You too, luv.
Well done ducking any accountability for what you wrote. I know all I need to now.
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It’s interesting to me that so many saw this as a power imbalance/BM abusing his status/toxic masculinity/whatever.
My reaction was, “hey look, Boyd’s human, too!”
But I have enough experience with the parties involved to have the opinion that one (Boyd) acted out of character and the other (Courtney) appears to be totally in character. And knowing how unkind one of these parties can be, I saw a person being pushed to the point of snapping.
I grew up with this crap. For a long time, I thought I was the only problem. I wasn’t good enough, I couldn’t hack it, I was too emotional.
Now arguably the biggest name in the sport is being pushed to the same place. Is he in the right? No. But man, the blame does not lie solely on him.
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To clarify for myself - I am simply stating that there is a power imbalance here, not necessary that this entire incident is not exactly what you have already implied.
I dont know the parties involved to make a judgement outside of what is presented.
What I can determine though, is that BM has a power imbalance or influence imbalance over most NA eventers.
Again - acknowledging a power imbalance doesn’t lay blame, or infer that they use that power imbalance for nefarious purposes. It just acknowledges that there is one.
If that makes sense?
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I appreciate your comments on this thread.
I’m having a very ‘Through the Looking Glass’ experience reading some of this commentary.
I can only conclude… they don’t know what they don’t know. Which is fine.
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I appreciate your local colour. I cannot see it by her SM posts or her responses in that text thread, but if she is as you describe, that is also not cool and makes me wish even more he hadn’t allowed himself to be baited into behaviour that tainted his own reputation (and I’m not talking about with just me, but with many others).
Sadly, no matter how provoked, professionals have to take the high road. Ask me how I know! 
Lots of people who don’t know what they don’t know and assume a lot miss that point, but it’s important.
I appreciate that all is not what it might seem in the texts. If that’s true, it’s even sadder that he responded the way he did.
I do hope it all gets sorted. I may be crazy, but I still see a way to make this win for him if not for both of them.
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If the sign is not getting the desired result, ie getting people to pay the fee before they leave it not a effective sign. I never said that Boyd shouldn’t be angary or that it was okay for people to leave without paying. What I have said is that he might want to reconsider the way he is communicating about the issue. I have helped create signs in my professional life and one of the most important things I have learned along the way is that it helpful to lay out the exact expectations and to keep it simple. I get that Boyd wants to be polite about the issue ( ( and that is why his signs are the way they are)but being polite is clearly not working if has to chase people down for payment. As I said above in an ideal world this would be a non issue. We would all be adults and show the respect that a property owner deserves. BUT we do not live in an ideal world. Oh and I am 100% a rule follower and would have no issue if Boyd was to say you had to pay in advance or sign up online before hand. I would also make sure that the fee was paid before I left the property if I was schooling.
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I really appreciate this POV and it’s a great issue to raise. I had started to wonder this myself.
I will say, in my village and the wider geographical area, the best thing you can say about someone is 1. they’re a hard worker (which I find a bit sad, but that’s another discussion), and 2. she’s a lady/he’s a gentleman and a half.
I have shocked peole into better behaviour simply by saying some variation of: is that the way a gentleman speaks/I thought you were a gentleman/do you kiss your mamó with that mouth?
Boyd’s language in the texts, his increasing aggression, and his two SM posts would be seen as so ungentlemanly that people would avoid him at the general store. If I had gone off on the idiot who defrauded me in the way I wanted to (complete with copious profanity 
), I’d have been supported in that I was right about what he did, but people would say, that’s not how a lady would handle it. Same expectations for men and women.
That may seem quaint, but it’s about civility is communications across a community, and it matters.
To your point, while I appreciate it is different in the US and esp right now, most of the folks I’m close to in this country do not like that open, aggressive, all about me approach. They also value professionalism and civility. Lots of people use the word blunt when what’s really happening is rude and uncivil.
Also related, someone above did give her personal experience with toxic masculinity in Australia and was taken to task for it. I think her lived experience is valid and pertinent to this specific discussion and echoes your raising the point of cultural differences in this situation.
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On a slightly different tangent, there’s a weird code of silence among horse professionals. No one likes to speak up about other professional’s misbehavior/malfeasance, so certain behaviors are open secrets in the horse world. I’m thinking George Morris, Jimmy Williams, Rob Gage, Parra, Helgstrand, some of the notorious neglect cases, particularly the recent one in Virginia. Lots of people knew, some people tried to report it, but it never rose to the level of public awareness. You’d have to know someone in the “in” crowd, and catch them at an unguarded moment to find out why you should avoid that person or that barn. In one case IME, the only info I got was “Get your money up front and get it in cash.”, no other details.
This story has a little of the same feel to it. Some people seem to know that this was a problematic person/problematic relationship, but no one’s willing to speak about it openly.
I get it. No one wants to go on the record and possibly affect someone’s reputation and business, but on the other hand…look at the list of names I cited.
ETA: Andrew McConnon, Devin Ryan, Andy Kocher, the person who was convicted of pocketing a huge amount of money as the dealer on a dressage horse sale, etc.
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I think locals trying to silence anyone from outside who joins the discussion is part of this. Locals won’t speak up so the bad actors get to keep going, but should someone not personally known to them weigh in, woe betide them!
It’s true not just in horses but all kinds of terrible behaviour. I wish the local code of silence would go the way of the dodo!
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Another from my experience:
A farrier, and trusted friend, just looked at me and said: “Don’t do it. Just don’t do it. Bad idea.”
I never did find out what the farrier’s experience was with the individual, but I took their advice.
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Not really a different tangent.
90% of this thread seems to be saying that Boyd was wrong to call anyone out on social media. He should have done it quietly, in private. That seems to be the general consensus POV.
I’ve voiced that opinion. However, my perspective is mostly that he exercised poor judgement in HOW he went about the first post. He shouldn’t have named her. He could have announced he was fed up, and ‘someone’ was getting a 30 day ban. But not named her.
And then gotten on with life.
Instead… he actually went fully transparent and named her. And he’s now being accused of being a ‘toxic male’, being a bully, there’s comments about a power differential (which for most people IMMEDIATELY conjures up a possible SafeSport problem… because that’s the context for the use of that term in equestrian sport for the last few years)…
Etc etc etc.
Anyway… who can blame professionals for staying quiet about issues with others? This is a pretty clear cut situation… someone came to school at his farm and didn’t pay for the privilege until she was chased down and texted with a demand to do so. And the guy doing the chasing it is the #1 eventer in the world. And STILL… he’s received a PILE of backlash and criticism. Fr all sorts of extraneous stuff.
I would expect the code of silence amongst professionals has been reinforced after witnessing this latest episode.
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There are signs up and down the driveway stating payment must be made. And if you “forgot” to pay, you are not welcome back- it states that in a sign as you exit the properly.
Boyd is very nice to allow us into his beautiful property to school. Appointments are needed/ you have to check with Boyd/ silva for the sj arena and dressage court. You do not have to make an appointment for the xc course, the ground is always maintained and the courses are always set and reset.
I’m sure there is a ton of back story we aren’t getting between the two.
I’m sure the amount of times people haven’t paid or have forgotten to pay are numerable and he is tired of it.
So he came to SM to call her out. It happens- have you watched SM lately??? It’s like the modern day version of Jerry springer.
We all have said or done something hastily. Boyd is human.
Of course it costs a ton of money to have that kind of world class facility- and you know what- it’s available for both the pros to use and the minions to use. We are fortunate to have access.
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You can call people out by name and still be civil and professional. Enough of the false dichotomy.
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I know about all of the other people and issues you mentioned by name except for the “notorious neglect cases “and the recent one in Virginia”. I have no idea what you’re talking about.
And perhaps that’s part of the point. I could tell you what some of the local opinions are for some of the upper level riders in Dressage, Show, jumping evventing are in my area. People that are venerated across the country, but the local opinion is perhaps not as positive
I never heard of Andrew McConnon until a post on this forum last year brought his transgressions to light.
In my opinion, social media is really a double edged sword. Great for advertising and BM has used it quite well to grow his following and become a well-known name. But It also daylights these issues, while allows unchecked commentary.
I’m pulling the discussion away from the current BM/CC issue and how 2 professionals behaved badly in a public form. But in this day and age, I think social media matters and everybody would be well to remember that.
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I’m not blaming boyd for it happening- I’m just saying how about we move forward knowing people are like this and implement changes to prevent it. I concede you can do all the signs and social media posts you want, but what has changed in the policy? More signs and paperwork. Close the dang gate until people have paid. If his cost benefit of having a schooling facility is wrong, fix it. A simple QR, pay through link and you get the code to open the gate. I just saved boyd 7+ years of complaints.
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Not blaming boyd- but wake up. You just proved my point- those companies are reporting the theft (aka doing something about it). Boyd is relying on a sign that’s been up for all the years he’s complained about people forgetting to pay. He’s not DOING anything about it. After all we see and hear in news, people are shocked people continue to steal? You mean the thief didn’t respect the rules even with a sign? Get a safer system to avoid this. Or if not, accept you will continue to get stolen from and factor that into your costs. If you can acquire multi-millions worth of owners and money for horses, you can figure something out Boydy.
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I only know what I have read here, like the majority of those who have posted.
If we’re quibbling about semantics, change “allowed” to “tolerated”
[quote="trubandloki, post:183, topic:808589,
You know this how?
Because he called others that night to yell at them too for not paying?
That does not mean it is allowed.
[/quote]
I think a lot of people are refusing to accept the fact that there are people out there who will steal and cheat if the right situation presents itself. And that sometimes it is the victim that will need to change their behavior if they want to the bad behavior to stop. Boyd is the one that is losing out on money when people don’t pay so why he isn’t take steps to stop tit from happening is beyond me. If my car was stolen or my house was broken into my first thought would be what steps can I take to keep that from happening again.
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What’s odd about Australia is that they can be either super avoidant about confrontation, or super combative. They can avoid difficult conversations until it all gets to be too much, then they blow up. For example, last night I was at a concert and these two drunk guys behind me were talking during the ENTIRE set. Yet no one said a word, and me (being a nom-confrontational woman) wouldn’t dare because I know no one else around me would back me up if I did.
FWIW we still have some of the worst domestic violence rates in the world, because the police here will believe a man over a woman 9 times out of 10. They don’t want women to speak up and make things “uncomfortable” for them and this “she’ll be alright” mentality of ignoring massive underlying issues. Misogyny is alive and well down under. 
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So how exactly will the gate know if you’re XC schooling, there to use the stadium jumping or dressage?? That is one heck of a well-schooled gate!
Though I guess Boyd could decide that the hassle to try to be fair and equitable (charge based on what you’re doing) isn’t worth his policing. So the gate could be trained to only open for $200 per entry though even then, gate would need to figure out how many horses are on your trailer.
Honestly, in reading through all this, I feel bad for Boyd. Sounds like he did a wonderful thing for the community in permitting very generous and open access. And feels like his hard work and generosity is not only not reciprocated, but is being taken advantage of. Despite the very effective (and well designed!) signs that spell out the rules. And generosity in allowing people to do what their horse needs, and pay at the end to cover what they used that day.
No good deed goes unpunished, eh?
This type of entitlement and behaviour is why horse sports are struggling with land access. Why would someone who doesn’t have debt and need to - you know, work for a living - put up with it? If you have real money of the family legacy kind, you’re not going to allow anyone on your property as this hassle simply isn’t worth it.
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