I think the guilt occurs because you cannot imagine the horse in a happier environment. If you knew someone was dying to have your horse, the decision would be easy.
Take appropriate steps to make sure your horse is placed well in a new home and it is easier to say goodbye.
I agree; it’s always harder to imagine parting ways until a great home shows up. You don’t even have to agree to sell, just put out some feelers and see if there is an option around the corner.
It can hurt the pride to make that decision but you don’t even have to put it in the “over-horsed” terms that have a rebuke in them. Just not a good match, not really what I need right now, has more potential than I can bring out right now, all true and part of an honest assessment.
I’ve usually had enough self-preservation to come to the safer choice in time but I’ve sure ridden some horses that I should not have, for longer than I should have. I remember borrowing a very green Arab gelding for a long ride one year instead of the ol’ reliable kid horse that was also up for grabs when my usual horse was hurt. I didn’t get 50 yards up the trail before I pulled a big ol’ NOPE. Back to the kid horse, thank you very much! It meant repacking a pack horse and switching all the saddles but we all got there alive and the Arab got plenty of trail experience packing sleeping bags instead of me. Getting hurt sets you back and in the right wrong situation it gets your horse hurt or mind bent too.
No guilt in making good decisions and no shame in adjusting everyone’s sails.
If you feel like you might be overhorsed… you probably are. 
I’ve had my struggles with my coming 6 year old Westphalian mare. I got her in trade as a 2 year old, and was aware that I might be overhorsed and end up moving her on. Well, she has challenged me to bring every bit of my training skills to the table, and I’m on the edge of overhorsed, BUT: although she has lots of 'tude and is very athletic, she is also super-sensible, so I don’t worry about her really losing her crap and bolting or taking off in a bucking spree. A couple times she’s reared with me, but it was very calculated and not the kind of thing where I thought she might go over. If she didn’t have that very solid sensibility regulating her difficulty - yeah, I’d be overhorsed and would have moved her on to a pro by now.
The question I ask is ‘are you afraid the majority of the time to ride this horse?’
If the answer is yes, you are over-horsed.
Been there, unfortunately a few times.
For me, the dread of being overhorsed meant being physically sick every time I went to the barn. The thought of getting on made me vomit. It was that bad. People would laugh and say “oh I can tell you’re planning on riding today.” 
I had ‘traded’ a super athletic, 3 year old (whom I had no business buying) for a confirmed rearer who terrified me for 2 years before we parted ways. I know his behavior issues were a result of his troubled past (thanks, humans), but I could not continue and I was beyond terrified (he could rear from the canter).
I now have a talented horse who I’ve owned since he was 6 weeks old. I fell in love and fortunately he’s turned out to be the chill-est guy ever. He is unflappable in every situation and is the only horse I ever care to ride again. In addition to ring work, we hack around on the buckle, even with deer bolting by. It’s made the difference in my happiness.
I’m lucky, honestly, I wasn’t killed in those early days. I will not forgive the trainer who made the suggestion to trade purposefully to get the horse she wanted, and put me at risk. Ugh.
this is what I feel like when my young 16.3 TB goes cow sorting. Oh well… haha
On the heels of being overhorsed or not getting along with the horse how does one market this horse? If a prospective buyer asks why you are selling, do you tell them you don’t get along with him? Then the buyer thinks there is something wrong with the horse that you’re not telling them. I had this happen before. I tried to tell them I was not the right match and they weren’t buying it.
This exact scenario just played out at my barn. An older ammy adult bought a very fancy horse at a major show where he was winning top prizes. She gets the horse home and it soon became clear that it was too much horse for her. In fact, she came off twice in lessons and once at a show in a flat class. Nothing nasty. She just created situations and the horse, who’s sensitive and responsive, took advantage of it. So about 6 months after buying the horse she widely advertised him for sale.
Her ad focused on the horse’s accomplishments before she bought him. At first she also included words like, “anyone can ride” and “uncomplicated” which our trainer had her retract because: Not True. 
But the horse sold rather quickly, for a very good price, because there were recent videos of the horse being ridden well by knowledgeable riders and any trainer-to-trainer discussions explained that the horse simply wasn’t a good match for the current lady. Plus the seller was pretty forthright in saying, “He’s a great show horse… for someone else.” 
I would agree with @Paint_Party in that it’s a trainer-to-trainer discussion. They know that amateurs are, well, amateurs…and that the chemistry simply isn’t there sometimes.
For me it was when I got home from the ER with 12 staples in the back of my head, below where my helmet sat, after being dumped, and it was like a switch went off in my brain: I was done.
I’d made excuses and rationalized that a good ride was an encouraging sign that it would eventually work out. It wasn’t a good match. I called my neighbor who’d long admired my admittedly beautiful horse, and said he was for sale. My neighbor showed up 15 minutes later with a saddle, bridle, and check, and rode him home…it was such a relief.
In retrospect, I’d hung on about 18 months too long. I wasn’t having fun with him, I didn’t trust him, and I’d started making excuses why I just couldn’t ride that day. I bought a different horse, and it became fun again.
And my neighbor says he’s the best horse he’s ever owned. Win/win.
It’s hard. Especially when others can catch ride and not have issues. In addition to the great point about it not being any fun anymore, for me it’s when the trust is gone - especially the sensitive rides. Once you can’t trust them it quickly evolves into a vicious cycle -they pick up on it and it just gets worse.
The hardest part is when it’s not that they’re untrustworthy, it’s that YOU can’t trust them. Others may have absolutely zero problem. That’s definitely made me stay a lot longer than I should have. If you can’t get over your history with the horse - even if you’ve made changes to routine/gear to resolve the issues then it’s time to be done.
Horses, especially the more athletic and sensitive ones, are so good at picking up what you’re unconsciously putting out. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
“It’s not a good fit. He’s more of a sports car, and I need a station wagon.”
i might have been outhorsed when i adopted 9 mustangs, pretty much all at once, all unhandled, straight from BLM. Have gotten them all manageable but i’m only aboard one. Two are too young, one is too old, and one is too small. The others though, i should be working on more than i am. It has taken a LOT of time for me to get them gentled, but i do nothing fast. Now it’s time to bring up another one to saddle…i think i will go for the varnish appy. He’s older, 12-14 range… so time’s a-wastin~!
I ask myself this on occasion. First with my pony who I bought as a teen (and was definitely NOT a kid’s first horse…). We worked through it with the help of an amazing barn owner and a fabulous trainer (and likely some teen invincibility). She was a GO horse, luckily with an otherwise sensible brain with no buck bolt or rear and only tiny spooks. She just preferred to do everything fast. 13 years on, she still prefers to do everything fast but I trust her with my life.
Now again with young horse…more form the perspective of did I bite off more than I could chew attempting to go from unbroken, to breaker, to green on my own! Progress has been slow (but progress none the less) but sometimes I do wonder. Again, luckily she’s generally quite sensible, I think in this situation with a hot horse, I would definitely be overhorsed.
Market them honestly and price them appropriately. Some people like a challenge, or can’t afford what the same horse would cost if it could be ridden/handled by anyone.
I’ve got one like that and she is perfect for me (who wants to event) and was a terrible fit for her previous returning to rider owner. Nothing nasty just small and spicy and loves having a job.
ER trip, nerve damage, coughing up blood, being so scared I quit riding (even trail rides) for 17 years.
I had a terrible match with a POA that I refer to as my “POS POA”. I bought him to be a second riding horse for me so my (now) ex and I could trail ride together. He has supposedly done PPGs and all kinds of pony club things prior to his owner going off to college. I bought him knowing he had been sitting and had only had a few rides back.
Got him home, had a few okay rides. Trail rode him a couple times. But I made the mistake of getting sick and giving him a few weeks off. When I tried to ride him again he was having absolutely none of it and tried every trick in the book. Crow hopping, rooting his head down and stopping dead, baby rearing.
I realized I had a perfectly reasonable mare I adored that I wasn’t riding because I was trying to fix this horrible creature. I also couldn’t afford to get hurt.
I posted him for sale for a reasonable price and disclosed everything, noting that he had been a kid’s horse previously but needed some fixing that I wasn’t interested in doing. Someone requested video, so I figured I could lunge him thoroughly and try to get a brief video of riding walk trot. Most of the issues came out with the canter.
Lunged and he was remarkably quiet and pleasant. Got on and he bolted sideways, ran to the concrete pad in front of my barn (I had a very backyard setup at the time) and bucked me off as hard as he possibly could. It was deliberate and calculated. I could barely move for 3 days.
Told all interested parties exactly what happened and sold him to the first person to show up with $500 and a trailer, because I no longer cared I just wanted him gone.
I’m still not sure if I was ‘over horsed’ or if the spotted turd just hated me specifically, because the buyer had her 7yo beginner child riding him within a month. But regardless, I threw in the towel when I was missing rides on a good horse to try to fix the problem one.
Remember too that the horse might be much happier with someone else. It is not a failure on your part to move the horse along.
To start with we want the superstar that will win.
It turns out all we want is a sane horse who is sound.
By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. You may also receive promotional emails from The Chronicle of the Horse. You can opt out at any time.
For Customers
Company
Terms of Use
