I’m at a crossroads with this and I just don’t know what to do. Here’s the background. Sorry for the novel. I appreciate any and all responses.
So about two years ago I was given a mare because she was a problem child. Beautiful and talented jumping mare but a reputation so terrible no one would buy her. The previous owner really did everything completely screwy with her and I know she’d be a totally different horse had she not been the one to breed, raise, and train her. When I got her she was led around with a lip chain because she had no manners. She’s plow into you with her shoulder and I had to do many many sessions with the chain over the nose and a dressage whip to undo that. She can no be led with bailing twine. She also used to hang on my hands so hard they’d be raw and plow around on the front end. She mostly sat with me for the first year aside from ground manner lessons and occasional rides while I worked through the nursing program. Over the past 8 months or so I’ve started focusing on bringing her up to speed and her riding has improved tremendously. She LOVES jumping and is so dead honest about it. She is quite athletic and pulls off saves that impress my trainer with her cattiness. BUT she’s a “red mare”. She can try her heart out for things she loves (Like jumps) and then also just pick something she’s done a million times and just be a total mule about it and you have to battle her through it. A lot of times she’ll pick the same thing for a while and you do the same battle (like the sudden not wanting to load in the trailer) for months and then it just stops and is good. She tends to spook or tune out as a method of trying to avoid work,which I’m sure worked in the past with the old owner, but not me. And it’s one of those things that’s just ingrained in her and she always has to give it a try. And sometimes she just decides something she’s done quite a bit before (like stepping on white concrete) is just over the top and will flat out refuse to approach and it’s a chore to get that over. She has certain quicks where she can be dangerous. Like when I had to worm her she was rearing up over my head. And we’ve worked on that with each worming and she doesn’t do the rearing up anymore but still isn’t something I’d have someone else deal with. She also decides sometimes that she just won’t be caught. It’s a game. I’ve tried all the tricks in the book but none of them work on her. She’s too smart and stubborn. I keep her in a halter with a lead dragging during times where I’m short on time (nurse with two jobs) so that I can catch her. It doesn’t bother her and we have electric fences and nothing to get caught on. If you don’t ride her for a while the game ends and she begs for attention and looks disappointed when you don’t bring her in to saddle up. She requires a lot to “put together” under saddle since her tendency is to motor along on the front. She reaches under her belly and overtracks but is still on the forehand unless you constantly work at it. Overall I’m just painting a picture of talented girl, but a difficult horse to deal with and sometimes I even get tired of the constant “games”.
About two months ago I took her in to the vet because after a month of coming back into work she was just off at the trot and went from being a horse who never gave me a wrong lead to not getting her left lead no matter what was tried. She used to always get her leads on the lunge without thought and now a lot of times she’s counter canter to avoid the left lead. Vet found out she has high and low ringbone stage 1 and 2 in both hinds. Vet also thought she had possible neuro issues because he didn’t think she really knew where here hind feet were because she walks a bit weird. To me she just has that swinging walk I’ve seen in quite a few Arabs (she’s half arab and half RID). And she’d about buckle at the knees when you pressed on the top of her hips. Vet is very experience lameness vet. He told me not to put any more money into her because it was 50/50 on which direction we’d go with her being an eventing/riding horse for me. I don’t think she has neuro issues and she seems to figure out her feet well over poles and jumps. I’ve had the chiropractor out regularly and she readjusts her hips every time and said it’s just going to be a maintenance thing probably due to her compensating for the ringbone in the hinds. Vet seemed to think the ringbone was the least of our worries and that it shouldn’t be an issue until she starts scoring a 6/7 on the scale. She’s been on a half tab of previcox since. She still felt slightly off at the trot with that and there was a period of time where she was more willing to give the left lead but still having issues. After day one of the event (granted she was a total fruit loop and constantly calling and riling my other horse up despite them being trailered and one tied while the other is ridden quite often), but she seemed a bit more sore after the event. The vet had told me to use her and just get her strong and see what we got. We had been schooling novice level and competed in intro due to the fuss.
After the event I couldn’t find my bottle of previcox and she was just turned out (they live in paddocks) for a week. When I rode her after a week off and no previcox she was so anxious about canter departs and just wouldn’t give the left lead and when we’d really get her set up that she almost had to give it she just was strung out and funky behind and then looked slightly off at the walk following that. So I’m just feeling crushed. I’m pretty positive the ringbone came from the trauma of her kicking the crap out of the pipe panels at her old owners place kicking at horses. I was told she always was swollen from the concussion of that. Over the past couple months I really worked on getting her conditioned and stronger and did lots of trail riding and mountain work. But with her being off at the trot and so stressed and unwilling to give the left lead canter (the right hind is worse so this makes sense), I just feel like I’m spinning my wheels and spending a lot of time and money to get no where. If she’s off at this level of work for intro, B/N, then what am I doing? And she’s not head bobbing lame but there’s just the offness you can feel and slightly see. We also can’t be doing eventing with only the right lead. I don’t have a need for a horse for anything else. I have my gelding to event and my RID broodmare for ISH eventers. Eventing is what I’m interested in. I just don’t know what to do with her. It’s obviously already bothering her even with previcox. And I think it’s a lot to do that and injections or whatever else do just bebop around the lowest levels. I wouldn’t sell her with how she is. Even if someone was willing to take her on with full disclosure, I don’t think she’d last long before ending up at auction. And a horse that you give away with some maintenance requirements are the ones that are older steady eddies and she’s definitely not that. Her current training, her personality, and condition all make it so I don’t feel I have many options.
I feel like my ethical options are:
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Hang onto her for the rest of her life as a pasture ornament (she’s only 10)
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Try to find that one in a million nice pasture pet home for her
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Put her down
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I just really don’t want to do that seeing as (this might sound callous) while I love her and we’ve had some super fun times jumping, she’s difficult and hasn’t done much to earn a full ride through life like my other event horse
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I think this option would make me feel good knowing she just gets to be a horse and do nothing. But then I also run the risk of her passing along hands into the unknown or when the time comes that the ringbone gets bad that she’s not walking sound, the person not putting her down.
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This makes me feel sick to my stomach. She’s so young and I just feel so crushed about a wasted life, but I’d know she wouldn’t ever have an uncertain future or suffer.
I feel like if we still have offness on half tab of previcox this early in the ringbone that continuing to try to compete her is not fair. I also feel that it’s just not worth the large hassle to keep turning her around when we really won’t get far due to the ringbone limitations. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve talked to my trainer about it too and with how much money and time I spend on this, it’s supposed to be fun. And with her there’s some really fun times but she’s a lot of work to ride all the time and it’s frustrating. Maybe I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. But I just feel like with the needing so much to hold together and off the forehand, the left lead stress and reluctance (she’ll pop up with that shoulder like she’s about to go into the left lead and then launch over into the right like she’s trying to avoid the push with that hind), and the off feeling at the trot of a lot of times that she’s showing me that she’s just not comfortable for this kind of work. I think she keeps doing it for me and because she likes the jumping parts. I think she’d enjoy being a horse and doing trail rides but I wouldn’t giver her away as a trail horse. And I just don’t have time for a just trail horse with eventing and two jobs. And I feel guilty. We had so many people who knew her before I got her that were amazed with her improvement and I just feel like I’ve failed her. And I feel guilty that I’m feeling like I’m ready to throw in the towel with the constant battles for simple things. I feel guilty I didn’t make her into that solid packer eventer I had planned on. And then I feel guilty if I don’t hang onto her as a pasture ornament forever. If I had my farm already I wouldn’t hesitate to do so. But I won’t have a farm of my own for probably five years or more.
