Your bullying stories: riding above hate

[BigMama1]

Bullying doesn’t just happen among kids and teens. There is a woman out there who runs a dressage website / blog but instead of using it to promote the sport she posts unflattering photos and videos of riders with whom she’s had personal differences in an attempt to humiliate them. She’s even taken credit for one having a bad test at a show due to her campaign of harassment. Not only is that incredibly unprofessional, it’s bullying.

[fordtraktor]

@CHT

I had a student come from another barn where the standard practice was to invite the “cool” kids to participate in fun, weekend activities like “Capture the flag” or trail rides. The “uncool” kids would then pressure their parents to buy or lease them a horse so they would be accepted into the cool crowd.

Not really bullying I suppose, but it made the “uncool” kids feel insecure and left out. I don’t know why parents tolerated it.

were the “cool kids” permitted to go on lesson horses or were they riding owned/leased horses? it’s pretty normal for the kids who own or lease horses to be allowed to do more things on their horses or during their extra rides than the basic lesson students do in lessons. That is not necessarily bullying.

When I taught I was pretty careful with sending my best horses out for a bunch of extracurriculars because I think it is key for longevity and horse happiness to manage their workload. That is probably less of an issue in big barns but I didn’t have enough horses to condone extra rides. Plus, weekends are prime lesson time and they were in use for lessons, so couldn’t be ridden again for “fun.”

That said, I also did a lot of fun stuff in the lessons and took everyone on “trail ride lessons” once they were secure enough so perhaps there is more to your student’s story I am not understanding.

[see_u_at_x]

@rideabovehate

Hi all!
I am new to this forum, but I have been told it would be a great place to get real horse people of all ages and riding levels to share some important stories with the equestrian community. [edit] This page is dedicated to shedding a light on the bullying problem we have. We encounter it at horse shows, in our barns, and on the internet (we even have websites and social media pages dedicated to bullying). So with that being said, I want YOUR stories. I want the good! I want to know how your barn friends lifted your spirits after a tough show. I want the bad! I want the ugly! I want your advice for other riders, your solutions, etc. What I DON’T want to do is make these bullies famous. So please, change names to protect yourself. You can submit the stories here: [edit]
The above website is ANONYMOUS! I won’t know you, you won’t know me. And the best part, you don’t need an account. Or if you feel so inclined, share a story or comment on this thread. Thank you all very much. We are going to make a huge difference together.

Quoting for posterity just in case the OP goes poof.

Also, “Pot, meet Kettle.”

[amm2cd]

@fordtraktor

were the “cool kids” permitted to go on lesson horses or were they riding owned/leased horses? it’s pretty normal for the kids who own or lease horses to be allowed to do more things on their horses or during their extra rides than the basic lesson students do in lessons. That is not necessarily bullying.

When I taught I was pretty careful with sending my best horses out for a bunch of extracurriculars because I think it is key for longevity and horse happiness to manage their workload. That is probably less of an issue in big barns but I didn’t have enough horses to condone extra rides. Plus, weekends are prime lesson time and they were in use for lessons, so couldn’t be ridden again for “fun.”

That said, I also did a lot of fun stuff in the lessons and took everyone on “trail ride lessons” once they were secure enough so perhaps there is more to your student’s story I am not understanding.

Totally off topic, but I agree with you Ford Traktor.
​​​​​kids (or adults) who own or lease have more oppertunities. Lesson horses shouldn’t be used for free; not only is that a poor business practice, it is unfair to the lesson horse to be overused.
I’ve recently encountered this in my business. I require two lessons per week if the student plans on using one of my horses at a show. It is not money grabbing or that I want to embarrass those who take two lessons a month, that rule is in place because riders must be practiced and proficient enough to take a horse out into a new situation. It guards my barns reputation and is for the safety of my horses and students.

As for bullying… I have never noticed it. Sure, there are personalities I dislike and competition is just that. The worst bullying I see is online. Rider posts a video of their first half pass, anonymous criticizes that moment in time. Even worse, Rider posts a picture (not asking for advice) and it get pulled out and posted on one of those slam pages by someone else with a vendetta.
Me? I have enough actual horses to work so I don’t have to pay any attention to those pages. The best revenge is a good life.
Now back to riding. Enough of a coffee break…

[Sistersiouxz]

My experience with bullying shows that kids learn from their parents actions. If parents are more concerned with material acquisitions and less on life values, their children grow up appreciating stuff and the people who have it. Their self worth might be based on the car they drive instead of the person they are. All parents, rich or poor, can help their children with self esteem and it goes a long way to providing answers for deflecting a bully’s actions.

[BigMama1]

@see u at x

Quoting for posterity just in case the OP goes poof.

Also, “Pot, meet Kettle.”

This.

[netg]

For those confused by the last few comments… this thread is about bullying done by the OP using one of her other identities. https://www.chronofhorse.com/forum/forum/discussion-forums/dressage/9709123-really-dressage-hub

[ladyj79]

@netg

For those confused by the last few comments… this thread is about bullying done by the OP using one of her other identities. https://www.chronofhorse.com/forum/forum/discussion-forums/dressage/9709123-really-dressage-hub

This kind of faux self-righteous indignation and projection is a classic sign of Narcissism.

[Scribbler]

How did you make the connection?

[see_u_at_x]

@Scribbler

How did you make the connection?

Probably because of all the anti-bullying stuff she posts on Facebook.

[netg]

@Scribbler

How did you make the connection?

She posted a lot as herself when trying to get attention for the page initially, and the connection between that and DH was made in some of the media out there. Someone else made the connection in the threads in the Dressage forum and I remember it from a while ago once that jogged my memory.

[candyappy]

@Foxglove

I don’t think this will be helpful, but I’d like to see people look deeper into bullying before jumping to conclusions. Fifty or so years ago, when I was in school, I was often called into the principal’s office for bullying other students --pushing, hitting, that kind of stuff. I was a big girl --5’ 10" -probably 140-150 pounds. And it is true I did hit other girls, and push them and try to physically intimidate them --because they wouldn’t stop making fun of me --we were a poor family --the kind of poor that bought our clothes at K-Mart and GoodWill --the family that churches brought baskets to for the holidays. And the other kids knew it. The girls would hold their noses when they walked by me and call me “pig.” They would ask the teacher to open a window because of the “smell.” We weren’t dirty --we were poor. But those NICE GIRLS never got in trouble for bullying ME! They made fun of me, they called me names, and yet, I was the bully. Bullying, especially among girls can be extremely subtle. The “in group” at a stable who simply don’t speak to the “outsider” are bullies --when the outsider retaliates by pointing out that she and her horse won the trophy or ribbon --and the others are a bunch of LOSERS --she is called a bully --yet, isn’t it going both ways here? Me? I learned long ago living well is the best revenge. I became a teacher and a counselor --but I always look twice when someone is accused of bullying --maybe it isn’t what it first appears to be.

My experience goes along with yours. While I didn’t do it to others I was " teased" in school one year when I was taller than everyone else and not very attractive at all. A few boys had a good time with it, but I just ignored them completely. It still hurt, but such is life.

@rideabovehate What is considered " bullying" in your blog? In society today I have a hard time with what is called bullying anymore. Just curious as to what defines a bully today.

[meohmyalter]

Check out the level of bullying on both Dressage Hub and the owners personal Facebook page. Slow motion video taping of a rider the owner has a vendetta against, deleting any comments that dont agree with her, posting low scoring rides, accusing riders of cheating after the owner’s behavior got them banned from a show grounds. Is this the type of bullying you are talking about?

Aren’t you also the owner of Dressage Hub?

[RubyTuesday]

@SendenHorse

You don’t like not being the center of attention, do you? anyways

Here is more info on what bullying is and isn’t https://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/

care to comment on any bullying experiences you have experienced? or the topic of the OP?

I have been the victim of online bullying- not here, mind you. Past forums and past accounts.

It was very upsetting. I no longer post any personal riding videos or my riding beyond very simplistic posts. Yes, I started the 8 week dressage thread last year, but I don’t feel safe posting.

Also, BOs often resort to bullying boarders. that has to stop. I believe having firmer and enforceable contacts on BOTH sides will help.

Yeesh. The government seriously needs to get OUT of the business of being in people’s business.

[RubyTuesday]

To those talking about “online bullying”, the answer really is pretty simple: unplug the computer and turn off the phone if you can’t take your leave of the drama. It really is just that simple. If you know who is hosting the page or the ISP, complain to them. Some good providers will knock it offline.

[TWH_Girl]

You lost me at “rideabovehate”. Mylanta, what in Sam’s hell does that mean??! My eye roll was probably loud enough to be heard. Newsflash, there are rotten people, aka bullies, at school, work, at barns, on the roads, and everywhere in life. Bad people always have existed and they always will. This is nothing new and it’s not limited to riding by any means.

[TWH_Girl]

@candyappy

@rideabovehate What is considered " bullying" in your blog? In society today I have a hard time with what is called bullying anymore. Just curious as to what defines a bully today.

By today’s standard, any look or phrase someone doesn’t like.

[rebecca_yount]

I think the OP is a terrible bully herself, [edit]. I think she runs “DressageHub” and bullies people all the time. This is all too weird…

[Moderator_1]

We removed the links to another page to comply with our no-advertising policies, along with some personal commentary.

Thanks,
Mod 1

[DrBeckett]

just got all caught up with all the info from this page and all I can say is “wow.” It really boggles the mind how someone can be so obsessed that this is all they can think about. I feel very bad for S. Jacoma.