Young Boarders-How would you handle this situation?

[WildGooseChase]

Just wondering if any of you can give useful advice on how you would handle this situation.

I manage a private equine facility that focuses on lessons and leasing. We do have some boarders as well. I have a young boarder (aged 20-22) who thinks that I’m out to get her.

Here’s some context. She is on our pasture boarding package and she cares for her own stall. She cleans, provides bedding, dumps buckets etc. It’s in her contract that she is responsible to clean at least every other day, or find someone to help her.I got some complaints from other boarders/staff today that her stall stinks and that it hasn’t been cleaned in days. When I reached out to the boarder, she exploded saying that she was too busy to come out and that her leaser was supposed to do it. She said that it wasn’t her responsibility, and that every time I say something to her that I come at her like she is a neglectful owner.

But to throw a wrench in things, she is never like this in person. Just in texts/messages. She is generally really happy when I see her in person, and if I talk to her about something like this to her face, it’s not generally a huge issue. I literally think she is misinterpreting everything I say over messages. Unfortunately they are a necessary evil. She can’t answer her phone really as she is in school and working hard (good for her!), which also means that I don’t see her much at the barn to be able to talk to her in person. I can’t even schedule a quick meeting with her. She usually can’t keep those appointments.

I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve reached out to help her at no cost to her and she refused. I’ve reached out politely, albeit bluntly I’ll admit, each time over messages only to be met with malice, and attitude. I’ve attached a snippet of our conversation as photos to show. Names have been blocked out to maintain anonymity.

I will admit again that I can be blunt. I don’t “fluff up” my messages to people because it is a waste of time and keystrokes. I have a full time job in data entry (medical billing) as well as manage the barn (all on the same work site…it’s awesome!), and if I were to fluff up all my messages to everyone, I’d waste so much time. I have tried to fluff them up to her specifically to see if that would help, but it doesn’t. She will play it off like it’s fine and then not do anything about it.

I am at a loss. The BO says not to let it get to me, and that it’s a difference in generations, and that because she is young and she grew up with technology that we are vastly different in the way we prefer to communicate. Usually I’m better at letting things go, but I’m sad that she would put those words in my mouth. I would never say that to anyone. I’m more the type to reach out and help on my own dime than to name call.

How would you handle this? Do you think there is anything I can do to help her realize that I’m not yelling at her?

[Haylter]

SPEAK to her then do not type. She may have been miffed to hear the lease was the one slacking off and kind of ‘shot the messenger’. Just explain to her your typed messages may come across blunt due to your time constraints nothing personal and you would like her to understand you will try and address things by talking not typing so if you send a text saying hey please call me asap do not take it the wrong way and just call so she can hear there is no anger in your tone. I am not trying to say you are wrong or right just proposing a solution.

[WildGooseChase]

@Haylter

SPEAK to her then do not type. She may have been miffed to hear the lease was the one slacking off and kind of ‘shot the messenger’. Just explain to her your typed messages may come across blunt due to your time constraints nothing personal and you would like her to understand you will try and address things by talking not typing so if you send a text saying hey please call me asap do not take it the wrong way and just call so she can hear there is no anger in your tone. I am not trying to say you are wrong or right just proposing a solution.

I’ve considered this and maybe I should reconsider it. I don’t do this because I can’t always take a call when I’m at work, and I don’t want her to think I’m ignoring her after asking her to call me.

[mmeqcenter]

I had a “friend” who I mistakenly let keep her horse at my farm for free for a little while. Anytime I had to contact her about anything that wasn’t rainbows and sunshine (Hey the stall door was left open, please make sure to latch it closed when you leave. [horse was turned out, I just like my stalls doors CLOSED when they’re empty.]. Hey the water hose was left on, please turn it off when you’re done.) she’d get all in a tizzy and have a million excuses of why she couldn’t possibly have completed that five-second task that day. That’s just how some people are.

For what it’s worth, when I was 20-22 (and certainly not now), I would never have reacted in such a way as OPs boarder did. She sounds quite young (read: immature), entitled, and just doesn’t know “the ways of the world yet.” I would remind her that it is, in fact, her responsibility, even if she “sub-contracted” out the stall cleaning to her leaser. The board contract is between her and the barn, not the leaser. It’s her job to make sure her leaser is cleaning the stall, and it’s her job to take care of it if the leaser is not.

I’m personally all about texting, but in this case, where the receiver is clearly misinterpreting your texts, I agree that conversations with this boarder are best to be had in person. However, if it’s really next-to-impossible to bring these issues up to her by phone or in person, perhaps it’s best to terminate the board agreement. She doesn’t keep up with her obligations and cannot be communicated with. That’s not someone I’d continue dealing with. Not all barns are a good fit for every boarder, not all boarders are a good fit for every barn.

[NoSuchPerson]

One of the best ways to make someone mad is to make them feel guilty. When you contact her about something that wasn’t done, no matter what your tone or actual words, hearing that, e.g. her horse’s stall isn’t being cleaned, makes her feel guilty and she’s flipping that immediately into anger.

It sounds like you’re in a tough spot because it sounds like your BO isn’t supporting you in this, but my response would be to call the boarder out on her inappropriate response. I would probably reply, “That was rude. I’m just doing my job here and I don’t appreciate your tone.” I would not just sit back and allow this boarder to have a text message hissy fit.

Of course, I’m kind of bitch about stuff like that and don’t have a lot of tolerance for people who can’t behave like rational adults. :lol:

[betsyk]

My family uses “play your voicemail” as a text when we have something to say that needs tone of voice, inflection, etc. So, you might try calling her, assuming she won’t pick up, leave a voice mail, then text and say “I left you a message that was too complex to type out, play your voice mail” - or something like that. Might be worth a try.

[findeight]

Sounds like OP is not the BO or BM so is stuck with this boarder acting like a rebellious 12 year old.

Try to only communicate verbally or just learn to accept she’s a self centered, spoiled brat who IS responsible for not cleaning her stall. When you see her, you might nicely suggest she go over the terms of her boarding contract with her part leaser, tell her others have noticed the dirty stall and passed it along to barn management as they should have. No details necessary.

Keep the BO/M the loop about complaints about her stall and when you contact her about it but it’s up to management what action if any, is needed.

DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY. You are just doing your job, doesn’t make any difference if she likes you or thinks you are a meanie poo poo head. It’s your job and she’s wrong about her responsibility for her horse… You do not need her approval. You did the right thing.

The easiest part of barn work is the horses. The physical labor is nothing compared to dealing with the people…

[mmeqcenter]

@findeight

Sounds like OP is not the BO or BM so is stuck with this boarder acting like a rebellious 12 year old.

The first post says “I manage a private equine facility that focuses on lessons and leasing. We do have some boarders as well.” therefore I assumed OP is the BM.

[Lucassb]

The BO has told you to basically let it go. So my advice would be to do that.

If you are worried about her misinterpreting your text, it is worth taking a few extra seconds to type those couple of extra words that make clear your intention is not to anger her or accuse her of neglect. This is not “fluffing up” your messages - something you seem to think of as a huge imposition. It is courtesy to a paying customer with whom you have developed an adversarial relationship. You can always dictate a text instead of typing if that is simply too taxing.

You may want to consider that your displeasure with this boarder is leading you to have a bit of a double standard. For example, you defend your own choice to be, in your words, blunt in your communications. You characterize her responses as full of malice. You don’t have time to take her call because of your billing responsibilities (?) but her lack of availability to speak to you at your request is problematic. I think your BO is right and this really is a case of different communication styles.

Next time you see her, you could say, “hey, I feel like we have gotten a little cross ways with our communication. I know it’s hard to read intention into texts and I’m always running around here like a crazy person so my comms can be a little short. I know you and I both just want Dobbin to get the care he needs. You mentioned your leaser was supposed to do the stall - is it better for me to contact her? We’ve had a couple days where the stall situation was a problem and was causing concern. How do you think we could solve this?”

[WildLittleWren]

I would have never acted like that. She sounds like a piece of work. Sounds like she feels guilty (as she should, if she isn’t holding up her end of the deal, even if it is just following up and ensuring the person leasing her horse is cleaning the stall, etc), and she turns it into anger. Honestly, it doesn’t matter how much you try to sugarcoat things with this type. The best thing to do is be to the point. I would probably respond with a text such as “That was rude and uncalled for”, simply because none of your other methods have seemed to work in communicating with this girl. I would get a little more firm in all honesty. Let her know she is acting out, in an adult, straight forward way. Good luck OP this definitely doesn’t sound like something fun to be dealing with.

[Scribbler]

I have an adult friend who is sweet as can be IRL but gets very aggressive on social media hiding behind her keyboard. I have learned not to have any substantive discussion with her by any form of message email text or FB messenger because it can go sideways really fast. Indeed a mutual friend had to unfriend her on FB.

I don’t think she has any idea how she comes across and I am not the one to tell her

It isn’t age dependent so much as some other passive aggressive thing.

I would switch my communication to voice mail or in person. If she regularly attends barn I would talk to her when she arrives to clean up the 3 day stink fest. And you can give her verbal warning that if this happens again you will start eviction proceedings.

Stressed people often look for the place in their life they can slack off. Dont let it be you.

If her leaser isn’t reliable that’s her problem and she either needs a new leaser or to hire help on her off days. Non-negotiable.
”‹”‹”‹”‹”‹”‹

[gottagrey]

Too bad if the boarder gets a little miffed - sure some texts hit you the wrong way just because they hit you at the wrong time. The OP can’t be responsible for making sure her messages aren’t too mean sounding to this little snowflake. She’s 20-something. A message that says - sorry to bother you, but it looks like stall hasn’t been cleaned for a couple of days - please make sure you or lessee get to it regularly is not mean. I feel bad that the horse is standing in a dirty stall.

[Calvincrowe]

I agree that you keep on sending straightforward text messages or change to sending voicemail/text to say to read VM. Boarder is obviously feeling “put upon” which means she is not doing what she knows she’s supposed to be doing. Are you in contact with her leaser? Or is the boarder sort of ‘subcontracting’ with her leaser to complete chores?

This is why I will never have self-care at my retirement barn. Ever. Period. Too many unsuccessful boarders who cannot seem to care for their horses properly or in a timely fashion. Neglect is never excused.

[JustTheTicket]

I mean, too bad that she’s upset but it is in fact her responsibility to clean the stall or to find a lessor who can. I’m petty enough that I would point that out to her, and that’s probably why I’m not a barn manager. If your barn owner doesn’t have your back, there really aren’t any repercussions to the boarder, so there’s not a lot you can do other than to tell the boarder that you’re just doing your job and reminding her of the terms of her contract. Maybe the next time she’s in the barn, you can have a face to face sit down about the issue.

[WildGooseChase]

@findeight

Sounds like OP is not the BO or BM so is stuck with this boarder acting like a rebellious 12 year old.

Try to only communicate verbally or just learn to accept she’s a self centered, spoiled brat who IS responsible for not cleaning her stall. When you see her, you might nicely suggest she go over the terms of her boarding contract with her part leaser, tell her others have noticed the dirty stall and passed it along to barn management as they should have. No details necessary.

Keep the BO/M the loop about complaints about her stall and when you contact her about it but it’s up to management what action if any, is needed.

DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY. You are just doing your job, doesn’t make any difference if she likes you or thinks you are a meanie poo poo head. It’s your job and she’s wrong about her responsibility for her horse… You do not need her approval. You did the right thing.

The easiest part of barn work is the horses. The physical labor is nothing compared to dealing with the people…

I am the BM and I am aware I don’t need her approval, but I also can’t terminate her contract. I am going to just start calling her and leaving voicemails I think that way she can hear tone and inflection in my voice. It just sucks to stop what I’m doing to make a phone call, because if I don’t stop, I will forget about lol

[WildGooseChase]

@Calvincrowe

I agree that you keep on sending straightforward text messages or change to sending voicemail/text to say to read VM. Boarder is obviously feeling “put upon” which means she is not doing what she knows she’s supposed to be doing. Are you in contact with her leaser? Or is the boarder sort of ‘subcontracting’ with her leaser to complete chores?

This is why I will never have self-care at my retirement barn. Ever. Period. Too many unsuccessful boarders who cannot seem to care for their horses properly or in a timely fashion. Neglect is never excused.

Her leaser takes weekly lessons with me, so I see her frequently. The boarder is sub contracting her leaser to complete chores that she cannot do, but doesn’t realize that if her leaser doesn’t complete them, it’s still her responsibility because she signed the contract with the barn, not the leaser. She just doesn’t think it’s her problem because she delegated the work to someone else.

I can talk to the leaser tonight after our lesson about casually and ask if there is anything I can do to help.

[btswass]

Honestly I can’t imagine not cleaning my horses stall daily. Does she not feel bad her horse is standing in a dirty stall?

[clanter]

It’s in her contract that she is responsible to clean at least every other day,

When the boarding contract renews time to insert a Penaltyclause into the boarding contract… if the stall is not cleaned then it will X dollars additional for the barn to do the cleaning per time

In this say and age with a camera on every phone it is very easy to document the dry stall

[clanter]

@WildGooseChase

I can talk to the leaser tonight after our lesson about casually and ask if there is anything I can do to help.

actually not your responsibility and would be an improper conversation as the leaser failures should be addressed by the boarder

[Scribbler]

@clanter

actually not your responsibility and would be an improper conversation as the leaser failures should be addressed by the boarder

I agree. The leaser has no contract with you. It’s up to the boarder to sort things out with the leaser. Otherwise you are in the middle of a 3 way fight.