I have a lovely horse who is fun and safe to ride and I just don’t. I have a part boarder who rides her who is fantastic, she is kind and takes lessons, rides her 3 days a week religiously dressage. She has really improved her way of going. Since I have my part boarder, my riding has dropped to almost zero. I have an 11 year old son in rep sports and run my own business with my sister and when I get a free moment, I want to relax. I also have a senior retired horse that needs checking up on. My mare is in great shape, also loves jumping, I do hunters. She isn’t that big but very flashy pinto. I just feel like I’m spending a lot of money for something I’m not doing. My part boarder maybe pays 20% of the board, but like I said she’s great. My horse is 15. I feel like I should sell her and take lessons when I have more time. I’m also upset my motivation isn’t there and feel I’m being lazy. I don’t think I would want to full lease her for various reasons. What would you do?
I would sell her to the part boarder.
It’s perfectly fine to have periods in your life when other things matter more than riding. Like many people, I stopped riding in college, then travel and career and grad school took me far afield. I returned to riding in my 40s.
You have a full plate of career and family obligations and if riding is not the relaxing escape from all this, feel free to walk away from horses.
If you aren’t riding and don’t really miss it at the moment, and are set against a full lease, I would sell. You can always take lessons and get back into owning when things calm down.
Would you feel differently if the leaser was covering more of the expenses? A three day half lease that only covers 20% of the board (no other expenses?) is shockingly low. You’d be totally justified in raising the rates to a more equitable split if that would make keeping the horse easier. You could also see if the same leaser would be interested in a full lease where she covers all expense, since you know her already.
What is your reason for hesitating to sell her? It sound like she is a bit of a mental burden on you, if not financial. Is your retired horse at the same barn?
Life takes different paths. Riding will be there for you if you ever want to go back to it - I have people returning to riding in their midlife and later years! Enjoy what your life is offering you now, and if selling your horse helps you be more in the moment with the rest of your life to that.
I just feel like if I sell her that I failed her in a way. Once she leaves, what if the new owner isn’t a good person. My other horse is not at the same barn, I can’t afford to keep them both at the same place. I wouldn’t sell my senior as he’s lame and has health problems.
If you have decided that your goals have changed and you want to move on you have not failed her. The horse you describe is well equipped to go forward having a good life with and bringing happiness to another person who still has the goals you had when you bought her. You are right that the senior horse with health problems is the one its important to keep.
If it feels like a failure to give up this horse it may be because you believe you have failed in terms of the goals you had in mind with her. That is different than failing your horse since it is unlikely those goals were ever important to her.
That said, I would ask you to consider before selling her whether it is possible that your lack of motivation to ride could be due to depression (which is treatable and therefore potentially temporary) rather than that you truly no longer want to ride. I have no reason to think so from what you have said, but I have been there myself and know of others who lost motivation for activities they truly love while suffering from depression. It is actually a well known symptom.
Is riding the only reason you have the horse? Consider having the horse without riding, as a deliberate choice, not the result of circumstances. The horse will be perfectly fine, is getting worked, and certainly doesn’t feel she needs riding.
I keep a horse for animal companionship and a reason to get out of town regularly. A good grooming, some in-hand work, or, most likely, a walk in the woods are very valuable horse activities for me.
Also agree that your part boarder is getting a steal of a deal.
I’ve thought about depression. My so thinks I should make an effort to go and if I’m still not into it then move on. I have companionship with my senior horse at the moment so I don’t think I need to support two companion horses. Thanks everyone for your replies, they have been helpful.
There is nothing wrong with selling a horse.
This horse sounds like it would have no problem finding a new home.
There should be no guilt and having different life needs right now and finding this horse a new owner.
That’s a great idea. Decide on a frequency and a time period that is manageable (for example twice a week for a month) to go find out whether you still enjoy it once you are on your horse. If not it will be a clearer decision for you.
Sometimes the overwhelming desire to sit down and relax is about having too much on our plates; sometimes it can be about a mental state that is depleting your interest in things you used to love. I think your SO has an interesting idea, but I wonder if a few sessions with a therapist, or speaking to your doctor about a depression scale, might be useful in giving your brain a tune up.
Otherwise, I might, if I were you, consider finding a full lease and seeing how that goes. If you’re truly ready at the end of a year to be done, then it should be easy to find a new home for her. But if not, you haven’t lost a solid citizen you could then ride and enjoy.
ETA: the Beck scale is one we use in our practices … https://www.ismanet.org/doctoryourspirit/pdfs/Beck-Depression-Inventory-BDI.pdf
That was my first thought.
TBH you have time now and you prefer to relax instead of ride. There is no shame in admitting that priorities at this time in your life have changed. You have a child and a business and that alone can be enough to drain you.
It happens to a lot of us. The beauty of horses is that they will always be there if/ when you want to get back into it down the road.
