Advice on going to shows on my own

[nighthorse6]

My situation:
I have my own farm and keep my horses here, but I also board my young OTTB. I do all the training, but I do take 1 lesson a week with the barn owner who also teaches lessons there. I also go to shows with her so she can coach me. I have my own trailer.

I would like to take my OTTB to clinics and other shows on my own, that my coach isn’t planning on attending. Just to get him out several times a month and give us both experience. I know I can of course do this, I’m an adult, it’s my horse. HOWEVER, we all know that people can get their feelings hurt and that some trainers can get insecure and upset when their clients do things like that.

My questions:
Is it good etiquiette to let her know that I’m planning on going to X show this month or XYZ clinic? In the Fall when I have mentioned wanting to go to different events, I could tell she wasn’t pleased and gave me reasons why I shouldn’t go. So I didn’t go, not wanting to cause issues.

Or do I just leave a note saying I took my horse for the day with no explanation of where or what?
I know I don’t need her permission, but it’s also a small horse community and I’m sure she would find out and that doesn’t feel right either.

This seems so silly typing this out and my husband doesn’t get why it’s a big deal to just take your own horse in your own trailer and do what you want with it, but I’m sure everyone on here will understand and hopefully give me some advice on how to navigate this situation.

[MHM]

@nighthorse6

Or do I just leave a note saying I took my horse for the day with no explanation of where or what?

Oh, boy. I would not do that.

If you’re definitely going to do something regardless of what she thinks, I would just politely present it that way ahead of time. As a definite plan, not a question or a discussion.

“Hey, just FYI. I’m taking my horse to XYZ on Sunday. I’m leaving with him at 6:00 AM and we’ll be back at the end of the day.”

[Rumorhasit93]

Hi! I’m also a DIY ammy who often goes rogue.

First of all, this is super doable!

Second, I would definitely give notice. No need to ask for permission, IMO, but say “I am planning to go to this show, just so you know I’ll be gone from x-y”. If you need an excuse, always safe to blame it on your schedule or venue preference.

[saddleup]

Just be really matter-of-fact about it. It’s your horse, your trailer, your plan. If she says something negative, or even looks perturbed, just ignore it. She works for you. You write the checks.

Have fun.

[QuestionMark]

I also would not just leave a note. I maybe would do that if you were confident that she would not mind, but it sounds like that is not the case. If you want to have a conversation about it or be ready in case she does, can you highlight your purpose of getting the horse some more miles and experience at this impressionable moment in his life?

Like what if she was not pleased because she thought you were wanting her to go to more shows than she wants to go to, but if you are clear that you actually just want to get the horse out and it’s fine with you to do some of both, maybe that will make things feel fine to everyone.

[nighthorse6]

Thanks everyone! This is all good advice!

[Annie10]

@MHM

@nighthorse6

Or do I just leave a note saying I took my horse for the day with no explanation of where or what?

Oh, boy. I would not do that.

If you’re definitely going to do something regardless of what she thinks, I would just politely present it that way ahead of time. As a definite plan, not a question or a discussion.

“Hey, just FYI. I’m taking my horse to XYZ on Sunday. I’m leaving with him at 6:00 AM and we’ll be back at the end of the day.”

That’s exactly the way I would handle it. I’ve never really had this problem because even though I do take lessons also I’m not the kind of person that feels like I need to get her permission or approval to go off and do something with my own horse. I could see maybe she might be concerned if she feels like you’re doing something that’s inappropriate or might over face the horse or something like that and hopefully she would bring those concerns to your attention but other than that basically all she needs to say is OK thank you for letting me know. Have fun.

[Rackonteur]

@nighthorse6

In the Fall when I have mentioned wanting to go to different events, I could tell she wasn’t pleased and gave me reasons why I shouldn’t go. So I didn’t go, not wanting to cause issues.

What reasons did she give? Hard to advise you without being in the loop of y’all’s discussion.

[Demerara_Stables]

As someone that’s been in the trainer’s shoes in this scenario, it deserves a deeper conversation.

(Not saying this is your situation, but) if the trainer doesn’t think your horse should go because he’s not ready/not fit/the clinician is too different from her training philosophies, I can understand her hesitation. You should both discuss what her qualms are and then you need to decide if hers is the right program for you. I don’t think it’s fair for a client to go off and do whatever they want but then come back to the home trainer who then has to fix whatever said clinician screwed up on the horse. Again, not at all saying that’s the situation here. If the clinician(s) you want to work with are people that this trainer doesn’t want you to work with (for whatever reason), then I think the right move is to tell this trainer maybe you aren’t the right fit for her program.

At the end of the day it’s your horse and you can/should do what you think is best, but if you’re in someone’s program because you trust them, you owe it to them to stick to that program.

[LilRanger]

Start with clinics. Unless she is legit worries about contagion, maybe clinic’s are a good start. I’m not sure why she is unhappy, but make sure you don’t bring anything home that could effect the barn!

[K_VanOlst]

@Demerara_Stables

I don’t think it’s fair for a client to go off and do whatever they want but then come back to the home trainer who then has to fix whatever said clinician screwed up on the horse.

This is such a weird take and would be a huge red flag for me as a client. I pay the bills. I decide what I want to do with my horse. I would take my trainers opinion into my considerations but at the end of the day this is an insanely expensive hobby so if you’re not funding me, you don’t make the final decision. Although I don’t ride h/j and am completely mystified by the culture of basically letting the trainer dictate every aspect of what clients can and can’t do with their own horses.

[ParadoxFarm]

Does your current trainer have your horse in a program, or is it just the weekly lessons? If it’s just a weekly lesson, that’s not much, so I can’t see the trainer getting upset that she (he) has to fix the horse after a clinic, etc. And a show is a show. You say you have horses at home. Is there a reason why you can’t keep this horse at home and just trailer in to your weekly lessons, and then you have guilt-free control over what you want to do with your horse? I keep my horses at home and have trainers come in when I want a lesson and I trailer out when I want to show – usually on my own. It works for me.

[SillyHorse]

@K_VanOlst

@Demerara_Stables

I don’t think it’s fair for a client to go off and do whatever they want but then come back to the home trainer who then has to fix whatever said clinician screwed up on the horse.

This is such a weird take and would be a huge red flag for me as a client. I pay the bills. I decide what I want to do with my horse. I would take my trainers opinion into my considerations but at the end of the day this is an insanely expensive hobby so if you’re not funding me, you don’t make the final decision. Although I don’t ride h/j and am completely mystified by the culture of basically letting the trainer dictate every aspect of what clients can and can’t do with their own horses.

It’s hard for me to understand why a trainer would automatically assume that “said clinician” would screw up the horse. Like “said trainer” is the best in the universe and the only one who will not screw up the horse. Pretty arrogant, if you ask me.

[Pennywell_Bay]

@Demerara_Stables

but if you’re in someone’s program because you trust them, you owe it to them to stick to that program.

You can stick to someone’s program and still gain valuable insight and other opinons. Sometimes outside trainers can see something, advise on something the trainer who sees them every day may miss.

Now- my caveat to this is that the rider has to be able to advocate for themselves and the horse and not allow them to be over faced. I have a horse that is game, well bred and capable of way more than I will ever do. And THAT is one of the first things I say. If I am going to a clinic, I have already spoken with the organizer and said - I am in the XX group, let’s say 2’6. I do not want to be doing a move up. I am entered in the section because that is my comfort zone. I also have zero issue of peacing out and leaving

My trainer has never had to “fix” an issue caused by me “going rogue” and I do lots of clinics and I show solo. Sometimes we even have great discussions if I gain a nugget from a clinician and run it by him. Clincis are meant to compliment the training and as riders, we need to be honest with ourselves about our riding ability, our horse’s ability and what we plan to get out of the adventure.

Suggesting a well vetted clinician will ruin a trainer work is… gross and condescending to the rider. Contrary to some opinons, not all ammies who venture out without their trainers are bumbling idiots who will allow a clinician to ruin their horse or attempt to jump 1.30 in the 2’6 section.

[nighthorse6]

@ParadoxFarm

Does your current trainer have your horse in a program, or is it just the weekly lessons? If it’s just a weekly lesson, that’s not much, so I can’t see the trainer getting upset that she (he) has to fix the horse after a clinic, etc. And a show is a show. You say you have horses at home. Is there a reason why you can’t keep this horse at home and just trailer in to your weekly lessons, and then you have guilt-free control over what you want to do with your horse? I keep my horses at home and have trainers come in when I want a lesson and I trailer out when I want to show – usually on my own. It works for me.

Yes, it’s just a weekly lesson. No one else rides the horse but me, so there is no additional training or oversight outside of that one lesson.

I don’t have a place to ride at my house and I love the social aspect of boarding. It’s lonely at home! Also, once I get to the boarding barn I’m committed to ride, but if I’m home it’s easier to get busy doing other things and skip riding.

[trubandloki]

I agree with most of the other posters, leaving a note is not the right way to do this.

Tell the barn owner/trainer that you will be taking Dobbin to whatever on this date.

If they have an issue, talk it out like adults. Even if they are not being so adult.

[clanter]

might want to review the boarding contract, if there is any, for losses

As a business owner who never ran a public boarding stable my concern would be Care/Custody/Control if there was an unreported injury while horsy has gone on a trip out of my control who is at fault, sure would not be me but proving who is at fault would be a battle?

[trubandloki]

@clanter

As a business owner who never ran a public boarding stable my concern would be Care/Custody/Control if there was an unreported injury while horsy has gone on a trip out of my control who is at fault, sure would not be me but proving who is at fault would be a battle?

I have never heard of a boarding barn falling back on their CCC insurance as a reason to tell people they can not take their own horse to a show or clinic.

[NancyM]

If this is making you uncomfortable… I’d be taking my horse home, and shipping in for lessons weekly, and shipping home again. This would remove yourself from “full care” at your coach’s facility. And remove some of the “control” of you and your horse from the coach.

[trubandloki]

@NancyM

I’d be taking my horse home, and shipping in for lessons weekly, and shipping home again. This would remove yourself from “full care” at your coach’s facility. And remove some of the “control” of you and your horse from the coach.

I think the OP gave some very good reasons why they want to board this horse, instead of having it at home.

At least to me, who has my horse at home, they are VERY good reasons. I totally get the no place to ride at home and how at home it is too easy to make an excuse not to ride.