at least one of those two āsocial media enemiesā of LK in the week or so prior to the shooting, to ādig up dirtā on LK. That may have been part of what LK perceived as bullying.
No I think all of that is messed up. I would want to get as far away from that person as possible.
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Iām not sure this is accurate
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Iām sorry but in my world the day of ignoring bad behavior and not getting involved is gone. Folks who enable bullies, terrorists, hateful people, by turning a blind eye, bailing them out, defending them without regard of the hard facts presented are part of the problem.
Maybe if others had stepped forward a long time ago in Kanarekās life, othersā lives wouldnāt have been destroyed or damaged. You can say I am āvictim shamingā LK all you wantā¦in my life I am a victim advocate for her victims and against people like her!!! I will step away for a while and breathe for a moment now. Maybe eat a muffin or six.
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If you invite a vampire over your threshold, itās almost impossible to get them out.
IME, the most destructive people Iāve met have a knack for targeting and embroiling emotionally vulnerable people. Stronger people are alert to warning signs, and they either walk away or go grey rock when they sniff trouble. Or they may have good enough Spidey senses that they just give these folks a wide berth from day one.
Thus, when it comes to tallying up their victims, emotionally vulnerable people are over represented. These victims may have made choices about how to respond to the destructive person that were in retrospect not the most effective ways. But thatās why they were targeted in the first place.
For each person like that there are dozens who will say: āoh, her? Yeah I met her in passing and got a wierd vibe off her so kept my distanceā or, āoh yeah, she PMād me something disgusting and I figured she was craycray and blocked her.ā
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yeah my comment was about people being harassedā¦stalkedā¦etc. Not posting on a forum lol
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Whatās the difference? Calling out someone for dispicable behavior is appropriate anywhere,
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But in your pain you might also want to reach out, expose that person, and get support for yourself. That is all within a reasonable response to what was done to her.
Why would you be typing this stuff saying she shouldnāt have come on here to share her story if she was afraid? That is silencing a victim, make no mistake about it.
If you are saying GJ should not share her story out of fear, but should stay as far away from her bully as possible, are you also saying LK should have left the farm to get away from MB if she was really fearful of him as she claimed on SM?
Iām just really trying to make sense of your posts because you seem to treat LK one way as a victim but treat her victims another way/expect certain behaviours from them you donāt expect from LK/label victim blaming if others suggest such behaviour for LK (i.e., leaving the farm).
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You mean wrt LK and her not leaving SGF and the allegations she made to SS that MB was bullying her ?
Yeah, not sure why she stayed, considering she had the $$ to get the heck out.
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I agree that āpalteringā is a form of dishonesty. I think lawyers use it all the time to hammer home an intended message, while avoiding writing a literal untruth. Thatās why I described the rhetorical style as ālawyerlyā and also why I donāt like lawyers, for the most part.
I agree. Itās a good thing the Morris county prosecutor has stepped forward, do that othersā lives will not be damaged or destroyed.
IME the really destructive people either move around a lot or cycle through people in one venue by getting the folks theyāve used up and spat out to leave. Like toxic trainers everywhere.
If they are in an institution, club, workplace, it can be very hard to dislodge them if they have some job competency and the skills to build at least temporary cliques through intimidation.
If they are just wealthy grifters they can move around, wear out their welcome in one discipline or state, and move onto the next. If their victims are small and local, the news doesnāt travel with them until things get really out of hand.
Indeed, you can be in a workplace or club or even family with destructive people and have no idea what they were doing to more vulnerable people in your orbit until long after the fact.
I once shared an offfice for a year with someone who had narcisstic tendencies, and who disappeared over summer holidays. It was only when she was gone that I learned sheād been asked to resign because she was repeatedly having sexual relationships with students. Obviously not minors, but sex with your students is a firing offense in college these days. Anyhow, kudos to HR that I was entirely unaware of the drama behind the scenes.
Early on, Iād backed off anything more than polite greetings because of warning signs in her behavior that she wasnāt honest or reliable. But I had no idea, and could not have warned anybody.
Since then sheās gotten and lost multiple teaching jobs amid drama on two continents (never lasting more than a year), and posts a fair bit about being the victim of sexual harassment. Hinting sheās lost jobs because of that. I bet.
Anyhow, I follow her silently on FB out of fascinated curiosity. I think she has pretty much run out of options but there is family money.
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Thatās not what Iām trying to say at all.
I just donāt understand why if someone is actually fearful of this person and truly scared of them, they would come on a message board and interject themselves in a discussion about that person. Everyone I dealt with from law enforcement, victim service workers, therapists etc would encourage victims to block, hide, avoid, donāt engage etc for their own personal safety. Iām not judging GJ, I just donāt understand why should want to be anywhere involved with LK after all that.
Has nothing to do with telling a victim story. Obviously I support that, I am one myself. Has to do with keeping yourself safe, mentally OKā¦and alive.
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Itās obvious he was upset the police were not doing what he wanted. Not sure a diagnosis of an ambulance attendant observing him briefly once would hold much weight. I am surprised that MBās loved ones seeing him shaking and his obviously psychological distress and breakdown for days wouldnāt have gotten him some help before he did something to ruin his life.
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I canāt understand this sentence sorry.
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You think GJ should avoid even an online discussion of LK after their history.
You donāt understand GJ choosing not to get away and avoid LK, even just an online forum where sheās being discussed.
LK also was upset, fearful, bulliedā¦ But chose to stay living in a house owned by SGF and MB.
Itās really no different. But you seem to not question it?
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