I’m really glad to see the nearly universal positive support she’s had from the community, and appreciate the raw honesty in her letter.
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Brave choice that I fully support. Euthanasia is a gift we give our beloved animals to prevent time spent unnecessarily suffering. The fact we cannot give this gift to people makes no sense to me. Rest in power and pain free to Caroline.
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I am new to her story and while I am sad that she wasn’t able to find a new sense of self and happiness after her accident, I hope she is at peace now.
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I’ve been thinking of her letter and the subsequent response since it was posted. I’m glad for her family and close connections that the response has been so supportive. But my thoughts can’t help but consider all those that are considering suicide and seeing such positive support. I think able bodied people that consider suicide feel the same as Caroline, but their issues aren’t visible (spiritual/emotional/psychological). The support seems like it would be encouraging to those people to make the same decision. Makes me feel very guarded about the impact this might have in the horse world where many people might struggle with mental health issues (and substance abuse issues) silently.
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I’ve personally always believed that we need to undemonize suicide. Make it less taboo to speak about and discuss, and options like assisted suicide more available.
I think it would have various impacts.
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Support for the families left behind. There are no questions, no requirements for what ifs and beating yourselves up as the survivors. You know what is happening, you provide support, you live in your grief with your family member, and I can’t help but think it would assist those left behind.
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For those who are able bodied and suffering from a mental health crisis, if you create a process by which you openingly discuss assisted suicide, and meet with your family and friends, social workers, mental health practioners and your medical team IOT qualify for it, maybe you have a different outcome bc you are able to find the support you need with you are able to be more open about the struggles outside of the stigma.
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Peace for those who chose it,whether it’s bc of mental health or physical health. The knowledge that your affairs are in order, that you are able to say your goodbyes and final thoughts like Caroline was able to. The strength of the family to support her through this must have given her so much more peace with her decision.
I truly believe that removing stigma from things like this, and being more open to it, would have a benefit to reducing loss to suicide, and reducing pain to those left behind. But I am not a medical health practioner and this is just my opinion.
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I thought her letter was very good at communicating exactly why she made the choice she did and gave me, as someone who didn’t follow her story closely, a small window into who she was as a person.
I do wonder if maybe it would be worth starting a separate thread in the off course forum for more general discussions on assisted suicide/suicide. A recent thread in the h/j forum (Rest Easy, Brandon Gibson) about a rider/trainer got locked for getting heavily side tracked into general conversations on suicide and mental health.
Absolutely a topic worth discussing, and many people had interesting thoughts/contributions, it just seemed like the tribute to the person got a bit lost in that conversation.
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This is a excellent take that I hadn’t considered. I think we normally think of assisted suicide with people who are near death and in pain and suffering as being “acceptable.” Caroline had a major life changing event, although she says she suffered regularly with depression before she says she wasn’t during this decision. Was that the case? Although her life was forever changed she wasn’t in the same position as someone with say a terminal illness. Many other people have suffered similar results from riding, car, hiking, etc related accidents. I am sure many of them also felt at some point the weight of the life changing events in their lives. At what point do we make suicide “acceptable?”
The recent suicide of Brandon Gibson comes to mind. Although depression, bullying, and suicide need to be talked about more openly were Brandon’s feelings similar to Caroline? Did he believe he was not suffering from depression when he committed suicide? What makes one “suicide” and the other “passing voluntarily?” What makes one person brave and the other tragic?
No judgement, just discussion.
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Caroline motioned her mental health even before the accident took away her livelihood and pleasure. What she writes about the specifics is very eye opening. Depression is debilitating and can not always be helped with drugs or therapy.
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I also think it would be easier for people to are not actively planning to take their life to talk openly and honestly to mental health professionals just about suicidal ideation.
Even discussing suicidal ideas with a counselor can get someone “red flagged” because the counselor is afraid of losing his or her license or getting sued, since “danger to self” means confidentiality can be violated in many states–and just in general, people are afraid if they talk about this to someone else, instead of help and support, they’re going to have the police or EMS knocking at their door and taken to a hospital and pumped up with drugs until they are “safe.” (In the US anyway.)
I am glad her post has started so many productive conversations, although I am still so terribly sorry for the horrible accident that changed her life so dreadfully.
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The way I understood it from what she wrote was, whilst she did admit to having depression, she just did not want to live without her independence. And could see no cure for her physical injuries that would get her back to that independence. Maybe not to ride at that level again but to be able to do basic things on her own.
I personally would hate to be trapped in a body that would not allow for me to do for myself. I am not in that situation so of course I have no real idea of what I would do. But I can understand it, if that is indeed her reason.
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She did, which makes me ask “Is someone who is suffering from mental illness/depression always aware that they have depression?”
With the deaths of two equestrians so close together, and the very different reactions to their deaths it has generated all sorts of questions.
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Frankly, talking openly about mental health online can have some strong reactions.
The last time I talked openly about my mental health and feelings I was accused of not appreciating what I had (and I was sad because I didn’t appreciate what I had and couldn’t figure out why so it was super helpful), and I’ve seen others commenting about people who use their mental health struggles for grandstanding and generating business, avoiding conflict.
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I agree! Which is why it is so important that people can be more open with professionals. Even the best friend isn’t necessarily equipped to provide the support that a professional is, which is why I wish people could be more open when they are in therapy about discussing really deep depression, and that talk therapy was more widely available. Of course, I don’t think that would have necessarily helped Caroline March–but again, I honor the contribution she has already had in starting this conversation.
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I find comments like this frustrating. In Caroline’s own words (bolding my own):
People will automatically jump to conclusions and blame depression, just how wrong you are. Believe me all I’ve heard is ‘talk to someone you must be depressed’ from the unqualified, when I then do talk to someone qualified, they say they’ve met very few people who are so mentally aware
Without specific first-hand cause to believe otherwise, I cannot imagine why strangers on the internet are speculating about a mental health diagnosis she has explicitly stated that professionals have said did not affect her at the time of her death.
I’m not sure how it works in the UK, but most assisted suicide programs require extensive case review and consultation with medical professionals before the patient is approved for the program. It is not a quick process or an easy one, and generally speaking any health issues driving the application (mental or physical) must be deemed permanent or unresolvable. Speculating from afar on whether or not her decision was driven by an undiagnosed condition seems ludicrous and unfair to someone who went out of her way to be transparent.
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Yes, I believe her when she said this. I don’t think I have ever read first hand details about “taking a shit” and what that entailed for her. She brought the conversation to a whole new level in my understanding of what she was going through. I appreciate her bluntness.
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And she did say, in her own words, she did not want to be reliant on others anymore, not like she was because of her physical state years after her accident.
I do see not everyone would see this distinction and think because she used assistance she must have been depressed. And then possibly think this is now ‘permission’ to commit suicide because people are ‘celebrating’ it.
I don’t think anyone is celebrating it. I know I’m not even though I support the decision she made for her own self.
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Read Christopher Reeves book, still me, it’s the most honest account of life after his riding accident, he was quadriplegic. There is little dignity in a nurse forcing your bowel movement every day and the constant threat of kidney infection you can’t feel and so on. He lived for his family that’s what kept him going.
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Personally I think it could be OK but IME COTH does not consider it a suitable subject for discussion.
Just sayin.
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Why would you think that COTH doesn’t consider it a suitable subject for discussion? When I posted about my ex FIL who decided on euthanasia, everyone was very supportive of his decision and me.
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I’ll share what I posted over on Horse and Hound’s forum.
So, not quite 24 hours of contemplation and I remain firmly fixed in the category of folks that commend her. Not just accepting her actions, but applauding them. Someone has to rejoice when people say “Screw the world… this is what’s best for me.”
I know it seems odd, but this ranks, for me, as one of the hardest things a person can do. To ignore the tide and swim their own way, no matter the challenges and criticism.
I may never choose her path but I honor that choice and hope that the afterlife is a place that lives up to her hopes. Everyone should remember that the ‘rights’ and ‘wrongs’ of the masses are only one piece of the whole puzzle. And those are never the ONLY choices.
RIP Caroline.
Em
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