What does it mean to get burned?

[DollyDoll]

I’m looking for a horse but apparently trying out horses is also a quick way to get burned? I thought being picky was good when wanting to find your perfect partner but apparently if you’re too picky you can also get burned?

Example: My trainer was looking for horses so I decided to look for some as well since some of the ones he found hadn’t quite fit me and the one that did fit me ended pinging the vet check ;-;, but apparently that got my trainer in trouble because it burned him among his peers. How does that make sense? Maybe I’m too new at this or my culture is stiff but is this common? Was I in the wrong for looking?

[outside_leg]

I don’t think you did anything wrong (having seen your posts in other threads). Some sellers with horses in lower price ranges get a lot of “tire kickers” (people who ask endless questions but aren’t seriously ready to buy). That doesn’t sound like you at all, but some sellers can be defensive.

Other sellers only like dealing with other pros, not the client. That’s a bit of a red flag to me, honestly. It can sometimes (but not always) mean the pro would prefer to negotiate the price with another pro…sometimes to pad their own pockets. I’ve seen horses go for $100K, but the owner only got $50K because the pros padded their commission. That happens more frequently when the pro is the agent (the one sending/receiving the payment), but there are under the table arrangements all the time.

Finally, some horse pros are just not great at managing people. There’s nothing sinister, they just are bad at people skills. They prefer dealing with other pros because they want to minimize the number of people they have to deal with.

I wish you all the best on your search!

[DollyDoll]

I just got like super scolded by my trainer, saying I burned him and that it wasn’t right for me to be looking for horses and at the same time having him look for horses since it got him in trouble. I really didn’t mean to get him burned or scolded by his peers, they even sent him angry messages saying that he shouldn’t be contacting them if his student is off looking for horses, so I thought maybe I had done something super wrong. Are other countries like this? Because a lot of my friends have had similar situations.

I have seen that happen before, lot of people get half their sale money taken from pros who promoted the horses. Horse sales are so complicated

[NaturallyHappy]

Maybe they thought you were trying to cut them out of a commission.

[outside_leg]

@DollyDoll

Horse sales are so complicated

Truer words were never spoken.

Did you let your trainer know you were inquiring about horses? Not that you need them to approve, but pros get very worried about clients doing things without them (or buying the “wrong” horse). They can also get worried about losing out on commission. They may also have been hoping to arrange a larger commission by going around you and working out the price of the horse with the seller’s agent. That’s the worst case scenario, and I’m not suggesting it’s the likeliest, but it’s a possibility.

In your shoes, I would have an honest conversation with your trainer. Again, horse people aren’t always great with people. He could be feeling anxious, and that made him snap. With the pandemic, many people’s businesses have taken a hit, and that can make them defensive and snappy. Hopefully you can come to an arrangement that works for both of you.

[DollyDoll]

Before I had even considered looking for other horses I actually only went were he said to go, even when certain horses were a bit scary to me but I trusted him. In the end I only tried 5 and liked one but he ended up not passing the vet test so we had to start searching and he complained that I was being too ‘picky’ because I wanted a horse taller than 1.65, slow (don’t enjoy runners or fast/sensitive types), jumping at least 1.10 with potential for more but didn’t mind if the horse didn’t have experience at higher levels, and with a pretty limited price range. I even told him I didn’t mind trying out the new horses he saw if he thought they were good for me but he said that I would just find another thing to complain about and I guess since he was frustrated he told me to go look by myself if I wanted so I posted around forums to see if anyone had anything I liked and not even a couple of hours later, when i sent him a video of a mare i liked and wanted to go check out, he sent me a message saying that I should go try her out by myself if I wanted because he was getting burned and he didn’t want to get even more burned than he already was by me asking around ;-; That his friends he had asked to search for horses complained to him about me and that he didn’t like his reputation smudged or something. I’ve been with him for almost three years so I don’t think he’s worried I’ll leave.

I guess commission does come into play but not sure if that’s the case. I’ve never quite understood it since last time I bought my pony it was a direct sale to the seller and no intermediate. I think I’ll just wait till he cools down and talk to him next week

[meupatdoes]

“he sent me a message saying that I should go try her out by myself if I wanted because he was getting burned and he didn’t want to get even more burned than he already was by me asking around ;-; That his friends he had asked to search for horses complained to him about me and that he didn’t like his reputation smudged or something. I’ve been with him for almost three years so I don’t think he’s worried I’ll leave.”

Aaaaaabsolutely fkn not.

No with a side of no in nope sauce.

Time to find a new trainer. This behavior is unacceptable.

Next!

[DollyDoll]

Is that not common? I had similar experiences like that with other trainers, as well as my friends around my country. I thought usually trainers were pretty strict and always conscious of their reputation

[meupatdoes]

Hey, you’re free to set your own boundaries.

Would I let anyone (contractor, trainer, vet, other attorney on a deal, person I knew in a non professional capacity) talk to me like that or try to “keep me in line” like that?

Nope.

YMMV.

[BrendaJane]

@DollyDoll

so I don’t think he’s worried I’ll leave.

Maybe ne needs to.
as always I am astonished to see adults being Ok with being treated like toddlers.

A reason I am not in the hunter world.
my eyebrow would never reset to natural levels.

[EmilyM]

He told you to look yourself and then he was angry when you looked yourself

I find that confusing.

[BlueMoonJumper]

That kind of behavior might be typical in your area, but that does not mean you have to accept it. I would just like to gently point out that something is telling you to question what’s happening. This seems to be at least the second time in recent history that this trainer has caused you to doubt yourself.

[TBKite]

The way you are describing him speaking to you would not be OK with me. Professionals don’t get to talk like a huffy mother-in-law.

[KBC]

@BrendaJane

A reason I am not in the hunter world.
my eyebrow would never reset to natural levels.

Great description and I agree

[Rel6]

The first red flag here for me would have been your trainer telling you were being too picky and that he didn’t want to try more horses with you because you “would just find another thing to complain about.”

There is absolutely a way for a trainer to sit a client down and say look, what you’re looking for is going to cost closer to X than your budget of Y and I think we may have talk about either increasing the budget or reevaluating your criteria to keep you within your budget. Complaining you’re too picky and refusing to see horses is not the way to do that.

Others have covered the (many) other red flags in what you have described as well. I would be exploring other options because if you do find something on your own, this trainer does not seem like someone who is going to be helpful or supportive of a horse he did not earn a commission on.

[Night_Flight]

He’s giving you conflicting instructions on your horse search and you’ve previously shared that he’s encouraging you to look for a type of horse that makes you feel uncomfortable and nervous but is more his type.

It sounds like it’s time for you to move on and find a trainer who better suits your riding style and who will help you find the best horse for you and your level of confidence.

[TheDBYC]

@BrendaJane

Maybe ne needs to.
as always I am astonished to see adults being Ok with being treated like toddlers.

A reason I am not in the hunter world.
my eyebrow would never reset to natural levels

The OP is a show jumper based in Mexico.

I do agree with you. Although, based on the responses to my recent thread about hunter trainer etiquette I’m a bit of a harda$$ about people I’m paying dictating to me.

[BrendaJane]

there is really no difference.
I suppose I do expect more from a professional but then again…it’s not my scene.
I just know my eyebrows would recede into my hairline…or look like in a cartoon, hovering somewhere over my head.
‘I guess you don’t really need my money then’ would probably be near the top of my responses…

[DollyDoll]

Yeah, I told him that but he just got angry and said that I can just do what I want if that’s the case because he didn’t want to get burned anymore Thats why I wondered if burning from colleagues like that was common

[DollyDoll]

Yeah, for a couple of months I have been questioning a bit if i should switch trainers but its scary to search here in Mexico for trainers since usually your last trainer, no matter who she or he was, they will speak really badly about you and claim you’re difficult ;-; And even finding a good trainer, who won’t cost you an arm and a leg, with winning students is hard. My current trainer is the best trainer in my area within my budget ;-;

I do admit I’m a bit of a handful, I ask too many questions and always want to know the why and how of exercises and I get frustrated when I can’t get things right the first time but I’m pretty willing to always learn and I do win a lot.