#1 reason why you don't always share that you are a horse person

[Nickelodian]

The conversation goes something like this…

You: “I ride hunter/jumpers for my sport”

Other Person:confused look

You: “You know I jump things on horses”

Other Person: “Oh, I rode a horse once at _______ (usually uncle’s grandma’s etc house) and this horse he like ran away as fast as he could run (you know trotting)and I fell off and got ______(usually thrown into fence stepped on kicked etc). I’ve never gotten on a horse again.”

You: if I hear one more I rode a horse once story again, I might shoot myself

LOL

[Meshach]

talking to two male co-workers who brought up my horse in conversation.

them - “so, it’s a colt?”

me - “actually, no, he’s been gelded.”

them - “what’s that?”

me - “you know, snip snip.” as I make a scissoring motion with my hand.

them - turn white and look like they’re about to pass out.

what is up with that with some guys? get over it, and neuter your dog while you’re at it.

also, try telling your boyfriend the procedure involved in cleaning a sheath. He got pretty grossed out and told me “I really did not need to hear that”.

[This message has been edited by Meshach (edited 10-19-2000).]

[Heather]

OMG, too funny.

I had the orgasm question asked BY A TEACHER, IN CLASS, when I was in high school. That wasn;t too embaressing or anything. It wasn’t even “Health” class for heavens sake.

Being involved in horses for many years has allowed me to have the opportunity to investigate the hospitality of many different hospital emergency rooms. Nothing like lying in a semi-mangled state, desperately wishing for some morphine, or at least some tylenol, and having every orderly, nurse and doctor in a 20 mile radius come over to share there I-rode-a-horse-once stories.

ME: “Gee, that’s amazing that you aunt had a horse that had spots on it, but do you think you could set my broken bone now? Thanks!”

I have a new neighbor, whose ex-husband bred Western Pleasure-type Appy’s. In addition to me having to find ways to convince her that she really doesn’t want to ride my issue-laden 17.3h TB, I’ve spent a lot of time answering the following question:

“Why aren’t you riding your two-year-old?”

ME:
“Um, cause he’s 2!?!?!”

“Well, you better hurry up then and get started then.”

[VTrider]

All the way through middle school and high school - my horsey friends and I never mentioned that we rode and showed b/c then we would get the autmoatic “snotty horse girl” label.

[This message has been edited by VTrider (edited 10-18-2000).]

[Cactuskate]

Along magnolia’s line,

“Have to go now or I will be late for my riding lesson.”

“You take lessons? But I thought you KNEW how to ride.”

[This message has been edited by Cactuskate (edited 10-18-2000).]

[Fairview_Horse_Cente]

How bout “Riding’s not hard, the horse does all the work”

[Portia]

Male visitor to my office, spotting the photos of the kids: “Oh, those are pretty horses.”

Me: Thank you.

Them: What kind are they?

Me: Well, they were both born here, but they’re German breeds called warmbloods. One is called a Trakehner and one is called an Oldenburg.

Them: Oh. What does that mean?

Me: It’s kind of complicated, but they’re… well, it’s kind of complicated.

Them: Oh. What do you do with them?

Me: Jumpers mostly.

Them: Oh. So you actually jump them yourself? Do you go to shows and all?

Me: Yeah. My trainer shows them too sometimes.

Them: Oh. Are they boys or girls?

Me: Well, Portia, the grey one, is a mare. And Lucien, the chestnut, um, the brownish-orange one, is a gelding.

Them: Oh. What’s a gelding?

Me: You don’t want to know.

[This message has been edited by Portia (edited 10-18-2000).]

[Duffy]

Not quite on topic, but. . .I receive my first video of my baby in his first show with my trainer doing the 2’ stuff (we’re talking more than a few years ago). . .I run to find the tv/vcr at work - wheel it into my office and one of my employees wants to see the tape too. I say, fine, pull up a chair. All she could say was how BIG HIS EARS WERE and didn’t he look like a donkey!!! She almost became an EX-employee that day!!! Grrrrrr! LOL

[horsenut]

I swear I’ve heard all of the above at least once … and most of them on a recurring basis.

Another favorite:

Them: What kind of horse is that?"
Me: It’s a quarterhorse.
Them: What are the other three-quarters?
Me:

[Magnolia]

I hate this
“Boy, he sure is big”
“Yes, Nicolas is a draft horse”
“Do you really ride him?”
“Yes”(what do you think he is tacked up for?)
“His feet are big”
“Yes”
“Does he ever step on you”
“Why yes, and he especially likes the feet of annoying people”

or this (from boyfriend’s mom)
“I ride horses for fun. I like to jump”
“Oh my, that is so dangerous. I saw a show on tv and 20 people were jumping at once and horses were going everywhere, and people were falling off.”

[Fairview_Horse_Cente]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Portia:
[B] LOL! But, Fairview, how often to you get the question, “but how did you, um, get it, um, out, um, so you could put it in the container?”

I usually even try to minimize the situation by saying, “Well…it’s um…uh…a baby horse”

Oh really, can you really grow them in there?

Well,…no, it is actually the makings of a baby horse before it becomes one.

Really, what do you do with it?

Ok, I tried but you asked for it “IT’S HORSE SEMEN”

WELL, HUMPH! (stomps away, pretends to look busy, and in general acts like I am a very rude person!)

But honestly, I TRIED! (Walk away laughing)

Or the airport when somebody wants to open to make sure I am not sending a bomb. “What am I holding in this little baggie?” (hehe)

[Black_Market_Radio]

You think explaining hunters/jumpers is hard, try explaining dressage! And yes, the annoying horse stories get incredibly old! Or the “I have always wanted a horse but…”

[AHC]

Yes, cactuskate, can’t believe I forgot “why do you still take lessons, don’t you already know how to ride?”

Let’s see, why do baseball, basketball and football teams have coaches, don’t the players already know how to play?

[Jair]

Too funny - I think I’ve had “all of the above” responses from friends and coworkers.

One thing though - its important to be creative in your responses. Particularly if you’re asked if you’ve won your race (which is what I always get). ALWAYS say yes with a straight face. You’d be amazed at the reactions!

Or if they don’t really understand the jumping, either a) tell them the height and width of the Olympic jumps, using your hand to illustrate (you don’t have to admit that you don’t jump them that high!) or b) if you’re going cross-country, just mention “oh, its kind of like the Grand National” and they’ll usually get it!

Funny, after saying things like that, very few people have asked to ride my horse!! LOL!

[ErinB]

#1 reason I never tell what BREED my horse is…

them- “You have a horse? Cool. What kinda horse is he?”

me- “Um, it’s a SHE. She’s a quarterhorse.”

“Oh, you do that barrel racing stuff? I saw that on TV the other night…”

I want to scream, “NO, you NITWIT, she’s a CHILDREN’S HUNTER for cryin’ out loud!” Why is it that when you say you have a QH people INSTANTLY assume you’re a Western rider? Sheesh.

[VWScully]

Holy!
These are all SO true! I always get the "I rode once at (some camp/trail riding barn/resort etc.) and couldn’t stop etc. etc. etc. all has been mentioned here! I am cracking up this is so funny! I thought it only happened to me! hee hee. What do you say, it is always so awkward explaining what you do to people when they find out you ride, especially when you realise that they aren’t really interested (not like when I teach the Pony Clubbers… they are all ears! ).
Anyway, we are all in some elusive mysterious and wonderfully enigmatic horsey world!
Bye for now!

[Sandy_M]

Maybe the tree-scraping thing depends on what part of the country you are from. I’ve ridden MANY, MANY hack/rent horses and their two tactics out here on the west coast have been (a) lie down and roll (a true panicker of the inexperienced); or (b) refuse to move at all. I long ago learned that when you go to a rental place, tell them that you DON’T know how to ride. Then they will give you a nice horse that just “goes along.” Tell them you know how to ride and they give you the rent string’s laziest, most stubborn horse to ride, because you “know how to ride” and can make it go. So your entire ride ends up as a kick, kick, kick, oh, H*ll, grab a switch off a tree and look like a meanie giving the sucker a good whack!

And on the orgasm question: I did have ONE person tell me that she once REALLY enjoyed a lengthened trot in one dressage test so much that she almost didn’t make it round the corner at the end of the diagonal!!

And you think people have trouble with the TB is a BREED (not a synonym for “purebred”) question, try to explain what an Appaloosa is since the ApHC has created solid 7/8ths QHs and calls THEM Appaloosas!!!

And as someone mentioned above, explaining that you rarely win money for showing your horse and the blank looks are incredible as they weigh the expense against the perceived reward.

Another favorite question is “Well, how much does it cost to have a horse.” I feel like saying, sit down and let me tell you… that it depends: If all you want is a nice quiet horse to hack out on the trail, it can be a not unreasonable expense. Do you want to show? Little schooling shows are cheap, “A” Hunter shows, well, $$$$$$. To what level do you want to ride? What are your expectations for success? HOw much are you WILLING to invest in both time and money to achieve that level. And of course, there’s always the fact that, while some horses are incredibly expensive, the purchase price is usually the least of the expense involved. It’s a great way to truly STUN someone with more information than they probably ever wanted G

I always try to point out that while you can be a hacker at golf and still enjoy yourself, riding demands a certainly level of competency before it become truly enjoyable (at least for an adult!). I think that is why gaited horses (like Pasos and Fox Trotters) have become so popular - one can learn to ride them ably more quickly than one can learn dressage or to jump.

[This message has been edited by Sandy M (edited 10-19-2000).]

[DudleyDog]

LOL Oh guys you cracked me up on this subject!!! I have myself had laughable conversations with no-bodies about horses, however, I cant remember any specific story that is funny.
I just had to reply and tell everyone thanks for sharing those. I read every one aloud to my mom and we had a good laugh!!!

[Blinky]

I have been CRACKING UP reading these!

They are all so true!

[This message has been edited by Blinky (edited 10-19-2000).]

[Goodyfourshoes]

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