Something I don’t think anyone has mentioned yet is that it almost always feels far worse than it looks.
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Thank you all for your kind and supportive comments. It is just frustrating not to be able to consistently execute something that is so very basic and foundational, and I despair ever moving beyond first level. By which I mean being able to get the connection and higher levels of the training pyramid in my tool box (not the level per se). It was the despair that occupied my brain. Mare will do what is asked of her and if you don’t ask correctly, well… you get what you asked for. LOL.
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I will generally ask if they mind if I watch their lesson. I too find watching helpful.
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Miss mare sounds like she’s EXACTLY what you need right now! And worth her weight in gold.
There’s this super fun learning curve with riding that you hit once you graduate from dead beginner to intermediate rider ready to learn nuance (outside of steering and basic ‘go and stop’ cues). The absolute basics like posting diagonals and reasonable control in the ring wtc and maybe small jumps (hunter rider here so bear with the examples) come pretty fast. Much like learning to ride a bike on pavement or some other basic skill. It’s when - GASP - you graduate to learning things like bend and inside leg/outside rein and start putting skills together that it all falls apart 
. It sounds so simple and you see other riders doing it unconsciously but LEARNING it makes you feel like you’ve regressed a million miles. You finally get ahold of that and some other skill down the road will stump you just the same - no matter your skill level. It’s a rollercoaster.
Trust me - you are doing just fine. It almost always looks worse than it feels, and everyone on the rail is either struggling with the same things, or has been where you are and REMEMBER THE STRUGGLE and are rooting for you every step of the way!
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…and even if they’re not, even if they’re teenage meangirls looking for something to snigger about, eff em.
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Our barn has the same culture where we often watch each other’s lessons (either while cooling out/ warming up our own horses, or on the bench). I must say, I have never watched a lesson and thought WHAT A TRAINWRECK - in fact, most of the time I am giving the rider a ton of credit for sticking with it, and paying close attention to how the trainer is helping them resolve the challenges for when I am inevitably in a similar situation myself one day. I’ve had plenty of lessons that went to shit (where people are watching) and accept it. I’m no pro despite riding 25 yrs+, everyone has crappy days, and we all learn from it. That being said, if you feel judged or that there are meanies on the rail, you could try talking to your trainer about how to politely clear out the peanut gang.
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I’m getting ready to show third level after achieving very satisfying scores at second.
Some days I still marvel at my inability to get my good horse to pick up trot from walk on the first request.
I’ve watched plenty of lessons, and the worst made me think “looks like they are having a rough day. Hope it works out before their next show” or whatever. No big deal. Even in my own lessons, when I everything goes great and we just touch on movements we have in progress, I consider it a “check-in” ride more so than a lesson.
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@fivestrideline Exactly! This whole journey has elements of wack-a-mole. You correct one thing and something else pops up. A continual learning curve and I get that! And, yes, this mare is a gem, albeit a highly opininiated gem who will not fail to make clear that she much prefers my trainer. LOL
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One of my trainers dealt with derogatory comments from the peanut gallery by not tolerating them. She would shoot them “ the look” and if that did not stop them just speak loudly at the offenders…
“Prince is available and we will wait for you to hop on and join the lesson”. Quite effective, even with parents.
Honestly…real riders know better then to critique, they know they are next on their horses “make rider look the fool” list .
Recall decades ago seeing one younger Adult tall, leggy, blonde, athletically gifted, financially able to acquire the best horses with the best coaches and jump at the best shows. It was a Grand Prix, in the jump off. Heard a gasp, looked up to see horse trying to stop or veer away in front of a big spread and end up jumping into the VIP tent. She stayed on. Most observers just thanked the heavens it was not them.
Somewhere theres a video of another rider ending up in the VIP tent too, it was posted on here
Sh*t happens and it could be to you so shut up about your perceived problems with the way others ride in a lesson. If you are the rider being discussed, don’t worry, the peanut gallery will soon get humiliated as we all do by horses.
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When I say I watch lessons. I do so silently. It is rude to talk to the instructor who the student is paying for and the rider is paying the instructor not the peanuts in the gallery.
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Watching lessons helps me develop my eye for what the instructor is talking about. What does the instructor mean by “your leg isn’t on” when the rider thinks it is? What does that look like? Then I can better related it to my own riding.
Also some watchers may some day become instructors by learning from another teacher.
But if I know a rider doesn’t want spectators, I will definitely stay away and respect her wishes.
Riding is supposed to be a diversion from the harsher realities of life, so imo people should be able to ride without spectators if it suits them better. I think most riders I know would also respect that request.
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This is so true and wise.
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I would change this to “Sh*t happens and it will be you at some point” 
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I just wanted to offer my sympathy and share your frustration. I didn’t have an audience at least, but had one of those lessons yesterday where I questioned why I spend so much money I can’t afford to do something I clearly have no natural ability for.
And I could feel my trainer getting frustrated that I couldn’t correct the issue either and felt like I was letting her down by not being good enough.
Honestly, if I’m watching a ride that is all going pear-shaped, I’m usually doing so to learn something anti how to prevent or fox the situation. The last thing in my mind is critiquing the rider. You are probably a much worse critic of yourself that anybody watching you is.
Horses suck and equestrian sports are dumb sometimes. If they were easy, everyone would be good at them. But at least we’re trying, right?
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So true! I just wish sometimes I wouldn’t lose basic, foundational stuff. It took me a long time to really sit a big warmblood trot, both mechanically and fitness wise. Suddenly now I’m in a place where the trot work just clicks and feels easy, and now I can’t for the life of me establish and keep a good connection in the canter. At all. Like can’t keep my schoolmaster saint of a horse on the bit at the canter. So frustrating! And I know it will click, but then I’ll probably lose all my good trot work lol.
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I only turn away from lessons when I’m upset by abuse or having eye rolling pain from goofy instruction.
We all have struggles when learning a new thing or skill. I have laughed at myself and told my instructor silly things like "yeah my hands don’t do that, or I don’t even have a left leg, stop telling me to use it!’ LAUGH at yourself.
You are making a choice to worry about or even consider who is sitting on that bench. You could choose to ignore them and put your energy into your efforts. Seriously, they have their own struggles and things that come easily to them.
Ride your horse.
That is just how life with horses goes. When you have a great ride nobody is watching but when things are going wrong everyone is there.
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FWIW, my last few lessons have also been dumpster fires. And I also cried in my last lesson. Being an older adult, who works so hard but feels incompetent…yeah, I get it, friend.
That being said, show me the person who hasn’t gone through a rough patch in their riding. We all know what you’re going through. When I watch a lesson like this, my heart goes out to the rider. What I feel is empathy, solidarity. I’ll bet others would agree. Sending jingles.
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I didn’t realize how much laughing at yourself is important!
When the very competition focused barn I was at sold, and the new people had a different focus, I found myself laughing again. I had spent so many years struggling to BE BETTER, my horse and I had forgotten to just enjoy. Heck we don’t even have to win every battle any more, we can be happy when horse and rider get it nearly right, or a little bit of try.
So yes, laughing, leads to breathing, leads to relaxing, life is good.
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LOL! That’s exactly how I feel right now - although I am riding a fairly green Tb. I’ve been riding her for about a month, and we just got over her tenseness - girafe-ness in trot. We now have a nice connection most of the time (lol) and she is relaxed. So now we’re on to the canter - and it all just goes all out the window! Tense, stiff, no connection, hurried strides, obviously not happy. Just like she was at the trot when I first started riding her. We just have to work on it, I think, until she realizes it’s no big deal, and relaxes into it.
But sheesh - after riding the same horse for 20+ years, I feel like a beginner on this one - trying to keep my leg under me, trying to NOT lean in the circle, trying to let go of that left rein (all these pointed out by my instructor in our last lesson!)
So yes, I get it…
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