[QUOTE=Bombproof;8095629]
A boyfriend is easier to replace than a good horse. Just saying…[/QUOTE]
I would NEED to replace a good horse…having a boyfriend is optional for me…
[QUOTE=S1969;8092641]
Giggling to myself as I imagine COTH’s reaction to:
“He said if I want to spend more time with him, I could go to the studio the nights he practices to watch him play, so long as I’m not annoying and get bored and wish we could leave. And he said I could learn how to do things that would help him, like how to restring his guitar.”[/QUOTE]
I’ve had guys do this. One wanted me to go watch his (not very good) band practice and help with the equipment. One wanted me to sit in the garage and talk to him while working on his project car, for hours, and hand him wrenches and such. I didn’t ask either of them to help me with my horse.
Originally posted by VelvetsAB:
From what the OP has said, the BF isn’t abusive, hasn’t given any threats or ultimatums on her horse time, and generally doesn’t seem to be a jerk. Occasionally needy? Sure, but who hasn’t EVER been needy or wanted to spend time with the person they care about?
Thank you! A refreshing POV for COTH! It’s a pity when some people posting here ask for feedback about a relationship and are accused of being needy just because they want to be with someone they care about.
It is nice to read a post from another COTH person who thinks it is OK to want that sometimes. :yes:
[QUOTE=hb;8098429]
I’ve had guys do this. One wanted me to go watch his (not very good) band practice and help with the equipment. One wanted me to sit in the garage and talk to him while working on his project car, for hours, and hand him wrenches and such. I didn’t ask either of them to help me with my horse.[/QUOTE]
I would love hanging out with the guy I like handing him tools while he worked on his car … if he worked on cars! If I like someone I want to hang out with them. I don’t care so much what we do, provided I am physically capable of doing it, e.g., I don’t want to go hiking in the mountains but I will happily sit in the garage learning the difference between a crescent wrench and a pipe wrench … oh, wait, I already know!
I have learned how to restring an electric guitar … :lol: I expect I could learn how to tune a banjo too.
[QUOTE=hb;8098420]
Haven’t read the whole thread but this may have been addressed. I see red flags in your posts more from how he reacts to not getting his way (sulking, blaming) rather than just wanting to spend time with you. But want to point out that, over many years and many dates and boyfriends, I have found that the ones who are in to big, lavish gestures don’t tend to make the best long term partners, at least not for me. They often have trouble dealing once the initial rush of the relationship wears off, expect life to be like a romantic movie and sometimes don’t have a lot of depth to them beyond the surface.
I do know one happy couple that are into the big gestures, but they are both rather dramatic people and they don’t have intensive hobbies, their relationship is like their hobby if that makes any sense. Not my cup of tea.[/QUOTE]
YES YES YES. This guy sounds SO much like my ex-husband. Don’t get me wrong, he was a nice guy and could be the right guy, for someone else.
And you know what, you nailed it, he very much wanted our relationship to be full of that initial rush FOREVER. And if it was settling into normal mode then something HAD TO BE DONE! Oddly enough, he did drama in college (how we met) and very much wanted his relationship to be like a romantic movie. Oh we were SO not right for each other (I"m way to hum drum). Example: Toward the end of the marriage when I had once again been accused of not caring and not making any “gestures” . I did all the planning, bought all the tickets, booked the room for a skiing vacation in Vermont. The MINUTE it wasn’t romantic enough because we weren’t skiing down a mountain while making passionate love, he was pissed off and started to sulk. He found out the hot tub the B&B advertised wasn’t a private one in our room…my fault. How could I DO that to him?
Oops, sorry, stop my venting now.
I"m just seeing a lot of red flags here too, and sorry, but have to say that at 24, with what you have going on, that while relationships are work, they shouldn’t be work for a 24 year old vet student with a time consuming hobby. As a 40 something woman…girl move on from this one. Enjoy vet school, enjoy your horse, enjoy your YOUTH!!! Now, right NOW, a relationship should be FUN. You are 24! You have no kids, you are in school, date hot useless guys so you’ll have amazing stories to tell later, and just move along! When you meet someone later, when you are done with school, when you have started work, you have my permission to meet a guy and WORK on a relationship with him.
I’m just reading your original post and scanned some replies.
I will tell you that one of my best friends, who actually got me into horses in my 20’s, wound up in a situation much like you describe.
She’d been on and off with this man for about 4 years. Whenever they were on she simply stopped riding. When they were “off” he would literally stalk her and wait in the bushes for when she came home at night.
He was, I think, jealous and coveted her time because of his own insecurity issues. Well, he was a nut case. But for some reason she “loved” him.
So after the first fun year trail riding 3 x week, I rode alone. Maybe it was a good thing for me. I learned more as a newbie being forced into dealing with a rather “non-beginner” horse by myself that I was leasing where she boarded.
Eventually, she married him. He showed up 1 hour late for the wedding. It was awful…but she just dealt with it. She was the most loving, smart, but oddly “co-dependent” person I think I’ve ever met.
Long story longer. I soon after got my own farm and continued my education non-stop…breeder (stallions/mares), midwife, trainer, retraining problem horses of others. She kept her horse field boarded, but never rode again.
She emailed once in a while (lives about 30 miles away) pining for her “Dandy” and the time riding on the trails with him and the fun we had.
Then years later she emailed to say he had a torsion in the field where she boarded and died. At this point he was in his early 20’s, but still sound.
I’ll always be grateful that she took me “trail riding” one time and was bitten by the horse bug (maybe not…what I’ve done since then was expensive…:lol:).
But I think of her once in awhile and feel so sad for her missing out on her one true joy, which was her horse and the freedom she would feel, even for an hour – because her SO was so, so needy and she was afraid he would leave her.
If someone is jealous of another person’s hobby, there is an unusual emotional dependency problem somewhere that will rear it’s ugly head over and over again down the road. At least that’s my experience.
BTW, she spent her life literally trying to please him and never could. But she stuck with him and was miserable, I know. But it was her choice and I don’t judge that. I’m just sad she gave up almost everything she loved to please another. In the end, it was her problem, not his.
All I can offer to the discussion. Good luck.
Thank you, Rackonteur. 
The OP is not coming across as a co-dependant person, but a young woman with her own agenda. She does not “need” her BF to be a functional person. She does her things, he does his things…and they do their things together.
If someone is jealous of another person’s hobby, there is an unusual emotional dependency problem somewhere that will rear it’s ugly head over and over again down the road. At least that’s my experience.
Personally, I feel like jealous was maybe not the right word for the OP to use, but I understand why that word came to mind. The OP has said that the BF enjoys spending time at the barn and with the horses.
It would more appear that the incident that caused all of this was a lack of communication over a holiday. His wanting to buy her the face brush could have been taken as a token of appreciation, for taking care of the sick dog…and not necessarily being a gift.
[QUOTE=VelvetsAB;8098716]
Thank you, Rackonteur.
The OP is not coming across as a co-dependant person, but a young woman with her own agenda. She does not “need” her BF to be a functional person. She does her things, he does his things…and they do their things together.
Personally, I feel like jealous was maybe not the right word for the OP to use, but I understand why that word came to mind. The OP has said that the BF enjoys spending time at the barn and with the horses.
It would more appear that the incident that caused all of this was a lack of communication over a holiday. His wanting to buy her the face brush could have been taken as a token of appreciation, for taking care of the sick dog…and not necessarily being a gift.[/QUOTE]
As I said, I only read the OP’s first post and didn’t follow the communication to follow, so my post may not be relevant at all. It is a long thread and I was too lazy to read it all…;). Mea culpa.:lol:
[QUOTE=hb;8098429]
I’ve had guys do this. One wanted me to go watch his (not very good) band practice and help with the equipment. One wanted me to sit in the garage and talk to him while working on his project car, for hours, and hand him wrenches and such. I didn’t ask either of them to help me with my horse.[/QUOTE]
So…you didn’t mention whether you thought it was a good way to “spend time together?”
If you like it - whatever. My post was in reference to those posts that said if the BF wants to spend more time with the OP, maybe she can bring him to the barn with her and he can learn to groom and “be helpful.”
I have a feeling a majority of COTH posters would have told the OP to dump the selfish loser if he suggested the same thing (restring his guitar, pick burrs out of his hunting dog) as a way for her to “spend more time with him” if she felt he didn’t have enough time for her.
If your relationship should continue into the future, whatever will he do if you need to respond to emergencies? Most private practice large animal vets I know DO make middle-of-Saturday-night calls if there’s a horse in trouble.
You’re on the verge of entering a rewarding, but stressful and time-consuming career. Something will have to give.
I want to do small animal emergency medicine, but same deal; I’ve talked to him about being on call and having a time consuming work life. He’s comfortable with it (in theory- clinics are next year, so time will tell).
After talking about it a couple times, he made a HUGE step today. I’ve been dealing with the lease horse being lame (from who knows) and my personal horse being lame with tendinitis and who knows what else, so I have been wrapping 8 legs twice a day (both stock up), cold hosing two legs, and sweating one. The vet recommended adding 45 minutes of icing twice a day to retired horse’s leg and I almost cried.
Boyfriend just looked at me, said, “I can ice if you want.” and when I said wrapping is tricky and can be dangerous if done wrong, he said he wants me to teach him how so he can help me out in the future. So after I get off work today, he’s getting a crash course in the world of standing wraps (which, I’ll be honest, I’m too much of a control freak to trust him with those), oral medicine, cold hosing, and icing. It was a really considerate gesture on his part.
We’re both working on compromises (went on a date today to the dog park and worked on commands with the new dog and I rearranged my work schedule to go to his gig tonight).
The only reason I said he was jealous is because in the past, he has said “I wish I was your pets- you take such good care of them, and they have everything they need.” (Applies for horses and at the time, I also had a critically ill guinea pig I was hand feeding every 6 hours) and later, “I wish I was lease dude because you spend so much time with him.” So I think he just envies the fact that I spend so much time with them, but he’s not threatened by them, just wishes he got the same attention.
[QUOTE=KandC;8100067]
The only reason I said he was jealous is because in the past, he has said “I wish I was your pets- you take such good care of them, and they have everything they need.” (Applies for horses and at the time, I also had a critically ill guinea pig I was hand feeding every 6 hours) and later, “I wish I was lease dude because you spend so much time with him.” So I think he just envies the fact that I spend so much time with them, but he’s not threatened by them, just wishes he got the same attention.[/QUOTE]
My husband says this to me regularly. Hell, I often say in my next life I want to be one of my animals.
[QUOTE=Shorehorse;8100119]
Hell, I often say in my next life I want to be one of my animals.[/QUOTE]
Me too. :lol:
This seemed appropriate:
https://m.facebook.com/MannaProHorse/photos/a.303033230351.325961.233548660351/10155403471095352/?type=1&source=48&refid=17&ft&tn=E
[QUOTE=yaya;8100336]
This seemed appropriate:
https://m.facebook.com/MannaProHorse/photos/a.303033230351.325961.233548660351/10155403471095352/?type=1&source=48&refid=17&ft&tn=E[/QUOTE]
It’s like that country song… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwRrKaq0IyY
