Why I feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman

[wanderlust]

I’d be curious who that is, but do agree with the poster above that it’s likely a couple intro lessons to try to lure new clients who already have a horse, but want to make sure the trainer is a good fit before moving barns.

I’d encourage you to be open to a month to month half lease of a quality horse to really lean in and see if it’s for you or not. You’ll have a much better experience on a really solid show horse than a school horse, and probably also get the attention of the more senior trainers. That way you’ll also get a sense of the program and if you are going to get what you want out of it.

[Katherine1]

Fantastic suggestions here re: rephrasing my intro and giving real thought to my goals for riding going forward. Thank you so much for all the responses.

I’m probably underselling my abilities when I call myself timid. In the past year, I’ve capped with a couple of hunts on hired horses, ridden 1st/2nd level movements for a friend’s sales video, and lessoned with upper level dressage and eventing trainers when there was a prelim level horse for short-term lease in their barn. Timid to me means I have real reservations about pointing a fit OTTB at an arrowhead in an open field. When you are within an hour’s drive of dozens of Olympic and International level riders, it sure makes one feel like a beginner. I am also honest enough to understand that I lack polish over fences after many years of riding whatever happened to come my way.

Regardless, what I’ve realized from this post is that while I have the money for horses, I do not have the time. I can do no more than arrive at a barn and take the reins of a tacked up horse and give it back in an hour. Spending even a half day spectating at a show and assessing trainers is out of reach.

It is a sad realization, but far better to recognize this now than later. For that alone, this dialogue has been so helpful. Thank you again.

[BeeHoney]

@Katherine1 you really did seriously undersell yourself. I had quite a different picture, and I apologize for that. I don’t think you need to spend tons of time at a show or whatever. I think you need to make one good connection with the right trainer and you’ll be set. The right trainer should be able to take care of all the details. I’m just sorry you’ve had trouble making that connection. I think with the advent of social media trainers and barn owners are just inundated with a lot of meaningless inquiries and it’s hard to sort out what inquiries are serious.

[Rubyroo]

@Katherine1

Grew up riding for pleasure and have sporadically ridden as an adult by buying my own horses and doing the lowest level of non-recognized eventing schooling shows very occasionally.

I have an old injury that I am careful to protect so eventing is not an ideal discipline. I began looking for a HJ program that is willing to take on a timid beginner/intermediate adult. I’ve tried researching social media, word of mouth, asking anyone even remotely connected to HJland for recommendations, and all the rest of it…and I am getting no closer to riding than I was when I lived in the middle of nowhere.

@Katherine1

I’m probably underselling my abilities when I call myself timid. In the past year, I’ve capped with a couple of hunts on hired horses, ridden 1st/2nd level movements for a friend’s sales video, and lessoned with upper level dressage and eventing trainers when there was a prelim level horse for short-term lease in their barn. Timid to me means I have real reservations about pointing a fit OTTB at an arrowhead in an open field. When you are within an hour’s drive of dozens of Olympic and International level riders, it sure makes one feel like a beginner. I am also honest enough to understand that I lack polish over fences after many years of riding whatever happened to come my way.

So your description of your abilities seems to me to have changed pretty dramatically between your first post and your most recent post, which makes it hard to know where the truth lies. I personally can’t believe that there are trainers out there who would ignore a potential client who tells them up front that they have a six figure per year budget, but I have never been in a position where I would want to spend that much on horses so I will assume you have no reason to be dishonest about this part of your story.

If I were you I would take vxf111’s advice and go to some local shows as a spectator and watch whatever classes that are at the level that you think you might fit into right now, and introduce yourself to some of the riders and/or trainers who look like what you think you want for your goals right now. And if you don’t like anything that you see, maybe start looking at some eventing barns that have been mentioned in your area, since that’s the discipline you are most familiar with anyway. The most important point right now seems to be just getting back into a saddle, and maybe it doesn’t matter so much what kind of saddle it is at this particular time in your life.

[Highflyer1]

There are definitely barns like that out there (although I don’t think I’ve ever gotten in and out of any show of any kind in an hour, even the little jumper ones at the farm where I take lessons that have assigned times!)

You also don’t need to do three lessons a week necessarily. If you can carve out an hour and a half twice a week (or even once) sometimes that can be enough. I can only afford one lesson a week, and my trainer is nice enough and flexible enough to teach me on a weekday morning before work. My horse is usually in and finishing breakfast and I do a minimal grooming and tack up in 10 minutes-ish, ride for about 45 minutes, untack and do a quick brush or bath in 5-10 minutes, and am in and out in 90 minutes pretty much every time. This is enough for me to do a few unrecognized CTs and events and 2’6 jumper shows. I could definitely be fitter but because I am experienced and confident at this level it’s doable and I get to jump/lesson more than when I had two horses at home and had to haul out.

But the nice thing about horses is that even if you can’t make it work right now it doesn’t mean you won’t ever be able to and there are opportunities for people of every age. So if you need to wait until your job slows down or your kids grow up or whatever your limit cuurently is, just know that it doesn’t have to mean giving up forever.

[CBoylen]

Please don’t just show up. Please. Even if you are the loveliest person on earth, I do not want to meet you unexpectedly in the middle of weekend lessons.

[Sarah616]

@Bristol_Bay

Tomorrow is Saturday. Get in your car and go visit a couple barns and watch some lessons. Shake hands with the trainers and tell them you want to get in a lesson program.

Please do not do this. Speaking from my personal experience, I teach back to back lessons straight through on Saturdays. Typically I barely have time to grab a drink or run to the bathroom. When people show up unexpectedly and are directed to me as the person to get lesson information from, I tell them straight up, I’m sorry, I’m very busy right now, please send an email and I’ll get back with you when I can.
I’m sure it comes off as unwelcoming to some, but weekends are such busy times for lessons, that taking even 5 or 10 minutes to chat or show someone around will put you off schedule for the entire day.

Add into this that many farms are private facilities… most people don’t like random people wandering around their property.

[Bristol_Bay]

@CBoylen @Sarah616

OP has already said that email, social media, and asking around aren’t getting her anywhere.

How exactly does a person get a sense of a place, how organized it is, how they treat the school horses, how the lessons are run, etc except by visiting?

Understandable that a trainer is busy teaching all day, but IME a busy lesson and training barn has a BM who can give information, schedule lessons, and give tours.

[Mouse_amp_Bay]

You reach out to other in the community.

You watch at shows.

You make an appointment.

You do not just show up. At least around here, that will get you on the “do not call” lists. Potentially permanently.

[Always_WIP]

Haven’t read the whole thread yet but one point I haven’t seen anyone mention so far - email is not sufficient to reach horse professionals - especially if you’re not already in their program.

Always, always call. It’s aggravating but it’s honestly the only way to get a decent response.

[Bristol_Bay]

I’ve boarded at a few places that were privately owned and gated, but mostly at stables open to the public where many different trainers have their businesses there. Families bring their kids to see the horses, ask about lessons or summer camp. I can see where if your barn is down a country road and private, you wouldn’t take kindly to strangers. It’s very different here in the city where there are soccer fields and popular hiking trails sharing the barn parking lot.

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

Not to pile on, but having taken lessons at large barn that offered lessons, it’s creepy to have strangers come in and watch your lessons, especially if you’re having issues. It’s not like a horse show, where there’s an expectation you’ll be performing in public. A few times, strangers also came through the wrong door of the indoor arena, creating a commotion because it hadn’t been opened in years (one of the horses spooked pretty hard).

I was also annoyed (this is partly the instructor’s fault, I grant) that the instructor spent most of the lesson talking to the people inquiring about lessons and camp, versus actually watching what was going on in the lesson. Dropping by also takes time away from the people who are paying for the very valuable time of the teacher. And not all riders (to loop around to a discussion previous in the thread) enjoy unfamiliar spectators and may have nerves or performance anxiety they don’t want to deal with in front of strangers that particular lesson.

I personally always email first. Many pros I’ve seen (in my observation) are super-busy, and phone calls are reserved for people like vets and farriers they have previous relationships with and require an immediate response. Texts are for current students and boarders. Facebook messages don’t work because you need to be “friends” beforehand.

[vxf111]

Maybe it’s regional but here it would be extremely unwelcome for a stranger to show up and expect to watch lessons at a private barn. I’m generally in the geographic area the OP is considering (I used to board in Chester County though not the part as close to DE as OP is hoping for).

[wanderlust]

You go to the website, grab the phone # and text them. Say you are interested in the program and a lease, ask for a price sheet, and that you would like to make an appt to come meet and watch lessons. Then when you are there you give them the full details.

Don’t call or email, text. So much easier for someone riding/teaching all day to reply that way.

I’ve never once not had someone reply to that approach as I’ve either moved geographic locations or needed to move barns.

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

@wanderlust

Don’t call or email, text.

I’ve heard trainers complain about texting versus email, saying that texting is for more urgent matters and current clients. Also, new people don’t know when it’s a good time to reach the trainer, and most trainers check their texts, regardless of how busy they are, versus email in a quiet moment. I do agree if you really want to hear from someone, try email, and get no response, text is the next (and final) step. I’d never call or drop by.

Also, sometimes the phone on old skool, un-updated website is a landline!

[wanderlust]

Just sharing my experience, which includes some of the very biggest names in the business. They happily field texts and WhatsApp all day long… just don’t call them.

My favorite voicemail message belongs to a very very bnt who says something along the lines of “My voicemail box is full by design. Please text me and I’ll get back to you.”

They check e-mail rarely and respond even more rarely unless they have a business manager sitting in the office doing it for them. But fair to start there and move to text if no response.

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

I may steal that voicemail message for myself! I agree, from a personal perspective, text or email, I don’t mind either! But don’t call me!

[Katherine1]

Oh gosh. Please do not apologize. It’s just so easy to feel like a novice when one is surrounded by this many skilled riders.

I think you are absolutely right that it will take just one connection to make this work. Knowing so little about HJ, I’m going on what parents of juniors are telling me - that the summer show season is more than half over and riders are off to college in a few weeks, so this is the time that leases become available.

Regardless, I’m resigned to putting this off until next year. What I’m really feeling is the pressure of time. At my age and location, that’s one less year I have to ride in a place with top tier instruction. My husband will retire soon and we will be involved in his hobbies, so riding will be left behind for good. But that’s life when you have a career and family!

[Katherine1]

I do not have voicemail or social media and do not have time to engage in texting during the work day, and I would never presume to visit a barn without an appointment or approach a trainer at a show, so email is really the only reliable means of communication for me.

[mvp]

@Katherine1

That is exactly my experience in the mid-Atlantic. I am looking for quality instruction from a mature, reputable trainer. What I am finding is that these trainers are either full with a waitlist
or cater to riders who already lease/own. Quality schoolies seem to be a thing of the past.

They are. Read CBoylen’s post with an open-mind.

I can think of a couple of “diagnoses” for your problem and the pros’ silence from what you have written so far.

1. Email might not be these trainers’ forte. They probably don’t have time to answer long emails. Try getting in touch in one of the “short hand” media-- texting, PM, e-mail if they have a website that lets you generation one, explaining briefly what your riding experience is and what you are looking for, and then ask if you can come out and watch them teach a lesson.

You will learn a lot more about their program, and they can meet you. I find that these conversations go better in person than via e-mail. If you feel put off by their frank, cut-to-the-chase talk about goals and huge annual budgets, it think you have suffered from the nature of e-mail meet-in-greets, too.

2. Be careful in word and in thought about disssing schoolies and lesson mills. Just because you have financially Arrived, doesn’t mean you don’t need to master the basics, just like anyone else. And, not for nuthin’, but back in the day, lots of people learned to ride by riding the less-nice horses at less-nice barns. Lots of people in this sport still require some willingness to pay your dues. Do not give the impression that you are looking down your nose at what a riding instructor with school horses is offering; it is likely that she thinks you utterly lack the standing to do this.

3. That said, you do want to find the best, most correct instruction you can. You don’t need fabulous horses to learn that on.

I’d suggest go watching the warm-up ring at some local shows-- both rated and unrated-- and see whose instructions and whose students’ riding or horsemanship you like. Look for kind and workman-like, not necessarily a row of tri-colors at their barn or trailer.

When you go see the barn, see how the clients seem to feel about things. Are they social and happy? Are these people you could see yourself hanging out with. It can be hard to be the new person coming to check out a barn where people have established relationships, but give it a shot and get the vibe of the place.

4. When you do let the trainer know what your goals are, demonstrate some willingness to take her input. Yes, you supply the information about constraints with time or money, but let her know that you are willing to start with lessons or some kind of lease depending on what she thinks you need in order to advance in her program.)

Good luck!