OP- Let me see if I can circle back to your original ask- advice on balancing a full time job, horses & a relationship. DH is extremely supportive of my horse life (Proposed after I got home from a riding lesson because he knew I was always happy after the barn. We bought an “engagement” horse, etc.) He still misses me when he’s home alone for several nights in a row.
1.) See if you can schedule a night “off”. Maybe a Monday or Tuesday so horse shows wouldn’t impact it. This doesn’t have to be a fancy date night, just a hang out, DVR and/or study together night. This is a joint commitment. He has to agree not to accept band gigs on that night either.
2.) Personally I like playing Food Network chef. When DH wants me to cook on a barn night, I call him when I’m 30 minutes out. He chops ingredients, boils water, etc. When I walk in the door, everything is ready to assemble so I can knock out a full dinner really quickly. He still feels like I “made” dinner but I’m not spending much more time than it would take to microwave something for 2. My other trick is to make something like chili or lasagne in bulk. I’ll do a catering tray full & freeze individual dinners so we can microwave home cooked meals. Slow cookers are also great. We started this to save $ on take out & because it’s healthier than take out or pre-fab options. We use the $ we save for an occasional, nicer date night dinner.
3.) Make him your first call.- Obviously horses are your passion and you’re really driven when it comes to school. Try to get into the habit of making him your first call when you have good or bad news in either area. Even if it’s a 2 minute “here’s what the vet said” where you focus on how you feel about the news (but make sure he knows he was your first call). It’s tempting to call a barn friend after a great lesson or a bad vet discussion because of the shared language. We independent women can solve problems & achieve a lot on our own but it’s nice to have someone ridiculously biased cheering you on.
4.) Sick horses & sick SO’s trump. When there’s a cut or a colic, you drop everything & head to the barn. Hopefully SO comes along to keep you company. When he’s sick treat it the same way. This doesn’t mean blowing off caring for your horse but you could skip a ride and just do a quick care & cuddle barn visit. Make sure you tell him that you’re changing your barn plan for him so he feels like a priority. Ask if you can bring him when you’re done at the barn. Canned chicken noodle soup can go a long way.
5.) Your boyfriend’s family sounds a lot like mine with big fusses around holidays, etc. DH’s husband is not big on that stuff. You can do thoughtful without going for expensive & grand gestures. In my case, DH doesn’t drink coffee but bought me a Keurig one Christmas and makes sure my coffee is ready to go every day. Try to think about your SO’s favorite drinks, snacks, or things he loved as a kid. Keep them stocked in your kitchen. Also, get familiar with the neatest dollar store!!! $1 greeting cards can go a long way for recognizing holidays & saying thank you for great horse show support. They also have so much random stuff that you can pick up as little thoughtful surprises. You don’t have to go for grand if you can make him feel seen and considered. i.e. If he complains about losing socks in the laundry, you can give him a $1 bag to keep them together in the wash. You’ve just taken a hassle out of his week.
6.) Photos or videos- DH loves taking photos at shows. He’s gotten a few other DH and dads hooked too. This is a great way for him to have a role at the shows and gives him a way to make thoughtful gestures that isn’t so pricey. He bought me a very pretty picture frame and updates it with a new print when he gets a good shot.
The sad reality is that you can’t really have it ALL effortlessly. People have to make conscious compromises, even balancing just work and home. Add in showing and its a lot harder. Don’t get caught up in that myth and compare your life to an unrealistic standard. Even if this guy doesn’t end up being “the one”, the time you spend learning how to plan, communicate and understand how to compromise your schedule without compromising yourself will help in the future.
Hopefully this helps & inspires a few ideas of your own.
So we’ll get to spend a little more time together that way.