Aneurysm, just… gone/struggling after loss

Hi all, I’ve ridden and shown my entire life and am nearing my 50’s. I’ve always been the one to hold the end of the rope during euthanasia when owners just couldn’t and have seen a lot in my horse years. My young teenage daughter and I shared an absolutely lovely hunter that we recently purchased and it was fun to tune him up at home, occasionally show in the adults and watch the horse and our daughter have a lot of success together. We constantly reminded ourselves what a lovely animal we had and considered ourselves lucky to be blessed with him. We had only had him for a few months but knew we had something special in him.

Last month during a typical lesson our daughter was jumping him around when suddenly he just looked and seemed off, like dazed and wobbly. She quickly pulled up, stripped his tack, threw a cooler on him and I ran to call the emergency vet when he suddenly dropped, thrashed for just a moment (seizure in hindsight) took two big breaths and was just gone before our eyes. Luckily as soon as he dropped my daughter ran out of the indoor (along with the other kids present) and didn’t see the end. It was awful and I stood there stunned. Necropsy ruled out anything aortic or digestive, so it was ruled a brain aneurysm. I’m still in disbelief weeks later, it all just happened so quickly. Our daughter was inconsolable, naturally, and the weeks following his death have been rough. Luckily we still have a horse on lease for her that we had even before we bought this horse, so she was brave enough to get back on and ride the next day, even though being at the barn aisles and especially in the indoor took a few weeks for both of us to be able to do without tears.

Our daughter is adamant that she still wants to
ride, show, etc. whereas I feel as though I’ve seen enough and this loss kind of broke me. I’ve owned and lost other horses prior to this one, but this one was really hard. He was a very special, very sweet and very talented horse — he just had it all and was still very young when he passed. Daughter and I are both seeing a counselor to help us with the loss and she desperately wants to buy another horse. Of course, my husband and I want to support her so we are “in” if she is but honestly I’m struggling because my heart just isn’t in it anymore. I gotten back on a few prospective horses since he’s passed but we are still looking for the right one. Has this ever happened to anyone and if so, did your feelings change as time goes on? Maybe I just needed to get it off my chest with fellow horse people, so thank you for listening. Oh, horses…

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Adding, because it sounds crazy otherwise: thank goodness our daughter got off him before he went down. I know that the outcome could have been so much worse for both of them, so we are thanking our lucky stars that she knew something was wrong as soon as I did and had the sense to get off quickly. That’s our bright spot in this.

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I am so terribly sorry to hear this. I am sure there are layers of pain surrounding this loss and everything the horse meant to both of you. Gosh we didn’t pick a sport free of heartache did we?

I’m hoping you’ll both find peace and hopefully another project to share and grow together in the future.

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I’m so sorry. It sounds like he was a truly special boy.

I understand your feelings. :heartpulse:

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So very sorry for your loss. The special ones really connect and it makes their loss even harder. I don’t have any advice, but hope that you can find peace going forward.

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I’m so sorry. It’s hard to lose them any time, but when it’s so sudden and unexpected, the shock and trauma seem worse. Give yourself time.

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Aww I’m so sorry for you and your daughter’s loss. What a traumatic way for your poor boy to go. Your loss is quite new, so I wouldn’t worry at this point that you don’t have it in you any more. You may never have the same connection with another horse, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t love and enjoy another horse again. Big hugs to you :heart::heart::heart:

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Im so sorry. It sounds like your boy was incredibly special. I’m so glad your daughter felt something was amiss and dismounted before she got hurt. I hope you two can continue healing.

I lost one unexpectedly too. It sucked and was a long road to feeling okay about horses again. In hindsight, while I’d never want to have lost that special boy, if I hadn’t lost him I would never have my current horse, who is the horse of a lifetime for me.

Horses are hard. I’m sorry you’re going through this and wish you lots of healing.

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I’m sorry, and wishing that good memories overtake your grief.

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I am so wildly sorry for your loss. Having to let a creature we love to the ends of the earth go when there’s nothing we can do is nothing short of heart rending. When you’re ready, I hope you find another that will start to fill the spaces that are feeling particularly empty.

When his loss hit you so hard, it is not going to go away, is what it is.
We have to manage to learn to live with that feeling and find ways to keep on keeping on, hard as that is with those deep losses.

Sounds like your DD is there now, fighting for her future without him.
You will also find a way, even if the hurt of his loss may always be there, or for long time.
No one can say, it will be whatever it will be, with any of the more important losses in our lives.

Sorry you are there now, hugs all around.

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So sorry for your and your daughter’s loss.

Horses rip your soul apart. I’m sure others have told you, this was an unpredictable and unpreventable event. Your daughter handled the situation in the best possible way. If she feels keeping going is best for her, just follow her lead and aid her for now. Let your healing take its own shape. Maybe the future is enjoying your daughter’s joy in horses. Maybe a horse will touch your heart again. One day at a time. Don’t burden yourself with expectations that you should/when will I get over this. Hugs!

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It’s okay to grieve in any way you need to. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. Your daughter hasn’t been thru as many losses as you have. I find the older I am, the harder loss is. That may be part of it for you. Hugs. Hang in there.

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Unfortunately, tragedy and loss, combined with emotional investment in our horses, leads to devastating losses which we, as horsemen, experience when we own horses. Some horses, the ones who earn a very special place in our hearts, hurt worse than others. Though it hurts, we never forget them. And our lives are enriched by those horses and what they teach us and allow us to experience. Think how horrible life would be without having those special horses in our lives. We are lucky, to be horsemen, and the loss and grief we experience are the price we pay for love.

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I’m so incredibly sorry. That sounds so traumatic for you both. Everybody deals with grief on their own pace. I’ve lost a few horses in my life and it usually takes me a good year or more to truly feel normal again. I still want to ride but sometimes I can’t for awhile. The passion may or may not come back for you but right now is say it’s still so fresh and recent for you.

My heart goes out to you both.

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I’m so sorry you and your daughter had this experience. He sounds like a very special horse that you didn’t have enough time with.

I lost my heart horse to a blood clot near his poll many years ago. The symptoms were very puzzling, first appearing only as a stiff neck and then moving on to appear neurological. My vets were at the barn every day trying to figure out what was wrong. Eventually, I took him to Tufts and since he died there (within 12 hours of arrival), they performed a necropsy without which I would never have known what caused his death. I did fox hunt him shortly after the onset of his initial symptoms and am grateful that he didn’t collapse. I thought I’d caused the problem by giving him a shot and I’d felt horribly guilty.

So sorry for your loss. I’ve ridden for over 60 years and owned horses for over 50 and have lost a few in that time. It always hurts. I lost my lhorse 6 weeks ago. She was fine one day and laminitic the next. I lost her 3 days after symptoms appeared. I feel responsible for her passing. I keep thinking that I missed something and could have changed the outcome. All her tests came back normal, there was just no explanation. I work at the barn, and every day I am in tears when I start my drive. It’s gotten a little easier, but there’s still an empty place in my soul.

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Thank you all for your kind words, they definitely help soothe my soul. I’m sorry for those who have also recently experienced loss, it’s so hard. With the new year, our daughter has a few fun shows on the horizon with her leased horse (such a gentleman of an animal) so we are thankful for him and looking forward to some good times ahead. Maybe the right next partner will find us soon? Keeping my fingers crossed, while still honoring the good boy we lost. Thanks again for your kindness, everyone.

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Sounds like you are doing a little better? I can’t imagine going through and witnessing what you did and not being affected the same way.

I think if you take your time while looking that you will find the right horse. It really helps that your daughter has her lease to ride/ show.

Please keep us posted and I hope each day is better.

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