What would you do? Farrier who is your friend

[WildGooseChase]

I am looking for some compassionate advice here…

TLDR: My farrier is also one of my very good friends, and I’m starting to think that using her as a farrier isn’t a good idea.

My farrier started out as just that, but over the years we have become good friends. Up until recently, we’ve been close, hanging out, going out to dinner, we did a craft thing earlier this year that was super fun… But something seems to have changed within the last couple months.

She has some health issues, has a pretty full trimming schedule (she’s turning down new clients and ridding the inconsistent clients), and lately has been taking on project horses to resell… It’s gotten to a point where I can no longer have her out every 4 weeks to trim, like we’ve been doing for well over a year. I attempt to schedule ahead and she either doesn’t get back with me on it, or says she will look at her schedule… I’ve always paid her, have never haggled on price, or anything like that. I’m not sure why all the sudden I feel like I’ve been forgotten.

Mid November, she no showed to an appointment for the first time. I texted her 25min after the appointment time, asking to reschedule so we didn’t have rush due to barn hours. She called me way later that night to tell me that some super chatty ladies held her at her last appointment. Okay no big deal, we reschedule for what I thought was the next Saturday, 3 days later, she said she would squeeze me in at the end of the day. I tried to confirm with her the morning of, no response. I texted her again saying I had to go home and switch out vehicles (I had to pick up some hay and really didn’t want to put it in my car), no response again. I texted her about half an hour after she was supposed to be there, and didn’t get a response for several hours. I texted the other two gals in our “circle” who hadn’t been able to get a hold of her, I even texted her partner, who didn’t respond for several hours either… I was so worried that I considered driving the hour down to her house to make sure she was okay. Turns out we had different ideas of what was supposed to happen. In her mind, she would try to squeeze me in at the end of the day, but if she couldn’t, she would skip. No big deal, but I had no idea. I thought she had confirmed the appointment. Things got straightened out, I got to see my friend and my horse did get trimmed.

Overall, I feel like the farrier thing is getting in the way of us being friends. I’d rather have her as my friend than just my farrier…I am thinking of having a heart to heart talk with her about it, as I feel like we never talk unless I need an appointment now, and even then it’s hit or miss…

Any thoughts?

[Xanthoria]

Yeah that’d make me nuts too.

Invite her out for tea/lunch/tequila shots or whatever, - you already pretty much wrote the script yourself:

“Hi lovely friend! I feel like the farrier thing is getting in the way of us being friends. I’d rather have you as my friend than just my farrier because you’re (list of awesome qualities) and I feel like we never talk unless I need an appointment now.

I’m going to use Other Farrier for my horses - I know you were probably still seeing my horses out of a sense of obligation (you’re the kindest!) and with your business blowing up you don’t really need me as your client. So let’s just be friends again! ”

[WildGooseChase]

I really just want to make sure I’m not expecting too much. Thank you <3

[Xanthoria]

No, you’re just cutting her all kinds of slack because she’s a friend. So have her be a full time friend and let her business flakiness be someone else’s problem. Easy!

[NaturallyHappy]

I’d put my horse’s well-being ahead of anything. Friends are VERY important, though. Maybe she’s trying to (unprofessionally) lower her number of clients this way.

[WildGooseChase]

We’ve talked about her business and boundaries. She comes to me a lot for this stuff as I am a business owner as well.

At the beginning of the year, she implemented a different fee schedule to help limit one horse stops, cancellations etc. We went over it all together before she implemented it. She set some boundaries about working days and hours as well. She has told me that she isn’t taking new clients, that the clients that don’t’ call back or no show to appointments are dropped, and she is also charging extra fees for people that don’t have a run in at least, to get out of the weather, horses who are muddy as that wears her tools faster…

The only thing I have working against me is that most of the time I am a single horse stop. There is another gal in the barn that has her horse trimmed by the same farrier, but we don’t always fall on the same appointment, or the other gal cancels last second. She wants her horse done every 6 weeks, I offered to do 5 week intervals where possible, 6 isn’t the end of the world, but I’d like to avoid it. I feel like I’ve done everything I can to prevent being a one horse stop…

I am thinking of reaching out to another farrier or two to get quotes and schedules, just to have a backup…

[sascha]

Hey friend, are you scaling back or just overwhelmed with trim clients? Would it be easier if I coordinate with Other Boarder and we go on a matching 6 week schedule? Or, if you are scaling back, I’d like to help take some stress off you so we can keep our friendship going without the stress of a changing business. Is there someone you could recommend to take me on as a client?

Because, although I’ve been called forthright, I am truly blunt. and generally that gets fairly straight answers … if you’re willing to take the risk.

[Texarkana]

The developing pattern of no shows and lack of communication are things I wouldn’t even tolerate from a farrier who was a stranger. You are definitely justified in moving on. (I’m sure you already know that!)

[2DogsFarm]

@WildGooseChase

am thinking of reaching out to another farrier or two to get quotes and schedules, just to have a backup…

Do this & suggest to your friend you can become an Every Other 4 Weeks (2X month) spot for her, if the Every 4 Weeks is a problem.
If you are her only client at your barn on that schedule & she doesn’t have other clients nearby, you may be one of the 1 Horse stops she needs to cut back.
And, yes, I’d stress that the friendship means more to you than the shoeing.

[NaturallyHappy]

I would t switch to 6 weeks if it doesn’t work for your horse…unless that is your only option.

[candyappy]

@WildGooseChase

It’s gotten to a point where I can no longer have her out every 4 weeks to trim, like we’ve been doing for well over a year. I attempt to schedule ahead and she either doesn’t get back with me on it, or says she will look at her schedule… I’ve always paid her, have never haggled on price, or anything like that. I’m not sure why all the sudden I feel like I’ve been forgotten.

@WildGooseChase

Overall, I feel like the farrier thing is getting in the way of us being friends. I’d rather have her as my friend than just my farrier…I am thinking of having a heart to heart talk with her about it, as I feel like we never talk unless I need an appointment now, and even then it’s hit or miss…

Sounds like she doesn’t want or need your business any longer. I would find another farrier and not say a word , as clearly she won’t even notice. Let her ask you if it comes to that.

I have done this with several farriers who just couldn’t seem to get here in the time frame I needed or just decided to not show up at all and were MIA when trying to reach them. Not immediately as I struggled with them for months on these issues.

My current farrier makes my next appointment before leaving my place , calls in advance if for some reason we need to reschedule and he always comes when I am expecting him too. He is a real busy man but seems to be able to stay in touch.

Sounds like your relationship with this person ( personal and professional) is ending because she wants it that way. Some relationships in life are “forever” and some are just for a " season".

Move on and let her go.

[goodhors]

I would do as @candyappy said, call someone else and let “friend” call you…whenever. let her go. She is not treating YOU professionally as a client or as a friend after you giving her excellent advice. The points you listed were real good points in improving her business, but she can’t call you back?

Some folks come in your life, then need to go when they act like this. Sounds like she has way too much on her plate, may be moving into training and leaving Farrier work. Many trimmers and Farriers are short-timers in the business. 5 years seems to be a cut off point for exiting the business. Farriers come and go, often because they are poor business people, not returning calls, missing appointments. Sometimes quality of work deteriorates, just bad trims or shoeing starts up.

You need to just move on, can’t wait around on her forever. You probably would have already called someone else if she was not your “friend.” No more cutting her slack. Every 4 weeks, on time, as scheduled or find another trimmer. There ARE trimmers and Farriers that can arrive on time, manage a schedule. I have 2 Farriers in the family who are professionals, make their daily appointments on time, run their seperate practices as a real business. .

[Bebe_Falcon1]

@candyappy

Sounds like she doesn’t want or need your business any longer. I would find another farrier and not say a word , as clearly she won’t even notice. Let her ask you if it comes to that.

Agreed. You sound exactly like the clients she described that wants to drop (i.e. one horse stops), so I think the writing’s on the wall there.

[George_T_Mule]

I won’t tolerate a farrier, or vet, or any sort of contractor who does not keep their appointments.
Sure; doodoo doth occur, and I’m willing to forgive or re-sched now and then, but when it happens a second time within a reasonable (unreasonable?) time frame . . .
And it’s one thing when you get a frantic call at least a little bit ahead of time asking for a variance (particularly from a vet, for obvious reasons), but when they just leave you out in the cold holding the lead rope:
“Screw me once; shame on you. Screw me twice; shame on me.”
Honestly, I generally avoid having a business relationship with friends for just that reason.
Sorry to bring my bad attitude into the discussion, but there you have it, just FWIW :-P.

[wsmoak]

@WildGooseChase

At the beginning of the year, she implemented a different fee schedule to help limit one horse stops, cancellations etc. We went over it all together

and

@WildGooseChase

most of the time I am a single horse stop.

Well… that pretty much covers it! Just schedule a new farrier and let your friend know that you’re grateful for her trying to fit you in but you realize you are not her ideal client and you are so happy that her business is taking off, etc, etc.

I also had this happen, I was a ‘legacy’ client of my farrier’s father when he moved away, and the son really tried, but I had one old, barefoot horse at home and the son had a shiny aluminum farrier trailer and traveled to shoe whole barns full of fancy sport horses hours away. After multiple missed appointments he eventually had to tell me he couldn’t come anymore, but thankfully passed me off to his apprentice who was happy to drop by and do a trim.

[tabula_rashah]

So my farrier is my younger brother. We get along fantastically, we even used to work together at big breeding farm where technically I was one of his bosses. He is a really good, very in-demand farrier. All that said, we do butt heads some times. I am always the first one of his clients to get rescheduled and he does mostly high performance sport horse types where as I have endurance horses and I have to remind him sometimes of what I am asking my horses to do vrs those horses.
Anyway, he and his wife also recently had their first child and bought their first house all within the month and I know he was crazy overwhelmed. I told him that I would do trims in between to lighten his schedule with me a bit and that if he needed me to have someone else out for shoes for a while, I could definitely do that (I used to shoe but it’s been so long I’m really not comfortable doing it). I thought he would be mad but he was relieved. And then, since he’s my brother, I ordered him a month’s worth of home delivery meals to help out a bit too
So I think for sure you should talk with her and maybe begin it with how can I help make things easier for you?

[Djones]

You are not this person’s ideal client anymore, as you are a one-horse stop every 4 weeks. She hasn’t figured out how to tell you this, so she hasn’t put it into words.

I had a lovely vet move out of state, and she would come back ‘home’ on occasion to do teeth, etc for her favored clientele, she would answer texts about the horses she had cared for. This rocked along for over two years…and now she’s gone silent. I texted her over two months ago- crickets. Same for another of her ‘holdovers’- she also texted to ask a question and got ‘let me check, give me a few days’ - and that’s been also over a month ago. Again, I adore this vet and I’m thrilled for her to be so busy and connected into her ‘new life.’ I accept that wholly and have (of course) already been using a local vet, but I did love seeing her and getting to catch up. That’s over. And she didn’t find a way to tell us holdovers to move on, already LOL and that’s ok.

[MsM]

I would examine my other options first - one horse farrier appointments can be difficult to get!

If you have options, I would have an honest conversation with her. Tell her that you need a consistent reliable trimming schedule and that you understand if she can’t offer that, but you need to know.

[candyappy]

I had one farrier that I was really happy with. His father was a good/ skilled farrier and I happened upon my farrier (his son) as he was just starting out on his own.

As the years rolled on he spent more and more time traveling to show barns to shoe and started dropping his rural clients. I was one of the last to go and he accommodated me as long as he could but finally he just couldn’t get to me anymore ( i was only 17 miles away!!).

Thankfully he let me know so I could line up a new one but it still took several until I found an acceptable one.

Some farriers are just not good at firing clients but some prefer to let the client realize they are not coming back and get fired instead.

[Bearx2]

It sounds like she is taking on too much and either expects you to understand as a friend or doesn’t know how to tell you that she can’t do it any more. She might be relieved if you get “fire” her and get someone else .