Advice and tips on working with my very nervous first horse? (Update #12: Great news at last!)

[Scribbler]

@hemitheconyxcaudicinctus

Having a bad one today.
I just keep wondering when I’ll get to enjoy at least a little bit of joy or a bright moment of horse ownership. There have only been problems since I got her and I literally have not had a single day where there wasn’t some kind of overarching problem going on in the background (ulcers -> behavior -> kissing spine and feet). Everyone talks about horse ownership having highs and lows but I’ve only had lows, and it’s just like… how long do I have to wait before I get to enjoy things too? I’m so tired of struggling. I’ve been trying my hardest to make this work every day since I got her and I just wish I could go back in time and tell my past self ‘DON’T DO IT!’

I’ve wanted this more than anything for my entire life. I’ve made major career and life and financial decisions all with the intent of enabling me to own a horse of my own. And now the time’s come after looking forward to it for so long and I’m just miserable.

It feels treasonous to say, but I can’t even sell her now. If I do, I feel like she’ll probably end up euthanized or slaughtered, assuming I can even find a buyer who wants to take on a horse with documented KS and behavioral problems and poor feet and susceptibility to ulcers. I’m trapped in this situation and I want a rest so desperately.

The worst part is that even if I end up doing surgery, or any treatment, really, there’s no guarantee that I’ll finally get to sit back and start to enjoy owning a horse. She may still be high anxiety etc.

It’s just so F’d up that this was my first horse experience. I knew there would be ups and downs and scares but this is just wildly excessive. I feel like I’ve been cheated out of something I’ve wanted my entire life and something that has until now been my purpose and overarching goal.

She likes me, she follows me around, but I don’t think she loves me. She’s not overly affectionate. I feel like I’m breaking my spine bending over backwards for her and have been every day for the past 3 months, going absolutely broke over it, and I barely even get any affection in return. I know they can’t understand everything that we go through and it’s irrational to expect gratitude and she does show signs that she’s happy to see me, but I wish she’d nuzzle me like some of the geldings I knew just one time, or enjoy being petted.

I want to wake up from what feels like an increasingly wild nightmare. And I can’t.

Just needed to get this off my chest. Thank you guys for hanging around.

Horses are not cuddly like dogs and if they follow you around and want to stand close that’s a huge good sign. Watch them in a field. They just stand close to each other a doze. Inside each other’s force field or body heat. Sometimes they groom each other but mostly they take comfort in the proximity of those they trust.

It’s too soon to give up. I agree, fix the feet and see where that gets you

IME every new owner goes through a bunch of trouble, either behavior or physical or training or riding. Especially at the bargain end of things. At least now you know you are not handling her wrong and she is not “bad.” You have insurance. You will get through this and see where you are at after, and evaluate then.

You could buy a perfect horse for $75 k and have it rip a suspensory in the paddock in the first month.

[Bluey]

@hemitheconyxcaudicinctus

Having a bad one today.
I just keep wondering when I’ll get to enjoy at least a little bit of joy or a bright moment of horse ownership. There have only been problems since I got her and I literally have not had a single day where there wasn’t some kind of overarching problem going on in the background (ulcers -> behavior -> kissing spine and feet). Everyone talks about horse ownership having highs and lows but I’ve only had lows, and it’s just like… how long do I have to wait before I get to enjoy things too? I’m so tired of struggling. I’ve been trying my hardest to make this work every day since I got her and I just wish I could go back in time and tell my past self ‘DON’T DO IT!’

I’ve wanted this more than anything for my entire life. I’ve made major career and life and financial decisions all with the intent of enabling me to own a horse of my own. And now the time’s come after looking forward to it for so long and I’m just miserable.

It feels treasonous to say, but I can’t even sell her now. If I do, I feel like she’ll probably end up euthanized or slaughtered, assuming I can even find a buyer who wants to take on a horse with documented KS and behavioral problems and poor feet and susceptibility to ulcers. I’m trapped in this situation and I want a rest so desperately.

The worst part is that even if I end up doing surgery, or any treatment, really, there’s no guarantee that I’ll finally get to sit back and start to enjoy owning a horse. She may still be high anxiety etc.

It’s just so F’d up that this was my first horse experience. I knew there would be ups and downs and scares but this is just wildly excessive. I feel like I’ve been cheated out of something I’ve wanted my entire life and something that has until now been my purpose and overarching goal.

She likes me, she follows me around, but I don’t think she loves me. She’s not overly affectionate. I feel like I’m breaking my spine bending over backwards for her and have been every day for the past 3 months, going absolutely broke over it, and I barely even get any affection in return. I know they can’t understand everything that we go through and it’s irrational to expect gratitude and she does show signs that she’s happy to see me, but I wish she’d nuzzle me like some of the geldings I knew just one time , or enjoy being petted.

I want to wake up from what feels like an increasingly wild nightmare. And I can’t.

Just needed to get this off my chest. Thank you guys for hanging around.

You know, is ok to say this is not working for me and look for a way out.
Your responsibility to any horse is self imposed, is the right thing to do, why many of us like horses, something to care for and do right for.

Maybe this horse is not for you after all, seems not to be what you wanted or can make work, is going to make you sick trying?
If so, think of your options, so whatever you do you can live with and at least not be so miserable, you are following a goal happily.

The old, you have to kiss some frogs before you find your prince applies in many situations, with horses also.
Is easy to just sit here and say this is what I would do, keep trying and digging myself into a hole and maybe come out better for it, with a wonderful horse, or, as you seem to think now, the chances are even if horse improves and becomes suitable for what you wanted, is just not going to fill the job you wanted, you will still be over horsed, she seems to be lots of horse at mid teens, when do you think she is going to grow up?

Maybe touch base with a counselor to determine where your confusion and anxiety is going and how to help you thru this tough time?

[findeight]

Had a friend pay just under 70k in 1998ish to a very highly respected trainer for a dream horse and watch the wheels come off as it went nuts about 90 days later, later there were whispers about that same trainer and Lithium. Couldn’t prove a thing. Then there was the debacle when tests could detect Reserpine, oh how the mighty fell with that, who knew they were such cheats. Then there were the show vets selling Carolina Gold, guaranteed not to test, until it did.

Then there was the poor lady who watched her new dream horse come off the van from Florida, turned him out in the field for a roll…and watched him snap a foreleg. That was a total accident but thats horses.

Might be a good opportunity to recommend our newer posters and younger folk read a book called HOT BLOOD? The worst of the worst but it is part of the underbelly of horse sports.

[Tha_Ridge]

@Scribbler

You could buy a perfect horse for $75 k and have it rip a suspensory in the paddock in the first month.

Hi, it me. Well… it was 3 months, but same logic applies. Sigh.

[Pezanos]

2 things: 1) so, so many of us have had first horse experiences that were challenging. You aren’t alone. 2) you might gently reach out behind the scenes to others here who might know the vets or farriers in your area. There are a lot of farriers who talk a great story who actually might not help your situation. Same with some local vets and I’m sorry to say, some of the local hospitals. Get some references from folks who have btdt.

[Posting_Trot]

Omg, was the sales barn Strain’s? Oof.

I feel for you. Here you thought you’d embarked on a lifelong dream of horse ownership only to have it turn quickly into a nightmare experience. It can (and does) happen to anyone, but it still doesn’t make the experience any more bearable.

It may still be too early to give up hope. It’s definitely worth it to try fixing her feet and doing ground work to build her up. Whether you end up doing the kissing spine surgery might be a decision that you can put off for a few months to see how well she responds to the other interventions.

I don’t remember which horse guru it was (and I’m using that term respectfully) that said something along the lines of: “we think we know what we want to teach our horse, but the horse ends up teaching us what we need to know.”

That may be a small comfort, but learning whatever you can learn from your experience with your horse will make you into a better horseperson.

Good luck.

[Bogie]

@DMK

Just in case you mean ground driving (aka two lines with or without a surcingle), my experience is that this is something best left to people with significant experience in this area. You need to be lightning fast and very correct with your aids, and if you screw up, it’s very easy to scare the horse (nothing says fun like a reactive horse wrapped up in the lines) and end up far worse than where you started. There’s plenty to be learned with regular lunging in an appropriate sized closed ring.

Definitely not something to try on your own. I had my trainer work with me several times before I felt comfortable long lining my mare. It’s a great skill to have in your toolbox but it can go wrong quickly. Luckily the times my mare has gotten tangled up in the lines, she just rolls her eyes at me and stands quietly while I disentangle her. Not all horses are so calm about it. It’s also helpful if you can start in an enclosed area like a ring (rather than the big open field that I worked in!).

[Scribbler]

One of the best bits of horse buying advice I’ve read on COTH is to vet the seller before the horse. There are people here who know totally straight up honest breeders, and know if they buy a young horse off video from those breeders it will be exactly as advertised. And they have cultivated those relationships over the years. That’s a case of having perfect trust in the seller.

If you are dealing with a bargain trainer or sales barn it is always worth checking the reputation beforehand. Obviously no sales barn sells 100 % crocked horses, so there will be mixed reviews even of bad places. This is where having an honest and knowledgeable trainer in your corner helps. Not just knowledgeable about actual horses, but about the people and places active in your region.

[ShenanAnna]

I got rooked by a sales barn. However, the horse was sound and usable, but kind of at the upper limit of my skill level.

[Djones]

Oh the first horse I bought we turned out on 40 acres and occasionally caught her over the next several months. When I rode her, she ran away with me. I was 10 traded her spotted ass off for a wonderful grade mare who carried me everywhere without complaint.

[vxf111]

I’m really sorry. I think many people around you let you down. Bigtime. You don’t deserve this.

[Training_Cupid]

I’m about to have very expensive diagnostics done on my horse, and am prepared to pay for whatever follow up treatment is recommended. However this horse had been my best friend for the past 9 years. We’ve gone to countless shows/clinics/events, down hundreds of miles of trails, he’s seen me through a divorce and the birth of my child.
The horse I had before him I loved for 18 years before putting her down in her late 20s when her health was failing.
I’m sorry you didn’t get to experience the joys of horse ownership before the heartbreak.

[hj.eq.xc]

YES I was going to ask this. My experience at Strain…

they give you a list of vets to pick to do the PPE, you cannot bring your own and have to buy the horse and bring it home if you want to vet with your own vet, the vets strongly discourage all clients against doing rads during the PPE, it is HIGHLY suspicious. We used a practice that is “called” a similar variation on “Trout Stream” and the vet was someone called “Dr. Name of shark in Finding Nemo”. Maybe similar to you? Our boy was great down there as well, but obviously drugged or sedated or something like that looking back despite the negative tests we did via bloodwork. He was super lethargic and laid back and he definitely has an attitude and was awake when we brought him home

We bought a cute little chestnut from them, did a PPE including bloodwork, asked to do rads of the back and they flatly said that they would not because they don’t radiograph the back in the field (ya sure), sound for a little bit and then mystery lameness, comes and goes, two months into ownership we had out own vet essentially re-PPE. BOOM kissing spine diagnosis and sore front feet. This horse is actually really smiler to OP’s post. We also are dealing with thinner soles on the front feet and is currently barefoot after transitioning in January of this year, we have had him since 2021. Actually a different approach, we took him barefoot to thicken his soles and started a supplement called J Herb to help. Pads made them worse. Back never palpates as sore and he is actually a total doll and will walk through fire and trail ride all day. His KS is not the cause of his lameness from what we have found, after a Bone Scan and many many vet evaluations, we still have no idea what his soreness comes from. It is never consistent so we just work on low key rehab stuff to keep his muscle up and he is loving life and is spoiled and is actually looking like he is coming out of his lameness a bit and getting much better. He loves trails and hill work so that’s what we do and use the EquiCore a lot.

We did consider a suit against the vet practice that did the PPE because we asked describing what we would like done (rads of back, feet, hocks, knees, neck) and they said they never do rads of back and neck in the field and “no one ever asks for that” and the interactions between the vet and the owner was very suspicious during the PPE as well and there was some other stuff that happened in interactions that was justifying a suit but I am not going to get into it more on here. Irony is that I did bring up KS concerns at the time and the vet flatly denied any possible KS present. He did palpate sore on the day, although it has dissipated over the many months we have had him. This was early on in horse ownership for us and while the red flags were noticed, naively overlooked. Live and learn but this is DEFINITELY a pattern with them and new horse buyers.

[hj.eq.xc]

Not sure where you are exactly but check out The Humble Hoof Rehab Farm. She does feet and sure foot pads and has proper body workers come in and it’s on a track system to facilitate movement, gentle hills to build back muscle and help toughen thin soles and thicken them. Not sure where you are but would suggest you look into it before surgery. They are out 24/7 so not for stall rest although she does have a barn. Anywho, my rehab suggestion. Believe me, you are not alone particularly when it comes from people who have purchased from Strain.

[hj.eq.xc]

went down there and rode a horse that literally tripped and proceeded to fall on his face completely and couldn’t recover and stumbled for like 20ft trying to get up and then they have the audacity to say they don’t drug them??? anyway, they keep the horses stalled all the time, so they would get too crazy for people to just show up and ride un-drugged.

[endlessclimb]

I agree with those saying fix the feet, and for me I’d get her in solo turnout right away to begin resolving the buddy sourness all the time instead of just when you’re there.

If that doesn’t resolve her anxiety ridden and balky attitude, I’d euth and start over. I would not sink a boatload of money into this horse. I have a feeling you’re going to sink a crapload of money in and still have a rank mare at the end of this.

And take lessons, both on the ground and in the saddle.

I don’t disagree you got rooked. But that doesn’t mean you’re somehow beholden to this horse. There’s a reason she ended up at this sale barn, and you’re not obligated to be her savior.

[Bluey]

@endlessclimb

I agree with those saying fix the feet, and for me I’d get her in solo turnout right away to begin resolving the buddy sourness all the time instead of just when you’re there.

If that doesn’t resolve her anxiety ridden and balky attitude, I’d euth and start over. I would not sink a boatload of money into this horse. I have a feeling you’re going to sink a crapload of money in and still have a rank mare at the end of this.

And take lessons, both on the ground and in the saddle.

I don’t disagree you got rooked. But that doesn’t mean you’re somehow beholden to this horse. There’s a reason she ended up at this sale barn, and you’re not obligated to be her savior.

Sadly right.
Spending all the emotional, time and financial resources you are and are contemplating on a horse with unsuitable temperament for what you need doesn’t make sense, unless you have unlimited resources and she is your charity case and can detach a little bit.
If you do carry on with her, now with open eyes and a shrug to how this situation came to be, leaving the anguish behind, you will learn much, about yourself also.
So will you if you disengage, hard either way.
These situations follow a heartbreaking path, sorry.

[Montanas_Girl]

@endlessclimb

I don’t disagree you got rooked. But that doesn’t mean you’re somehow beholden to this horse. There’s a reason she ended up at this sale barn, and you’re not obligated to be her savior.

Agreed. It’s sad for both you and the horse, but I do think you should take a breath and a little time to step back and really think about how much money you want to sink into this horse. Even if (and it’s a big "if* when KS is involved) you are able to solve her physical issues, the behavioral ones still need to be addressed. I’m so very sorry for the mess you’ve found yourself in. This is not how anyone should experience horse ownership for the first time. ((hugs))

[beowulf]

A lot of people let down that horse, and by proxy you along the way.

There is also a lot of breed bias to unpack in that post, and I’m sorry to read that the experts in your circle have such a poor opinion of TBs. The symptoms you’ve associated with TBs are symptoms of a horse in pain, not TBs as a breed. The mare looks like a rather typical QH to me, with the back and jowls being textbook QH.

I know your most recent post was a vent, but don’t forget the horse is in pain and suffering too. She does not have a concept of the financial burden she’s imposed on you. KS can be manageable, with the right management and therapies. Fix her feet (put her in rim pads or wedges if you have to), dose her therapeutically if you can afford it via back injections, Osphos, sarapin, etc, and see where you are. Try to get her as much turnout as possible closest to 24/7. These small tweaks in management can make a big difference in a horse’s overall comfort.

OR, get her off your payroll with full disclosure and hope she has a soft landing. There is no perfect answer here. You will either have to spend money to make her comfortable enough to be ridden, or have her PTS, or you rehome her with full disclosure and hope for the best. Only you can make that decision.

Horses in pain behave differently. Learn to recognize the signs so you can be their (and your own) best ambassador. I agree with Findeight, your current circle has let you down and may not be the best fit for you or your mare in your current journey.

[Angela_Freda]

@endlessclimb

I don’t disagree you got rooked. But that doesn’t mean you’re somehow beholden to this horse. There’s a reason she ended up at this sale barn, and you’re not obligated to be her savior.

Indeed and agreed, salvation for this horse may actually be putting her down.