Exactly. I did not assume everyone knew. After like 10 posts slamming it, I informed the group, and you immediately denied it could be related (???) and another poster said it was “abhorrent” to mention.
I don’t assume everyone knows, or I wouldn’t have brought it up. It’s entirely relevant. I am sorry you have been through so much.
Dropping it now.
Great.
Well, it has to start somewhere, so maybe if we can empower other women to say “no” instead of being polite, men will start realizing that we are fully autonomous creatures. We sadly still live in a pretty patriarchal society, so let’s start by helping each other and making sure the men we raise and can influence in our circles (family, friends, etc.) know better.
And if you had read the full thread, you would have seen that we went over the exact subject of the image I posted. It was a timely pop-up on my feed that I thought related well to the thread - that misogyny and the patriarchy are still very much alive and we as women need to stop worrying about being polite and standing up for ourselves. There have been a lot of great discussions about how the OP and other women can stand up for ourselves and fight back.
Empowering other women is hardly internalized misogyny. Depressing or not, men haven’t changed enough and I sure as hell am not waiting on them.
Okay, I’m also autistic and believe me I get misreading social cues and I still didn’t express so much skepticism.
So, while no, a pile-on isn’t right, it also isn’t cool to just let that go uncalled out. Especially as frankly, it seems out-of-character for that poster as many have noted.
And that’s fair but I at least tried to explain why it wasn’t acceptable without personally making it a pile-on.
I also felt that it was reallllllly out-of-character for EightPond.
Also there are many people who are not autistic who DO say things like that.
EDIT: Sorry to drag this back up but I only just got on and saw this particular tangent and felt like I should also chime in. I will drop it, also.
I did get down to the bottom of the thread and saw infighting about whether the OP should’ve asked her parents to speak for her, and infighting is the opposite of what I wanted to do here. I’m sorry I failed to communicate my point without being critical. The notion that we have to fix girls is anathema to me, however, and I was tactless.
That said, nowhere did I suggest we “wait on” men. I, for one, have done enough of that. Also, I am not sure that I said that empowering women is internalized misogyny. However, I am wary of policing girls’ and women’s responses to inappropriate men, when the men are the ones who need policing. The distance from, “What were you wearing?” to “We taught you how to set boundaries. Why didn’t you?” is pretty short, direct, and misogynistic.
We in the US live in a full-on patriarchy, and it’s getting worse by the day for young women. The CDC recently released a bunch of data about depression and anxiety in teen girls. Unwanted sexual encounters have risen dramatically. They collected this data during COVID, but before the end of Roe. The growing prospect of forced birth likely won’t help young women.
The only medical advice the CDC offered toward mitigating teen girls’ situations aimed directly at teen girls and parents of teen girls, and that annoys me. If we fail to hold men and boys accountable for the male privilege responsible for much of girls’ suffering, we only add to the problem.
OP spoke to her father. Have y’all thought maybe her mother has passed?
And OP, today is Saturday, I hope you were able to speak to the BO with that loud strong voice you used up-thread. I know you’ve seen and heard dozens fo great posts with great information, and I know you have a plan of action.
Keep us posted! 
Sorry, springboarding a bit …
While girls are women are too often the victims of everything from unwanted contact to outright assault, people of all genders are victimized. In my very strong opinion, everyone should be taught that each person’s body is their own, and no one has any right to touch another without permission.
This applies to girls and boys who are vulnerable at barns, schools, churches, athletic training facilities, and everywhere else. This applies to women who are often harassed pretty much everywhere. It applies to athletes who find themselves at risk of physical abuse during hazing. It applies to adult men who are physically harassed or groped by strangers.
Women and children are particularly vulnerable because they are often at a disadvantage both physically and due to cultural “norms” (like even some of those American mindsets displayed on this thread), but I think the world would be a safer place if everyone was taught that bodily autonomy and respect for boundaries is a universal right.
This is so true. I’ve mentioned my daughter upthread, but I have a teenage son as well, and I would be just as angry if anyone tried to take advantage of him. Abuse is not gender specific (as I can testify from the experiences of female friends and male family members who were molested by women), and respect shouldn’t be either.
Yes this. OP’s parents are not going to be with her to handle creeps on her behalf all of her adult life. Random speculation that maybe they are already not doing that.
It’s so discouraging for the idea of this generation of young women, that in 2023, someone only 20 years old, has had this experience. Are we never crawling out of the hole? Metoo goes on forever?
Exactly this. Every woman of any age deserves to be able to stand up for herself without depending on others. Who may not be so dependable.
Unfortunately, every woman needs to be able to stand up for herself. Unfortunately it is necessary.
Safety for women is very, very, very different than safety for men. Still to this day.
Someone said upthread that they thought this was all done & dusted back in the 1980’s. I did too, with a bit of holdover cleanup through the 90’s (for workplaces rooted in old broken culture).
And yet here we are. Not just OP, but so many young women interacting with their own generation.
Yeah, in the last couple of decades Americans have gone over the top with the hugging thing. If I just met someone I don’t want to hug them as part of that greeting. Regardless of gender.
Plus hugging offers the opportunity to put a hand where it doesn’t belong.
Once upon a time hugging was reserved for truly close friends, intimate partners and family members. Otherwise people didn’t routinely hug as a greeting or good-bye.
I’ll be glad if Americans are getting away from so much hugging. It was not always that way.
Yes. Fully human people. And not objects for their gratification. What if we taught that from the cradle. Raised boys into men who have that as internalized view of the world around them.
Regardless of male hormones etc., you must first get to know the person who caught your eye as a human being. Then the two of you mutually decide what is right for you.
What if we did that. What if we did that globally.
And yes, we may have changed the wording of the questions, but we still pile on questions to women such as “why did you ___?” and “why didn’t you __?” Why were you there. Why didn’t you realize. Why do you put yourself in such situations. Why didn’t you speak up. Why were you polite. Why didn’t you kick him in the balls.
Some of the doubtful attitudes toward the OP are along those lines.
The real questions should be directed at the men. Why did you intrusively touch someone you barely know. How did she give you ‘consent’ such that she doesn’t feel that she did. Why did you think it was ok to surprise her with a grab/grope on a her body, which is her private domain. Why are you blaming her for ‘misunderstanding’, 'didn’t clearly signal ‘no’ ', etc. & so on (still to this day).
Why did you, a male, think that if she smiled or was tentative, due to the embarrassment that anyone would feel from your stupid actions, that this was the same as a ‘go’ signal. Why did you think it was ok to use force when she never said that was ok.
What would you do if someone you never saw before grabbed your ass in public while you were standing in a line. How would you feel if someone put their hand on your nuts - even your chest - when you were not expecting or wanting it. Why do you think your reaction is different from a woman’s.
Why do you think that if a woman/girl is polite to you, that is a signal that she wants you to pursue her sexually.
And especially: Why did you think that something you did was ‘ok’ when she never said that it was.
That’s the mystery I know I’ll never resolve.
Clearly, right at this moment, there is a whole generation of elementary, tween and high school girls to be educated on the world around them (at the appropriate age). This thread is making me feel very discouraged that this information & education is happening.
[quote=“fordtraktor, post:275, topic:782676”] bullying the disabled isn’t a good look for us.
[/quote]
Disabled? Is that the term we’re using now, or is that how you personally think of people who are on the autism spectrum?
Ugh.
If you had not stepped in with you yardstick, your horn-rimmed glasses, your too tight bun, and your sensible shoes, the “pile on” would have been done and dusted.
If you had pm’d 8pond and said hey, you made an oopsy, and here’s what you can do to fix it, it would have not only been done but 8pond would have been able to redeem herself with a brief “apologies, not my intention” type of post.
The thing is that the OP (and others in similar situations who may read this thread) could very well be in danger and need to know what is right, what is wrong, and that they are believed. That is a lot more important than keeping track of people who say shitty things (by accident or on purpose, impossible to know) and don’t take them back even when they are pointed out as shitty.
We have all heard the “she’s making shit up/telling stories/exaggerating for attention/etc.” crap rammed down our throats, many of us by our own mothers, and it is far gone time to shut that shit down even at the expense of upsetting you or your protege.
WTF. Autism is a neurological developmental disability.
It’s also clear the pile on would not be done, because here you are going on about it.
Take your fake outrage somewhere else, I’m done.
@fordtraktor My health conditions fall under the Americans with Disabilities Act and I have paperwork on file with them for work accommodations, but I don’t tell people I’m disabled or consider myself disabled. I’m not speaking for eightpond, but I’d be pretty pissed if someone trying to defend me that only knows me on the internet called out my “disability” that they may have picked up on from another thread. That is an incredibly rude thing to do when likely, a bunch of people on this thread were completely unaware.
Whether you have a friend with autism or any other condition, this struck a chord with YOU and you continue to defend it. Anyone’s health status other than your own, is quite frankly none of your damn business.
All this, and I just have to add that, because women with autism sometimes have trouble reading subtle, sexualized social cues, they are often MORE vulnerable to sexual predators and yet are less apt to be believed.
Fake outrage? It seems the only one here stamping their feet and crying foul is you.
As FjordBCRF so clearly puts it, it’s not about legal definitions of disability, it’s about having some compassion and understanding and doing our best to stay up to date and not label people.
(If this were a meeting, I’d be “calling for the question.”)
Regardless of anyone’s disability or whether they perceive it as such (and re. autism that can be a very sticky subject - there are autistic people who don’t feel like they’re “disabled” but the thing is, it IS technically a disability and those who need specific supports DO benefit from the disability classification), the point is, and the reason for the so-called “pile on” that yes would be done and dusted if a few people would quit bringing it up is that it doesn’t freakin’ MATTER if this IS made up or not. Personally, I don’t think this is made-up but even if it is, I’d rather err on the side of listening to the victims than not.
Whether something on the internet is fabricated or not when it’s someone’s personal story is really not my call to make or something I have time in my day to stew over. If I’m going to bust someone for fabricating stuff, I’d rather do it somewhere where it actually matters, not play Sherlock Holmes on a friggin’ horse forum, personally.
Even if it somehow is all a crock of steaming bull (which, for the record, I don’t think it is) at the end of the day it doesn’t MATTER from our standpoint as those responding to op if it’s real or not. OP came here for advice on how to handle this which she was given alongside some excellent tips on building confidence generally.
EDIT: I want to add in an apology to OP for how this has derailed. I do believe you, I am sorry others on this forum have felt the need to call you into question. I wish you the best of luck handling this!
Okay - I do see where you’re coming from but whether it’s a disability or not is viewed differently by every autistic individual.
And the fact that it is classified as a disability can be a good thing w/regards to getting necessary support.
Not trying to restart the pile on and the last thing I’m going to throw at those who are interested is a book rec:
“We’re Not Broken,” by Eric Michael Garcia
It explains a lot of stuff probably way better than I or anyone else on here can if anyone wants to educate themselves about autism. Here’s a good interview w/the author: https://www.npr.org/2021/09/16/1037852578/autism-myths-eric-garcia-changing-the-conversation
Apologies for the slight derailment, just wanted to address this, specifically, if anyone cares. Again, best of luck to OP dealing with her situation - you got this!!
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