Back in January my back gave out on me and I was on limited activity and drugs for weeks. By early March I was feeling almost normal, then the pandemic hit, I put in extra time at work and my back quit. I couldn’t stand, sit or walk for more than 10-15min before having to switch to one of the other activities.
I started treatment at the end of March. I am comfortable with the diagnosis and treatment plan, I am aware that it’s something that takes times, and that it’s neither linear nor predictable. My six month assessment in October showed a 60% improvement in the physical markers (and there’s no guarantee of getting to 100%). Apart from the relapses I’ve had some good periods of feeling great and capable of anything.
I’ve been relapsing (for lack of a better word) just before the end of every third month and I am finding it harder to deal with the pain each time. I had a couple of weeks before Christmas where the pain wasn’t acute but felt like I was carrying around an extra hundred pounds on one point in my back. The latest relapse of my back giving out came this week and I’m really struggling with it. I know the additional stress of the season, lack of riding, and lack of regular treatment last week and this week must be part of it - that knowledge isn’t really helping at the moment.
I’m afraid of moving the wrong way. Afraid of that vice of pain that goes from two to ten in a split second. Afraid that it’s not going to get better. Afraid that it’s going to be more than I can deal with.
Back in the spring I could not abandon my team to the pressure of the pandemic and the lockdown. Today is the second day this week I took a sick day. I broke two weeks ago and told myself I just had to make it to Christmas. I made it to Christmas. I’m still broken and I have to go back to work on Sunday.
How do you deal with the pain? Physical and mental?