The BO where I took lessons had her own, private, locked tack room. The boarders had lockers or trunks and the wall racks were school saddles. Time to bring YOUR saddle into YOUR tack room/home for inventory and repair.
Over and onward makes several good points.
Good luck in whatever you choose to do, you are NOT the A.
7 Likes
Using oneās words and setting boundaries should work. I donāt know anyone who owns a barn with boarders who segregates their tack from the boarderās tack. This doesnāt sound like a huge barn. Owner needs to reclaim her goods and be done. Take the stirrups off for a couple weeks lol.
2 Likes
In this world, some are givers and some are users.
Once you realize you are a giver and who the users are in your life, you may be either at any time also, depending on who you interact with, once you realize what the score is, if a giver, set limits, if a user, check with your conscience and adjust your behavior.
1 Like
I did not get to read your original post (that you have now deleted) so I am lacking the history with all the information, but this post makes you sound like you would rather be annoyed by this person than do anything about it.
You do not mention casually you want your tack back and hope she complies. You tell her that you need your tack back and then remove it from her use on that date. Even if that means you have to take it into your house or move it to a space in the barn she does not go into.
You have been very generous, now she can turn around and find her own tack, like every other horse owner would do.
And no, you do not have to offer her another saddle to use.
This is a perfect plan.
6 Likes
Reminds me of someone I knew for whom any day was a day for āHey itās my birthday! Buy me a beer.ā
1 Like
Youāre far from the āAā in an AITA, but like others have said, you really need to set boundaries, not just with this boarder, but other boarders.
First of all, with the exception of perhaps a one-off trial, in future, if someone borrows your tack, you might want to consider charging a ālendingā fee. I think you definitely need a CTJ moment with this boarder, and set a definite limit on when you will repossess your tack. If she continues to use it, then tell her she will be charged. Explain firmly you need it back.
Going forward, you need to charge for services you provide, including training rides or using or showing your horse. Even if you donāt need the fee, even if you feel itās good for your horse, you are providing a service and should be compensated.
I donāt think this person is necessarily a āgrifterāāthey may just be ignorant that this is not how barns usually work. The only times Iāve seen barn owners give training rides or opportunities to show for free is in trade for labor, or, maybeāmaybeāat very well-heeled barns, where the client had sunk a great deal of money into the program.
Honestly, with the sponsorshipā¦personally, Iād be annoyed being at a barn where I couldnāt wear what I wanted or accept promotions from an outside source. But I would NEVER expect to borrow my trainerās tack for free for my personal horse (riding a lesson horse is different) or to get training rides or ride my trainerās horse for free.
I remember at one barn I was atā¦a woman who boarded there told her friend she could ride her horse when she wasnāt there. Friend showed up, rode horse (I think she did sign a release, so that wasnāt an issue). Friend used barn ownerās saddle pad on horse rather than the horseās usual saddle pad.
The barn owner was mad about her personal saddle pad being used for like, two weeks. You donāt touch her stuff!
2 Likes
On a tangent, this must be an area specific thing.
In my part of the world, as far as I know, there is not one English barn that does this. There is not one barn of any type that does this.
Sure, if you are saddle/bit/bridle/whatever shopping and someone in the barn has one of what you are thinking of buying, things are loaned so they can be tried before a person buys to see if they work for Dobbin and/or the rider. But that is different than the barn having stuff that everyone just uses.
7 Likes
Wow really? Thinking back to all the boarding barns Iāve been at, I donāt think ANY of them had communal tack space, from the super fancy place to the backyardiest of backyard. Owner or trainer always had their own storage.
Not something I expected to be regional. So funny how different things are in different areas!
4 Likes
I have never heard of this either. Iāve been in barns where there are warnings that if you, for example, leave things in the wash rack they will be treated as communal, but nowhere have I heard of a ācommunal useā surcharge. I would also never expect that to include tack! Just soaps, wipes, towels - that sort of thing.
4 Likes
Few thoughtsā¦
Been in barns with communal supplies but not communal tack. Only exception, sometimes, was communal bit box which clients were encouraged to contribute to if they had bits they no longer used or did not fit new horse. Trainer had their own private stock of bits.
Been in barns where owners/trainers had their own, separate, locked tack room for exactly this reason-it is clear it is theirs and not communal. Also seen bike locks on racked saddles/bridles and do not see a thing wrong with it.
Yoda was slightly misquoted upthread, he said āTry? There is no try only do or do notā.
One suggestion for OP if they are still following thisā¦IME it works best when all boarders, be it 4 or 40, are treated the same. If one can use your saddle(s) all can use them. Letting one boarder do anything others do not may be seen as kindness but more often creates resentment and at least the appearance of favoritism. It can ruin the barn environment, even in small barns,
Again if OP is still here, no need to tell white lies or make up stories, just take your saddle to your house. You do not need to give her a reason, itās your saddle and your house and you feel more comfortable keeping it in your house with all the shows coming up. And that is the honest truth.
A friend would understand that and have no problem with it. Honestly, a friend would not wear another sponsors logo on your barn property or to shows under your banner eitherā¦thats in your face behaviorā¦,sort of says screw you and your sponsor.
10 Likes
Still here!
She is my only boarder, I run a pretty much exclusively training and sales barn and donāt take traditional boarders except for the odd layup, if I did having a separate tack room would absolutely be the way to go
I DO however have to leases, who do use my tack for those respective horses (pretty standard I think in my experience?) I wonder if this is whatās lead her to believe everything is communal? But this also isnāt the first horse sheās owned so Iām not sure how she could make that assumption
Communal gear is not industry standard where I am for what itās worth, the only barn Iāve seen do that is the A circuit barn I was in as a young rider, and even that was only for those in training board.
Iām going to remind her once again that show season is nearly here and I cannot share my saddle at shows, I have before but hopefully she understands this time. If she doesnāt have one by then Iāll bring it the house, although that does feel a bit ridiculous not be able to leave my own saddle in my own barnš¤¦š¼āāļø
You worded my feelings on the sponsorship front very well, much better than I did
I absolutely do not in any way want to control what people wear/buy/support in my barn, thatās ridiculous and absolutely none of my business
But considering I own the rival company, and both her and the two leases were offered free shirts at the beginning of the year( which all accepted mind you) it just feels a little on the nose for her to go and get another sponsor, particularly while showing with my barn and under my name.
They didnāt offer it, she applied. Which I think is why I feel put out
Itās a dumb little thing and really doesnāt matter compared to the othersš¤·āāļø it was just the thing that made me realize perhaps I am being completely taken advantage of, rather than it just being a friendship.
3 Likes
Hereās the dealāyouāre telling her she canāt SHOW in your saddle. You have apparently never told her she cannot continue to use your saddle at homeā¦? And youāre still not planning on telling her that, but thatās what you expect her to hear?
Donāt make people read between the lines and infer what you mean. Especially donāt get upset when they canāt or donāt. Thatās on you and you alone.
Sit down and write out what you need to change here. Like she stops using your tack, anywhere. She stops using your supplies, anywhere. Training rides are now $x. Whatever. All the boundaries you shouldāve drawn a long time ago, but absolutely need to do now.
And then TELL HER in plain, clear language, those things.
22 Likes
I have told her, absolutely outright
I have told her that she will need her own saddle and gear, as well as everything else for the mare, I simply used showing as the reason to bring up the conversation, and the reason to have a deadline
Iām not sure how much more blunt I can be than that? Perhaps there is a more direct route to go but Iām having a hard time seeing it
Just curious (again, you deleted the original post so I donāt know if this was covered already), have you said something to her about the rival shirt thing?
If it were me, I would probably just ask the very basic question of her - Just curious, why did you apply to be sponsored by my rival company? - and let her answer.
7 Likes
Well, either she is intentionally pretending she does not understand or she truly does not understand that is what you are saying.
- Hey Susie Q, I am glad that my saddle has worked so well for you and Dobbin all this time, but I really need you to get your own saddle and stop using mine. There is a whole host of reasons, but really none of them matter much, I just need you to buy your own tack, please.
The whole list of reasons is wear and tear on your equipment, you needing your equipment, etc.
5 Likes
You tell her that on -x- date youāll be taking your saddle so you can clean it and it will be unavailable to her after that. And then you do it.
If this is not a boundary that you find tenable to hold, give her notice and get her out.
Or charge her a monthly fee to use all your shit. Since the rest of the riders you have lease, you can explain that usage is built into the lease fee but youāll need to charge her if she wants to use your equipment. She can choose to add that equipment lease fee or she can get her own stuff. If you want to go that route, DEFINE whatās included in the equipment lease, and what is NOT included if she chooses to not do that. Have a contract that she signs, that you can point to if she oversteps.
10 Likes
āAs of today, my saddle is not on loan to anyone, and I expect I will not see you riding in it again. Please make arrangements for your own purchase.ā
11 Likes
You say that, she hears āyou can only use it when I am not at a showā. Just keep it in the house. My guess is she is not going to be in your barn long term. And tell her not to wear promotional items from your competitors in your barn, many barns would speak to her about that. It need not be a confrontational conversation. Just tell her no advertising for competitors in your space and she can use that other saddle you very kindly offered.
She may not be an intentional user and con artist but she is well over the line.
6 Likes
for the record
2 Likes
This says āI cannot share my saddle at showsā. This says NOTHING about using the saddle at home. Or when you arenāt showing. Or on Mondays. Or on holidays. Etc.
You need to say what you mean - clearly and concisely with no room for misinterpretation. āHey Susie, my saddle will not be available for use following X date. Please make arrangements to get your own for your horse.ā If you want to be nice, you can say āmy saddle is X model in Y size and on Z tree, if you want to look for the same oneā. The end.
15 Likes
