Not sure if I’m looking for feedback, commiseration, or something else, but I find such good info on these forums I thought I would post about a situation I am in. In December I imported a lovely 3-year-old gelding who, by all metrics, seemed absolutely perfect for me, a dedicated AA, to bring along with my trainer. Full PPE and X-rays with nothing that jumped out for my sport sporthorse vet. He arrived and had time to settle down. He had four rides here, and on that 4th one I was on, he scooted, bucked, then completely checked out and bolted. I came off in a very bad fall that resulted in a 2 week hospital stay. Luckily no head or back injuries, but a badly broken arm and fractured pelvis.
While I was laid up, my trainer decided to take things slow getting back on him and was lunging him a couple of times a week when she began noticing that he seemed uncomfortable and would on occasion exhibit the same behavior as he did when I came off…checking out, giving pain faces, swishing his tail, and bolting. Very out of character for him, as he is a very chill and mellow guy; this is the main reason I bought him. Our vet came out, and after a full exam with X-rays, we saw that he has developed kissing spine in several processes. The changes from when his original X-rays were taken to now are pretty breathtaking. So much change in such a relatively short period of time :(. We decided to inject the facets and do mesotherapy to see if we could get him comfortable. Unfortunately, there seemed to be no change, and as of now, he is still seeming very uncomfortable when asked to work a bit on the lunge.
During this time, as I have been trying to sort things out, I had the realization that I am not going to be able to ride him, as I feel life is too short to have to push through the fear of getting on him after such a bad fall. I’m an older AA, and if I were 20 or 30 years younger, I might have the wherewithal, but now, the mere thought of it terrifies me. Of course this is all complicated now by his diagnosis. I think he could potentially be a surgery candidate or maybe be ok with intensive rehab. It’s been suggested that I send him to someone with fresh eyes who can evaluate and ride him, but unfortunately I do not have the resources to send him out for full training, and that also doesn’t feel right if he is still in pain. I’ve networked a bit to see if there is someone who might like to take him on and see if they can help him through rehab, but so far have had no takers, not a big surprise. I can hardly imagine sending him out to retirement at 4 (he turns 4 tomorrow) and carrying that cost for 20+ years, but euthanasia seems like a terrible option as well.
I just feel absolutely stuck. At the moment he’s just hanging out being a very good boy, and I’m enjoying grooming him and spending time. As my barn does have a lesson requirement, I know he is on borrowed time there. I’m not yet feeling strong enough to do groundwork with him, and honestly, I am trying hard to not get too attached. I’m back on my older mare, who I feel completely safe on, but that in itself has been a mental push, which further clarifies my decision. Anyway, this is long enough. Thoughts are welcome, but please be kind.