wwyd - nonriding husband declares he wants colors

[bigbaytb]

So, my husband, who is an avid sailor but rarely rides, declares that he wants to earn hunt colors.

I am totally offended by this statement. Really, I don’t know why except I finally earned colors this past year, and I have ridden for years and he has to minimize it by saying…“well, ya can’t learn to sail til you had someone the rudder”…

I think he decided he could do it because my friend’s newly riding husband was awarded the same time his wife and I were awarded colors. However, my friends husband has been involved with horses for years and did trail ride, but did start walking the hounds in the summer, did alot of volunteering for the club and then hill topped. When I wasn’t riding, I let him ride my big ottb when his wife (and excellent rider) okayed it. he was allowed to first flight the fixtures with low jumps (aka at 2feet my tb just has do a big canter stride, no jump)…I noted he was very conscientious of the horse.

The few times my husband rode, he was disinterested in learning to tack up correctly. He would ride but would bang around on my horses’ backs, whack them in the mouth and would yell back at me “no, i’m not putting my heals down and you’re just trying to make me look stupid by grabbing mane”…so lets just say i quit inviting him to ride with me. My OTTB may be a saint, but I’m not subjecting him to that unintentional abuse…and my young mare would hit mach 5 and we’d never see them again:lol::lol::lol:

Anyway, while I was helping out during a work day building jumps with the hunt master, I informed her of my hubby’s proclamation. She looked at me and said " does he realize that ground hurts alot more when you fall on it than water?" in which the other members present just started laughing (me included). members said that I should have the hunt master give him lessons. she’d whip him into shape and not take his BS…

however, I don’t want him around…isnt that terrible? I don’t want him riding either of my horses. I don’t want him hunting. He has his sailing and sailboat races, but I want the hunt to be all mine. while i’m not a small person, he’s a big guy and I don’t want him to ruin either horse, which I event with besides hunting. I have worked hard over the years training my horses and do not just them to be treated like machines. He is more careful with a sailboat than my horses…

is that bad? I should be thrilled, but I’m not…

[tangledweb]

Help him shop for a horse more suitable for a large beginner.

[lizathenag]

he is out building fences and you don’t want him to ride???

read some of the my husband is a jerk threads and please reconsider.

find a suitable horse for him to take lessons on from someone else.

[bigbaytb]

no…i didn’t say he was a jerk…

He has not interest in buying a suitable horse since I have 2 so he thinks that’s good enough for him…and I really don’t have the time to take care of 3 horses right now.

…what do you do when he wants to hunt without putting forth the effort to learn?

oh, fyi, I have a full time job and work alot. I pay 100% of everything that involves me (including things like the car, truck and trailer) and the horses and split the house expenses and mortgage (that’s the way he wants it). I do not ask nor does he offer to pay anything for the horses…I work hard for everything and don’t want anyone to think I’m a snotty woman using my husband’s money. I don’t do things i cannot personally afford.

[00pisces]

Ohhhhh, I’ve got the PERFECT solution. I have a large-ish saddle that is HORRIBLE and I’ve been dying to get rid of it. It’s painful to ride in because the stirrup bars are not set right. I’ll ship you my saddle, the husband can take lessons in it because it’s “the only one that fits” him, your hunt master will make him sit in it properly, it will gouge holes in his thighs, and then he will never want to ride again.

[armandh]

me too problems aside

the husband of a member of our club was awarded honorable colors after exceptional service. two others, who mostly car followed, provided their large and ideal farm for a hunting.

wishing in one hand wont work.

[strawberry_roan]

You are making me sad! He wants his colors for all the wrong reasons. I suspect(and I could be totally off base)he wants them for 2 reasons: the other husband got them and he wants to show you how easy(not!) it is to get them. You have achieved something he has not so if he gets his–well, then your’s are not so special. He needs to let you have this and go back to his boats. I wouldn’t suggest riding to him. Let him bring it up. See if you can dance around it and if you can’t, have the master give him lessons and for sure get that saddle!! He needs to be able to ride properly before getting out in the hunt field not just for his own safety but for the other riders as well. Good luck to you…

[jawa]

Just some thoughts…

Will be answer objectively, if you ask him why he feels its important for him to “earn his colors”? Can he understand that earning them comes with a price tag (time or actual money)? Does he understand that earning colors means a continued support of the hunt afterwards, that it’s not a competition where once you’ve won the “prize” it’s over?

Can he lease a horse just to hunt? I know so areas have horses for lease for the day, it comes clean, tacked and ready to go (for a fee). They would also have one suited to a beginner.

It is a shame that you don’t have to pass some sort of proficiency test before riding in the hunt field. Does your hunt to a “hunting camp”? Getting people and horses ready to ride at speed in large groups, hunt etiquette, hound proofing, learning to jump hunt fences in large groups. This is something that can be very beneficial to newbies, especially newbies who don’t want advice from their SO. I am married to that type, and I was a teacher in a previous life, so this puts and extra strain on us when I am trying to instruct on proper ways and why/why not of working with horses. For us it is better that he has his hobbies and I have mine. We both agree on this fact.

I wish you the best in this “situation”.

[bigbaytb]

00pisces…I WANT THAT SADDLE!:D:lol:

Thanks all, i thought i was being selfish, but i think Roan hit it on the head. I think he is trying to deminish something that I feel so honored to attain.

I have tried by example to clue him in. during our last hunt, a guest (big $$ barn owner/daughter is grand prix rider) who hadn’t ridden in 7 years tried to go first flight on an experienced horse. I knew him well and tried to talk him into hill topping (i said i’d even hill top with him)…well he refused and fell hard after the first jump. While he got back on and chased the rest of the hunt, he ended up having a small hip fracture. but my husband didn’t do the math why i was telling him.

Even my friend’s husband says how surprised he was to get colors (but he really did deserve it!) and tried to impress that he worked for it.

I will see if I can get a horse to lease, but noone will do it because they know he won’t practice. at the same time, we all joke that I should put him on my ottb…while that horse is a saint in the field (you litterally can ride him w/flopping reins and just hold onto mane and he’ll pace himself w/ the group) if you don’t use alittle leg yeild, he will take the shortest distance on turns and not care if he rips your knees off on trees, fence posts, buildings… or put you under low branches…or jump the 12 foot stream bed when you least expect it…:eek:

i’m sorry, am i being evil…but the saddle idea is stellar…

[Jeannette_formerly_ponygyrl]

Might a chat with the hunt secretary help him understand the size, importance, and uncertainty of the task he thinks he wants to take on? I know criteria vary, but seems like earning colors generally involves hunting several times a week for several seasons to the point that staff have confidence you know the territory ; volunteering regularly and cheerfully at fundraisers and panelling; riding well enough to not terrify other hunt members; understanding and following hunt norms well enough to be trusted as a representative of the hunt - clearly he doesn’t realize all there is to it!

[Equibrit]

Sit him down and explain the facts of life. Either he puts in the effort/time/education/money, or he doesn’t bother.

Failing that take him to a hospital and visit a paraplegic!

It is possible to earn colours without riding, but it still requires an investment of time and effort.

[00pisces]

bigbaytb, I’ve sent you a PM. I’d be very happy to re-home the Demon Saddle.

[Hunter_Mom]

@bigbaytb;4837248

and my young mare would hit mach 5 and we’d never see them again:lol::lol::lol:

Too bad you’d lose the horse with this option.

[LexInVA]

Tell him that you want to have kids if he is going to earn his colors so that you can have a cute little family of fox hunters. That will shut him real quickly. :lol:

[bigbaytb]

[QUOTE=LexInVA;4838320]
Tell him that you want to have kids if he is going to earn his colors so that you can have a cute little family of fox hunters. That will shut him real quickly. :lol:[/QUOTE]

you are so right…he’d probably die of a heart attack if i said that!:lol::lol::lol:

Hunter mom…yeh, I would miss that mare too!

00pcs…i’ve pm’d back. unfortunately we all have to wait til i get back from vacation at the end of the month…but then he’ll be on vacation when i get back… it would be a little longer wait for the ‘demon saddle’…

[JSwan]

@bigbaytb;4837248

So, my husband, who is an avid sailor but rarely rides, declares that he wants to earn hunt colors.

Oh yeah? And I want to be a size 4.

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. And foxhunt. And be a size 4.

[SkipChange]

[QUOTE=JSwan;4838380]
Oh yeah? And I want to be a size 4.

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. And foxhunt. And be a size 4.[/QUOTE]

:yes::lol::lol:

[wateryglen]

Been there!!

Oh this is soooo familiar…I’ve felt your pain.

Try this…forget the colors thing; it’s just a male ego at work. Go back to basics. If he wants to hunt; he needs to pay and work. Don’t do it; you’d be enabling something you don’t wanna foster. Let him go make a fool of himself and learn how much work it is and he’ll eventually give up. Trust me…:uhoh:

Don’t groom for him. Don’t catch, clean, feed or tack up his horse on hunting mornings. Make him do it. If he’s not ready on time, leave him when you need to go. When you arrive; just do your horse and yourself. Don’t help him tie his stock. Tell him in advance that you aren’t going to babysit/groom etc for him. If he wants to hunt; let him do the work. You just can’t/don’t have time/energy etc. This is hard but if you tell him in advance; then he’ll learn the consequences. If he’s hunting a dirty, unfit horse or is not dressed or falls off then so be it. It doesn’t reflect on you. People know, can see etc. Let key hunt members in on your plan. Be firm; it’s tough love baby!!!
BTW - mine lasted about one season as folks just didn’t accept him and he got jealous & hostile and gave up; blaming me!!! :winkgrin: The horse just didn’t do right for him and he blamed her. Then he decided all hunt people were snobs so he blamed them etc…but he stopped.
BTW - recently divorced!!

[armandh]

stroken

ask him if he thinks you are in anyway qualified to race his sailboat
how much time training to be able?

and what does red right returning mean anyway?

hopefully this may give him a clue.

[redhorse5]

Oh hell, tack up the least patient of your horses with a very mild bit in his mouth and a huge big fluffy pad under the saddle. Take your husband on a “trail ride” for practice that trots for about 10 miles on a really muddy day. No canter. Just trotttt, (bounce, bounce, bounce), you get it. Have some of your girl friends go along so that he sees that no one else has a problem with this. Do a lot of rough, up and down hills. Everyone has a great time. Nobody complains. Just keep trotting. Make sure he picks feet, grooms, tacks up, mucks stall, catches the horse out of a 20 acre field. Watch how fast he runs back to the boat.