Just wondering if anyone else clashes with people at their barn for any reason and how they cope/what would they do if they were me? Sorry this is so long winded. Grateful to any advice. I keep my one horse on my families land with the only other person keeping horses there being my sister. She is newer to horses than me and I have done nothing but encourage her and help in any way that I can. From buying her horse feed last winter (the oldies wouldn’t eat if I didn’t feed hers too as he’s a real pasture bully) and feeding them every day alone come rain or shine, taking her young daughter out on my horse regularly as she doesn’t have one to ride, helping and encouraging in general any way I can. I stopped asking her to pitch in as she all I get is how can the feed be gone already?etc etc. (she is tight fisted basically and expects two bags of feed to last between five horses for several weeks) she won’t help put hay out and I say nothing as it’s not worth the agro. My dad didn’t want anymore animals on his land and I completed respect this and only have one horse. After a failed relationship she moved back home and has continued to collect many animals. Ten hens, three horses and now five sheep. She has turned one of the stables, that used to be for the old retired horse into a home for her hens, and closed off the field shelter for her sheep to use in the winter. I found (since getting the sheep) she has quietly been putting hay out for them, that they don’t even need yet, that I have to pay for too (I only own one horse) and if I try to speak up im told thats wrong of me? She is incredibly bossy and I feel trying to quietly push me out as she’d like to take over the place. I’m at my wits end. My parents don’t want to discuss any of it and become angry and upset if I try to speak up so I stay silent to save upsetting them but I’m really struggling. I would move my horse away even though the nearest livery yard/barn is nearly an hour away, but my mum then acts very upset and annoyed about the idea and at their age the last thing I want is to hurt them in any way. She does not appear to care.
Get out. Move. That’s your option.
This isn’t your run of the mill “clashing with people at the barn”. You have layers of family drama here that have had a lifetime to develop.
You are in a lose-lose no matter what you do, so my advice would be to do what is best for you and your horse. You are going to upset your family either way.
When I mention the idea of moving him it upsets my family more as they know why I want to do this. Their elderly and I feel responsible then for them getting upset. The only way to prevent that is by staying silent. Thank you for replying
It is your only option.
That, or allow your sister’s animals to starve.
I know that I personally couldn’t watch that. So, I’d be out.
Yes I feel as though it is now. Would it worry you upsetting anyone in the process?
Of course, especially since it’s family. But sometimes you have to do the hard thing - and that time is now. Your sister has a 0% chance of changing. Your parents are upset either way.
Nothing you do will make them happy.
So now it’s time to worry about you.
Yes that’s what it is loose-loose no matter what I do. Scared to take the leap and cause upset but I can’t see a way forward. Any conversation I try to have about it is shut down immediately and I’m shouted at to shut up
Doesn’t seem like anyone else is worried about upsetting you - so why are you so concerned to upset them???
Thank you. Thanks for your reply. Yes I think your right, it’s going to be very difficult but there’s no choice is there
I don’t know. But very good point when you look at it like that. I think my parents do know what a entitled, selfish person she is, but at their age they haven’t the energy to keep up with it all and keep a handle on her so they let her do what she wants. They said I shouldn’t have said anything about her putting a little bit of hay out for the sheep (for example) but it’s not, that’s just what she tells them, it’s atleast a bale a day and i can’t keep up with the farm shes started
100% this.
At what cost? I think you should explain the situation as best you can, and make the move. This is not healthy, nor is it good for your wallet when you’re shelling out for someone else’s choices (sheep, horses, etc.). It may be difficult at first, but you’ll feel better in the long run I think.
That’s family drama not typical barn drama.
I’d move my horse and just say you need a break from being responsible for sourcing his hay and grain and daily care.
If the place you move has a ring or trails, I would use the more amenities available.
Why does this post say flagged? Thanks for helping
Your assignment is to read the above 100 times and then move your horse. Your family will get over it.
Thanks for giving me strength
Yes, a perfectly legitimate excuse to leave if you don’t have this at your family farm.
I replied to the wrong person, and then deleted the post. That’s the way this system deals with deleted posts. I reposted it, which you can see above.
It’s not the best place for riding so I did try saying that recently and they said if it’s only temporary we wouldn’t be too upset but if it’s to do with the situation between you two we would be. Thing is, it would not be temporary, I’d never return
