Thats what makes COTH forums different from other sites, real people with real experiences good, bad and ugly. Most able to carry on a civil discussion when opinions and experiences differ.
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Sometimes I feel guilty about taking time off or flex hours for riding lessons. But Iām sure you work with parents who need to pick up kids or whatnot. They wouldnāt think twice about declining meetings when their calendars are blocked and neither should you. The new barn sounds so much better, so even once a week there will be great, but twice is even better!
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@outerbanks77 is right! I used to struggle with this too, but guess what, life is short, and the office will not love you back. Block off the calendar. People will survive.
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This is awesome! You deserve it!
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Yes! People are always leaving early to pick up the kids, so I should not feel guilty!
@findeight thank you for the guidance. Itās interesting how you said you trusted the wrong people. I trusted this trainer because she is the professional, I am not. Sheās been in the business for 30 years, so I think to myself, how could I possibly know any better to disagree with anything? When I rode as a preteen, we just did whatever our instructor said. We didnāt question anything. however, I can recognize a dumpster fire when I see it, which is had had me starting to question things to post here. I definitely donāt intend on speaking negatively about her to anyone. She trash talks a lot of people, all these people that apparently screwed her over. She has a long list of people she has blocked on Facebook, including a previous long-term student who left her to go to another barn, because she wanted to go somewhere with an indoor ring but had a horse that trainer gave her for free 8 years ago, so trainer felt that she owed her to stay or at least offer to give her back the horse. All these other people, though, I would love to hear their side of the story!
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āProfessionalā is not just an objective term referring to a person getting paid to ride and teach. It refers to a teacher with honesty, ethics, a true desire to continually keep learning themselves, pass their knowledge to their students and, above all, keep horse and rider safe.
We often use the term JAW= Jack A*s Wannabe for those lacking in the above attributes. Many of these run entry level programs, are cheaper and always have slots for new students so noobs get sucked in not realizing thereās a reason they are cheap and always taking new clients. Then they develop loyalty to JAW and make excuses for staying in a bad program that hurts them physically and mentally way more then helps them. Leaves physical and mental scars as well.
Many of us experienced that and why we can get adamant about staying in such programs just because its a horse to ride. There other ways then being taken advantage of and being put at risk.
Most of these take advantage of horses too. Overwork, neglecting vet care, poor diet, not training them for the job preferring to put a novice aboard and charging novice instead of actually teaching horse. The poor health, overwork and an assortment of pharmaceuticals are the training program.
If any trainer lies to you about one thing, you bet theres a whole lot of other BS you are being fed.
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You wouldnāt believe how many ādentist appointmentās I have 
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āI have a friend/acquaintance who would like to try on my air vest model to see how it feels/fits.ā
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Yes thereās certainly a phenomenon where adults return to riding but somehow in the lesson environment they revert back to being awed little 11 year old girls and lose all the skills of communication, recognizing bullshit, and standing up for themselves they are perfectly capable of elsewhere and at work.
I mean we wouldnāt stick with a hairdresser that mangled our hair or a drycleaner that shrunk things or a grocery where the meat was always rancid.
I think we may assume that because a coach is charging money they have gone through a training or accreditation process. Nope. Anyone can be a coach. Itās not like hiring an accountant or dentist etc where the credentials are standardized.
Itās more like hiring some dude who goes around the neighborhood power washing driveways who may or may not flood your garden, strip the paint off the car, or come back at night and steal your lawn furniture.
Problem coaches often survive by being able to superficially charm new clients and make them feel special. Competent coaches can be a bit brusque because they know their experience and skills speak for themselves.
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Exactly what I experienced in this case, 100%.
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Good, you BS-o-meter has been reset.
Keep @Scribbler 's advice in mind re: You are the customer, Trainer is the service provider.
New place might be The Answer.
Or not.
Decide what your priorities are & find the place & Pro that meet most, if not all of them.
A very wise Trainer/friend once told me:
āThe client enables the trainer.ā
Donāt enable anyone whoās not giving you what you want.
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And a lot of us bond with friends or work colleagues by complaining and gossiping. It can even feel like a mark of intimacy to hear someoneās secret thoughts about your boss or to bond over how annoying a coworker is.
But when a coach does this itās actually inappropriate. It makes you feel like they like and trust you, that you are equals, when in fact they still have power in the dynamic as horse owner and barn manager and coach. But then you start to think you are friends and you canāt leave or go against their wishes. Because they will turn on you. So you lose the power of being a client which is the power to walk away and articulate your needs.
It can set up toxic dependencies.
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Although there are a ton of people that will screw someone overā¦ when someone has been screwed over by that many people and have that many people to trash talkā¦ not a good sign.
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OPā¦just a parting thought here about that air vestā¦who else is using it behind your back? Common practice shady barns rely on is to use clients stuff when client is not there, that why many are generous about loaning stuff to clientsā¦its NOT theirs. Client who owns it is unaware it is shared in their absence so the financially ailing barn doesnāt actually need to buy one. BTDT and have many T shirts.
Tomorrow is a Holiday, perhaps a great opportunity to retrieve your vest. Not like they would be expecting you.
Happy Thanksgivingā¦and give thanks you can close this chapter of your horse life.
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Chiropractor appointments! Needed regularly only open working hours I donāt have kids so Iām really just taking off the tunes I would if I had kids. I block the calendar make up the hours or submit pto
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^this!
In the midst of learning this lesson the hard way. One more week until starting with a new trainer, but not without previous one fighting me every step of the way.
OP glad to hear you are leaving and not taking the mare with you. SO MANY RED FLAGS
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So, OP, did you get your air vest yet?
Donāt leave us hanging or let that trainer bully you into changing your mind like some cult leader.
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