When even a six-figure salary isn't enough to compete

[Ponyplusaninch]

I’ll add one more thing—probably the best investment I made when I was at my worst (just throwing money at loans, best friend of 10+ years walked out of my life, no horse, super shitty marriage, job burnout—the works!) was getting into therapy.

It took me 4 tries to find the right therapist. Thank god I had another friend who literally coached me going to every single appt so I turned up until I found someone I clicked with. But it made a world of difference because I was in straight-up survival mode and not able to clearly recognize and understand what needs I had that weren’t being met. Sometimes there is that one thing in life that seems to be making the day to day palatable—if you’re at this point, that’s a dangerous place to be. There is more to solve than simply figuring out how to afford the horse and riding (or whatever that one thing is).

Not saying you’re at that point, OP—but if you or anyone else is, let this be a post for advocating mental healthcare.

[Xanthoria]

@canterplease

But the horse is also the one thing preserving my sanity.

So you’re working 40hrs a week, but doing another 15hrs on the side and commuting 7.5hrs/week to see the horse all in order to stay in a program you actually cannot afford. If the thing that you think is preserving your sanity is actually creating stress that’s causing burnout, it’s time for a sit down chat with yourself.

Almost everyone is being shortchanged here. Your full time boss is being shortchanged because you’re probably too tired to do your main job well, and the same goes for the freelance clients. Your husband is being shortchanged because you’re rarely there to be present in your relationship. You’re shortchanging yourself by doing all of this. Actually the only ones who are getting a nice deal are your trainer and horse… (who likely doesn’t need chiro and supps as others have mentioned)

I’d start by doing two things. If you won’t give up your goal or change to a cheaper discipline, can you get a raise at work that would allow you to drop the side gig? And/or raise your freelance rates so you can better afford the training or pay for more trainer rides so you can stay home another day? (You have debts - I’m assuming you have worked out all your financials to the penny)

Secondly place a time limit on this grueling hobby slog you’ve committed to. Let’s say you will do this until x show and then make an assessment: should you take a break until you’re in a better spot?

Having a time limit on things like this can make them more bearable.

But seriously, should your hobby cause you this much pain? It’s supposed to be fun…

[Calvincrowe]

You’ve gotten great advice here, especially sitting down and really looking at your expenses and income to prioritize them. Look at your lifestyle, too. If having your mare at THAT barn with THAT program is at the top, then figure out how to restructure your other expenses. I also think at this time in your life, perhaps only showing locally with a couple of more ‘local’ A shows thrown in as goals might lower your expenses.

I have never made 6 figures, and I’m not in such a high COL area as you, but I’ve always managed to be in a program and show locally 8-10 times a year with an A show here and there. Take a hard look at what your horse really needs versus what is trendy or ‘in’ at the barn. Learn to braid. Cut out the pro divisions, if that’s part of your showing plan–not sure what your mare needs in terms of show prep for you. Seriously look into a half lease situation. It doesn’t have to be forever, but it really, really makes our sport much more affordable for both parties.

I get it. Horses truly do ‘save our sanity’ when work and life get overwhelming. But we must also balance the outlay of our resources. Look at your budget, and make some hard decisions. Good luck, OP!

[MadTrotter]

If I were working 15+hrs above FT I’d be begging to muck stalls or something to work off board, or find a self-care place and switch off days with another boarder or two. Considering how long it takes you to get out to the barn, that transit time must be factored into the expense.

When I lived in the Bay Area, self care was how people made it work unless you were in the next tier wealthy, and low 6 figures was literally working middle class. We would also throw a little cash to the farm maintenance guys in exchange for them throwing hay during the day. I also made sure my horse was a low-drama/maintenance type who wouldn’t drop dead if she missed a grain/supp feed.

[Foitin]

As others have suggested, just because the show barn/competition is not working well right now, doesn’t mean you can’t try it again in the future. You’re young! I took over 20 years off of riding. I left showing in the A/Os in 1998 and returned to riding small and medium ponies at a lesson barn in 2019 and doing crossrails and 18inch classes at schooling shows . Now I am back to the former at a show barn, but plan to go back to the ponies in the next couple years because the cost is astronomical in my area (NE), I work 60 hours a week, and have kids. My point is that you can always go back to showing when you might be making more money and are able to make different sacrifices. I’m 50 and it has made a big difference in what I’m able to pull off, even if not always super comfortably. I have had to resort to leasing my horse out at shows I can’t attend, luckily to a good junior whom he likes. Not ideal, however.

[canterplease]

Blown away by all the responses—it’s great to know I’m not alone and hugely appreciate all the advice. I’m realizing that one of the biggest problems is my full-time job (which is for a startup) takes up far more than 40hrs each week…closer to 50. We’re understaffed and while they say they’re actively hiring to fill in the gaps, it’s been the slowest process. I feel so guilty when I’m planning to get to the barn and then get swept up in some “work emergency” and can’t make it. That unpredictability is the main reason I keep her in training board at a nicer facility where I can trust her care is being managed well and can text someone else to ride her last min if needed.

A-shows will likely be impossible for me this summer, and I’m okay with that. Just the few local shows are more than enough. And 100% accurate that I picked the most expensive discipline in the most expensive sport I grew up riding in multiple disciplines, including dressage and eventing, but had a bad fall XC that was just scary enough to keep me back in my hunter ring comfort zone since. I enjoy dressage, and it’s absolutely the foundation of all good riding, but the jumping has always been my thing.

Definitely cannot move my SO’s father and moving for us in general is not in the cards for another couple years. I’m lucky that my student loans are nearly paid off (should be by EOY) but even without them, I’d be hard pressed to afford the horse without at least a little freelance work.

The half lease is probably the best idea and something I’ve been pondering for a while. It only worries me a bit because my mare is only 6 and, while she’s so far along for her age, most the people in my barn who would be looking for a half lease are on the novice side and I can’t be certain what habits they’d install in her. That said, I’m sure there’s another young person out there who’s a strong rider who would love a half lease opportunity if I started actively searching.

In the meantime, I might just start looking for a less exhausting full-time job

ETA: Thus is 100% the definition of first world problems. And the chiro is temporary, while we’re working out a minor soreness issue due to her growing so much this past year, but I’ve found it’s made a huge difference. Supplements she’s on are actually pretty affordable—it’s the board cost itself that eats up the majority of the budget ($1800) and winter shoes are $350/set. She needs special shoes up front ‍:dizzy:

[GoodTimes]

I get it. I’m not much older than you, have been in a similar situation. If you have a horse that’s amenable to a part boarder it could work out to a best of both worlds. Especially if you could find someone who is able and wants to do a little showing or schooling at the shows during the week. Then your shipping and trailering costs go down as well.

Had some friends who “shared” a lovely horse. He didn’t need any prep so it wasn’t asking too much of him to show in the AAs and the A/Os at the same show. It was the only way that either of them could get a full season in.

[Frivian]

While my situation isn’t identical to yours, I totally get it. It sucks to think about how hard I work to support the cost of my horse, how little time I actually get to enjoy it, and to see all my barnmates who have both seemingly infinite time to ride and infinite amounts of money to lesson and show.

My husband and I made almost mid 6 figures combined last year. But we live in the DC area, have two kids and no family nearby to help, and have student loans, a mortgage (and an older home that needs a lot of expensive work), and various other expenses related to living a busy lifestyle. We have chosen to outsource some household stuff so we can better enjoy our time at home with our kids, so that’s more money. We both work 50-60 hours a week very regularly, and my husband is an attorney so with trials it’s more like 80 or more for him sometimes.

I pay an average of about 1600 a month before any lessons or showing. That does include three rides a week by the trainer, because it takes me a full hour to drive to the barn, so I only get to go 2-3 times a week at best. Recently with my job being so busy it’s been more like once a week. That number does not include the cost of getting to the barn (gas and tolls) and the babysitter I have to pay for sometimes so I can be free to go sans children in tow.

With our income, there is still no way I could reasonably afford any A shows or even anything more than a one day local show. I did compete in recognized horse trials before I had the second child, and could probably swing that again if I had more time to ride and get fit. But I’m lucky in that there are so many one day options nearby, I never have to pay much for trailering or stalls at an away show.

I think the thing I’ve come to realize is just that I need to focus on enjoying what I can do and not stress about not being able to compete. My horse has recently (last 3 years) experienced a couple of big injuries that have necessitated lengthy rehabs, so I’ve been forced into that mindset a bit over time. When I ride now, I just focus on enjoying the moments I get, and when my barnmates are all leaving for a show, I enjoy the relatively empty ring. It’s taken time and a bit of acceptance to get to this point, but I can honestly say I and my horse both feel happier and far less stressed than we have in a long time. It’s not bad to have goals, but sometimes life just gets in the way and you have to change your outlook.

I know too that my years of working hard in my current career will pay off in the long run. While I can’t afford a ton of showing now, I know I will someday in the future, and I’m okay with waiting until my life is less crazy and I have more time for my horse anyway. It’s all about choices and what path you want your life to take. We have chosen to live in this area because of our careers. If we had a disabled family member, there’s no way we would move away or try to uproot them. Working 50-60 hours a week can be so taxing and if you’re trying to fit in regular rides on top of that, it can really take the fun out of it. I echo the recommendations to find a half leaser or to just try not to focus on the showing for right now. Things change and there are seasons to life. I would just try to focus on the here and now and get the enjoyment you can out of having a nice horse, a nice barn, and use it as stress relief instead of an additional stressor.

[Ponygirlmom]

Definitely check out the half lease option. There are lots of people in a similar position/experience level to you who want to ride but don’t have the resources to own a horse, especially in a high COL area. My cousin was just this sort of half lessor in her 20’s - she grew up with horses at home and riding, competed on her Ivy League college’s equestrian team for four years, then got an intense job in a very high COL area. She found a series of 1/2 and 1/3 leases that kept her riding the couple of times a week that her schedule and finances allowed. It was a great arrangement for all involved.

[punchy]

There isn’t anything magical about a 6-figure salary; it’s all relative to your location/situation.

It does sounds to me that the job is the biggest complaint you have. Your employer is understaffed and you’re picking up the extra—tell them you want a raise.

[Scribbler]

@canterplease

Not a question, just hoping others can relate

I’ve been riding in the H/J world for over 20 years. I’m in my late twenties and I live in a city in one of the more expensive parts of the country w/ my partner and no kids. I own one nice mare who I’m hoping to compete in the A/O hunters this summer.

Most my younger years, I groomed and was a working student and had a little support from my parents so that I could ride and compete here & there. This is the first year I’m fully financing a horse on my own—worked my a$$ off to be able to do it and always knew it would be tricky, but WOW is it harder than I expected.

Board + 1 lesson/week + 1 training ride/week + farrier + chiropractor + supplements = over $2200/month. That’s BEFORE showing. At a barn that does some A shows, but mostly local shows, where paying this much in board is considered more than reasonable.

I make a six-figure salary yet I still have to do 15 hrs of freelance work per week to afford horse plus (astronomical) rent, plus bills, plus student loans, throwing what I can into savings and maaaybe have enough leftover to feed myself.

I would move to a cheaper area in a heartbeat, but my partner of three years can’t leave because his father is disabled and he needs to stay nearby to check in on him every couple of days.

The real kicker is that, between the two jobs and the time it takes to get to the barn (45+ mins one way, usually stuck in traffic, at least 4-5 days per week), I have almost 0 hours remaining for, you know, sleep… or sanity. But the horse is also the one thing preserving my sanity.

The $ stress is real. The work-life balance stress is realer. But I can’t imagine living without riding, and the cost to lease a horse around here is just as bad if not worse than owning (if you want to be able to compete). How does everyone do it!?!?

sigh

I suppose I can always cut the cost of rent by moving into the stall with the mare…

I think you are in the early career squeeze that lots of riders experience. You have the cash but not the time or professional autonomy, and you may have other very pressing expenses like mortgage and student loans.

When you get a good job especially your first one or a big promotion it feels like you can finally be able to afford all the things. And you can’t. You never can.

You can’t play at a millionaire level on a salary.

I agree you need to cut back on expenses and you need to really look at your work life balance. Your current situation is not sustainable for time or cash. You csn continue riding in some form but you can’t afford to do everything you want. You need to get finances and debts under control to have lifelong stability.

Lots of people live pay cheque to pay cheque on a 6 figure salary. Lots of people save money on a modest salary. It’s not about total income but rather attitude. Yes it may feel like you deserve everything now, but noone gets everything they want or even need early in their career.

[CBoylen]

@SuzieQNutter You have some (understandable) misconceptions here. In the US, show hunters and show jumpers compete at the same competitions, and training barns generally do both. There’s no price difference between disciplines really, because you are paying all the same people at the same places. That’s why it’s grouped as h/j. Many people do both hunters and jumpers, or may do hunters OR jumpers. Someone may say it’s a h/j barn for shorthand, but no one other than a real newbie is going to tell people she “does the hunter jumpers”, because people are going to stare and ask, well, which is it?

[TheJenners]

@StormyDay

Now, I don’t know your mare or you, but do you really need a training ride every week? Does your horse really need chiro (I know i might get flamed for this but many leading vets feel it’s complete bull crap, but maybe you have seen an improvement)? Look at your supplements; are they working? Are they the best bang for your buck? Does your horse need shoes (or were you just told she does)? Can you find a cheaper barn?

A whole bunch of this…

[Xanthoria]

@Scribbler

Yes it may feel like you deserve everything now, but noone gets everything they want or even need early in their career.

One truth I believe in: you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate for.

I have seen average workers negotiate hard and manage up and get a lot, while equally talented workers sit on their hands and get nothing.

[JenEM]

@canterplease

The half lease is probably the best idea and something I’ve been pondering for a while. It only worries me a bit because my mare is only 6 and, while she’s so far along for her age, most the people in my barn who would be looking for a half lease are on the novice side and I can’t be certain what habits they’d install in her. That said, I’m sure there’s another young person out there who’s a strong rider who would love a half lease opportunity if I started actively searching.

Would even something like allowing use in a few weekly lessons by one of the trainer’s working students at least help free up some of your time and maybe make it possible to cut back on a couple of training rides per month? That might be one option to investigate–it would still be supervised ride time, and keep the horse in regular work, without you having to get out quite so often.

I live in the DC area. I’m on the “cheaper” side of DC (east not out west in $$$ Montgomery or Loudoun counties), and board at an Eventing barn. It’s not any cheaper than boarding at a decent h/j barn, though training and lesson costs are perhaps a bit less expensive, and it comes without the expectation of travel to $$$ rated shows. I know a lot of folks who have left the h/j thing for dressage or eventing, just because showing costs are so much less, and suck up so much less of their time–I’m taking my 5YO to a schooling dressage show tomorrow, and will be back home for lunch, which is not something that has ever happened with a hunter show

Frankly, a lot of the time I feel like the time balance thing is hardest as a working, commuting adult. There are only so many hours in the day, and you need to eat and sleep and spend time with your SO as well. Figuring that out is hard. Sometimes it can mean a career shift too–I changed jobs last year to one with a more regular schedule, and while it’s taken some adjustments, that has drastically decreased stress levels in my life. You’re being overworked at a startup–do you have career skills to change jobs to somewhere more established with better hours and salary?

[Scribbler]

@Xanthoria

@Scribbler

Yes it may feel like you deserve everything now, but noone gets everything they want or even need early in their career.

One truth I believe in: you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate for.

I have seen average workers negotiate hard and manage up and get a lot, while equally talented workers sit on their hands and get nothing.

This is true. Being smart about career decisions. I would worry about the extra freelance work squeezing the full time job. Unless you are able to develop higher skills in freelance that eventually pay off.

This is the wrong time to appear less than 100 per cent in with the main job. Also yes, there’s a career intelligence in how to get promotions and pay raises.

[strangewings]

Depending on the job and the freelance work, it could essentially serve as professional development. I have considered doing this to practice coding, tech writing, and foreign language skills.

[CBoylen]

And as the single horse professional, I’ll be the one to ask you if you really need that partner…

[Renn_aissance]

@canterplease

The half lease is probably the best idea and something I’ve been pondering for a while. It only worries me a bit because my mare is only 6 and, while she’s so far along for her age, most the people in my barn who would be looking for a half lease are on the novice side and I can’t be certain what habits they’d install in her. That said, I’m sure there’s another young person out there who’s a strong rider who would love a half lease opportunity if I started actively searching.

Any chance you’re in commuting distance to Hoboken, NJ? I might be able to put you in touch with somebody. You might try putting some feelers out through your trainer and local horse community. A half-lease on a nice horse is a perfect fit for another young amateur rider trying to balance work and riding, but you might need to attract that person to your barn.

By the way, I totally understand about startup culture. Sounds like my job. Digging into it when things got hellacious is the reason I’m making the salary I am- I have tripled my salary at this organization in the last 6 years- but some days at 7PM I’m repeating to myself “I work hard so my horse can have a better life.”

[SuzieQNutter]

Not for this thread as it is totally off topic but there is a world of difference between what I have seen in videos put up by hunter jumpers and the Showjumping and Jumping Equitation.

The threads I alluded to as having read on this forum is successful hunter jumpers changing to show jumping or dressage and the difficulties they have with muscle memory and how it is so different and they have found they are now actually learning to ride. Tharpt ix their words not mine.

I don’t think you could have trainers putting students in shows on drugged horses (other threads) in other disciplines. JMHO opinion and I hope I am never proved wrong.