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Why do you ride if you are scared?

Hunter/Jumper
#1

Ok, so let me start by saying this is a question I have had for some time now and it comes not from a place of judgment, but from genuine curiosity. I know people ride for all sorts of reasons and I do not care if someone rides or not, or how they ride, if they jump and how high, or if they only walk trot, whatever. I ride for my own reasons, other people ride for their own reasons, and it’s all fine.

However, I am really wondering why so many people do seem to be fearful (not to bring up Katie Prudent again!) and yet still choose to ride. I ask because I simply don’t do things under saddle that I feel scared doing, and I am wondering why other people seem to be afraid and yet still ride. I like to challenge myself, and push past my comfort zone, but if something makes me nauseous to even think about doing, I simply don’t do it.

For example, I will not go over big XC fences because they scare me. I broke my collarbone jumping a triple log thing many years ago and it just stuck with me. I will jump all sorts of large jumps in a ring (and I can handle small things on XC), but despite the fact that one of my horses and nearly all of my barnmates event, I don’t do it myself. I don’t like the feeling of being scared and I don’t want to pass that along to whatever horse I am riding. I am very brave in pretty much every other way on a horse, so I figure: why pursue the one aspect of the sport that makes me scared?

So: if you are afraid to ride/jump/canter/compete/whatever, would you mind sharing why you still choose to do it? Again, I am not judging, it is simply that I do not do things that are supposed to be fun that instead frighten me and I have always wondered what it is that pushes people to ride when they don’t seem to be enjoying it. I imagine ego and the natural desire to want to push past fear play big roles, but I’m interested to hear people’s thoughts on this question.

#2

Maybe I’m reading your post wrong, but I think some of what you are terming “fear” is actually nerves. Most athletes that compete or do something for the first (or 10th) time will be nervous for whatever reason. I tend to think fear stops people from doing something, nerves keep them more tuned to the situation.

4 Likes
#3

It depends on why I am scared and how that fear impacts the rest of my riding plans.

I had a fall after a jump in college that was not so bad physically and was not immediately bad mentally, but when I took a short break from riding and then went home, fear came crashing down on me. Hard.

My trainer asked me to walk over a ground pole and I had a full-on panic attack.

I told my trainer I never wanted to jump again, but we both knew I had to get through my fear of ground poles. I knew that wasn’t totally rational, and I also knew that if I didn’t work through it that I was tossing a super valuable tool out of my toolbox and limiting the entire rest of my riding career. I was ok with limiting myself by not jumping, but not with ground poles.

So yes, for weeks and months I had unfun rides where I panicked over every ground pole. And then I stopped panicking. And now ground poles and I are great friends and I use then in almost every ride I do.

And because I made myself work through that fear, I’ve also gotten to a point where once or twice a year I’ll trot over a little X and don’t panic about that, either. I’m still not sure I want to jump, but I’m starting to like the idea of jumping. That door wouldn’t even be open if I hadn’t worked through my ground pole fear.

For me, if I’m doing something I’m afraid to do, it’s not because of my ego or because I’m conquering the fear for the sake of conquering it. It’s because the long-term rewards are greater than the immediate challenges of finding a way to deal with and work through the fear.

6 Likes
#4

A big thing for me has been showing. I can do ANYTHING at home when no one is watching or when it is just me and my trainer or friends. I grew up showing and was even working the AA circuit down at WEF, but just this past year when I met my boyfriend, I didn’t show for an entire year and the next time I went to a schooling show I was so nervous I almost threw up. Before that, I showed almost every weekend with my mom mostly because I loved spending time with her and since she lives an hour and a half away, it was my way of getting her up here and having fun with her.

My horse is super looky and really requires a lot of leg, but he is fancy and FUN. He is just difficult enough to make showing a project rather than something fun. I have been somewhat successful with him and I put a lot of pressure on myself to do well and win. I feel like if I mess up people will judge and I hate that which is completely ridiculous because I could care less what others think in all other aspects of life. I am naturally one of those I don’t care people, so this is very frustrating to me.

I also think that as we get older, we tend to be more wise in terms of self preservation. I also work a full time job and ride almost every day before or after work so when the weekend comes, I don’t have the desire to show anymore. I now want to relax and be with my SO who is very supportive of my sport. I will occasionally pop out to a local schooling show, but I have realized that I much rather spend the day with my horse doing fun jump exercises at home. It is what I really love to do and I am ok with that now.

I am very proud that I can come to my own realization about this and not pressure myself anymore. I am just much happier! If I feel like getting up and showing I will, but I don’t sit down and schedule them anymore. :slight_smile:

1 Like
#5

Sometimes you really do want to do something but you have to work through your fear. It can be fear of something new, or fear of something you used to be able to do after an accident or injury. Many times it is situational to one specific gait, task, horse, etc. Usually by breaking it down into smaller steps, practicing, and improving over time you can build up confidence and destroy the fear.

Now if someone is truly fearful of something to the point that they spend months or years trying to do it and never improve and are still scared, it may be time to find a more suitable discipline or horse or a different hobby entirely. I think sometimes people get stuck in a rut and continue doing something because they consider it part of their identity, even though it no longer brings them any pleasure and may actually bring them fear and anxiety.

3 Likes
#6

When I was 7, I was on a horse, it spooked and bolted. ( a donkey came up behind it.) I was hanging on for dear life. I was so shocked when I finally got off, I couldn’t speak. I was so surprised because I wasn’t expecting that. I still loved horses, but when I got back on a horse, I was a nervous wreck. I have overcome my fear now, and I am a confident rider. I was scared but I still wanted to ride, because I was determined to conquer my fear. I am so glad I got back on and continued. Horses are my life now.

#7

Because the pleasure and satisfaction I derive from riding is much, much greater than the fear I experience after I have a bad fall. It has nothing to do with my ego, but it does have to do with growing as a person and not letting fear limit my experiences. I don’t compete and don’t care if anyone criticizes my riding. I keep riding because I love it, and I love my horse.

3 Likes
#8

Because there are varying degrees of fear, many of which can be overcome. If I experienced sheer terror, yeah, I wouldn’t ride. But after taking a 7 year break, when I came back, I had nerves/fear about jumping because I hadn’t done it in so long and was afraid I might screw it up, and didn’t want to come off. But I also knew that I knew how to do it, and the horse I was riding was totally safe, and I just needed to get my comfort level back. So, in that situation fear was certainly not a reason to give up jumping forever, I just needed practice.

Also, I think some people attribute “fear” to decisions made out of something that is more akin to risk assessment. If you know you don’t ride enough or aren’t accurate enough to not miss at 3’6" or higher, you might decide it is not worth putting you or your horse at risk of the consequences of that mistake, even if it wasn’t really “fear” driving that decision. Nothing wrong with sticking within your comfort zone, and I will never understand why some people care what other people’s comfort zone is – it is supposed to be fun!

1 Like
#9

I am also very interested in this question, because I know a number of people who, by their own admission, feel fear pretty much all the time they are on horseback. They have good mannered, well trained horses that have not done anything to cause the fear.

Some of them have had falls, (thankfully, not bad ones) but the fear was in place before they fell, and they continue to ride. Some of them compete.

I’ve been riding since early childhood and am very much at home on a horse. I think I can tell nervousness from fear, at least in myself. I’ve been (very!!) nervous at shows, and have felt fear upon remounting after a dirty fall, especially if, due to injury, the remount was not immediately after the fall. I have had falls that resulted in concussions and broken bones, but on returning to riding, the fear has always been gone within one or two rides. My point is that I totally understand the fear we have after an fall or injury, and the resolve to overcome it and return to the sport we enjoy.

What I’m interested in is, for riders who always feel fear while riding regardless of their history and experience, what is the incentive to continue in this particular activity?

(And for the record, I am NOT super brave and there are whole piles of things I DON’T do because they scare the bejeezus out of me. Starting with rollercoasters and going on from there.)

#10

I think as many have mentioned that there are varying degrees of fear. There is no way I would want to do cross country jumps and I will probably never try to conquer that fear. However I take things a day at a time. I get nervous every time I have a lesson and show because It is a challenge. When I ride by myself I do jump but don’t push myself like my trainer does. A couple reason that I “ride through the fear” 1: I trust that my trainer would not have me jump or do something she did not think I and my horse are capable of. 2: I know that once I do it usually the feeling of doing it well feels so good! For instance my mare has been stopping at jumps and spooky lately causing me to have several falls. I was nervous an scared going in to show so bad that I felt nauseous. But again I knew that 1) I have done it before 2) my trainer wouldn’t have me do it if she though I wasn’t capable 3) that feeling and smile you can’t wipe off after a really good round.

But mostly I know that my fear is based off of my comfort zone. I think to become a better rider I have to push past those moments knowing that I am capable but just need some practice to get comfortable.

#11

I know lots of people who have nerves and self preservation. I have that depending on how my horse is going on a particular day.

I also know a few people who have a genuine fear of certain things. My mom got dumped from a horse on a gravel road, she thinks a deer or something moved in the bush but it all happened so fast. She broke her collarbone and now she’s afraid to ride on the road. She’ll go for a hack, she’ll go x-c schooling, etc. but she’ll likely never ride a horse on the road again. She said not only was it like falling on pavement, but she had visions of her and the horse getting hit by a car as she was falling ( think The Horse Whisperer).

I know two other women who are scared to jump. One started riding as an adult and after a couple years of jumping cross rails finally said she would be much happier just doing dressage and going for a hack. No one judged her for it. She had her daughters older childrens hunter and the mare was spoiled rotten, I doubt she cared that she never jumped again.
The other woman is maybe the kind of fear that the OP is referring too. When she was a junior she was fearless, she jumped 3’6" bareback, etc. She bought a mare as a foal and that was the only horse she owned until the mare died at 32. While she never got out of horses during that time she didn’t have the money to lease or take many lessons while she had her old one so she didn’t really ride or jump for about 10 years. When she came back to it she knew she could physically jump around a 3’ course (she had beautiful equitation and a good eye over small jumps), but anything bigger then 2’3" resulted in her pulling without even realizing, resulting in lots of chipping and adding down the lines. Then it was a snowball effect. Because of her ego or pride she couldn’t give up jumping so unfortunately it got to the point where she dreaded coming out for lessons and she quit all together.

#12

Right now I ride with nerves. I took a long break (5 years) from riding competitively. I now have a new horse, a mortgage, and a real job. I cannot afford to get hurt and miss work.

I don’t experience sheer terror while riding but there’s an element of nerves that I didn’t experience before. I’m getting more comfortable on my new horse and the nerves are subsiding from. I thoroughly enjoy riding and it’s not bad enough to make me stop. I know the nerves will get better with time but will probably never go away completely.

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#13

I have a phobia of heights. So I’m not going skydiving, because there’s no need, but when I’m feeling illogical anxiety on the escalator in the mall, where I logically know I’m fine, I push through that silly fear.

So for me, it’s a matter of “risk management.” If the fear is not proportional to the actual risk, and I know that I want to do whatever activity - be it jumping, or going out on a trail alone on a decent horse - I’ll work through the pros/cons and make the decision that is logical.

I’m not an adrenaline junkie, and I don’t think I’d “die happy” if I died jumping a 4’ XC obstacle, lol. I don’t want to die anytime soon! It’s really a matter of the legitimacy of the fear and the desire to do the activity that pushes one to overcome our brain’s ability to be silly at times. You likely won’t die at a show if you do more challenging things at home, and the horse isn’t really spooky. But ultimately, if it’s just not fun because you are fighting nerves, why bother? Feels like an equation of some sort:
Desire to ride - (actual risk - perceived risk) = riding

#14

George Morris frequently talks about mental fear and physical fear. Mental fear is nervousness, or being afraid of making a mistake, or feeling incapable, etc. Physical fear is being afraid of getting hurt. As we get older, we all have more physical fear. We know we aren’t as limber and resilient as we used to be. If you have had a fall where you have gotten hurt, then you will also have more physical fear about it happening again. https://www.horsejournals.com/riding-training/english/hunter-jumper/psychology-george-morris

I think there’s at least a little bit of both in every rider. His upbringing and response is to face it, go out of your comfort zone. That’s been required for him to reach his goals. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with setting goals that are more in your comfort zone/manageable. I’m way too chicken to ever be an eventer, I also get nervous riding a lot of green horses, but I can manage that nervousness better.

#15

Yes, this is what I am really talking about- not nerves. I understand those! I get show nerves nearly every time, which persist until I walk the first course and then they usually go away. But, I love competing- if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have the horse I have, and I wouldn’t do it. So, I am talking about those of us who do not seem to enjoy competing because they are afraid, yet they do so, or do not seem to enjoy riding yet they do it.

At any rate, thanks to those who have shared their stories and thoughts on this- and let me add that I admire anyone who has had a bad accident or scare and decides to get back on, for whatever reason. I was simply curious about the reasons, and I appreciate people chiming in. I guess love of horses is primary, and then everything else follows.

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#16

Oh, and to clarify- when I used the word “ego” as a potential reason, that wasn’t meant in a pejorative way. My ego often pushes me to do things that I otherwise wouldn’t, and this is often a good thing, but can be a bad thing. I’m many years past the point that I will throw a leg over any old donkey to show that I can do it, but certainly I have a bit of that pride still in me.

#17

My fears are almost always performance-related “nerves” rather than fear for my (or my horse’s) physical well-being and safety. I ride through challenges in order to get over those nerve-related fears (fear of disappointing myself or others, fear of embarrassment when chipping in at a single oxer, etc.). I won’t ride if my relatively capable brain really thinks I or my horse are overfaced. Having that decent brain, though, and a trainer with a similarly decent brain and sense of responsibility, I don’t recall the last time I was in that position in the saddle.

I have two little kids, a husband, and a life I love; these are too valuable to allow for my taking flagrant risks with my personal safety. In fact, I don’t know many people who routinely ride terrified-- at least not adults. The sport is too expensive to pursue unless you actually enjoy it, and white-knuckling around the ring isn’t most people’s idea of a good time. I saw some truth in what Katie wrote, but maybe in this regard (and others) she just hangs with a different crowd than I do.

#18

I have bad depression and anxiety and currently own a horse who is a big and bolshy. The funny thing is when he’s being good, such as when we are walking away from his paddock, my mind fills with what ifs, doubts and concerns. When he is actually being badly behaved, I relax and think ‘I’m good, I know what to do, everything is fine’.

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