Your embarrassing horse stories

[fledermaus]

Regale us with the humiliations your horse/s have visited upon you.

My starting episode begins with grazing my horse on a lead rope on my front lawn. My neighbors stroll by and we are chatting pleasantly, when my horse, annoyed by a fly, suddenly flings her head up, catching me squarely on the nose, and knocking me instantly to the ground. My glasses go flying …

That was embarrassing, but the reward was the truly spectacular black eye that ensued, giving me the opportunity to answer the inevitable questions with, “my horse punched me in the face.”

[Foxglove]

I was a geeky 14 year old girl totally smitten by a tall blonde boy who would meet me at the park to play basketball. I rode my horse all over town, including to the park. One day I was supposed to meet him at his house (near the park) --he’d walk beside my horse while bouncing the basketball. We’d tie her up at the closest tree and shoot for hours. So cool.

Anyway, this particular day, I rode up his white gravel driveway and my horse POOPED! Horrors! I got off her right away and scooped up the poop with my hands and threw it into their garden. Turning around, he and his mum were watching me. Neither said anything, but years later when I ran into him in college (our HS romance only lasted the summer --he was in HS and I was in Jr. High -not cool to be seen with a bean-pole Jr. High girl, I guess) —in college he clearly remembered the incident --yep, one of my most embarrassing moments –

[Bluey]

You ever have to apologize to a oh so puffed up horse that thinks you are an idiot?
Embarrassing.

We had gathered 22 big steers out of the brush to ship next day and were driving them for a good mile to a gate into the shipping trap.
All went well, steers a bit trotty so strung out but manageable.
Said gate was on a straight line and to the right up the fence was a water trough.
We had cleared the brush by the gate and trough, it was an opening in the brush.
Horse and I rode thru the brush parallel to the steers and stood on the edge of the brush.
Steers knew we were there but could not see us unless they missed the gate going to the trough.
I was hoping any that did would see us and go back to and thru the gate.

Standing there I counted 22 and squeezed my horse to move on to the gate.
Horse just stood there. Surprised, I told the horse to hurry and encouaged him on a bit stronger.
His hind end took a little step forward, but still he stood there.
I was about to ask more forcefully when here came one more steer, I had miscounted!

He finally hurried to the gate all on his own and I could hear him grumble under his breath the rest of the way, while I apologized best I could for my poor math skills.
That little fat snow white horse was such a good cow horse, once he knew what we wanted, a rider’s input was not necessary and he let you know it.

[fledermaus]

I had a herding dog that did that all the time. She had this look (you get to see the expression on a dog, unlike a horse), that said as clear as if printed on her forehead,“oh you really want me to do that, boss? Because you aren’t gonna like it.”

[clanter]

barn I worked at while in college had a border collie who thought she was the real horse trainer

The first thing every morning there was a newspaper in the tack room, the head trainer thought I was buying one everyday, I thought he was

Then we caught the border collie bringing in the paper, it was retrieving one from some one’s front yard each day

[moonlitoaksranch]

I was in high school and boarded my horse at a place that had separately owned small barns arranged in a circle around a central tie up spot. Well, my stupid acid wash jeans weren’t strong enough to withstand the rigors of horseback riding. As I mounted up to go for a trial ride, the jeans ripped as I swung up into the saddle. There were several grown men at that boarding barn, just sitting round in front of their tack room shooting the breeze and drinking beer. I casually reached down to feel exactly where the edges of the rip was (luckily they were covered as long as I sat in the saddle). So, I left to do my trail ride anyway and prayed they weren’t there when I got back. Sure enough, they were. I rode towards my little barn, mind grappling for a solution desperately. I remembered an old sweatshirt I left on the hay in the barn. I waited until the last minute before I quickly dismounted (with my bottom facing the barn wall), scampered backwards into the barn while holding the very tip of my reins, snatched the sweatshirt, and tied it around my waist. I nonchalantly walked my horse back to the tie up area. When I was finished untacking and cooling my horse down, I untied her to take her back to the barn. One of the guys shouted, “How badly did you tear your pants?” The other guys laughed and they continued their conversation. I guess the tear was loud enough to hear. I slunk back to my barn.

[fordtraktor]

We were hauling back from a show and had a flat tire on our trailer. A very nice policeman was helping us change the tire, and he was under the wheel well when my mare peed. It dripped down all over him. I wanted to die.

I’m still sorry, officer.

[appypaint]

I once fell off at a slow canter It was my first time riding in awhile, horse took a weird step that shouldn’t have unseated me but it did anyway. We hit the arena corner, horse turned, and I popped right out of the saddle.

Horse (a sweet older QH) immediately stopped and looked at me like “really?” I think he was laughing.

No one saw, but I’m embarrassed thinking about it! Just one of those freak things I can’t believe happened.

[2DogsFarm]

Mine is of very recent vintage
Driving Club had a GTG at local County Park.
I decided to take my horse & ride, hadn’t had him off the farm in a year.
But he’s a former horsecamping/trailriding pro, so no worries …
Until I have him saddled & go to put the bridle on.
Carriages are leaving & he has a Home Alone moment, becoming a giraffe
I get him bridled, husband of a member heads him for me so I can mount…& I discover the little step stool I carry is no way tall enough for 5’2" me to get on 16h horse.
Of course, I try…
& End up flat on my back, foot stuck in the iron.
TG, horse doesn’t take the opportunity to leave & DH has a 2-step mounting block in their trailer.
Rest of the ride was uneventful

[pony_grandma]

You win!

[tabula_rashah]

Riding in a Labor Day parade several years ago.
My mare decided she had to stop and pee mid-parade, in the middle of the road.
The whole parade behind us had to stop, the parade in front of us didn’t notice and kept going, the pee is flowing from the center of the road towards the side since of course there’s a camber, kids sitting on the curb are screaming and trying to get out of the way

[chestnutmarebeware]

Hell, I fell off AT A WALK. As a serious, bucking-bronco-couldn’t-dump-me teenage rider who was putzing around on a long rein during a semi-private lesson when the other girl was jumping.

My mind was a million miles away (teenager, remember), horsie stumbled slightly, and I did a half-somersault over the shoulder and ended up sitting on the ground, wondering what just happened. Horsie was also wondering what just happened.

My trainer, the former cavalry officer, threw a clump of dirt at me and yelled that this is why he hated teaching kids!

[aregard]

I bought a horse for me that my daughter then just took over.

Upshot was, he got far better schooling with her than me. Anyway, one day I’m in a lesson, and we’re doing the old in-and-out exercise of stretching the line and compressing the line, and I’m just not as quick as I once was, so I’m falling on his neck after the in, and therefore missing the out.

We try the various striding and struggle to get it (but eventually succeed) both short and long, and then the trainer said, “Go thru it normally now so he gets to reset on what it should be” and I just left him alone and he did perfect distances with absolutely no input from me. But he tilted his head so he had one eyeball on me up there, like, “Finally.” Never saw a horse so disgusted.

[Indy]

I’m short so I’ve spent a lot of time getting on naughty ponies for kids. One time in college, I was asked to get on this small pony whose favorite speed was stop. The little kid who was riding her couldn’t get her to canter so that was my task. I’m young and stupid so I hop on without adjusting my stirrups. I get that pony to canter precisely one lap of the ring. When we get back to where we started, right by all of the people, she comes to a complete stop and puts every ounce of energy she’s saved up her whole life into the biggest small pony buck she could muster. I go right over her head and onto my ass. The look on that pony’s face when I got off the ground said “I cantered, now f all the way off you stupid human.” I’m pretty sure I’m the only person who ever fell off that pony, and for weeks everyone got told that I fell off of Katie.

[Walk_N_Gal88]

I’ve got two, I may have shared these both before but honestly I can’t remember.

First one, I’m fifteen, working at a TWH training barn and occasionally riding for a few clients who have asked. One of our clients had a Speed Racking Horse who was FAST but a bit bouncy. I’m riding this gelding Rocket under the watchful eyes of our assistant trainer PW and my mama. PW tells me to ask Rocket for more speed and about ten strides after I do, my bra breaks. Keep in mind, I am a DD cup at 15. As I’m doing everything I can to keep my tatas from flopping everywhere while I bring Rocket down to a walk, I notice PW turn around and say something to my mama. Come to find out, my bra breaking was MUCH more noticeable than I had hoped. Mama said PW (who was an older black man like darker skinned than Seal) turned to her and said “Mama, go get your baby and get her fixed. I’ll take care of Rocket.” while turning bright red. Mama giggled her butt off while I had to go wrap my tatas for support using two fleece polo wraps and duct tape. In north Mississippi, in JULY! It took a week for PW to be able to look at me without turning red.

Second one was while I was in high school. My then boyfriend, now hubby, was at the barn with me and my family. I was riding one of the geldings. This gelding had a nasty habit of taking three beautiful strides at a lope or run, then throwing a nasty buck before going back to working great. Well, I was feeling froggy that day and decided to show off a little to DH, started loping off. I forgot about his nasty habit though. I hit the dirt and his rear hooves barely missed my head and my shoulder. Mama made sure I was ok then proceeded to chew me out for being careless enough to forget

[SinMiedo]

My gentleman friend invited me to come ride his really nice cow horse and do some pen work, and I jumped at the opportunity. I rode western growing up before switching to English and do some pasture work for my folks sometimes, so I figured I could handle it just fine.
It turned out that dinking around herding mamas and babies into the feed lot is A LOT different than turning fast steers on a horse who knows his job!
He was stopping and turning hard enough that I was grabbing the cantle to keep myself anchored. It wasn’t until we were done that I realized the silver ribbon on the cantle had sliced the palm of my hand and I had bled all over the skirt of his nice trophy roping saddle.
I was mortified but it didn’t bother him too much as he’s still around 3 years later, lol.

[fledermaus]

That reminds of another Incident (frankly, my riding life is paved with them). I was about 15 at the time. I was invited to ride my filly’s mama, who was trained as a reining horse and moreover had quite a personal sense of humor. I was used to my filly who at that point was barely neck reining, and when I casually laid the rein on her mama’s neck, the dang horse did a 360 on me. Needless to say, I did not do one with her. Much to everyone’s merriment.

[signmypapyrus]

I have one from today: I was riding my green horse and we had an amazing ride. She’s coming along really nice.
So, I get ready to dismount, and she knows to go up to the mounting block. I start dismounting, and must have had a brain fart or, I don’t know, thought the ground was closer, and fell straight backwards. I was thankfully wearing my Tipperary safety vest and my helmet, so I didn’t hurt myself too bad (I did call my doctor), but I was so shocked. My baby stood perfectly still, and then carefully backed away from me, like, “wait, how are you on the ground?” She was very careful with me afterwards and walked so slowly back to the barn.
Thankfully (?), my back is sorer than my ego, but I’m still trying to figure out how it happened! At least I have a solid equine mount!

[OnAMission]

I remember one (among many) when we were all riding in the mountains, had made it to camp and then in the evening decided to go to the line camp where the “cowboys” were to pay them a visit. Late in the day after probably a few beers we just decided to ride over bareback with halters. All good, we dropped into the cowboy’s camp and visited, lots of nice chatting in the wilderness. Went to leave to go back to our camp and we had to go up the steep hill up out of there… bareback… I was riding a juicy Morab and he took that hill back to camp seriously and did not have serious mane… I’m not good at math or physics but I was doing some fast calculations if I would make it up out of there still on my horse. Made it sitting on his tailhead and had to yell for everyone else to stop so I could regroup. lol Cowboys noted, cheers.

The other was low key but still sticks in my craw; just this 4th of July we were in the wilderness again, just me and DH, and about dusk I had to stop for a pee break. Nice deep trail cut so I was in good shape to get back on (I’m very short on a tall horse) and I stepped up and my horse kind of put his head down and we were kind of downhill anyway and my balance just went… over his ears. Where I circled for a minute while trying to get it back up where it belonged. Half way through I glanced at DH and he had a look on his face like “are you going out the front door right now?” and I’m pretty sure my look was “maybe??” but instinct kicked back in and I made it back. We never said a word to each other then or since but that was such a moment…

[SharonA1]

My late mare is compiling her list of incidents where I embarrassed her. Her shortlist will only take a few days to download, if being processed at 10,000mbps.