Hi all! Hope everyone is doing well. I am slightly frazzled and looking for some wisdom.
My current trainer mainly trains hunters and thoroughbreds. While they have done a great job bringing my horse and I up in the jumpers, I would love to move to a barn with a trainer whom is more experienced with training jumpers and attends more shows. Currently, my barn only goes to small local shows and I would love to start traveling to larger, rated shows, which they do not do.
Secondly, I have had multiple issues with communication at this barn, and I am not the only one. The trainer often fails to tell clients when horses are injured and treats the injury without notifying the owner, as well as has tried to hide the injury, has used multiple privately-owned horses (including mine) for random lessons without asking and lacks the skills needed to plan schedules. This has caused me quite a bit of frustration.
However, this barn has good parts as well. It seems to be very black and white, to me. Either the management, training and atmosphere of the barn is great or it is horrendous. I also have lovely friends at the barn who are quite dear to me, and even though sometimes the trainer frustrates me, I have a very close bond with them as well. This barn has done so much for me which I will forever be thankful for, but I feel as though it may be time to part ways. The last thing I want to do is burn bridges and create hatred. The people here are frustrating, but I still love them, and the last thing I want to do is upset anyone.
I have tried a few new barns and found one I love. The horses are extremely well cared for, the facilities are gorgeous and well maintained, the trainer is super kind and they have the type of program I am looking for, and I can still afford it, which is nice. Maybe I am just overthinking, or maybe there is a deeper issue?
So, any recommendation on what to do? Thank you ahead of time for anyone who offers advice on my slight chaotic ammy-life haha! 
To me, it sounds like itās time to move.
Why are you even thinking about this? They use your horse without permission? Iād be out of there so fastā¦
Using my horse without permission and hiding injuries are 100% deal breakers for me. Iād be out of there wicked fast.
100% agree. The only caveat to that is whether there is a viable alternative that will be a better fit ā donāt want to jump out of the frying pan into the fire, as the saying goes! But if there is an alternative, Iād be gone. And you donāt have to burn bridges, and you donāt have to give all the reasons you are leaving. Just give notice, thank them, and say something like with your focus on jumpers and desire to do some different shows, you think this will be a better fit for your current needs.
NO question. Move. You have been misused, with horse welfare clearly not a priority.
Friends will stay friends, if they wont stay friends outside your barn, there is your answer
You have a desire to advance which they cannot meet.
seek the training you need and the quality of horse care you and your friend deserve.
You have ZERO responsibility to give happiness to people YOU PAY THEM TO GIVE YOU A SERVICE.
I , to this day, do not understand the eggshell stance so many horse people apply to their barn life. I would have moved the moment I learned about my horse being used without permission or the injury hiding of any horse from any owner. unethical
Yes, of course! I was lucky when this happened to me - I was already riding with a new trainer about 200 miles away at college and was able to quickly move my horse there.
Yeah, I guess I need to stop walking on eggshells around everyone and do what I feel is best for me and my horse. Thank you everyone for getting straight to the point and giving me the hard nudge I needed.
Time to move. Sounds like youāve already found a new place, so just book your stall there and give your 30d notice (or whatever contract requires). As long as you do this respectfully and without bad-mouthing them, the current barn has no justification to be jerks to you. But since barns are not always run by the most professional types, be sure to have a plan to move sooner than 30d, in case the atmosphere becomes hostile anyway despite your best efforts.
Amen
OP, giving notice can be nerve wracking. What has worked for me is āThank you so much for all of your help. Iāve really enjoyed being a client here. Sadly, Iām not able to continue boarding here. Iād like to move Dobbin by X date. I hope that is agreeable to you.āĀ
Agree with Hippo. Give your notice and as someone else said, you dont have to give a reason. Your primary reason is more advanced training and show potential.
If you start seeing issues, then move earlier, You do not have to stay the full 30 ( or whatever) days, but you will owe them their $$. You may have to pay at both places if you sense your horse is not being cared for properly.
You already describe an owner/trainer who steps over the line, so I would not be surprised if there are issues to follow. Check with your new desired barn and see if you can move there sooner rather than later.
You are a client paying for a service, you are free to change service providers for any reason you would like!
Just wanting a jumper-focused trainer and access to bigger shows is plenty of reason to leave, sometimes you simply āoutgrowā a trainer and their program. And the additional communication/care issues you describe are super concerning.
I agree with other posters that you donāt have to give a reason but in nerve-racking situations like this I like to write out my little script (āIāve really enjoyed being a client with you, but I wanted to let you know will be moving Dobbin on November 16. Please consider this my 30 day notice. Thanks so much for all your help over the years!ā) and also write out a few answers to questions/reactions I sense might come up (āIād like to start going to A shows in the spring and have decided their program is a better fit for my training goals right now,ā āItās bittersweet to be leaving but I hope you can see this as a business decision, and we can remain on good terms personally,ā) etc.
Good luck, youāve got this!
If the new barn has an immediate opening, I would line that up ASAP, assuming youāve done all your homework on that barn. Personally, I would then give current barn 30 days notice (assuming that is whatās required) and move my horse immediately, paying for the 30 days at current barn obviously. Iād rather double pay board for a month than keep my horse somewhere that hides injuries and uses my horse without my permission. Plus, I wouldnāt want to risk losing my spot at the new barn if itās that good of a fit.
If you are asking on hereā¦well, thereās your sign. Those are some serious issues.
Agree with the others. There are times when you/your horse outgrow or need another situation- it can be compounded when other issues arise like horse becoming a school horse, undisclosed injuries, etc. Sometimes itās just good to move on as soon as you give notice, but if it puts you in a financial bind, then stay and hope that all goes well. Itās ridiculous how we owners feel like our horses care could be in danger just for leaving a place but thatās the sad fact of so many facilities.
Agree, those are deal breakers. Iām not even sure why you feel the need to ask us, just leave ASAP. If you stay you are just asking for trouble.
I agree. It is like your significant other cheating on you and then lying about it.
Youāve already gotten good advice. I will add that as far as friends, you never know, some may follow you if the new place is better. I am sure others have the same issues you do. Barn folks are often transient folks. Good luck in your new barn!
I hope OP lets us know how it goes. I think threads like this are valuable. For every one there are many others reading and stuck in the same situation. Learning from others experiences
