Why I feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman

[OnDeck]

@Katherine1

I already stated that I do not have time for anything more than the actual riding. That means I need a full service barn. The two trainers I have been referred to are beyond my budget and close their barns before I am done with work for the day anyway. I figured surely there must be a tier of trainers just below that who are full service but accessible to adult professionals. If that’s not the case, that’s okay. I just didn’t want to miss the opportunity while I am here. Simple as that.

I think this is your problem. I’ve never seen a barn that has full service grooming AND lesson horses. I would think the market of people wanting these two things together is quite small - working professionals with a time crunch who would like to pay for grooming but do not want to own a horse. I totally understand where you’re coming from but I don’t think there are barns that perfectly fit that niche.

I think you would either have to be willing to lease to get your foot in the door at a higher end barn that regularly offers full care OR find a lesson program that typically does not offer a tack up service but is able to work something out for you.

[Midge]

I think there is too much thinking and what if planning going on here. The vast majority of the time, a lesson barn has the horses tacked up and ready. Finds a lesson barn and go take lessons. Right now, there’s no reason to get all amped up about a possible lease until you’ve spent a little more time in the saddle. Go to several lesson barns. Don’t be overly picky. If they have lesson horses, go ride there. Ride at different barns at the same time. Give that a month or so and see how you feel then.

[2bayboys]

OP if you don’t have time to spend a few hours at a horse show researching potential trainers then you don’t have time to actually compete at a horse show. So you don’t need to be at some high end full service barn that caters to working professionals who want to show, you need to be at a lesson barn where you don’t have to tack up. There’s probably plenty of those and I guarantee they have evening hours.

[awaywego]

OP, have you considered polo? Brandywine has (had? It’s been a few years) a nice intro to polo program and may suit your needs nicely as I believe the horses are tacked for your rides. I had a great time, generally found people friendly and I would guess that many of even the most active players have similar time constraints as you have described. The location isn’t bad for you and a number of players also dabble in hunterland so you may make some good connections there too.

[Bluey]

Anyone looking for instruction wants to go to the best they can afford, of course.

With learning about horses and any one discipline that includes competition, is not realistic to think that a beginner, lower experience, re-rider would start in a top barn geared for very serious, accomplished amateurs and professionals, with the top BNTs.
That is what seminars and clinics are for.
For every day learning the more basic stuff, those top trainers/BNTs time is better served on those students already at the top, there are not enough of them to cater to beginners or those that are still coming up but not there yet to ride and train with the top horses and the upper level competition environment.

Realizing this may give OP way more options that is finding now.

[BLBGP]

Very few barns run like businesses. Meaning they rarely check email and when they do, they don’t have time to read long ones. If you can’t text or call and if you don’t have time to go to local shows to watch in person and see whose style you like, I’d recommend keeping your email short and sweet:

Hi! Do you offer a full service lesson program with the potential to grow into a lease or sale? [insert Contact info]. Thanks!

[Katherine1]

Thank you to everyone who took the time and effort to post helpful, kind replies.

As recommended, I drafted a very brief email and will send it along with a contact number. I extending my search to a one hour radius and included a couple of barns that I thought only taught juniors on ponies.

So, we’ll see!

Thank you again.

[Sarah616]

Just going to throw out there that preferred form of communication is going to vary everywhere that you go. I am a barn manager and instructor, and I do 95% of my communication via email. Boarders and the few lesson students who have my phone number know that texting or calling is for absolute emergency only.

Here is my reasoning for this, and it is two-fold. First, texting always feels like a “right now” communication. Meaning if I text someone, I’m expecting a pretty quick response, and therefore keep it for personal communication. When someone texts me with a question, I know they want communication pretty quickly. With email, it feels like more common knowledge that it will be checked and answered within a couple hours - even though I get the emails on my phone as well, I can put it to the back of my mind and answer when I have time to actually sit and formulate a response. Secondly, and this is very personal preference, I much prefer to type things out, with plenty of information, that can’t really be misinterpreted. I can’t do that in a text without it becoming a novel (kind of like this response is becoming). This is also why I prefer email over phone calls, especially in the beginning, because I want to think carefully about what I am saying and be able to reread and edit when necessary. I’m a very visual person, and being able to see the words helps me formulate a response as opposed to following along with a auditory phone conversation. I also have a tendency to lose texts whereas I can go back in and easily search or look at the computer screen to find an old email.

I will say, when I am trying to vet a potential new rider over email, I ask a couple pretty specific questions, including day and times available, previous riding experience, whether the rider has been riding consistently recently, and approximate height and weight, so that if all of the other boxes check out, I don’t end up with a rider coming for a lesson and realizing that I don’t have a suitable horse for them.

OP, without sharing your contact info from the email, would you feel comfortable posting what you sent, or a version of what you sent? It might help some of us give a suggestion if there is something in your communication that is giving red flags.

[DMK]

Another ex hj rider doing combined driving. It really is the most fun of any sport I’ve ever done (and I’ve done quite a few), plus we winter in Florida (along with every other equine sport these days) and, while it would be great if there were more young 'uns driving, our guilty pleasure is that it’s mostly an adults only sport. Our young drivers are old souls by necessity.

The only cold water I want to throw on your moment is that 3x week riding is going to be a veeeery long slog for an older timid newbie no matter what discipline you choose. Don’t get me wrong, I feel your pain with job restrictions, but riding halfway decently and safely in the early years is all about repetition and practice. There are plenty of people who can do the 3x goal and compete successfully but they generally have a lifetime of riding behind them. Their muscle memory is engraved in stone at this point. So it might be that no matter how well intentioned your inquiries are, potential trainers are looking at someone whose goals are not aligning with reasonable expectations and just not willing to take that on. Because even if you would be the most reasonable adaptable person ever, chances are they have already encountered the white hot mess of a client with this particular delusion and don’t want to do it again.

[Limerick]

Wait….”your mother read COTH for years which is how you know of the site”. And you’re in your fifties? Jinkies…

[fivestrideline]

Was COTH forums even around 70-80 years ago? The internet certainly wasn’t

ETA: I don’t think being aware of COTH mag/publications = knowledge of Internet forums. Actually I KNOW it’s not. I smell a troll.

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

@Sarah616

I am a barn manager and instructor, and I do 95% of my communication via email. Boarders and the few lesson students who have my phone number know that texting or calling is for absolute emergency only.

I’m so glad you said this, because this aligns with what I was told (and now I feel less like an idiot). Not so much for “absolute emergency” but texting I always thought of as an instructor saying to a current student, “hey, the horse you ride is in a different field, just for FYI when you grab him before your lesson today,” or “I’m going to have to move your lesson Thursday to Friday this week.” In other words, an instructor needs to communicate to a student right now. Versus an email about becoming a client, which isn’t urgent, and also a text message that might get lost in a shuffle of more urgent stuff.

[Katherine1]

Oh thank you for this. If that’s the case, I will need to add a few more details. Perhaps I can DM you if not too much trouble for you to proofread?

[Katherine1]

Yes. She participated in the Sport horse section and people there gave her really good advice about breeding a foal and inspections.

[Katherine1]

Yes of course you are right. I have limited time so it may well be that this is too much of an ask at this age with my time constraints.

I just watched a snippet of combined driving on usef. It looks fantastic! Is it a discipline that people can do safely into their 60s and 70s?

[mfglickman]

Where are you, geographically?

[Sarah616]

Sure, I’d be happy to.

[Katherine1]

I’m in the northernmost part of Delaware so I can get to the large towns of DE or up to Kennett Square and West Chester, PA/Southern Chester County.

[Bebe_Falcon1]

@Katherine1

I just watched a snippet of combined driving on usef. It looks fantastic! Is it a discipline that people can do safely into their 60s and 70s?

Yaaaas! I’m just discovering the world of combined driving with my little pony mare and it’s been fantastic. Most of our local members are in their 60s and 70s (and beyond), I’m actually one of the younger competitors (late 30s). Many (half?) drive ponies.

They seem to be a very friendly and supportive bunch (though your market may vary): while preparing to start my cones course, the volunteers in charge all cheered for me when they found out it was my very first show And when we had to run the course in reverse (for fun, they said ), the show holder and a volunteer both ran around directing me through all of them in the correct order in the spirit of Vanna White on Wheel of Fortune

With your budget, you could go far in the combined driving world.

[Scaramouch]

@Bebe_Falcon1

With your budget, you could go far in the combined driving world.

But not with only 3-4 hours a week to devote to it? Combined driving seems like an odd suggestion for the OP given that the barriers to entry are far higher than for riding.

There’s a healthy contingent of combined drivers in my area and they are without exception either pros (read: independently wealthy) or retired adults who own farms and their own horses. They are welcoming to new interest, but it sounds like the OP would be a complete beginner in this realm who just wants to have fun without the time to learn the fundamentals, of say, how to harness and learn all the equipment. Not saying it’s impossible but please don’t get this person’s hopes up…