I really want to get back into riding, but I’m starting a Master’s program this Fall and have negative money. Even if I could stir up enough money for riding lessons, I wouldn’t be able to afford decent-looking barn clothes…and previous experience has me concerned.
Most of my friends at the stable were nice to me, but I felt like my trainers treated me differently than the other riders. A lot of my friends had their own horses, or were between horses; I was only ever able to lease horses, and the only horses I could afford to lease were lesson horses. I lost a lot of confidence trying to essentially train lesson horses to jump, or work with horses who hadn’t jumped for years to get them back into jumping shape–while paying for the privilege. When lesson horses consistently stopped or bucked or otherwise misbehaved, I blamed myself, and my trainers often blamed me…even though the horses I was riding typically behaved that way with most riders, or else were heavily lacking in jumping experience.
I was insecure and didn’t have much self-confidence to begin with as a kid. After being yelled at pretty consistently for not being able to “force” horses over fences they didn’t have the skill or experience to safely jump, I had even less.
I was the kid with riding boots from Petsmart, the kid who worked off her lessons to afford them, with show clothes borrow from other people. Riding is expensive, and I was taught in a lot of different ways that I was not good enough because of this, and lack of confidence, and not knowing how to train lesson horses that supposedly were fully trained.
Does anyone have a suggestion for how to get past these confidence issues? Also, does anyone have ideas about how to navigate the horse world without much money?
Riding IS as expensive. Horses are a luxury. If you are in a Masters Program that should be your focus right now. Once you complete your studies, gat a job in your field, and paid or begin to pay your debts, THEN you can start a plan to get back in the saddle. Make a plan, start saving. Find a trainer who makes you feel confident. Start to acquire the equipment that is essential for your discipline. With a good trainer coaching you, and the right equipment, you will have the confidence you need in all situations. Many riders start in borrowed clothes --it’s where you end up that’s important.
In the past I have traded working around the barn for lessons. There are several young people at the farm where I now ride that play the role of working student (even if just part-time) to afford lessons. I would never dream of looking down on them because they muck stalls, feed or do whatever else is asked of them in trade for lessons. The good riders often get asked to ride the nicer competition horses by owners who’ve noticed their good horsemanship skills.
If you’re frowned upon because you’re hard working, trying to make the best of a school horse or less than “made” fancy horse, you’re at the wrong barn! Good horseman appreciate riders who are willing and eager to work and learn. Trainers or barn owners just looking to make a buck off their students probably don’t…
Grad school may also mean negative time, but how would you feel about volunteering at local shows? It will give you a way to get involved in the horse community and scope out trainers who would be a good fit for you in terms of supportiveness and confidence-building? Alternatively, volunteering at a rescue or similar would not result in lessons (probably), but could be invigorating in terms of raw contact-time with horses.
I know what it’s like to have someone destroy your confidence. It’s not ready to overcome. As @strangewings says, volunteering can be invigorating. But there’s a great side effect, even if you don’t get to ride. You can teach abused or neglected horses to trust again. This will also teach you patience and how to read horses. I have 2 OTTB rescues and I can tell you that learning to read them has been imperative to earning their trust and teaching them their new jobs & what’s required of them. Just getting the one to keep her front feet on the ground has been so rewarding! Once you establish yourself as someone trustworthy to the horse you’ll see the people at the rescue will generally notice. They may even help you to ride since you’re doing so much to teach those horses to trust again. And the side effect of realizing you’re making a difference in the horse itself will give you your confidence. My confidence came more from the relationship I built with my horse than from my riding. Because my horse trusts me I know he won’t throw me in a heartbeat. Because I know my horse I know his body language, which tells me this. I trust my horse to help take care of me so I tend to push both of us. Yeah, I’ve had some falls that I still felt for more than a day or 2 later. But I don’t let that deter me. I try to figure out why I fell and how to fix that issue.
Something else I just thought of;
Sometimes when people tell you you’re doing something wrong you have to take it with a grain of salt. The one destroyed my confidence turned out to be jealous. Why she was jealous was a mystery to me. She always won, had an amazing horse and a huge wall of ribbons. People I trust gave me some reasons that make sense. Sometimes that criticizing is based on jealousy. Sometimes people have the I’m better than you perspective. Sometimes your own self consciousness exacerbates what they say and you can read more in to it. Only you will know when you stand back and look at it like it was someone else they were talking to.
Sometimes, and I know this first hand, the criticism comes with only good intent but the person is rather blunt. I have one friend, and I love her to death, that I have to realize she’s only trying to help me by pointing out my riding flaws. She’s not mean about it, just very blunt. You still need to … After 2 years you’re still not … You aren’t ever going to do X until you learn to … You aren’t getting it … Remember I told you 3 months ago … And so on. When my confidence is low, like after working so hard, getting a beautiful picture over a big jump and then seeing that my legs slid back a little, that can sting even though she isn’t berating me, only pointing out a flaw that, in the case of these huge jumps, can get me hurt.
Then there’s the barn or horse owner who knows everything!! Struggling with your own insecurities with horses, then running in to one of these, my head just wanted to explode!!! Ultimately, and only because it’s my horse, the few I’ve dealt with relented and my decisions ended up working with there desired intent. Those battles won did more to boost my confidence than anything I ever accomplished riding has. I guess that’s another reason why I’m all for you volunteering at a rescue.
When you do finally get some lessons be honest with the trainer about your insecurities with horses. A very straight forward trainer will handle how they teach you differently than they would a head strong or overly confident person. They won’t judge you if they know your heart is in the right place and you want to learn for the right reasons. Well, they won’t if they’re talking for the right reasons IMHO
On the expense front, don’t forget to check out e-bay for great deals on used tack and riding gear.
If you just want horse time, you might find someone who wants a riding buddy for their horses at home. Or a barn like mine that has working adults who often have horses that need more work than they have time often has riding time available. The more elite barns are less likely to have opportunities than the more working class barns.
I agree volunteering is a good way to know barns/people.
What did you decide? I think you haven’t found the right barn. People are always going to judge, you can’t make them not. If riding makes you feel good, then figure out a way to do it. You got into a master’s program, you are obviously smart. Don’t let others influence how you feel about yourself. But, you may need to find a different place to ride.
Different barns have way different vibes. If someone is going to judge you on your clothes, well, their loss. And yes, go to tack shops and look at used clothes, boots etc. Look online. I’m sure you can find stuff. Start with boots/paddock boots. You can ride in leggings or jeans to start. But there are inexpensive breeches out there too.
What is your masters in?
Check the online Goodwill store for riding clothes and boots for cheap, occasionally they have name brands stuff. Volunteer at a therapeutic riding center, maybe they would occasionally let you take a ride if you helped out at their barn.
I would agree with really concentrating on your degree, once you have that and a good paying job riding will be more affordable.
Wish you lived in my neck of the woods. I have a horse you could ride. Good luck to you. Keep trying.
I’ve bought great riding stuff for horses and for me, tack and clothing, on both eBay and from the goodwill store online.
You should put up signs in feed stores and tack stores offering to exercise people’s horses. I know some young women in their 20s who do this and they get to ride some pretty good horses.
As others have said, check out other barns and private barns. There are some nice horse owners and trainers around who are not snobs.
If you post in some of your local horse groups on Facebook, you should be able to find some smaller or less “snobby” farms to ride at. I would love to have someone experienced to regularly ride my horses or ride with me. I have 2 college students who occasionally ride my horses, but nothing regular.
Poor is relative…The trainers look at clients and potential clients for their money. Cherish your friends they only want your company rather than money. Be glad for your abilities and future path. I hope your advanced education brings you joy and prosperity. Concentrate on your future, horses will be in it.
Get the MA. Get the job the MA is for. When you get back to riding figure out a situation in which you can pay your own way at least at the start. That might mean just doing a couple of lessons a week. A lot will depend on where you end up moving for your new career. If you have a choice smaller urban centers tend to have lower horse costs.
Find a barn where you feel like a valued client. Take responsibility for self educating yourself in horse care and training via the many excellent resources on line. In other words approach the horse world as your new middle class adult self. Not as a beleaguered child cadging favors.
If we get a mindset about something as a child it can be hard to return to it as an adult in an empowered way. But it is extremely wonderful when you can.
As an adult returning rider you can buy a Troxel helmet on discount, a pair of paddock boots and second hand breeches and half chaps from a local fb tack seller site. It is perfectly normal for a returning adult rider to start with minimal low budget gear. Indeed it would be rather odd to be totally kitted out in top brand names while you are just learning to post again!
Go to a barn that is low key and welcoming of adult returning riders. Take lessons for a while then if you can afford it, a half lease. Go in with the idea that you can and will pay your way and if you then get opportunities to ride for free or do work exchange, that’s a bonus.
You will figure out what you can afford on your salary in your area, as we all do. A show horse in full training? Or a recreational horse in self board? Or a horse share agreement of some kind?
There are lots of adults with fairly modest incomes riding particularly in Western and rural areas. All.horses don’t involve super competive mean teens in a high pressure barn! Find the people you want to ride with and go on a learning path to what horses will be in your life now.
But for now concentrate on school as that will determine your entire quality of life in the future.
As other folks have said, make school priority #1. I know that sounds, at times, like a totally unappealing option. However, it’s a few years that, in the grand scheme of things, will end up being a small fraction of your life. It could predict a lot of what you’ll see in years to come.
If you have some spare time somewhere, maybe one day a week, you could look around for a work to ride option. Other users have mentioned posting in FB groups or something of that ilk. Years ago when I didn’t have a horse of my own, this is how I ended up with a couple of horses to ride. One horse, his owner simply didn’t have time for, so she wanted him to have a stand in mom of sorts. He was primarily limited to light riding, but it only cost me gas money to go out there. Another, I worked on the day I rode for a couple of hours, and rode someone’s older x-country horse.
Something to be aware of, though, if you go the posting online route at any point, is of folks who’re looking for cheap ways to remedy their rebel horses. Whether it’s a behavioral issue or pain that’s presenting as a behavioral issue, they don’t want to or can’t pay a professional for their time, so they hope some horse savvy girl will come out and get to the bottom of it free of charge. It’s a shame for many reasons, but ultimately, not worth putting yourself in a bad spot for. I said ‘sorry, no thank you’ to plenty of responses I received at the time that gave me that inkling of doubt. I’ve been put in that spot before by someone I knew once and it was one of my more terrifying horseback experiences. I love horses, but that was so not worth it.
Volunteering is another possibility, as some users pointed out. If there are some organizations in your area, they’re often rather flexible with scheduling and it may give you your horse fix for the time being.
I LOVE having grad students in my barn. They’re poor, but they’re smart and focused and often have “free” time during daylight hours. I’ve happily thrown extra rides to grad students who could pull manes or weeds and were pleasant to have around. Tidy and sweeping up after yourself counts Mike’s more than fancy clothes in my world. Here’s hoping you can find similar situation in yours! Good luck! (& don’t feel like you have to wait for your degree and $$ to get some pony time. Even if you’re not riding a ton for a couple years, going for a hack and smelling horse is good for the graduate soul!)
Not that the OP should follow my example, but I stopped riding when I began grad school and did not resume riding until I was granted tenure. The day I received my official letter of tenure, I went out and bought a horse. But that was me and others can and have stayed in horses during high stress, time-consuming careers.
I left riding for about 30 years before I came back and started with lessons, then a lease then finally ownership. I was sorry to miss so many years of good health and better abilities but I did get back to a riding lifestyle. It’s really not a hobby it’s a full impact lifestyle. Sometimes work and study has to come first.
DrHB --you set a good example. The riders I know who have done demanding grad school successfully and competed successfully are few, and those who have done so have had financial backing of husband/wife or parents. In 50 years of horse ownership, I know of no one who did both on their own. My DD did law school and competed at upper levels of eventing for the first two years --the last year she had to make hard choices with her time and let the horse endeavor become secondary --but she had two parents who owned horses who could help her when she needed it --at least with the horse stuff! She is now a successful lawyer and back competing when time allows. Her trainer --somewhat annoyingly would point out another one of his students and say, “Debbie is in Medical School and she’s still riding at the upper levels,” --but the stellar Debbie had the trainer FULL TIME caring for and working with her horse --a choice that she could afford with the help of her well-to-do family.
Life is filled with choices --I stopped my own competitions when I married and had kids. I was actually in the ring doing an O/F course with my husband and 1 year old watching. I wanted to be WITH THEM watching a horse show, not riding in one and then having to all the “stuff” after --so horses became a backyard now-and-then. I never did go back to competitions but I ride daily and have done some pretty impressive distance riding (250 miles in 14 days) --and now I do mounted archery --just for fun --have my own course here and spend lots of time looking for my arrows.
Life is balance --I think horse people learn that at an early age –
Confidence issues - I don’t think anyone will ever say that getting more secure is an easy road to hoe, and it takes perseverance and some tenacity to get OK with yourself and your abilities, but it can be done. One way to help yourself is to ask around and research barns near you that have good lesson programs and that have an atmosphere that is more conducive to enjoying horses, versus the competitive barns it sounds like you were at before. If you are willing to share your location, OP, we can probably help you with that.
Having horses on a budget - get thrifty. You don’t need to shiniest, newest or most en vogue anything to be safe and comfortable (although it’s OK to admit that we all sometimes would like nicer stuff). Shop secondhand, become a frequent haunt of consignment sections of tack stores. Frequent Craigslist and Facebook pages dedicated to private sales of used tack, equipment and clothing. Help yourself keep riding fit in the times when you don’t have access to a lot of riding by staying active: Google things like bodyweight exercises, stretching routines and fitness regimens for riders…many don’t require gym memberships or expensive equipment, just an open space in your house and some motivation. If you have the time but no money, ask around to see if anyone has horses they need rides on. I know plenty of folks that have teenaged or older horses they can’t ride as often that they wouldn’t mind having someone hop on a couple times a week to keep fit.
I think most importantly is to keep a positive mindset - good things happen for those who are persistent and most of all, who ASK for opportunities instead of just waiting for them to come around. The worst that happens is someone says “no”.
