first. You don’t know that. She could have had a car accident or something else. Second. No one said it was alright or oh well. It sucks. It hurts whatever the reason. Yes. You need to see a counselor because this is VERY hard stuff to deal with. Life is really really really hard sometimes. And we all need some help learning how to deal with the hard stuff. This is not easy.
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Folks you have to quit engaging the OP. You know this is just going to go down the rabbit hole every time. The mods would do best to close these threads every time they get started.
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In many other cases, I would disagree with this. But in this particular case and with this particular poster, I agree with this. The help he needs is not here.
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I also agree. In Brad’s best interests.
Whatever help this forum can give, it’s been given. The threads become contentious and a bit irrational, and that isn’t good for anyone. Especially not for Brad.
Wishing Brad all the best, and peace and healing, but don’t think he’ll find those things here.
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Also we need to declare a voluntary moratorium on replies until the mods can review this. I don’t think they work the weekend, and they will need time to settle into their week on Monday. Just a guess on the scheduling.
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Incorrect. When it is your time to die it doesn’t matter what you are doing. You could be sitting on a sofa at home, sitting in a car or sitting on a horse. Doing what your Aunt loved meant that she preferred to be sitting on a horse than sitting in a chair.
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Yea, I’m not going to find any support here. Asking the mods to review my threads is ridiculous. This is not a grief forum, this is a forum who worships their damn horses over anything else. I’ve just learned something. Thanks for that.
Yes, you’re on a horse forum. Perhaps a forum for those who are grieving the loss of their loved ones would be a better fit for you right now.
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Worth repeating…sitting on my hands here, because I really believe, unusually for me that there is no profit for anyone in this discussion.
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You are most welcome and I hope you realise that your Aunt also loved horses above a lot of other things.
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I am so sorry for your loss, for it is clear that you miss your aunt terribly. I wish you peace and healing; and that in time, your grief fades while your memories of her stay sharp and sweet.
Yes, horse people are crazy. Even obsessed. Yes, we worship horses and at the altar of horsemanship. But we are other things as well. Mothers, fathers, uncles, aunts, grandparents and mentors who love fiercely and well.
Your aunt can’t be a different person or make different choices, that is beyond her now.
The issue isn’t that your aunt loved horses and riding. The issue is that you don’t have her in your life anymore, and there is nothing that will make sense of that.
I am so sorry.
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We need to stop commenting on this thread…
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No offense, but I don’t think you personally have experienced the loss of a loved one. You attack my threads and I don’t appreciate it at all. It’s like you’re the only one here who has no empathy for my grief and you’re supposed to be a nurse anesthetist?
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Brad, you’re only like 20. The median age on COTH is in the mid- to late-50s, if I had to guess. It’s a solid bet the average COTHer has lost a loved one.
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FYI according to FB he is 32.
Brad- TheJenners is correct many of us on COTH have lost friends, relatives, parents and even their child on this board. Don’t think people don’t know what you are going through. You just keep wanting to assign blame when there isn’t anything to blame. It was an accident. A tragic accident.
My profession is paying accident and health claims. I had an accidental death claim recently where a woman stepped off the curb while getting her mail and fell. She hit her head and died due to her brain injury. It was an accident. She tripped and fell. There is nobody to blame. Melanie and her horse probably did nothing wrong. Maybe her horse tripped. I think most of us have tripped at some point. Yes, horses can trip too. It doesn’t make the outcome any easier. I will say what a number of other posters have said: Please get some professional grief counseling to help you come to terms with your loss of Melanie.
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@SonnysMom I’m glad you are here. Does Brad have other family that he can talk to? I know there is more going on here.
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I spoke to a few members of Mel and Brad’s family from TN when they were up to PA for her memorial service. I get the feeling the family is very supportive and close. I know they were made aware of the original thread about kcmel. I have lost touch with Mel’s husband. I only met him a few times after Mel’s death.
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Such a sad situation here.
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I’m so sorry for your loss Brad. Please know that the anger and frustration you feel are a normal part of grief. And you’re right; this isn’t a grief forum. A grief forum might be a good place for you to connect with others who are dealing with loss and all the unanswered questions, conflicting emotions, and waves of anger and pain that come with it.
You will find lots of support here, from horse people who knew and admired your aunt, and from people who feel nothing but kindness and compassion towards you. Unfortunately you won’t find the answers you’re looking for here because for the most part those answers simply don’t exist.
You are correct that if Melanie had never taken up riding, then she wouldn’t have died falling off a horse. But that doesn’t necessarily mean nothing bad would have happened to her. We all make thousands of seemingly minor choices every day, each one leading us to be in a particular place at a particular time. A second or two, an inch or two can be the difference between life and death in any situation - walking down the street, riding a bike, driving a car…sometimes life just seems unbearably random and unbearably unfair.
I hope you speak to a professional who can help you through your grief to a more peaceful place. It really does help - and I speak from personal experience here.
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Brad,
I condole with you on your loss. It was sudden and devastating. You weren’t there and you couldn’t do anything for her or even say good bye.
I didnt know her personally but I can tell from the other responses from the original thread and your own that she was a much loved person and a highly respected and esteemed horsewoman.
I also think she would not want you to hate horses or eventing.
A lot of your anger is actually at your aunt for dying. That is a completely normal response and you are not a bad person for feeling this way.
While you mourn your loss, remember with love and joy and gratitude all that you had with her in your life and that while she is no longer with you she will live forever in your heart.
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