Unlimited access >

Why I feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman

This is all totally reasonable, but I can see how leading with this might give off a little bit of a high maintenance vibe. (Even though it sounds like you’re really the opposite!) An intro that’s basically “Hi, I’m an adult former eventer getting back in the saddle, I want to try hunters” might be an easy conversation starter.

A couple of things I might gloss over in the introduction phase if I were you, because I don’t think they’re actually of much consequence once you find a trainer and could instead lead to a needless hang up:
1 - Specific timeline on lessons vs. leasing. It’ll probably work out to take a few months from getting a couple lessons in with a trainer to finding you an actual lease horse, and a trainer might think you’re really a lesson-only client dreaming of the prospect of leasing even though it’s out of your budget or true interest.
2 - Buying a horse, ever. Life is long, you never know! :smile:
3 - Relocating in a few years. It’s is a totally fine chunk of time to be with one trainer, but I wouldn’t sell yourself as a short term client from the get go. Nobody will be mad if you move in 3 years and didn’t tell them your plans now.

I think you’re actually a totally normal client for many H/J barns, at least in my experience. Coming back from a long break, want to ride a few days a week, lease, show a little, have a good time - you’d fit right into the adult ammy group of many barns I know. (But they’re on the west coast, sorry!)

Also, waiting lists are a good sign! Join them! Sometimes they turn over quickly for no particular reason.

21 Likes

@SweetMutt ah I had skipped over the list of nos. I agree, that’s a lot to shove at a coach right off the bat.

I would say less. Much less. “I am a returning rider, I’d like lessons 2 or 3 times a week in the evenings/weekends.” If the trainer asks about goals, say: I want to get back to feeling really comfortable and confident, and see where it takes me.

I was a good self taught feral teen rider, Western and English. When I went back to lessons twice a week in my 40s, it took me two years to feel like I could ride totally independently walk trot canter and that I was ready to lease. My lessons were near my jobsite, so I started looking for a lease nearer my home, with trail access, which lead me away from the initial h/j barn. I kept up lessons there for 5 years total, then was off with an injury and ended up just concentrating on lease horse.

I doubted I could afford a horse or board at the start, and certainly did not expect I would revert back to being a horse crazy 11 year old who needed to be at the barn every day. I never dreamed I’d own a second hand F250 and a straight haul bumper pull. I had no idea there was this gem of a suburban riding club and that I would move into a condo a 7 minute drive away. I had no idea there was such a thing as horse camping. Etc.

Go do the lessons with no expectations except that every day, you fulfill your love of horses and improve your skills incrementally. I’m a slow learner of physical skills. I accept this, because I know I can get them eventually. Also it turns out I have good timing and intuition for ground work. I had no idea that existed either.

OP once you get on a lesson horse you will likely feel like I did. One, that it’s the most wonderful thing in the world and you’ve finally come home. And two, that you have forgotten everything you thought you knew and are riding like a sack of potatoes. So check your ego at the door, and accept it’s a process. If you let the process shape your experience, you will end up in the right horse situation for you at that time. There will be opportunities you didn’t know existed, your home and jobsite could change, etc.

As far as showing, there are many many tiers of shows, and you can certainly stay at local or schooling shows. There is absolutely no reason that horses need to be hard wired to competing on the most expensive A level winter circuits. Most people do not do that. You will find your niche eventually.

21 Likes

Honestly this is probably why you’re having problems. You’re coming in with a big list of negatives rather than telling them what you want in a positive way. When you were asked what you did want, you didn’t have an answer for them. As other have said, spin this into something positive when you’re contacting folks, because most of what you want is positive–"I’m an adult re-rider looking to do 2-3 lessons a week, which I’d love to turn into leasing or part-leasing something in the next six months once I get confident in my riding again. I’m looking for a barn that teaches here year round rather than going south in the winter." I wouldn’t even mention budget, because for almost anywhere in this area except the huge show barns that go south all winter, that is more than healthy.

I’m not as familiar with the eastern shore of MD, but I know Breezy Run farm hosts some local shows, and Nancy Ashway who is a judge is based out of Country Comfort Farm on the eastern shore. Those might be places I’d start looking if you can go into MD. I’m sure there are other options into DE and PA but I’m just not as familiar; if you can get to the Fair Hill area, I’m sure you can find somewhere to take lessons!

17 Likes

I think this is the real issue–as someone who decided to leave a lesson-y type barn that wasn’t meeting my needs (and unfortunately, kind of going downhill) and went looking as a horseless rider, it’s really hard to find barns. And I appreciate why–it’s hard to maintain school horses.

Right now, barns with any type of a program are focusing on making money from clients that are currently legged up, leasing, and showing. Going to a non-show barn is obviously an option, but, again, in my area such barns are either closing or just don’t offer even halfway decent instruction.

I’m at a dressage barn now–I don’t show, but it has been crazy, CRAZY busy this summer and definitely harder to get saddle time. The weather hasn’t helped.

I agree, keep looking, join some local horse Facebook groups, keep an eye on barn names and local shows. Send out an email that is just, “I’m a rerider, used to event, looking to get back in the saddle riding hunter/jumper. Do you offer lessons to people who don’t own their own horses. I am looking to lease eventually and hopefully show.”

Remember that trainers are reading emails or texts on their phone between lessons, versus sitting down with a cup of coffee, leisurely writing in front of a computer!

ETA: I reread your initial post regarding never wanting to own–it might even be as simple as the barns you have contacted don’t have school horses (not unusual at a show barn) and currently don’t have leases available for someone at your level. So they don’t respond because they don’t meet your specified needs. Or they might have all coveted lesson slots during adult working hours filled. While it might seem more polite to respond, “sorry, can’t help you,” quite often if someone doesn’t want your business, they don’t. When I was emailing, looking for barns, most people didn’t respond, but a couple (after I’d already finally found a place), sent me an email when a slot had opened up MONTHS later. I was surprised, but I guess they just filed my name away and/or needed the extra income.

3 Likes

Your budget is certainly not the problem. I also agree that your list of negatives is probably scaring away trainers. But also, wherever you are, the top trainers in the area are going to gear their program to individuals who own or lease. It’s just more profitable, long term. If you teach people on their own horses, you don’t have to worry about vet bills and the enormous cost to purchase high quality horses for lessons. (It can be so enormously difficult to find horses who are both talented for a show program, safe, and can put up with teaching lessons. Those are 100k horses, and most people selling know that)

So I think you need to decide which is more important to you; not owning/leasing, or not being at a lesson barn.

Riding 3x a week is more than enough to own or lease. Most trainers will do a full program where your horse is ridden 2x weekly by a trainer anyways, so that would be 5x a week being ridden. There’s probably programs that do not go south in the winter in your area; but even if the program you choose does there are usually some clients who stay north each year. Sometimes the trainer schedules a few times a month to come back up to teach those clients, and sometimes they just take a winter break. Most trainers will have zero issues with you wanting to stay in the under 3ft; heck, for Hunter trainers that’s most of their clients.

As far as lesson barns; yeah, it’s probably going to be a lesson mill. It’s just the name of the game to stay profitable. You can pay for private lessons so you aren’t riding with kids. In most programs they don’t have the horses to have you doing anything more difficult than about 2ft, because the injury and wear risk goes up. But, the good part with lesson barns is there’s zero commitment; which sounds like maybe that’s important to you.

3 Likes

I’m sort of semi in your area, although I do event and not show. I do think there are barns out there though! There are a lot of barns that mostly/exclusively show at local series and point toward the Colonial Classic-- Fox Crossing and Second Nature Farm in Cochranville, Cold Spring Farm in Oxford, and Epona Stable in Elkton are the only ones I can think of off the top of my head but there are many others! Maybe try having a look at some of the local shows and talking to people there, too. I know the Triangle series shows are local and low key, and Chester County Horse Show Association is slightly fancier. I have had good luck fb messaging barns rather than emailing and at least you can tell if your message was opened. I also wouldn’t discount trying somewhere that is more dressage and eventing oriented at least to start, there are lots of CTs locally and our GMO, DVCTA even has year end awards for them with a little final show. Somewhere like Blue Goose Stable in Cochranville would be good if you decide to go that route.

2 Likes

Hi! Have you tried Owl Ridge? Diane Little? Shadow Creek? I’m in southern Chester Co, so very close to you, we event, but I see things posted for adult ammy’s at those barns? good luck with your search!
Editing to add, feel free to DM me! Diana

1 Like

First, I just want to say welcome! It is a little challenging to enter the equestrian world really at any point in life. But it can be amazing fun and I think you have selected well in considering the h/j discipline. From reading your posts, I do not think eventing would be a good fit, nor dressage.

The reason you are not getting a lot of responses is this. Most h/j barns / equestrian businesses succeed by choosing clients that really fit with their program. It’s nothing personal, but most barns/trainers get TONS of cold calls/emails from random people so it’s largely a waste of time for good, established barns to spend time talking to prospective customers on the phone or responding to emails. Yes, this does make it a little weird/difficult for a new client to make the connection.

There are a couple of ways to go about this. To start, it’s okay to be politely persistent. Phone calls and texts are fine, sometimes better than email. As another poster pointed out, the script should be something like: “Hi, I wanted to reach out about your program. I’m an adult, intermediate ability, and looking for both lessons and assistance shopping for an appropriate lease.”

You don’t need to mention your schedule. Trust me, many of us adult amateurs have crazy schedules. If a trainer asks you your goals, here’s a place to explain that you have X years of riding experience, but h/j showing would be a new, so you realize you would need to start small, but hopefully with time you would like to progress to the 2’6" divisions. And you also can explain that you feel that leasing would be be the best way to go to give you the most flexibility in having a suitable horse to start with.

These may not be your exact goals–and you can change out the wording–but I think it is important to demonstrate that you have some understanding of the discipline and that you are a realistic, reasonable person looking for guidance.

You can also try connecting via social media, or if you have any friends in the h/j world you can use them as a connection.

One last point, unless you have health issues, your age is not an issue. There’s no reason you can’t do this. And you are correct in knowing that you need a good trainer and a suitable horse as those are the key ingredients.

3 Likes

Driving must have changed quite a bit because I would not describe it as a welcoming or friendly crowd :grimacing: I drove as a teen and tried again about 15 years ago. It was just as snobby as I remembered. And I say this as a person who is pretty firmly ensconced in hunter world.

OP, I’m in your general neck of the woods. There are most definitely barns in the area who would love to meet you and where you would fit right in. Like several others have said, I think maybe leading with the stuff you are looking for rather than defending the things that won’t work for you may give you better results.

Even if you feel like you “don’t fit,” act like you’re 18 with a fake ID - if you’re confident, no one will ever know that you feel like you don’t really belong there. Next thing you know, you’ll wonder why you ever felt like that…

6 Likes

I agree with what others have said. First, you need to frame your needs as positive rather than negative. MOST of us working adults can only get out to the barn a few days a week and at later hours. MOST of us want a program that will stay north in the winter (because the reality is, despite appearances, MOST people cannot afford, in either time or money to go south), and ALL of us want a program that will help us meet our goals.

The next thing you need to do is establish some short-term goals. They can be anything from “be able to jump a full 2’6 course” to “show in the adult equitation” to “find a barn with a good group of adults with similar interests.”

Showing is fun, but only if you are comfortable with the job (relatively, we all like to push ourselves here and there), feel confident with your mount, trust your trainer, and have a group of friends you enjoy showing with. From what I can tell, you have none of those things yet, so showing might be more of a long term goal.

I would be VERY surprised if there were no barns in your area that could meet your needs. I live in Maryland, not very far away. Maryland, Delaware, and Pennsylvania all have pretty healthy local show type barns. Most of those barns have a mix of owners/leasors with busy schedules. They may not have upper level lesson horses, but there are good odds that they have lease horses available (or know where to find them) that would fit your bill. If you were around here, I could easily think of half a dozen barns that would more than meet your needs. This leads me to believe that it exists in your area as well. I know that where I live, we have some really nice local shows, so it’s not exactly like we are forced to slum it. You are also well-placed to get to some nicer rated shows when you are ready.

I myself am an adult who is pretty accomplished, and I ride with a “lesson barn”. I love it, we do all kinds of fun stuff, we have a small group of ammys who are friendly and supportive, and the kids at our barn are pretty great. We make it to 1-2 “big shows” a year, and enjoy the local shows and clinics the rest of the time.

I would recommend identifying some barns that look promising, calling them and asking if you can stop by and visit. See if you can get a “trial lesson” or 2. Let them tell you about their program (aka, let them sell to you a bit), and when they ask, it’s ok to be a little vague and say “I’m a novice rider looking to get more comfortable in a new discipline. It is important to me to find a program that will help me grow, has some friendly riders in the barn, and can help me find a lease horse that I can eventually show.”

Good luck, I hope you will keep us posted!

5 Likes

I think there are some options in your area. A friend of mine was looking for something similar when she relocated to that area (but maybe too far into PA from where you are) and the horse she had needed to be retired. Having to do lessons only at first is probably what is holding you back. Almost programs cannot maintain their own lesson horses anymore. But there are some who have very nice horses available for month to month lease or half lease. My friend leased a nice, older hunter to get herself going again for a year before buying a new horse. Some programs in my area specialize on half leases. You can’t get 2-3x a week lessons with them without the lease.

If you can find a lease that has good exit terms (e.g., month to month) and if you can do some test rides/lessons on those available before choosing which one to lease, then at the end of the day it won’t be different than just taking lessons except in price, as you will cover more of the care costs versus the barn with a lesson horse. But that is just the reality of the times …most barns aren’t maintaining lesson horses at all. But they may have another rider who can only come out a couple of times a week, and the horse is getting leased out because either the owner is that person with limited time or the horse needs a step down job and has the training and temperament to handle green riders.

I think if you approach the barn saying this is what I’m looking for—a partial lease situation with lessons on a 2-3x a week basis for now and some shows in this area when you’re ready—that will look better than a list of things you cannot do.

4 Likes

I suspect that this right here is why you are having no luck getting people to return your inquiries. You are looking for something that doesn’t exist in any capacity - a top program with experienced trainers who show competitively on the A circuit, but who also have a school horse program, so you can dip your toes in the water and see if you even really want to do it. And not just any school horse program, a school horse program where there are no kids and the lessons are taught by the older experienced trainers.

Even at a training barn that might have a lesson program, those experienced trainers don’t teach the riding school lessons. And most likely the program and school horses are geared to kids who will move up to leasing and showing pretty quickly.

Add on all your other requirements and frankly, I wouldn’t call you back either other than to say “sorry but we don’t have what you are looking for.”

If you want to ride with a good experienced trainer, you’ll likely need to commit to a half lease, even if month-to-month, after a couple of introductory lessons. Horses of the caliber it seems you are looking for are not kept as schoolies… they are too expensive to purchase and maintain for that purpose, and even without purchase price, there’s no way to make a profit at it unless they are used multiple times a day for lessons. Good programs don’t do that.

9 Likes

I agree with those who say you are probably over-sharing on the don’t-want list on the front end, even though you are just trying to be realistic. When I started looking for a barn, I had been out of the tack for 10+ years, and I did not own a horse. I reached out to trainers and told them I was looking for a place to start back riding and was looking for someone who had something they could teach me a few lessons on so that we could make sure that a) I really did want to get back into it and b) that it was a good fit, and assuming it was I would then be interested in finding a lease or half-lease situation. I found that most trainers understood that. The place I started at let me lesson on a client’s horse that I then ended up leasing, he was such a good boy! The program didn’t turn out to be the right fit long term, but it got me back in the tack and helped me figure out what I wanted longer term, and that I really did want to stick with riding! So maybe try an approach like that, with fewer details, and see what you can find!

I also think the suggestion of checking out some of the local show circuits and seeing which trainers’ horses appear well-kept and riders seem to be competent and observe the coaching styles. Maybe someone’s program will catch your eye! Good luck!

6 Likes

OP, break your problem down into sections and tackle them one at a time.

First problem: You want to get back into riding and figure out if H/J is what you want to do.
Solution: Sign up for lessons at a reputable lesson barn and do that long enough to determine if you want to get more serious about it. Yes, there will be kids. No, you won’t be taught by the trainer that’s taking anyone to Florida for the winter. That’s not relevant to Problem #1.

Second Problem: You want to lease a horse and ride/show in a program where you ride 3x per week and don’t spend the winter in Florida.
Solution: After you’ve decided that Hunter world is where you really want to be, you research the A level trainers in your area (great idea to hang out at the shows in your region and observe) and approach them with your plan of leasing and showing with a $100,000 budget to do so. Do not get into the weeds about lesson schedule details and how many weeks you can realistically spend in Florida or how long you’ll be in the area before you’re transferred.

Third Problem: You don’t have well thought out goals.
Solution: Sit down and figure out what you want to be doing with your riding in six months, in a year, in two years and be prepared to articulate those goals to the professional who is supposed to be tasked with guiding you to reach those goals. Don’t expect them to take you seriously as a potential client if you don’t know where you want to go with your riding. The type of trainer you say you want does not take “casual” riders.

Good luck!

14 Likes

Yes to this. I would only add that it’s hard to set realistic goals before you dip your toe in the water.

Find a safe competent lesson barn and take basic flat lessons for a couple of months. That’s only about 25 hours in the tack.

Then evaluate. One: do you still love it? If so continue. Two: what’s your skill level? Are you on track to start jumping safely? Or do you need more saddle time? Three: what’s your confidence level? Are you going to feel safe riding a big canter and jumping lines?

I was a good self taught teen rider but never jumped much. When I returned to lessons I could still post and sit a huge spook on a TB on a cold winter day :slight_smile: but many things were brand new to me: outside rein, two point, the precision of a 20 meter circle. I was even holding the reins wrong. I found the lesson horses very hard to ride!! They got easier as I improved.

So depending on your residual skills and inherent athleticism fitness and courage, you might be jumping 2 feet in six months, or you might take 2 years to get to that point, and decide it still feels too scary and you really want to do dressage or working eq or back country trail riding or cattle penning.

Dont set arbitrary timelines that can result in disappointment and self criticism. Jump in, do lessons for a year and see where you are

It might be a good idea to aim to start in September when the summer camps and local shows are over.

5 Likes

But it DOES exist. One of the foremost HJ trainers in the country is inviting potential students to tour her barn and receive instruction from her on a lesson horse.

That’s the reason I even began this search. I saw the instagram posting and assumed that if someone of her caliber and reputation is offering this service, surely other trainers must be doing the same.

What trainers post for good PR on Instagram is often very different from what is the reality, alas! There’s a great deal of pressure to make the sport look more accessible, even at the top levels, but that’s just not the reality.

About 5-7 years ago, at a large lower level show barn (one that didn’t go to Florida, but mainly did local rated shows and occasionally a week away at Vermont in the summer) I rode at for a bit, there were exactly two horses for intro lessons–one 13h pony for kids and an elderly 16h horse for adults. After a month or so (or less) of weekly lessons, riders were expected to half-lease a horse (3 days a week, with a lesson once a week) and attend occasional shows. This was before things got so crazy with the economy post-COVID and inflation spiking. I’m not even sure if that barn has the larger lesson horse anymore, maybe just one pony to allow kids to try out riding before committing to a full program.

6 Likes

I agree, this is an initiative specific to this trainer and may be geared to finding clients already riding at a high level on their own horse.

It’s also not what you need now. And to me it’s a bit of a red flag that your desire to ride again was sparked by the idea you could get into a “high class” barn right at the start.

Top rated trainers with a show focus, whose bread and butter is juniors with wealthy parents, just aren’t a good match for a timid adult returning rider with holes in their skillset. Not at the start. You need a low key place with a coach who values you as a client and will take the time to help you rebuild your skills and gain confidence.

Speaking from personal experience I take a longer time to master physical skills than some and I am not confident on a horse unless I know I absolutely have the skills to stay safe on that horse. I don’t like being pushed to try things when I know I don’t have the basic skills.

The top competition trainers are top for clients already riding at competition level. They don’t necessarily specialize in timid reriders or adult beginners. There are however excellent coaches out there who have a good eye for what reriders need, and patience. Find one of those for a year.

18 Likes

Here’s my .02 cents:

Tomorrow is Saturday. Get in your car and go visit a couple barns and watch some lessons. Shake hands with the trainers and tell them you want to get in a lesson program.

That’s it, just show up.

9 Likes

Why not go watch ringside at a local show or two and see who has adults showing and whose coaching style you like and approach them?

14 Likes