I have this weird anxiety about my horse’s welfare. I’m constantly freaked out that he’s going to go lame, get hurt, contract something, or colic. This mindset is really not healthy. I’m always worrying. Does anyone else struggle with this? How do you manage it? I’m starting to feel a little nuts.
A couple of questions to get some background on the situation:
Has anything happened previously with your horse or with another horse you’re around that has caused you to worry?
Are you at a barn where you trust the care?
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I do trust the care at my current farm. I’ve been there several years, and I believe they operate with the horse’s safety and welfare as top priority. It’s a big barn, so things can happen. A horse will go lame here and there. One (very old) horse died of colic. But I consider that par for the course at a large boarding barn over multiple years.
I think my main problem is my past (at other barns). I have lost multiple horses to freak accidents, colic, and unmanageable lameness. Maybe I have PTSD.
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This is said with respect and from someone with severe OCD, but do you have any anxiety disorders? This is something I struggle with because of mine, I’ve got some good coping strategies if so.
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I don’t think so…not diagnosed, anyways. But I’m all ears for those coping strategies anyways!
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It sounds like you may have developed a phobia, which is a kind of anxiety. It’s possible that deep down you might have developed it in response to a fear of being vulnerable to experiencing more emotional pain.
Renee Brown has some excellent material on vulnerability. From memory I think it is mostly focused on vulnerability in human relationships, but I suspect that it may still be worth looking into. She has some stuff on Youtube, so you could check whether any of it resonates with you.
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I think it would help if you identified the underlying issue – for example, are you worried about your horse suffering needlessly? Or are you worried about caring for/nursing/rehabbing an injured horse? Or are you worried about the expense of an injury? Or are you worried that you will lose your horse?
All of those might be true but one of those things might be the primary source of your anxiety. For me - caring for or rehabbing a sick/injured horse would be the worst thing, since I keep my horses at home and work full time. I have come to terms with this because my horses are old and not valuable, and have lived good lives - so I am prepared to make the decision to euthanize if rehab/nursing was extensive.
If you feel anxiety about all of these things I might consider that you either don’t trust the barn the horse is at, or that you do have PTSD or anxiety/phobia from previous events. But it might help to break down the source of your anxiety to see what really triggers it, and go from there.
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With all the craziness of the last couple years and your past experiences I can see why you may be suddenly having problems keeping anxiety in check.
If we are honest we all at one time or another, can go through a rough patch which can intensify our ability to get things out of proportion. No shame in talking with someone and getting a handle on your fears if you feel they are getting out of control or irrational.
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Yes.
The important thing about horse keeping is to have the place and routine set up to be safe, healthy, and consistent. And to monitor for early warning signs of illness or injury. And have reliable safe people involved in your horse care.
If you are having intrusive thoughts that’s a symptom of anxiety. Often we have anxiety in general and it’s just looking for somethung to latch onto. It’s possible that if you didn’t have horses you’d be having anxious intrusive thoughts about other aspects of life. Guilt and shame also compound anxiety. We often feel guilty when a pet dies, even if there was nothing realistically we could have done.
I’d suggest finding a therapist to chat with and see if you can figure out how to work through whatever combination of grief, loss, and guilt that’s behind thus increased anxiety level. Also look at your whole life. Stress in one part can cause anxiety in other parts.
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Firstly, I echo the recommendations to get therapy! Previous experience creating anticipatory anxiety is a tough one, ask me how I know. It’s tough because as we all know, horses are a gamble and you can expect the unexpected.
Secondly, the first thing I did if this isn’t already the case for you is get a really good relationship with my vet. This mitigates a lot of stress for me because I know that my vet knows me, knows my horse, and is more likely to prioritize me at 11pm on a Sunday in an emergency because we’ve forged mutual respect. Having a good working relationship someone with the knowledge to help you if needed gives me peace of mind.
As far as the unexpected like colic, lameness, etc, my BEST advice is practicing the climber’s mantra of a 3 foot space. If something isn’t within 3 feet of you on the mountain, then you can’t affect it and therefore have more important things to focus on. Same thing with anxiety - if you can’t change it, there’s more important things to focus on. For instance, colic is outside of your three foot space. It might happen but there’s no way for you to know or stop it, and therefore, you can’t change it. What you CAN change is management strategies to reduce the risk (hydration, forage, etc). That’s within your 3 foot space and you can change it to feel more confident and let go.
Obviously this is easier said than done. I’m 30, and still have to practice this stuff daily since being diagnosed at 12. But it DOES make your mind quieter.
Most importantly, remember that worry takes the joy from today. I try to remind myself that there are times I’ve spent so much of my energy worrying (about something that also…never happened) that I didn’t enjoy the present.
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@DarkHorse1 I’m afraid I don’t have any words of wisdom as I’m in the same boat as you. I’ve always suffered from depression and anxiety. Ironically, the only things that have tended to lift me out of the dark times are my horses and my cats. I say ironic, of course, since my worries focused a lot on their health and well-being.
As you have, I have lost horses to sudden, unexpected events (broken leg while playing in the field, complications after colic surgery). Maybe these experiences, along with some others I won’t go into here, have attuned our minds to all the things that can go wrong. I’ve always had one of those minds that, once one worry is resolved, my brain seems to automatically go searching for something else to worry about.
I’ve thought about therapy from time to time over the years, but I always felt that I’ve actually been so fortunate in life (good career, relatively good health, great friends, wonderful animals), that I think I would feel guilty complaining to a therapist when there are so many people out there dealing with so much more serious problems. Reading these replies has made me re-think that opinion. Maybe a good therapist could, in fact, teach both you and me how to re-focus our negative thoughts.
Sending you warm wishes and healing prayers. 
Many thanks to all for your thoughtful suggestions. 
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@Fiesta01 This is actually a pretty common feeling! As I’ve been told many times, just because there are people who have it worse doesn’t mean you don’t have things that are upsetting. Perspective is definitely good - no, we may not be starving or in a wartorn country, and we can keep that in mind so we don’t sweat everything. But your anxieties, etc, are relevant too. 
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I suffer from bouts of anxiety, much of it centered around my horse: his health, his training, his soundness, and since he’s young and still green, his future potential. Currently, I’m fixated on whether or not I’m going to ever learn how to ride him properly in the show pen.
I’ve had enough counseling/therapy to understand that the reason my anxiety is focused on my horse is because I have other stressors in my life (primarily my husband’s health) that then lead me to put all the responsibility for my happiness and sense of well-being onto my horse. Riding is my solace and the barn is my happy place. What if my horse goes lame? What if he gets sick? What if I never master the lope? What if I end up looking like a sack of potatoes in a western show saddle?
There are times the anxiety is paralyzing. Occasionally I wake up at night, almost startled, and start worrying about my horse. I know it’s a symptom of a wider emotional issue, but it’s always focused on some aspect regarding my pretty young gelding.
I know I’m supposed to find a balance in my life, so I’m not 100% reliable on horses and riding for my “happiness” (for lack of a better term). So I go hiking, or do crafts, or garden. But it is a struggle for me, and I empathize with @DarkHorse1 and appreciate others’ insights.
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I’ve gone through this at times. It’s not constant for me, but it’s been worse at different periods in my life.
I don’t have much advice, just letting you know you aren’t alone.
I’m not a planner or someone who needs control of a situation by any means, but it does help me to think about the possible outcomes for worst case scenarios and think of how I may handle them. It helps to know how I may react.
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Thank you for starting this thread.
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You’re welcome. It’s hard to talk about stuff like this in real life. Glad we have COTH as a safe space.
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Absolutely you have the right to be happy and free of debilitating intrusive thoughts. Absolutely you have the right to ask for help. If it’s any consolation, talk therapy works best for milder kinds of issues like anxiety, it’s really made for them. And counselling is not a scarce resource. And therapists don’t see it as complaining. They see it as healing.
You deserve to be happy, to not be weighed down with anxiety, and to believe that you deserve to be happy.
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@hybriseris @Paint_Party @Texarkana @Scribbler
OK, I now have tears in my eyes from your words. Not sad tears, but tears of relief that there are other people who truly understand. It is so difficult to talk to friends and loved ones who haven’t themselves experienced depression or anxiety. I know they try to understand, but sometimes I think that they think it’s just a matter of “pulling up your boots” and everything will magically be okay.
I’ve spent so much of my life putting on a facade for the world, especially in my military career. I was an officer who needed to be calm, upbeat and pulled together to give confidence to my troops. At the barn, I could pour my love and care into my horses and be as close to the real me as possible.
I remember once having a non-horsey work friend who wanted to meet my horse. After the visit, he commented that it was like seeing a totally different person = vulnerable, easy-going, relaxed. My barn friends and I would sometimes sit against a fence watching our horses graze and say: Yeah, they’re expensive, but probably cheaper than therapy.
Anyway, just wanted to say thank you so much for your encouragement and a big thank you to @DarkHorse1 for having the courage to express her anxiety publicly and giving us all a chance for a very helpful conversation.
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Friends can’t help because they are therapists and the best advice most of them know how to give is keep a stiff upper lip and soldier on. Plus many have issues of their own
That’s what is so wonderful about professional help. Therapists get into the field because they have the talent and interest and they learn how to help. And the professional boundaries mean they aren’t going to feel overwhelmed and guilty about you having a meltdown.
And I think therapists love having smart coping clients who need help with more subtle issues because they can really help a lot and transform a life.
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Yes, I have this anxiety as my horse has been injured before and he is older. Right now I am dealing with a strained check ligament. My vet tells me he will be fine, but I worry he won’t and I can’t afford to replace him right now in case he has to be retired. Once you have dealt with an injury, sickness or colic, you always worry.
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