When a friends horse passes

[FjordBCRF]

A friend at a barn I boarded at just lost their horse unexpectedly. Short of the “So sorry” Facebook comment/support on her post, would a card in the mail be appropriate? Drop off a card and baked goods? When I lost my first dog I quite honestly didn’t want to talk about it, but did receive a couple of nice cards that I have kept.

Any thoughts? I’m sure it’s very person dépendant. She seems like she’s being transparent and welcoming the support by posting in a local group and her own personal Facebook page, vs another friend who I had only heard well after the fact they had horses pass.

[Bonnie2]

Card. There are some beautiful sympathy cards. It is so much more meaningful than a quick post!

[2DogsFarm]

A card would be a very nice gesture.
When I lost DH’s horse (after losing DH), vet sent a donation to the vet college in his name.
He’d sent flowers when DH died - having been our vet for near 10yrs by then.

A Driving Club friend just had to put down her QH she’d had 20yrs.
I asked her to find a pic of them together & I’ll put it in the Club’s newsletter In Memory.

[endlessclimb]

Card, if you have a picture of her/her horse have it framed, and if you know them well enough invite out to coffee just to get their mind off of it.

[WNT]

I received a nice card and a cute barn door frame when my old man was put down after a brief illness. It was very sweet, especially as we had only been at the barn for a couple of months. It was a sweet group of boarders.

[RMJacobs]

When I had to euthanize my beloved Hackney, a friend and co-worker gave me a nice card. She had horses as well, so she understood. It meant the world to me.

Rebecca

[KBC]

Card is a great idea, and baked goods are always a nice gesture to say you care.

[clanter]

when daughter’s horse had to be euthanized due to a pasture accident a friend of hers had another make a model Breyer made of her horse

here was Socks

[Jealoushe]

A card is really nice, sometimes I’ll give a keepsake that reminds me of their horse.

[Night_Flight]

When I lost my mare, I found it hard to talk about her in person at first, but I really appreciated anyone who wrote to me (card, text or online) with a memory of her. It was those little “I’ll always remember how she…” or “I loved seeing the two of you…” that meant a lot to me, because those people were communicating something more meaningful than just “I’m sorry for your loss”, and it was really touching to read what some people had noticed or what really spoke to them about her.

[trubandloki]

I think a card is never a bad answer.

[Renn_aissance]

A card and flowers. When my first horse died, a family friend drove 45 minutes to hand deliver a bouquet of flowers from her garden. It’s been 20 years and I still remember what it looked like.

[BigMama1]

One of the boarders at my barn gave me a beautiful card she had printed herself using a photo of my mare she found in my Facebook page. It was so touching. Several of my friends sent flowers, cookies, and booze, which were much appreciated. One friend gave me a flowering perennial plant which could be planted in the garden, so that year after year when it blooms it reminds me of that special horse.

Our veterinary school at the nearby university has a program where you make a donation in memory of an animal who passes and they send a memorial card to the animal’s owner. The donation goes to fund research and you can direct it to equine, small animal, etc.

Phone calls and in person condolences I really didn’t want because I just couldn’t talk about it without breaking down. But all the other gestures on top of a Facebook comment or PM really meant a lot. It sort of validates your grief and that other people acknowledge it instead of thinking “it’s just a horse.”

[RedHorses]

Not that I think you would, OP, but for anyone; in future who might do! this …

After I euthanized my second horse, a fellow boarder, who was just a civil acquaintance (and barn gossip) came up to me several days later and gave me a card and flower and a hug as she cried on me. I found it horribly intrusive.

I had deliberately not told anyone prior to the euthanasia (other than my actual friends, and BOs) and asked the BOs to close the barn for a few hours for vet and deadstock pickup. Everyone else got the message and either said nothing or offered a private “I’m sorry about your horse.” type of thing.

[Night_Flight]

This is a good point that you need to read the room.

When I went to pack my mare’s things away a few days after putting her down, I thought I was doing okay because I was able to approach packing everything up from a logistical standpoint more than an emotional one. That was until another boarder walked over from another part of the barn and started expressing their condolences as I was holding one of my mare’s blankets. I pretty much couldn’t respond with anything beyond crying, and it got really awkward and made packing up more emotional/difficult than it had been.

[RooTheDay]

My personal go-to is a donation In Memory Of the deceased to a reputable rescue. The rescue I use will send a nice card to acknowledge. If/when I see the person, I try to read the room, which may mean saying “I’m so sorry, is there anything you need?” or may not.

When I lost my mare, I got a lot of emails. It was very sweet and thoughtful and meaningful, but it also took me weeks to be able to reply, because I didn’t want to open that can of feelings enough to be able to write it. So, I’m generally in favor of emails as well, but also don’t feel like you struck out if you don’t get a response in the near term (or at all.)

[colorfan]

I had two experiences, very unexpectedly lost a special mare. Someone came with a card and a small bouquet of flowers, another sent a card. It helped to know someone cared.
When I lost my last mare, my heart was broken, I mourned alone, it was harder.

Take a card.

[moonlitoaksranch]

The neighbor kids actually drew me pictures of my horse after she died. It was the sweetest thing. I kept them.

[rulex]

When I had to say goodbye to my last horse I was very touched by the couple of flower deliveries I received. When a friend had to say goodbye to her old guy this year I sent her flowers and she was very appreciative.

[clanter]

one of horses was used to teach a lot of kids horsemanship, when she died a natural death we got cards and letters from Her kids from all over the world as her kids were then adults who went on to work around the world. How they found out of her death I really do not know but the cards and letters were from their hearts saying how much she affected their lives

here she was with one of her students