I hope you never change your name, feisomeday.
I feel like everyone should always have a destination and if that may not happen, I don’t think that’s as important as having a destination in your mind that is important to you, that you have a feeling about.
Health and money are always things that can change, horses come and go, and you never really completely know what’s going to happen from one day to the next. New medicines come along, new jobs happen…things change. Things that seem to just about end the world tend to just…well…fade away, or we adjust, we find a new way, we go on, often when we can least imagine it would be possible.
You may find that someone just happens to turn up nearby that will help you progress, and that when you’re not really looking at all, a willing horse just happens along who enjoys learning new things with you.
As far as ‘doing fei’, I don’t think that one has to show to enjoy it or to learn something.
I was riding my bike years ago and was near Maryal Barnett’s when I saw a guy trotting around in circles on the grass in a big back yard. Maybe he was a student of Maryal’s (there were many right in her area). It was a great big appaloosa that looked like a warmblood horse, a powerful but well balanced horse. I stopped and just stood there entranced with how focused he and the horse were, they didn’t even seem to see me, they were so focused on what they were doing. It was a beautiful picture with a clear sky and dusk coming and this gorgeous, active, correct horse floating over the grass. The rider was just so into it. He sat well and just moved with the horse so well.
Pleasure, accomplishment, appreciation of beauty, love of the horse and joy of finally being able to do something new and difficult - these moments don’t come according to some structured plan that has to happen a certain way or at a certain place, or on a certain timetable.