JMO you have a puppy with a “sharp” temperament. Having children changes the dynamic but you say the dog has never shown any aggression toward the children? True? The kids take his toys etc, and he’s fine right?
The main problem seems to come with strangers be it friends or family. He doesn’t like to be petted and becomes very stressed when faced with new people. What about on his walks? How does he behave then?
What did you want to do with this dog? Is he a pet, show, working dog?
How important is the social aspect of your life? Does the dog have to be just as social as you? Can you tolerate having a dog that has to be gated when company is over?
The breeder has offered to swap puppies. Why haven’t you taken him/her up on the offer? Do you like a challenge, do you love his looks, conformation etc? WHAT DO YOU WANT THIS DOG FOR? This SPECIFIC dog? The answer makes a world of difference because to keep everyone safe, the dog needs to be trained well and managed. He may be the wrong puppy for you in your present lifestyle.
I have read nothing here that says the puppy needs to be PTS. He may need a different owner, no crime there.
Only you can answer the questions. And be honest with yourself. It’s better for the dog.
And yes, aggressive breeds should never be allowed to sleep on your bed because if you allow that at some point when he reaches maturity he made decide it’s his bed not yours or your kids. Then you have a problem, a big problem. Give him a nice bed on the floor and teach him the “place” command. That can also be one way of dealing with company. He has a bed, he’s told to go to “place” and stay there. NO petting. NO taking the dog to work. He has told you he is stressed. Pay attention to what the dog is telling you.
You know how many barn owners have a sign that says My Barn My Rules? In your case it’s My House My Rules. The NILIF approach. The puppy has to earn what he gets. Teach him to sit on command and then He sits before he eats, he sits before you open the door, he learns “place”, etc. He esp learns to heel! I had a dog trainer who specialized in aggressive dogs tell me that “heeling” is the first command he teaches because it’s the most unnatural. Most dogs don’t heel without being taught. Heeling automatically sets the human up as more in control than the dog. Dogs sit on their own, they lie down on their own, they even go to their bed on their own. We teach foals to lead right away. There is a reason why. It’s so we have control. And you do it with kindness and firmness and tiny treats to learn.
He’s praised on high when he does good. And no treats except in training. And then only tiny pieces.
I think you need to consider what you want out of this dog. If, and it may be a big if, you decide to keep him you need a top notch dog trainer. You must have dog clubs around. Usually they are an excellent resource. They know the trainers in the area and you can go and observe how a trainer trains and find out reputation.
OR, the puppy needs to go back to the breeder and I would hope the breeder finds him a different owner more suited to his personality. You haven’t failed if that’s what you choose to do so don’t think that way. The welfare of the dog comes first because he is an animal and has no control over this situation. You are the adult in the room.
