Your horse is not safe to hunt.

[IronwoodFarm]

Actually, I don’t think the OP has the luxury of time until the next season. The person with the unsafe horse is a fellow boarder. She’s going to be there yammering about Dobbin regardless. And whether she bothers with getting a professional – that will be her choice and frankly, it looks unlikely to happen.

IMO, the OP needs to lay the groundwork immediately for the future season. Ganymede’s advice is spot on – start practicing techniques that disengage you from the drama. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but it gets easier over time.

If you don’t state right now, I fear next season will be more of the same.

[Trakehner]

“The gelding is fine in the schooling show ring, and is okay dinking around on the trails, but quite frankly is a PITA out in a group, especially when we’re moving. Having fun on a Paper Chase/Pace Event is not possible, we’ve had to slow down to a walk for fear of her being run off with. A trail ride last month with 2 other gals was excruciating.”

…and you deserve to be miserable. You know what her horse is like, you know she’s an idiot who refuses to admit her horse is an unsuitable jerk and that you refuse to pretend anymore she’s not being a pain in the butt by making excuses for her poor behaviour.

Don’t keep playing, “Let’s Pretend she has a good horse!” You didn’t have to slow to a walk, you know what the horse is like…a simple, “Sorry, but you’re not invited” really is applicable. “But she’ll be unhappy” I’m sure you might say. So what? Let her be unhappy, it’s not illegal, and I’m pretty sure it’s not your responsibility for her happiness. She certainly doesn’t worry about anyone else’s happiness while she’s holding you back. She’s amazingly selfish.

Life’s too short to be a victim or volunteer. The first time the horse is a jerk on a ride…you’re a victim. She knew what he was like, you didn’t. The next time you took the two of them out of a ride and he acted up, screwing up your ride, you were a Volunteer. You deserved to be miserable, you volunteered…she depends on people being too wimpy to tell her the truth so she doesn’t have to change.

[wateryglen]

jmho!

Man…some of you guys are wise beyond your years! Super advice in my humble opinion!
Distance from the drama…avoidance…not making her problem your problem…etc.
It’s not always a happy ending to solve a problem…it’s terrific that you care, really…really.
Best wishes!

[Triplicate]

To keep everyone else safe someone needs to explain it is not safe for anyone to go hunting with her when she is mounted on that horse. She has a horse which can show and trail ride, but not hunt.
Sell him or realize his shorcomings and use him accordingly…
She can lease, rent borrow a horse to hunt if she ride well enough that anyone would allow her to ride their horse.
Not everyhorse can hunt, and it isn’t fair to take the chance of another rider, horse or hound hurt because her horse isn’t a safe fox hunter.
She sounds a little childish that she can’t or won’t realize her horse " don’t hunt".

[Hinderella]

@TalkIsCheap;6213104

My dilemma is how to tell her diplomatically without making her cry: “your horse is an asshole anywhere but the ring, he is not your old horse, after 8 years it’s clear he’s tuned you out, so please stop with the ongoing love/hate dialogue in the barn, your constant commentary is ruining my barn time”.

I’m only a beginner in the hunt field, so take my input for what that’s worth…but I don’t see anything wrong with saying exactly what you said above. I’ve had occasion to be extremely blunt with even my closest friends, and in the end, it’s been appreciated. You’re not being mean, or ill-tempered, just honest.

As a beginner, I “might” be the person who doesn’t belong in the field. And I TRULY hope that if that is the case, a more experienced person would be blunt and straightforward with me, so I could hear the truth, and be able to make the appropriate decisions.

[Camstock]

Totally agree with the ‘disengage’ people.

At the same time, re-engage with what you want to do (which it sounds like you are doing) and over time she just might realize that she is getting no attention for her failure.

To people like her, attention is attention, be it positive or negative.

She just might decide that taking lessons and learning how to ride and help her horse be a polite member of society is the way to get attention.

Maybe not too. In either event you’ll be doing what you want.

[whicker]

Hinderella,

Don’t you worry about missing the signals! You have the love of all us coth hunt mentors! We aren’t about to let you have a Bad Experience in the hunt field. You have been going about learning the right way, all along. Even the MFHs care about you, now.

When you bring your little mare down to have the hunting experience without you aboard, as you have carefully planned, we can help her learn the ropes. Then when she is an easy ride, we will turn her back over to you. And, we will ride “shotgun” to make sure that you are protected, just as we do for other riders we know are on greenies. It takes a village, as Hunter’s Rest puts it, to make both hunting horse and rider.

Since we have the hirelings for you to gain confidence on, you have the luxury of taking your time. If your mare doesn’t hunt safely, we will help you find a Paragon of Virtue. You are a “Keeper” in the hunt field and we want your big grin out there for a long time in the future.

[ISR]

I’m in your friend’s shoes, the difference is, i’m well aware of my limitations, what I ask of my friend and her generous trailer rides, and of the local hunt club.

And, as much as I selfishly want to be out hunting, I know it’s just not the year for my green mare. I have however given myself homework assignments before going back out again to set myself up for success, not failure.

My mare is now on a calming supplement (smartcalm ultra), which has really helped her stay focused on hacks.

I have played around with different bits at home (never a wise idea to just shove a pelham in your otherwise snaffle mouthed horse on the hunt day).

Riding out solo to give her more confidence, and practicing control at the gallop.

Riding out in small groups and practicing the same thing, hand gallops, going first, going last, placing in the middle.

And finally, I asked my DH to walk my yappy miniature pinscher behind my horse.

This summer I hope to gradually work her up to the summer trail rides organized by the local hunts.

While it may be the case this horse and rider combo may not be suited for hunting full stop, I think it’s unfair to expect horses to take to hunting immediately. While some may be inherently great hunters, others need work, and others need to stay in the ring.

Good luck!

[nightsong]

Stay away from this person. Don’t have conversations. Leave (“I’m sorry, I was just about to_____”). Turn away (“I’m sorry, I can’t do this properly and talk at the same time” or “I’m sorry, I have to concentrate on this”). Ignore her. Don’t let her ride with you (“I’m sorry, we’re going to do some things your horse can’t”). If/WHEN you find her on a hunt while you’re there or with you, let her suffer and DON’T HELP. Often, “helping” someone is actually HURTING them, because you shield them from the consequences of their behavior. Suffering consequences is how people LEARN.