I can see that, but trying horses alone sounds really scary, especially since I’m not the most confident. But can clients be too picky as well?
What picky really boils down to, is you can’t afford the quality of horse you want, and perhaps need. Within your price range you need to compromise. If you can’t compromise then obviously you will reject everything.
The tradeoff in buying a horse is mind versus athleticism versus soundness.
At a high price you may get a totally ammie friendly horse that can jump the moon and is sound.
At a lower price, you might get safe but not as athletic, or athletic but a bit hot and wild.
If you can’t find what you want in your price range, you need to (a) find more money or (b) decide what you will compromise on.
17 Likes
The one time a trainer told me they couldn’t find what I was looking for, I found the horse myself (to lease) and my trainer liked it so much they bought the horse at the end of the lease. So I’m absolutely bias about trying horses alone - bring someone you trust, I brought a friend (who wasn’t a pro, but knew me well).
But no, I don’t think a client can be too picky. I think a client can have unrealistic expectations for what their pickiness will cost them price wise, but at the end of the day if a client only wants to spend their money on a dapple grey bombproof gelding jumping 1.2m who is between 16.3 and 17.1h, that is what they want to spend their money on. To me, the problem becomes when they want that for an unrealistically low price that will never happen, want it appear out of thin air immediately, or the client keeps changing what they are looking for. The third is what makes a trainer look bad to other pros - they show a client a horse and now the client doesn’t want a dapple grey horse, they only want a chestnut with chrome under 15.3h.
If the client says up front what they are looking for, it is up to the trainer to say “great, lets look”; or “okay, lets talk whether that is realistic.” You are paying your trainer for their expertise (that is the whole point of a commission), so to the extent the horse search isn’t working, your trainer should be having a conversation with you about why they think what you want isn’t out there. Your trainer sounds like he looked for a bit, got tired, and isn’t willing to keep looking. Also consider that if your budget is small, the commission your trainer receives will be smaller - and your trainer may have just decided whatever commission he’ll make isn’t worth his time to keep looking. Unfortunate, but happens.
Edited to add: the fact that you aren’t sure whether you are being too picky, or even what part of your criteria your trainer thinks is “picky” is also problematic. Does he think you should look at smaller mounts? Greener mounts? You shouldn’t be left guessing on a forum about whether your criteria are realistic - that is what you are paying a trainer for.
11 Likes
Clients can be too picky, sure.
But you are paying for the enjoyment of your horse, and if you are not happy with the selection, what is the point? To keep the trainer mounted? I don’t know about you, but I don’t have that kind of money.
And it is always beneficial for yourself to ask questions!
Too many trainers have made a nice living for themselves to pull the wool over their client’s eyes!
5 Likes
I agree! But i am completely willing to buy a green horse as long as he isn’t under 1.66, sensitive, or rude and is moderately healthy. I don’t even mind going back to smaller jumps as long as the horse has potential we can work on but I’m not sure if I’m being picky or not. My budget isn’t huge but not small either, from what I’ve seen its pretty good for the kind of horse i need and want (mid five figures)
What if I don’t have that friend? I would love to go try out the horse i saw, he looked lovely and the girl even said she had a couple more if those didn’t suit my fancy and all within my price range, but I know that if i go my trainer will never let me forget it and if something goes wrong with the horse I like he’ll blame me and tell me it was my fault for choosing him/her ;-;
I just, and tell me if I’m being picky or not, but I just want: A tall horse (1.66 at least), not too sensitive (don’t mind lazy), not rude (as in, if I mess up they won’t throw a hissy fit), they don’t pull towards a jump, and moderately sound. I don’t mind if they are super green or old, or if they buck and rear (as long as it isn’t super dangerous of course), and I don’t even mind having to go back down a few jumps to get the horse ready. But I do have a budget of low-mid five figures. Is that being too picky?
Only you can figure out what horses cost in your market in Mexico.
If you see horses that fit the bill but they are all twice your budget, there is the answer.
9 Likes
Like some others here, I am shocked by the the attempt of coaches or trainers attempting to “control” all that their clients want to do, and charge a commission for their services. If that is what the client WANTS, “service” from their coach in terms of supplying the “perfect” horse for their client, and pay for this service… hey, no problem, make it so. But if a client WANTS to go and look at horses alone, and make a decision alone, and is willing to take the possible consequences of doing so and call that a “learning experience”, that client should be allowed to do that.
Not all “clients” want to remain “clients” all their life. If one wishes to eventually become a “horseman” themselves, eventually they must make some decisions on their own, without “help”. And deal with any mistakes they make in the process. Because otherwise, the equine industry is doomed to die, because there will not be any developing professional horsemen to take the place of those who are dying off from old age. Learning to make judgements of horseflesh, and make decisions about what you like and don’t like, and what you want to own, ride, train and compete with, and what you don’t, is part of becoming a horseman. You can learn along the way, each horse can teach you something, even those who may not work out as you had hoped. It’s a learning process, like everything else horse related.
So if you want to truly try to become a horseman in your own right, eventually, you are going to go out on your own, look at horses that are available for sale, and decide to buy one of them. And that should be ENCOURAGED by a supportive coach as part of the learning process, if they are truly interested in participating in the equine industry long term, rather than just milking the clients they have by controlling them and extracting commissions. Coaches don’t get to be “pissy” about it. At least not any coaches that I would respect.
In my 50 years of competitive riding and training, I’ve NEVER ridden with only one coach, and been under that sort of control. It’s a very foreign concept to me- though I know it is the norm for many, especially these days. As a child, my parents selected ponies and horses for me as required, and these horses were taken for lessons from a variety of local coaches and travelling clinicians for input. It worked really well for me, and my parents were not “equine professionals”. By the time I was into my early 20s, I had seen and ridden enough horses and been successful enough to feel confident enough to make some of my own decisions about buying and selling horses, right or wrong. And it worked out well most of the time. So, if this is something you want to do, go do it. Don’t be told that “you shouldn’t” or “you can’t”, or “I’m pissed off and gonna throw a hissy fit if you do”. When you feel it is time to put your money where your mouth is, go do it, and good luck to you!
9 Likes
Remember that your trainer works for you. But yes, I’ve seen trainers who don’t want to work with a new horse if they weren’t involved in the purchase.
5 Likes
Umm what? Absolutely the F not, as far as I’m concerned anyway. Enlisting the help of your trainer to buy a horse does not in any way, shape, or form, mean you can’t also look around on your own as well. It is typically expected that, if you have a commission agreement with your trainer, even if you buy a horse you found, they will still get their commission. Most likely they’ll still be going to try the horse with you, regardless of who found its listing online. You inquiring about horses yourself being seen as a such a huge affront by these sellers that have messaged your trainer is absolutely wild and makes no sense. This sounds like a shady group of trainers that make a habit of ripping people off, if you ask me.
I’d bet dollars to donuts this is what they wanted to do. There is literally zero other reason to be offended by contact from the buyer instead of the buyer’s trainer. Personally, even if buying with help from my trainer, I would never in a million years sign a contract with anyone but the seller/owner directly. When I act as an agent selling consignment horses, the contract contains full sales prices disclosure and is signed by myself, the seller/owner, and the buyer. I will not negotiate a secret extra commission for the buyer’s trainer and have absolutely passed on a sale when a trainer tried it.
I’d be finding a new trainer.
8 Likes
Well he’s the best trainer around here, all his students always win and he has more experience than anyone. He’s taught me a lot but sometimes it can be a bit hard to work with him but well the rest of the trainers I don’t think can handle me or teach me as much as he can.
As I recall OP is about 20 and is a competent rider who however wants to compete at a higher level, and its unclear if she has the foundation resources or help to do this.
I think a couple of things are happening here. The OP is transitioning from child to adult but much in the interaction with the trainer reflects that he is still trying to treat her like a child, and she has no idea how to change this.
We get a steady stream of such posts from young adult riders who are aging out of their current coaching situation and can’t transform the dynamics. Usually leaving is the best option.
I bet it’s complicated by being Mexico. I am guessing from the couple of other posts from Mexican riders, that competition barns are expensive, and considered an elite sport.
In North America and especially in Britain, there’s a continuum from backyard horse to high level competition. There is more scope for someone who is middle class to have acreage and horses at home, or self board, or be independent of trainers. Britain is most independent DIY, followed by Canada, the US has more of a tier of very controlling hunter barns. But I’m guessing in Mexico there could be a huge jump between nonathletic working horses in very basic care, and competition barns for wealthy people, where most of the care and decisions are taken out of the clients hands. You can find these in different disciplines in the US but they aren’t the norm. And in general riders need to move beyond those situations before they are considered good horsemen or even riders.
Anyhow, the trainer by Canadian standards is absolutely intolerable (NancyM is also Canadian 
and also shocked).
However I’m not sure my Canadian advice would necessarily apply. However, I think it may be time to (a) find another trainer and (b) perhaps be realistic about where your combination of courage, skills, and cash can get you.
Navigating the jumping world above 3 feet and especially moving towards 4 feet is another level and a whole other kind of horse. I don’t think you could get an ammie friendly confirmed 4 foot horse for $Can 50,000/ $US 30,000. I don’t know what values are in Mexico.
BTW, OP, when I read someone calling themselves “hard to handle,” my Spidey sense tingles. If this is how you describe yourself, trust me others are saying much worse. You are growing up into an adult. You need to figure out how to present as a reasonable, assertive, but polite professional and considerate adult. Otherwise disaster personal and professional will trail your entire life.
31 Likes
Well thats just how I’ve always been described 
I’m a pretty hardworker who picks things up quickly and once I get it I do it right and pretty well but I get frustrated easily if I don’t get it on the first try or don’t understand it and no one want to explain it to me and I’m a bit sensitive. I ask a ton of questions because I always want to understand the why and how but apparently that’s annoying. My trainer has always told me I’m hard to handle so if I leave he doesn’t think any other trainer can handle me
Leaving aside whether or not his students win a lot, you and this trainer do not seem to be a good fit for each other right now. Your communication style does not seem to match. Your trainer should be able to tell you if your expectations of what your current resources (current ability, available funding, willingness to adapt your goals, etc.) are not aligned to the horse market in your area. If he has told you this, it sounds like you haven’t understood him; if he hasn’t told you this and it’s true, then he’s shirking his job to set your expectations; if he hasn’t told you this and it’s NOT true, then he’s not providing what you’re looking for in support of a horse search; and if you have an agreement with him, financial or verbal, that he will assist you in finding your next horse, and he’s not providing you with what he agreed to, then he’s not supporting you right now. We can’t tell which of these things is true- including if he’s told you that your expectations aren’t reasonable and you haven’t heard him- because we’re only hearing your perspective, but I think it’s worth thinking about whether the level of success you think you can achieve with this trainer is worth a relationship that sounds frustrating.
Separately, if what you’ve been told by others about your level of sensitivity or the number of questions you ask rings true to you, you may want to work on that for your own personal growth as a human, but it doesn’t add to or take away from the communication problem that you and your trainer are having right now.
(By the way, when I was younger I asked a ton of questions and didn’t read social cues very well. Sometimes I really irritated people by continuing to ask when they needed to do something else, or were tired of talking, but were too polite to tell me so. I was very eager to learn from the knowledgeable people I respected and I didn’t understand their non-verbal signals that I was being annoying. I mention this because it’s something I had to learn and work on and it actually made me a better student because it forced me to pay attention to all of the ways people communicate, think harder, answer my own questions, and come back and ask better questions.)
10 Likes
Small children get frustrated and cry if they can’t get what they want.
Teenagers go through hormonal changes that can make them feel irritable and fragile even when they know they are being childish. Learning how to control this is part of growing up.
Functional adults do not get frustrated when they can’t learn things on the first try. When they ask questions, they listen to the answers and consider the feelings of other people.
You cannot continue in horses with low frustration tolerance because horses are about patience and empathy. If you want to continue with horses you need to work on yourself.
At 20, you are at the upper limit of where people will cut you slack for acting like a child. You are describing an orientation to the world I associate with 13 and 14 year olds. You can’t behave like a 14 year old and expect the world to treat you like an adult. If you do, you will continue to be stuck in problematic professional and personal relationships because reasonable people will shy clear of you.
I have no idea if trainer is speaking the truth or just bullying you into staying when he says that your personality problems mean no other trainer could tolerate you. However it’s obvious that your deteriorating professional relationship is not just his fault.
OP, I realize much popular culture shows young women acting pushy, childish, irrational, petty, entitled, etc. But those songs and films are made for a 12 year olds and show adults behaving like 14 year olds. By and large the women who actually create those forms of entertainment dont behave like that in their professional life because you need patience and cooperation.
So ditch any idea that your low frustration tolerance is endearing or expresses your privilege or is anything other than emotional immaturity and lack of a solid sense of self.
You need to figure out how to get it under control because it will cripple your progress both in life and horses.
10 Likes
Yeah I know, i’m currently working at it in therapy but I have autism that doesn’t really help I know its an issue and I have never thought it was something glamorizing or anything. But what i mean by getting frustrated is that I get angry with myself and need a couple minutes to think and analyze why what I’m doing isn’t working or sometimes I decide its best to end the lesson if maybe we just aren’t getting it to have a fresh start the next day. I know its a bit childish but well that way I don’t work while I’m frustrated which I’ve done and its exploded before
1 Like
Ah OK I didn’t realize there was an actual
issue for you. I am glad to hear you are getting help. Maybe a very high powered high expectations show barn is not the best place for you right now. In Canada there would be many options to step back to a nice but less high pressure barn and focus on horsemanship and autonomy with horses for a few years.
2 Likes
It’s ok! A lot of people that talk to me don’t realize until I have a sort of episode But I’m high functioning so I’m on the luckier side and i do want to be competitive, I want to be in a show barn that pushes you to achieve more. Maybe not with my current trainer, that I am seriously now considering changing, but with another. I just want to be treated normally
4 Likes
Sounds to me like this trainer is manipulating you into believing that he’s the only trainer who can “deal with” your autism and “difficulties,” so that he can take advantage of you as a client by controlling what you do and how you spend your money.
I strongly suggest looking for another trainer.
25 Likes
Tbh, I get why in some cases. But it is true, that like anything else, it depends heavily on the honesty & transparency of the trainer & reasonableness of rider.
During our search earlier this year, the trainer welcomed me looking & forwarding the ads of potential candidates to her. She had a perfect storm of several students she had to find horses for all at the same time and needed all the help she could get. Ultimately, she found our lease during a trip to look at something for another client. In our case, it was me telling her: “We’re not going to find everything you’re hoping for in our budget. We’ll need to compromise on some things.”
2 Likes
