I’m realistic too, and am aware of my horse’s shortcomings. However, I still wouldn’t enjoy light dinner conversation that centered on my horse’s shortcomings. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there are much nicer things to talk about.
It does not sound like the dinner conversation was “centered on” this horse’s short comings. It was one comment during a conversation.
[QUOTE=trubandloki;6592388]
It does not sound like the dinner conversation was “centered on” this horse’s short comings. It was one comment during a conversation.[/QUOTE]
You actually can’t tell from the OP whether or not it was one offhand comment or a whole discussion. Either way, why would a friend deliberately say something hurtful when there is zero benefit in making the statement other than to make the friend feel superior?
[QUOTE=FineAlready;6592395]
You actually can’t tell from the OP whether or not it was one offhand comment or a whole discussion. Either way, why would a friend deliberately say something hurtful when there is zero benefit in making the statement other than to make the friend feel superior?[/QUOTE]
:yes:
I, personally, bite my tongue a lot. Comments people make about their horses are just :eek: sometimes (the stopper that LOVES to jump? Really?)We have no idea how the OP talks about her horse and what the motivation of the commentor was. If it was to feel superior…well, shame on her. If she was making a statement of fact…and the OP was being sensitive, different story.
too shocked!
I would be too shocked:eek: to know what, if anything, to say to say:no:; It appears that you were not causing her or her horse pain/ harm, other than looking like competition:lol:; in which case, the problem is hers:lol:. I agree though that the urge to hit back:mad: is strong:yes:; though that would be stooping to her low/ no :no:class level:no: I think your friends’ response was great:lol:!
how the pros do it.
Two professional musicians subbing in an orchestra will look at one another and say "nice clarinet/,
oboe/bassoon/ flute or, whatever, when they shake hands and introduce themselves by first name; similarly two pro riders will pass one another and say “nice horse;)” nodding to the others’ horse and calling one another by first name; should we not also treat one another;) professionally?
the other standard greeting is “looking good”
[QUOTE=Carol Ames;6592649]
Two professional musicians subbing in an orchestra will look at one another and say "nice clarinet/, oboe/bassoon/ flute or, whatever, when they shake hands and introduce themselves by first name; similarly two pro riders will pass one another and say “nice horse;)” nodding to the others’ horse and calling one another by first name; should we not also treat one another;) professionally?[/QUOTE]
:yes: :yes:
OP says this is a “barn friend” which to me means they aren’t very close, they board at the same barn/trainer, they do or will be attending some shows together. So right there I wouldn’t be taking much offense to any of this “friend’s” comments cause they aren’t who I consider a friend…merely more of an aquaintance from being in the same riding circle.
[QUOTE=FineAlready;6592395]
You actually can’t tell from the OP whether or not it was one offhand comment or a whole discussion. Either way, why would a friend deliberately say something hurtful when there is zero benefit in making the statement other than to make the friend feel superior?[/QUOTE]
To me, the following situations are largely analogous:
-
In discussion of future attendance of horse show, which divisions to do comes up and someone says, “Well, mine will do the hunters and yours seems most suited to the eq.”
-
In discussion of future road trip, whose car to take comes up and someone says, “Well, mine gets better gas mileage so let’s take mine.” Am I supposed to go hug my Dodge Ram and say someone was insulting it? No, that mofo costs $125 to fill up, has one bench seat and no working airconditioning. Other cars are far more suitable for roadtrips. They aren’t being hurtful they are just evaluating the relative attributes of the vehicles given the intended excursion.
At that point in the conversation it is probably time to discuss which rest stops will be frequented and what hotel rather than belabor the hurt feelings of the maligned Dodge.
Gas mileage/the adult eq …different cars and different horses will have their different suitabilities. It is not an indictment.
[QUOTE=meupatdoes;6592923]
To me, the following situations are largely analogous:
-
In discussion of future attendance of horse show, which divisions to do comes up and someone says, “Well, mine will do the hunters and yours seems most suited to the eq.”
-
In discussion of future road trip, whose car to take comes up and someone says, “Well, mine gets better gas mileage so let’s take mine.” Am I supposed to go hug my Dodge Ram and say someone was insulting it? No, that mofo costs $125 to fill up, has one bench seat and no working airconditioning. Other cars are far more suitable for roadtrips. They aren’t being hurtful they are just evaluating the relative attributes of the vehicles given the intended excursion.
At that point in the conversation it is probably time to discuss which rest stops will be frequented and what hotel rather than belabor the hurt feelings of the maligned Dodge.
Gas mileage/the adult eq …different cars and different horses will have their different suitabilities. It is not an indictment.[/QUOTE]
I did not gather from the OP that the tone of the conversation was as benign as you seem to think, but I could be wrong. I did not gather that this was a conversation wherein someone simply said, “He seems like he would be good as an eq horse” and then the OP stormed off in tears. If it was as simple as you seem to think, I doubt the OP would be posting here.
We have all been there. Snarky, backhanded complements come with horses. Personally, I can do without them and the “your horse was a complete spazz and so and so thinks he needs his hocks injected and he looks to have kissing spine and on and on”…(just the spazz thing comes up with the baby). There are times I just hate being at a barn full of wanna be trainers and vets.
And really, years ago when my close friend bought her young TB I tried to tell her he had a stifle issue. She was insulted, years later she discovered through vetting at an out of town clinic that , he had a stifle issue. She told me and I realized that it would not have mattered anyway. I keep my mouth shut now because unless the horse is three legged lame, it really doesn’t matter. I just don’t share the details of my horse with horse friends anymore and it works much better.
I cut 'em off at the pass and confuse 'em.
I insult my horse with creativity and gusto. I know more about what’s wrong with him than any passerby. Nothing they can say will surprise me… but they had better not say it.
Then, I remember that my horse has no clue and lives well. He really doesn’t care, so why should I?
And last, I think about his attributes. Loser or not, the horse is cheap, doesn’t get hurt and gives love licks. Top that!
[QUOTE=SendenHorse;6592152]
I have a 14.3 hand arabian cross (dressage)… someone said something bad about him that I overheard at the horses’ first show…
later I wanted to take the ribbons and wave them in her face— ta da! 74% baby… :lol:[/QUOTE]
Greatest feeling right?! I didn’t want to offend anyone with what I said, I just chose the breeds I feel like people in this thread have gotten the most derogatory comments about in the hunter ring.
I suggest staying away from horse shows until you can learn to ignore stupid people.
BTDT. I just keep on doing what I’m doing. I love my horse, that’s all that matters. I don’t think he perfect, I just think he’s perfect for me.
I had one trainer bascially tell me to sell him the 4th time she saw him, then fire me as a client because I said no. The first 3 times was at home, and he was an angel. The 4th was the first time he’d been off the farm in 2 years and he was so upset he couldn’t be ridden. It never occurred to her that I had specifically stated that I did not expect him to settle on his first time off the farm.
Really - one bad episode for a green horse who hasn’t been off the farm in 2 years and you’re ready to throw in the towel? That’s not training, that’s ‘can only ride a made horse.’
Keep doing what you’re doing OP and just say “he’s perfect for me, and I’m having fun with him.”
[QUOTE=EuroseatTB;6590203]
well you may win the eq but your horse is no hunter (insert loud condescending laugh) and we’ll be taking the hunters[/QUOTE]
Possible responses!
“Well I couldn’t have said it better myself”
“Absolutely not, There is no way I could possibly win the Eq. You and your horse are absolutely Olympic material. I assume you are on the short list?”
“I’m sorry I didn’t hear you could you please repeat that?” (repeat statement at least 20 times).
“I seriously think you should change your horses name to Elmer Fudd!!!”
Worse insult my mare received was on COTH. Over a year ago now. I don’t post as much anymore. Never seen her in the flesh but hey whatever.
At my mare’s first show she was very confused in the warm up. It was in the middle of the 2 competition arenas. She kept trying to keep her on on everyone. So she jumped through a wing. Proud breeder moment. Anyway one producer says to my rider, “sometimes they’re just not worth it.” I didn’t know til after the fact. Anyway, a month later, same venue. Producer says to my rider, “who is the really nice blood mare?” Well mama bear was there this time. I said that’s the mare that just isn’t worth it. I’m Terri, owner and breeder. He’s been really nice ever since.
Also people can be a little rude depending on your place on the totem pole. I was always the groom for my mare at shows. My rider said something to me as I was watching the horse before us go. I didn’t here him and one of the other riders said quite snarky something about useless help these days. Another rider that knew me well said, um, that’s the owner/breeder. So snarky rider says, you know there are other trainers about that won’t make you work.
But at the end of the day I got a lot of compliments about Abba. And was always asked about her breeding ect. So the COTH’er incident only hurt for a little while.
Terri
[QUOTE=Equilibrium;6594996]
Worse insult my mare received was on COTH. Over a year ago now. I don’t post as much anymore. Never seen her in the flesh but hey whatever.
At my mare’s first show she was very confused in the warm up. It was in the middle of the 2 competition arenas. She kept trying to keep her on on everyone. So she jumped through a wing. Proud breeder moment. Anyway one producer says to my rider, “sometimes they’re just not worth it.” I didn’t know til after the fact. Anyway, a month later, same venue. Producer says to my rider, “who is the really nice blood mare?” Well mama bear was there this time. I said that’s the mare that just isn’t worth it. I’m Terri, owner and breeder. He’s been really nice ever since.
Also people can be a little rude depending on your place on the totem pole. I was always the groom for my mare at shows. My rider said something to me as I was watching the horse before us go. I didn’t here him and one of the other riders said quite snarky something about useless help these days. Another rider that knew me well said, um, that’s the owner/breeder. So snarky rider says, you know there are other trainers about that won’t make you work.
But at the end of the day I got a lot of compliments about Abba. And was always asked about her breeding ect. So the COTH’er incident only hurt for a little while.
Terri[/QUOTE]
(shrug) I stand by my comments, which were based on watching several videos. (And before you get all pitiable and victim-like, you put plenty of catty barbs in yourself.)
OTOH, people said much worse about my mare based on a single picture of her jumping 3’3", which is nothing. Those people do not know what they are talking about and will likely never breed anything half as good.
