I got my first horse three years ago. I didn’t know anything about green horses or problem horses. But the buyers’ market was terrible, so I ended up buying a project horse through a connection of my trainer’s. It was with the understanding she would have to stay in a full training program.
Within the first week, it became obvious the horse had a serious rearing problem. Trainer advised sending her for a total restart from the ground. She spent 6 months with a professional rehabber, and in that time, she only got worse. The rehabber felt something must be physically wrong with her (though she had passed a PPE), but by that point, the vet couldn’t even get her to stand for an examination. Rehabber said I might just need to retire her, as it wouldn’t be honest or responsible to sell.
I ended up finding a dry stall advertised on Facebook for cheap. I would have to source my own hay, feed, shavings, and DIY all her care, which I had never done before. There was only 1 other retired horse on the property, and there would be no professional support. So, it wasn’t ideal. But I felt stuck and I was desperate to stop spending 4 figures each month in training board.
After I moved her, though, a strange thing happened. She started to settle down. Just 1 month after she left training, she could lead and stand tied. By the second month, she wasn’t giving the farrier any trouble, and she could lunge quietly at all gaits in both directions. A few more months passed, and I had the vet do a lameness evaluation when he came to do vaccinations. He said he couldn’t find any reason she would be unrideable.
At this point, no one had ridden her in about a year. I started lunging her in tack and with side reins, and after about 3 months of doing that daily, I got on with my husband there to spot me. She had 1 small rear right at the beginning, but then she went around quietly. We even did a few laps cantering each way.
I started riding her in the field every day and doing little trail rides around the farm. After a few months, I even set up cross rails and started jumping. We did not have much space, however, and the footing wasn’t great through winter. Also, she still had occasional tense moments where she would spook and dump me. I recognized she was too much horse for me, but we had made so much progress that I was optimistic we could pull it together with a competent pro. So, after I’d been riding her for about a year, I found a nearby show barn with an opening, met with the trainer and explained my situation and goals, and then paid to board her there for training.
I was relieved to get professional help because I felt maxed out in terms of what I could do with her. But when we moved, her behavior regressed. The trainer told me they didn’t work with horses with behavior problems like hers. She said I was welcome to bring in an insured outside trainer, but they weren’t going to ride her for me. We had talked extensively before I moved, so I was disappointed, as I wouldn’t have brought her there otherwise. But I ended up just doing groundwork with her daily for 2 months and then started her back again myself. After a month of solid riding and getting her behavior back on the level, I asked the training staff if they could start working with her.
This is where things took a turn. She started to get balky about transitions. The balkiness turned to spookiness. She started to get ring sour. Then there was an incident where she threw one of the trainers. Finally, after 3 months of start-and-stop pro rides (they never quite got her on a routine), she started rearing again and was no longer safe to ride. I admit, I wasn’t happy with them. But I also didn’t 100% blame them either. Previously, I had thought my first trainer and the rehabber were simply incompetent. But after this experience, I started to think it was more likely that my mare was the issue.
By this point, her ground manners were once again horrendous and she was a terror to deal with. We had the vet out and explored a few different possibilities. She went on antibiotics for Lyme and when she finished that, we started her on gastrogard for ulcers. The vet suggested regumate, but I had tried that previously with the rehabber and not seen a difference, so I declined.
I kept up with groundwork and went back to the very basics. Finally, after 3 months, I started riding again. But she was not at all the same horse. She was behind the leg and easily spooked. I got about 7 rides on her, and in 2 of those rides I had falls. That brings me to the present.
I’ve started to feel like the only solution is to move her. My sense is that there’s something about the barn environment that she simply doesn’t like or that makes her feel unsafe, and that may never change. Even at the best of times, we have never been at the level we were at before I moved her. But my concern is that I will run into these same problems at any boarding facility I try taking her to.
Moving her back where I had her before isn’t an option, as the property sold. But my long-term goal is to own a farm and have horses at home. I strongly believe she would thrive in an environment like that, and taking care of her brought me a lot of joy and fulfillment. Still, it’s at least a year away, and possibly more (or possibly less, if the right property comes up, but who knows if that will happen). So, one option is to move her to a retirement barn with lots of land and let her live in a field for a year or 2, then move her home when I have my own place. I would probably only see her a few times a month, and it would be sad, but it would be temporary.
However, another option recently materialized, and that’s to surrender her to a horse rescue. There’s a visiting trainer at the barn who runs a kind of horse rescue/sanctuary from her house. She’s familiar with my horse, rode her a few times while she was still in training, and she offered to take her from me.
I think any rational person would leap at the opportunity to walk away from a horse like mine. But it would absolutely break my heart to do that. She has been a huge part of my life for the past 3 years. Despite all the struggles, I feel like getting her as my first horse was a lucky break in its own way, because most amateurs never get to have an experience like that with a horse. I think taking care of her and working with her every day built trust and connection that changed her attitude about going under saddle. I know if it weren’t for that connection, I never would have been able to ride her to the extent that I have, because I realize now how just how green, naive, and early in my horse education I was when I got her.
Also, I feel hesitant to make such a major decision when she and I are at possibly our lowest point. Things feel hopeless right now, but I didn’t feel that way this time last year. I think I would handle things differently going forward. I would take my own training education more seriously and take lessons with the goal of learning to train rather than just ride. Then I would train her myself, instead of handing her off to someone else who she might not trust or respond well to.
At the same time, I worry an opportunity like this will never present itself again. She’s still relatively young, she’s still in work and going under saddle. After 1-2 years off, and 1-2 years older, permanent retirement or living at home with me really will be her only options. Whereas, while she may never be a “normal” horse, it’s possible this trainer could get something more out of her. She certainly likes her and thinks she can.
So, I am at a crossroads, and I genuinely don’t know what to do. Hands down, the easiest course would be to surrender her, walk away from the situation, and try again down the line with a more easygoing horse. But just because it’s easy, does that make it right?
