wwyd - nonriding husband declares he wants colors

[_defenestrated]

[QUOTE=redhorse5;4840243]
Oh hell, tack up the least patient of your horses with a very mild bit in his mouth and a huge big fluffy pad under the saddle. Take your husband on a “trail ride” for practice that trots for about 10 miles on a really muddy day. No canter. Just trotttt, (bounce, bounce, bounce), you get it. Have some of your girl friends go along so that he sees that no one else has a problem with this. Do a lot of rough, up and down hills. Everyone has a great time. Nobody complains. Just keep trotting. Make sure he picks feet, grooms, tacks up, mucks stall, catches the horse out of a 20 acre field. Watch how fast he runs back to the boat.[/QUOTE]

Love this idea! Oh, but he needs to ride in the demon saddle while doing this! :lol:

[Frosty_M]

He sounds so mean and rude I think you should rent a rodeo bucking horse and let him see how much he likes riding that. Please excuse this personal remark, but a nice, kind, competent person like you deserves a nicer husband. Keep the horses, lose the jerk.

[Grasshopper]

Maybe this is one where you can “defer” to the hunt master (if said master has the patience and sense of humor to deal with him)? “Gee, honey, I’d love for you to earn your colors, but you’ll have to satisfy the master to obtain them. Hunting season is over for now, but you should talk with the master to find out what you’ll need to do. Also, here’s the name of an instructor who can help you get to the level you need to be to be allowed to hunt, and who might have a good horse for you to hunt on. Let me know how it goes!” The master then can explain to DH that he won’t be allowed to hunt at all if s/he thinks he will be endangering himself or others.

Sometimes spouses just think the other is being overly cautious, controlling, etc. rather than raising a valid issue. This is where bringing in a third party is required. I wouldn’t even try to give your DH lessons–find a third person who can tell it like it is! I wouldn’t try to avoid paining his ego, but would avoid situations that will only leave both of you frustrated without any benefits in terms of making him safer, etc.

If he wants to use one of your horses, he has to play by your rules–you wouldn’t go on his sailboat and ignore everything he told you, right? And leave it a mess at the end of the day? He probably wouldn’t let you take his sailboat out on your own into the ocean, would he? Why would you let him loose on one of your horses if he’s not going to listen to you? (Adding the last bit just in case this gets the point across to him…)

And yes, I know what you mean about wanting the horses to be “your thing.” I was initially excited when my DH said he’d like to ride with me. And he’s actually quite nice and balanced and does listen to me to some degree–but he’s not interested in lessons or in helping with horse care, so rather than an escape or even a shared enjoyable experience for me, it became a chore. So I didn’t mind when he lost interest!

Good luck!

[bigbaytb]

you all have had me cracking up.

FYI, many of your ideas have crossed my mind, but I thought I was the only evil one.:lol: Glad to see I keep good company!

I thought maybe I was being biased with asking my girlfriends, so I did ask a few of the male members of the hunt their thoughts. They pretty much all said the same things posted here! Some are very well trained riders and others learned to ride by the seat of their pants, but all agreed that he was going to get himself into alot of trouble if he didn’t take the time to learn good horsemanship. And they all think the demon saddle was hilarious…

While my trainer would kill me (she’s prepping my mare for an event that I cannot do due to being out of town) if i let him ride mu mare, but I can see it now:

Demon saddle and Mach 5 mare…i’ll put a GPS tracking device on the mare so i don’t lose her :winkgrin: since she has been used by the fieldmaster, I’ll let him lead so “I can keep an eye on him”. she knows where all the jumps are and the fastest way to get there…:eek::lol:

I’ll keep you all updated when I get back from vacation at the end of the month.

Happy trails!

[whicker]

Don’t forget the life insurance!! You will want the $ for future hunting expenses. BwaaHaaHaa!:eek::winkgrin::lol:

Think of how much you will save when you sell the boat, too…

[FrenchFrytheEqHorse]

Am I the only one that still thinks this guy sounds like a real jerk? I won’t turn this into a marriage counseling thread, but maybe you should push the actual riding to the back burner and have a little chat about the social aspects of being a member of a hunt, much less one with colors. You know, like setting an example for potential members, contributing to a happy and enjoyable experience, etc…

Honestly, if my husband were trying to diminish an accomplishment of which I was extremely proud, you’d better believe he’d understand EXACTLY what it took to accomplish that goal.

I simply would not tolerate the kind of behavior you’re describing from my spouse. Maybe I read your posts incorrectly, but having re-read them, this sounds pretty horrible. He sounds petty, overly competitive, and extremely condescending.

[WW_Queen]

Are you sure he wants his colours just to screw you?

Just to play devil’s advocate, maybe he’s just one of those stubborn types that is thinking if he does something that you like (not to mention participate, but jump to your level) then he will impress you/make you think “more” of him?

Maybe he has an ulterior motive? Like if he gets into your hobby, you’ll get into his? It’s easy to fall into certain habits/behavior patterns when you’re married/in a long term relationship. Some problems can wear away at you, and then manifest themselves in other situations.

Maybe this isn’t about horses/sailing/colours. Maybe this is about something else. You married each other for a reason, so chances are he isn’t some big prick who was out to screw you from Day 1. Perhaps things have gotten so warped in conversations and arguments about children/money/lifestyle that now they’re turning into “non-issues” (things that aren’t really a big deal, but you guys will have a screaming match over).

Ultimately, only you and you alone can judge the motives of your husband. You are both grown-ups, and in the ideal world you can talk to each other about this without it becoming the wedge between you.

However, there are varying degrees of relationships and perhaps you guys have a different sort of relationship where you need to “massage” the situation to get the desire result.

That being said, if you need to “massage” the situation, then tell him you’d love to take up sailing lessons/join his club/get your own boat. Then get involved in a “YOU’RE not DOING it right!!!” way. Once he gets a taste of what it’s like to have someone less experienced tell him what to do, chances are he’ll spot the parallel.

Good luck!

[crosscreeksh]

My husband…a GREAT guy, excellent rider and not at all like the OP’s husband… always thought DD and I exaggerated when we came home from hunting in the “EXTREME” conditions encountered hunting in Kansas and Oklahoma. After we took him on a Coal Valley, Kansas hunter pace his eyes were bugged out. He survived just fine and had lots of fun, but said “thanks, don’t expect me to join you again!!” Hunting - especially at a level which achieves colors - might look like a snap to an observer, but it “ain’t that easy”!! OP’s husband seems to be an egotistical bore!!!

[bigbaytb]

i’m baaaack

well, I have to say I had a wonderful vacation…the weather in paris sucked (fist time there and it was rainy and cold), and it rained in rome and naples…but was much warmer for the rest of italy…and outstanding!..I missed my chron peeps too!

Hubby on his annual sailing vacation and will be back wednesday…then i’m at an event for 3 days (my mare is being competed and I’ve been tapped to volunteer>>)…so we’ve been able to avoid the riding thing for now…so we’ll see if he brings it up again…

but i know what will happen, when hunt season starts, he’ll bring it up again…

just kind of like when we were engaged…i wanted us to take couples dancing lessons because we were having a 40’s type big band play (compliments of my sister since it was the band she sang with)…and he kept saying no until the week before the wedding when he said, “ok, i’m ready to take the lessons now”…obviously I smacked him upside the head on that one and we didn’t get the lessons…

He wasn’t an egotistical jerk when we dated and married, but I do think things have changed. He might be trying to get involved with what I do, or he might just be trying to usurp my riding, I’m not sure. But I’m not holding his hand on this one. as previous posters said, he has to do it all on his own to understand what it takes. but not at the risk of my horses. (the good thing is my trainer, who is very good friends with us both, won’t let him ride my horses either…so I have back up there too)…

So If he says anything, i’m just going to give him the hunt masters number and wash my hands of it. she won’t let him get away with a couple lessons…and she will shoot that ego of his down…

and yes, he has developed a huge ego after we got married…and he forgets that some things happened because of my help and not him 100% by himself…

and yes…i’m at a crossroads, but this post is just about the hunting…

[ManyDogs]

Take his boat for a spin, put the storm sails up, put it on autopilot (?), and go below to have a drink…with your life vest on…
"Whai noooo, howney, ah jus don know wha happen’d to yoh boat. It juss sorta sank, y’know.There there, sugah, ah’m shure ya’ll had it insured, didn’t ya’ll? "

[00pisces]

Welcome back. The Demon Saddle still sits on my apartment floor for now, though I’m thinking of selling it. Or renting it out.

[Simbalism]

Since you pay all expenses on the horses, I would tell him if he wants to ride, he needs to get his own horse and pay expenses/take care of it himself. Then I would do what other posters suggested. He needs to totally do his own thing. Leaving at 6am honey, so need to have all your stuff plus horse in the trailer ready to go. That means groomed, braided, fed etc. Let him get to a hunt with forgetting his girth or bridle, etc or horse not groomed or get left at home because he is not ready, and he will soon get over his obsession.

[bigbaytb]

keeping fingers crossed

Ok…so far DH hasn’t said beans about hunting…of course he is totally wrapped up in his sailing club right now, where he probably does more things there than I do with my horses in a week!

Anyway, I have the feeling that when the season starts, he’ll mention it again…and i’ll have to ask “did you take riding lessons?”…and then get the demon saddle if it’s still available.

[Equibrit]

Well - if the little woman can do it, then it must be easy!

[Painted_Wings]

Tell him to buy a big farm

The local basset pack hunts on my in-laws farm as one of their fixtures. My in-laws both had colors with the basset pack.

As soon as it looked like my husband was going to inherit the farm, he got his colors too. He was almost embarrassed as he felt he had not earned it.

The hard part was finding him a green hunt coat and tails.

So tell your husband to buy a big farm in hunt country. You’ll have a nice place to keep your horses close to hunting and he’ll get his colors. You’ll both win and he wont’ have to actually work for it.