Oh Moesha, they are everywhere. They are just not people that I would hold very high regard for. They seem to like the easy route, no commitment, adventure/danger, and the control of someone else’s life.
I would have a hard time trusting them to ever be considered a friend.
But I am working really hard on “acceptance” and know I cannot change them.
Ditto, Snidgie, and I totally agree. And now being a single parent, I can take my agreement to a different level! 
Moesha, I love your topics!
I think this is a great thread. it is wonderful to read what people think of inter-barn relationships.
As long as both parties are adults, dating should not be a problem. Everyone dates. So many of us spend the majority of our free from work time in the barn and at shows. Therefore most people you’ll meet will be in this context. If both parties are comfortable with the situation, I don’t see a problem
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Moesha:
[B]
Why would someone with a Law degree, who is so stunning, has tons of money, seek out married men and enjoy the pain it does or could do to their wives?? Children??[/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Because she has no soul.
FairWeather
Oh. And as My mom would say…She’s Mean as CatSh*t.
Thank You Spunky what a nice thing to say!! And what a polite and elegant person you must be to introduce yourself as you do on the phone and to take so much care and consideration of others lives!!! You must be a joy to be around. Thank you for your insights!!
OK this is alittle off topic, but do you think you have to be able to be open and friends with your trainer to succed in your riding? Thanks…
Ryan
Ooooh Moesha…good Friday topic!
Relationships be that at work, at the barn or in general can often be tricky “affairs.” I think many people today are so busy that meeting people is an issue. The world you exist in, be it office or barn is your “world” and will often become the natural source of relationships.
Yes, I believe there will be “entanglements” amoung co-workers. Expect it, get used to it! Vet to barn manager, secretary to bond trader, blacksmith to owner and blah blah blah.
BUT each person needs to have their own set of morals. I personally try to live by a set that says no to married men. And if your relationship negatively AFFECTS me, I’ll have an opinion, otherwise “have at it!”
But if it does AFFECT me in some way (i.e., poor decisions made by barn manager because of fight with vet, married man cheating on wife who is my friend, blacksmith damaging horse when owner refuses to continue…) then HELL HATH no FURY.
People who get their jollies from hurting others are sad, sad, sad. I wonder what this woman’s parents were like & how she came to think that way?
Unfortunately, before it comes back to haunt her, it will have hurt many others deeply.
Moesha, you are too kind! I sometimes fail miserably and am everything BUT a joy to be around 
!) Most of all, though, I try to be open-minded and remember that someone else’s values, whether they coincide with mine not, are just as important as my own.
I think we should all just try to be happy! And if something makes you happy, why, you should do it! Recognizing, of course, that deceit and spite will never bring happiness, but bitterness. It is sad when people have learned, mostly by example, to live by deceit and spite. They are stuck in a vicious circle and unfortunately often drag others in with them. As Cactus said, Life is tough enough!
No, Ryan. IMO, you do not have to be best friends with your trainer in order to succeed as a rider. In fact, whatever personal relationship you have or don’t have with your trainer should be separate from your instructor/student relationship. I’m not saying that you can’t joke around and have fun while in training. I just mean that I believe it must be a business type of relationship as well, with respect going both ways. 
Basically, I think it depends on the individuals involved. Some trainers and students thrive on the more personal side, others thrive if it’s kept on a more business type level. You have to be comfortable with whatever relationship you have with your trainer in order to thrive and succeed. Does that make any sense? LOL
[This message has been edited by Duffy (edited 12-08-2000).]
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MAZ:
[B]Ooooh Moesha…good Friday topic!
Relationships be that at work, at the barn or in general can often be tricky “affairs.” I think many people today are so busy that meeting people is an issue. The world you exist in, be it office or barn is your “world” and will often become the natural source of relationships.
Yes, I believe there will be “entanglements” amoung co-workers. Expect it, get used to it! Vet to barn manager, secretary to bond trader, blacksmith to owner and blah blah blah.
BUT each person needs to have their own set of morals. I personally try to live by a set that says no to married men. And if your relationship negatively AFFECTS me, I’ll have an opinion, otherwise “have at it!”
But if it does AFFECT me in some way (i.e., poor decisions made by barn manager because of fight with vet, married man cheating on wife who is my friend, blacksmith damaging horse when owner refuses to continue…) then HELL HATH no FURY. [/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Amen!
Ok, so this may come off sounding mean and hurtful, but so be it… I sincerely hope that Moesha’s friend one day settles down with a man that she truely loves. And I hope that he finds some girlfriend that he would rather spend his free time with. So maybe, just maybe she will get a taste of her own cruelty and see how hurtful she was. And here’s my disclaimer, it’s really not my business, just my opinion…
Hello Everyone,
I would also really appreciate your opinions on appropriate relationships in the Horse World. I mean is it acceptable to have an intimate relationship with someone in your barn? Your Trainer? A working Student? Farrier? Vet? Groom? Someone in the barn’s significant other or spouse? I do not mean to sound so Naive, I just want your opinions any ideas without putting forth mine at all ,if you all have time and don’t mind?
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Moesha:
And You’ll not like this I have 4 friends who ride and show who only date the husbands of people in their banrs or the married male riders/trainers…and in 2 cases anyone married, they get special joy when Children are involved because they say it ties the mother up!!! 1 even dates bi and gay men behind their boyfriends back!!! Another married guy sees men all the time on the side. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I would actually call to your “friends” attention that they’re all apparently heavily laden with personal insecurities and issues, in addition to their obvious lack of morals. I would tell them that dating married men, or “gay men” (which I have a huge problem with, since “gay men” don’t date women, plain and simple) only reinforces their negative self-images. To me, it’s really a question of “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
And, if they did that in my neck of the woods, someone would be toting an ass-whoopin’ … and it’s unlikely it would be the wife!!
Robby
Interesting topic. I do think age needs to be considered when discussing appropriate and inappropriate relationships. Relationships between a Junior and an older person - whether it be blacksmith or otherwise professional - is clearly inappropriate (not to mention could be construed as illegal).
If a relationship is developing, then it would be wiser for both parties to wait til that “legal age” birthday comes around or at least be very discreet.
Relationships between much older people in power (trainers, et al) and much younger students is clearly inappropriate. I would hope ANY student who is blackmailed into such a situation (as in a NJ case posted here sometime last year) would go to their parents and/ot the authorities. A trainer (or anyone else for that matter) who threatens you with not being “allowed to ride if you don’t have sex with him” belongs in jail!
Maz, I actually didn’t think of some of the specific repercussions from relationships not working out or ending!!! Thanks for pointing that out! I
[QUOTE]Originally posted by MAZ:
[B]Deep seeded insecurities and feeling of inadequacy and lack of self worth.
Very well said, Maz.
Bad, bad things can happen… (Not speaking from personal experiences, just personal observation…)
Sorry I thought this was a horse related topic board, not a sex, drinking and ect… board. In my opinion these topics are getting a little off base for this type of board. Sounds like some of you should be seeking mental help by a profeesional, not the COTH BB. Especially after reading posts by younger people about these topics,and then having a disscussion about it! I think someone needs to review these posts and keep it more horse appropriate.
I think being friends with your trainer depends on each individual situation. I got to be pretty friendly with my former trainer, then realized that I really didn’t want to know about all the intimate details that she told me regarding her personal life! I’m very close to my sister and remain best friends with a few girls I have known since we were about 4 years old, so those are the people I “dump” on.
I agree that even if you are single, you should not date or be intimate with married people, or those involved in a serious relationship. If you cheat on the one you profess to love and took marriage vows with, how well should you be expected to treat those who are merely friends or casual acquaintances?
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