Hello Everyone,
I would also really appreciate your opinions on appropriate relationships in the Horse World. I mean is it acceptable to have an intimate relationship with someone in your barn? Your Trainer? A working Student? Farrier? Vet? Groom? Someone in the barn’s significant other or spouse? I do not mean to sound so Naive, I just want your opinions any ideas without putting forth mine at all ,if you all have time and don’t mind?
Moesha, you are really bringing out the dinosaur in me today. 
Same rules apply as the rest of the world, life is too complicated to stir up a bunch of smut within the horse world. 
I am a firm believer in, “If you are not happy with your current partner or situation, clean up your own backyard, etiher get the heck out of Dodge or fix it. Then move on to satisfy your needs.”
So huge NO on someone else’s significant other or spouse!!! 
If you can keep a “good” relationship going with someone you are doing business with, i.e. trainer, vet, farrier, then I suppose it could work, provided they were already unattached. But I also believe in the saying, “It is difficult to do business with family and friends.” I prefer a bit of distance. 
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Moesha:
Jo I am sure!! That is why I was interested in finding out what others thought, I can only imagine how things could turn out!! I was interested in fairly "normal "types of relationships. I know a friend who rides in Virginia, and some girl about 17, I think keeps a running tab of how many Farriers she goes out with!! I didn’t mean something odd like that, not that it is odd for anyone who does things like that, but to me a 17 year old dating farriers and keeping a list strikes me as a bit odd?
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You’ll do almost anything when your horse needs really expensive shoes.
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Friendship is a gift that should not be abused or taken for granted. Your relationship with your trainer and other barn professionals should be just that: professional. If friendship ensues, enjoy it - but take it a face value, and do not let it interfere with your working relationships.
And, above all, do not abuse it!
Moesha - Since when does beauty=character? Does having a JD and money mean that a person is emotionally well adjusted? Your friend is looking for ways to feel good about herself. Her cruelty sounds like a self-defense mechanism to block introspection and keep her from thinking about her inability to have meaningful relationships with grown-up men. The thing that surprises me is that the focus has been more on your friend than on the married man. He is the one with the obligation to his wife. Your friend is dysfunctional, but is it her responsibility to see that this guy is faithful to his wife?
Jo I am sure!! That is why I was interested in finding out what others thought, I can only imagine how things could turn out!! I was interested in fairly "normal "types of relationships. I know a friend who rides in Virginia, and some girl about 17, I think keeps a running tab of how many Farriers she goes out with!! I didn’t mean something odd like that, not that it is odd for anyone who does things like that, but to me a 17 year old dating farriers and keeping a list strikes me as a bit odd?
Personally, I feel that it is acceptable to have an intimate relationship with anyone as long as that person and you are free of incumbrances such as a marriage certificate or too similar DNA (let’s not use this as an opportunity to bash WV). If you have an intimate relationship with someone with whom you also have a business relationship, you have to be prepared to sacrifice that business relationship should the intimate relationship go bad.
However, when all you do is ride and work, who exactly are you going to meet other than people you work with and people you ride with? My favorite boyfriends were the ones I worked with, since we were able to get well acquainted as friends before we began dating, and the whole dating thing was just less stressful. I actually met my husband at work. Thank God we don’t still work together or we would be divorced.
Hi Everyone,
Speaking on the topic of having affairs with married people, last night after I got home from riding I called a few friends and heard a very sad tale.
A good friend of mine who I obviously will not name, but who is absolutely stunning, she models and rides in the A/O divisions. Anyway, she is one of the people who likes to have affairs with married men, and is the one who actually seeks them out for “fun” and “no tangles” anyway, she has been seeing this guy whose wife used to ride at her barn. His wife is so sweet ,I used to see her all the time at shows, well they had a baby and she hasn’t quite lost the weight and is trying desperately to get back into riding, but doesn’t want to “take away” from time with her baby. Her husband is always away and I saw her last month in town and she looked really sad. Anyway, My friend who is having an affair with this woman’s husband , find it amusing that she is depressed and makes fun of her weight and that she is “not attractive.”
I feel so badly for this woman, she is so intelligent and is such a nice person and personally I think her husband is a jerk! But going to their barn every once in awhile and having seen him “flirt” with this woman, while the grooms she has put her horse away while his poor wife struggles to get her horse ready, he won’t pay full board but goes to the Islands with his girlfriend!!!, and mind the child, is really sad.
[This message has been edited by Moesha (edited 12-08-2000).]
I just can’t understand why someone so beautiful, I mean she is gorgeous!! would do something so mean. She knows the poor wife is in a dependant situation and she relishes the fact that she is burdened with the baby and her horse and being soley dependant on her husband’s finances. So she desparately is stranded while he is off with his girlfriend.
She was actually shocked that at a recent awards dinner, I was the only one at the table who found nothing amusing about the whole thing, in fact I excused myself and went to talk to some other people. I just hate when people are deliberately mean and take joy in hurting others?
Why would someone with a Law degree, who is so stunning, has tons of money, seek out married men and enjoy the pain it does or could do to their wives?? Children??
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jumpergal:
[B]“What comes around (normally) goes around”
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I’m waiting. . . She says, tapping her foot/whatever, impatiently! LOL
Sorry, I didn’t mean to make light of this subject matter. I find it hard to believe this type of person is a good friend of your’s, Moesha. And yes, the husband/father is the ultimate louse in this saga.
[This message has been edited by Duffy (edited 12-08-2000).]
Cactuskate,
I thank you again for responding, and your statements, whether I agree or not, are very admirable and show character and insight, Thank You.
And You’ll not like this I have 4 friends who ride and show who only date the husbands of people in their banrs or the married male riders/trainers…and in 2 cases anyone married, they get special joy when Children are involved because they say it ties the mother up!!! 1 even dates bi and gay men behind their boyfriends back!!! Another married guy sees men all the time on the side.
My opinion… I won’t give because I do not want to offend anyone, I personnaly feel that if someone is married they should divorce and then do what they want after their obligations and responsibilities have been meet
[This message has been edited by Moesha (edited 12-07-2000).]
Flash44…The whole idea of friendship before a relationship, common interets, getting to know each other really makes sense. If you are at the barn then who will you get to know…those you see there or do business there. And great point about having to sacrafice the business aspect for the intimate one. I wonder if people really think that through??
Robby… maybe as was said people meet who they have the opportunity to. If you are only around people at the barn or people at shows then some of the “inappropriate” relationships,you mentioned happen out of conveneince? And also is being Gay or Straight separate from who you are intimate with??? One is a lifestyle and state of mind and the other an act? Of course mutual in many ways but they can exist individually.
I will probably get flamed for this, but I have always had a hard time soft petaling things.
Your friend really needs to grow up!!!
Just because she is rich and pretty doesn’t mean that she is a decent human being. It is just plain old mean to have an affair with some ones spouse. The number of lives affected by this is always greater than just the two people involved in the affair.
Is it really that fun to have affairs and know you are hurting some one particularly small children. These people might not realize it but a divorce will always change the relationship with their children. Do their children mean that little to them to sacrifice a good relationship with them.
Sorry to have rambled but I have been in the shoes of two of the people in a situation like this.
Deep seeded insecurities and feeling of inadequacy and lack of self worth.
Good for you leaving the table. I would have had to have left my lunch with her before following you out the door. What a shame others found it amusing!??
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Moesha:
[B]Hi Everyone,
Speaking on the topic of having affairs with married people, last night after I got home from riding I called a few friends and heard a very sad tale.
A good friend of mine who I obviously will not name, but who is absolutely stunning, she models and rides in the A/O divisions. Anyway, she is one of the people who likes to have affairs with married men, and is the one who actually seeks them out for “fun” and “no tangles” anyway, she has been seeing this guy whose wife used to ride at her barn. His wife is so sweet ,I used to see her all the time at shows, well they had a baby and she hasn’t quite lost the weight and is trying desperately to get back into riding, but doesn’t want to “take away” from time with her baby. Her husband is always away and I saw her last month in town and she looked really sad. Anyway, My friend who is having an affair with this woman’s husband , find it amusing that she is depressed and makes fun of her weight and that she is “not attractive.”
I feel so badly for this woman, she is so intelligent and is such a nice person and personally I think her husband is a jerk! But going to their barn every once in awhile and having seen him “flirt” with this woman, while the grooms she has put her horse away while his poor wife struggles to get her horse ready, he won’t pay full board but goes to the Islands with his girlfriend!!!, and mind the child, is really sad.
[This message has been edited by Moesha (edited 12-08-2000).][/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Sounds like this woman has some major self-esteem and self-worth issues. SOunds like she is a bit jealous of the wife as well.
People who have affairs have emotional and psychological issues that are mind-boggling.
It is sad and heartless that this mistress laughs and is happy that the wife is so depressed. She will get hers someday! All in all, she is just a glorified prostitute, as she obviously gets re-embursed for her “favors”. Sorry this sounds a bit harsh, but it is the truth, and I am in a blunt mood right now!
Hi Moesha! First, I love your posts; they are so unpredictably thought-provoking and can be serious or outrageously funny!
I think a close friendship is ALWAYS appropriate! Grooms & farriers & trainers are all just people too, and everyone needs human comfort!
But if the relationship is romantic or sexual, it needs to be handled with some consideration so as not to disrupt/disturb the working relationships in the barn. Those are always individual situations and I think that a casual relationship is best handled discreetly, but if it develops into something more serious/mutually monogamous, then it is time to present it in a matter-of-fact way and not allow it to affect the other relationships (read: platonic friendships or working relationships!) in the barn.
I personally shy away from multiple romantic entanglements, but that does not mean that other people do not have the right to have them! As long as everybody is treated with respect by all involved parties & there is open communication as to the goals of the relationship(s) then all parties should be able to act in accordance with their own beliefs & values.
If I have a platonic relationship with someone’s SO or spouse, I am always careful to give the person extra courtesy, e.g., always introduce myself first on the phone & chat for a short while before asking for my friend. That way I am doing everything possible to respect that relationship & avoid arousing undue suspicion.
I am at a family barn and pretty much everyone is treated as part of the family. So my situation is a little different. Generally, we don’t concern ourselves with other people’s relationships, as long as everybody gets along I too am curious how these relationships are viewed at show barns with lots of boarders and students.
perhaps this isn’t my business, but being a child of divorced parents (which was the result of a straying parent, if you will), I must say that it is really really awful to fool around with a married person. Especially if that married person also has kids, though it is a bad thing either way. Just my opinion…
sometimes when I tell my boyfriend about the soap operas that are going on at various barns I know, he’ll say to me “horse people are weird”.
and ya know, sometimes I just have to agree with him
It will no doubt catch up with her one day, when she is lonely, old and no longer pretty and is only left with the memories of the wicked things she did to people.
I think relationships within one’s world are fine, as long as they don’t hurt or compromise anyone else.
My husband and I met as working students at a barn ten years ago. The minute we started dating, our boss and his girlfriend got very nervous that it would erupt into an emotional mess and their business would suffer! Well, we held it together and the business didn’t suffer and we’re still together(and now married!) ten years later. Now when we see the old boss and gf we always like to bring up their initial misgivings about in-house relationships and how they always end badly! Now on another note, one of my boarders is having an affair with a married man and she uses our barn(and telephone!) as the meeting place! Dating married people is not acceptable. It is so brutally unfair to the person being cheated on that you have to question if the cheaters have any feelings(other than selfishness)at all! How can people justify what it does to the other persons mind! Moesha, this model person is absolute trash as far as I’m concerned. And the husband needs to meet with an accident! (obviously just kidding, but you get my drift!) Beauty on the outside does not mean beauty on the inside and vice-versa.
