There’s a Great lesson to be learned here:
Doesn’t matter if you’ve started, ridden, trained or bronced with 10 horses or 1,000.
There will come a horse or two that will make you scratch your head and try your patience.
Add physical, painful problems into the mix and unless you’re willing to take each problem and resolve it and take the time to train the unmannered, passed around horse, you will end up where you started but out a bit of money.
Experience and time and money is needed. A sticky seat won’t help. Pony Club won’t help.
A hard lesson was learned here.
Poor Horse.
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I had something like this start up with my young horse, which was just super perplexing because she’s usually so polite, and I felt like the bolting behavior just came up waaaay out of the blue. Like she’s fine fine fine and then wow, really not? Wtf?
I finally realized that despite appearing just super willing, she’s actually a little ball of anxiety. Rather than get big and loud with it, she sort of shuts down and freezes. Right up until she can’t, and then whoa, where did this explosion even come from? It’s been super humbling because I feel pretty competent with anxious horses and I straight up just missed it. She’s SO inward and subtle. Once I figured out her tells and started actually addressing that anxiety, the explosive stuff went away.
So, anyway, while I agree whole heartedly this one has maybe never been taught to not run people down, the OP does (or did) also list a whole litany of anxious behaviors, and that can cause even horses who really do know better to do uncharacteristic stuff. When that fight or flight (or freeze!) instinct kicks in, it’s awfully tough. 
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That’s why I asked about the environment.
Before I moved my mare, I boarded her at a facility that emotionally impacted her. There was a lot of awful stuff that happened towards the end of our tenure there and my mare, who is already sensitive, picked up on “residual” effects (yep, it sounds woowoo). What I helped her with was controlling her emotions. It’s hard to train a horse to do that, but I’ve had some really amazing trainers, one of which is actually quite well-known in buckaroo circles. I eventually found a place, but until I found a place, I worked really hard on teaching my mare to go “inside of herself.” There were also times that I just had to let my mare avoid certain places and certain people.
This is why training horses is hard and it doesn’t do anyone any good to blame the OP. We don’t know the entire situation or the horse or the facility. You really need to “feel” the horse and let the horse communicate to you what’s going on. That sounds bonkers, but the buckaroo trainers I worked with changed a lot of my thinking, and I’m better with horses because of it. I am a firm believer that horses are far more sensitive to their environment than we are-- I also had to go to a bunch of academic equine neuroscience conferences per my trainer so I know this information from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.
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I think OP left because she got tired of people telling her she could never ride this horse because she’s not a trainer and to just get rid of it because amateurs need to know their limits. Lots of us amateurs are perfectly capable of riding professionally, we just don’t. OP made it clear rides at the UL events which quite frankly means she’s a better rider than 75% of the trainers in the US. But people just kept beating her over the head with her amateur status and telling her to give up. It annoyed me reading it and I’m not even OP.
Also someone already guessed who she was and who the seller was? I don’t blame her for not outing herself publicly. UL eventing is a tiny, tiny world in the US.
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The OP herself indicated she did not like or want to ride this horse because the horse felt dangerous. None of us projected that on her.
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She has an unpredictable bucking horse that could seriously harm her and has pain issues with her front feet.
She has a 5 y/o child to look after which is more important than horses any day of the week.
Life is too damn short and there are too many nice horses to risk injury for an unsound, green horse.
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While this is true, none of us know OP from Adam. I rode with a shocking amount of women at my college’s Equestrian school that had accolades of success for their ages…but only rode a very select handful of big money horses. So much so, there would be tears if they got assigned a school horse that they didn’t like. I was the scrappy kid that wasn’t even majoring in the program that was told to hop on their horse and make it go over the jump when they couldn’t. On more than one occasion.
Whatever the full picture is, OP is well over-horsed at this point and this is abundantly clear.
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This. Maybe this thread should be locked so that people leave OP alone. They haven’t responded, which is indicative that they don’t want any more “advice.”
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I don’t blame her for pulling her posts and backing away. She’s probably wishing she had taken a breath before posting here when her emotions were high.
Nothing against COTH, but I’ve learned over the years that if I have something going on with my horse that I think (know) may garner a lot of advice and suggestions that I’m not looking for or in the mood to hear, I’ll just keep it to myself. It took a while to figure that out, but yeah. Everyone has opinions, and often very strong opinions (including yours truly) about all things equine. And it’s truly impossible for anyone online to accurately assess and give sound advice to a person they’ve never met about a horse they’ve never seen.
So, I feel for the OP. She’s got buyer’s remorse, a bruised ego (but thankfully nothing physically bruised yet, I hope), and then made the mistake of opening herself up to dozens of internet “experts” (myself included in that group) who’ve got her head spinning with loads of suggestions, advice, and yes…criticism.
I hope she and the mare find a good solution and they can both move forward, whatever that looks like for each of them.
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That is not the way a forum works. If I don’t want to hear anymore advice or I accidentally outed myself is not the forums problem. We are all adults and are very aware of how the internet works.
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The OP said she was scared of the horse. Just because you CAN sit on that and ride it out doesn’t mean you are at a point in your life where you want to do that, because you become afraid that at some point it will escalate further and you have responsibilities and children and you want to enjoy your hobby not become afraid of it (OP said it was affecting her with other horses as well). I have certainly been there myself, recently in fact. And it can be harder when you are emotionally strained by the horse when it is your horse versus a client horse. But of course, there are plenty of good trainers who at some point in time also choose to stop riding these problems. No shame in that. But if that is where you are, you have to question if the horse is ever going to be the right fit. OP said herself that even if a cowboy were to “fix” this horse, she’d have lasting trust issues. That’s both completely reasonable and also a problem for this pair’s future and the OP’s investment.
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Well said. Though it’s a bit of a faux pas to mass delete posts here, and I think that reaction was a bit extreme, I do think you(g) learn when to post here and when to think a bit. You can’t control what people respond with, and you may not like what is said. Rarely have I seen threads go off the rails beyond what a savvy internet user should be able to handle (ie, ignore that which isn’t helpful but think a bit about what advice is given even if the first gut reaction is to blow it off). This one was/is remarkably tame in that regard.
OP said themselves that the horse had shaken their confidence, and they were thinking about their child and what risk is worth it in that regard. Pro or not, these are things to consider. Additionally, a lot of the “get a pro” advice was NOT “you’re a silly amateur, go find any pro”, but rather advice to get a good PROBLEM HORSE/breaker pro. Who are used by even the most accomplished UL riders.
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Agree with this and also with @Moss (and others) - there are thousands of very knowledgeable horse people on this forum, but also lots of very strong opinions.
I’m having a specific issue with my horse which I would love input on, but I’m very leery of posting here and getting lots of varying opinions - some of which might be harsh, unreasonable, and victim blaming. (And don’t get me started on those who don’t carefully read for context and just jump to conclusions!)
I’ve gotten a ton of great advice on this forum, don’t get me wrong! But It seems that once somebody jumps on the OP, others often will chime in and pile on with more critiques (“and another thing!” with wagging fingers), even if and when they don’t have all the information – and how can you have all the information about a stranger on a bulletin board?
There’s nothing wrong with being kind, even if you feel strongly about something; I like to think that most people here want to help other horse people!, and opinions can always be expressed with tact and respect.
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I support deleting personal information. Even if it vagues the posts - I think it’s good etiquette here to do so without mass deleting, but hey. My first reaction is to warn our occasional minor posters and sensitive topics when I’d be able to figure out who they are based on the info. It’s a scary place out there!
Someone was able to potentially identify this mare from this discussion, but that also speaks to how much of a Problem the mare might be to have been dramatic enough to make an impression.
Personally I am well aware that anyone who has heard me talk about my horses would likely be able to clock me here, and I post accordingly. I’ve definitely gone back and reworded some things too.
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There is a lot of finger wagging. And, yes, I think a lot of people want to help, and there is a lot of kindness, but there are just a handful of people who are becoming what the horse community is known for.
The fact that people figured out how to identify the mare really bothers me. Does this speak to how small the eventing (I’m assuming OP events) community is? Or are some people crossing some boundaries? There is a difference between people wanting to help and others (almost) wanting to prove an opinionated point that they hold.
I love helping. I love lending my trailer, lending my tack, helping muck stalls, doing things like that. But then I know that the horse community is known for being a bit “toxic” for lack of a better word.
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The horse world is that small. I know I’ve seen some anon posts on FB with almost no details and realized I know the person or the horse. Especially when it’s something like a stopper, or a PITA to load off-site, or a Problem Horse. These things stick out, and people remember them. Rarely is that malicious IMO.
We have DEFINITELY had some stalking happen here (and a whole lot of accusations of stalking), but I also think people forget just how easy it is to casually find info on people. I have watched friends who ID someone’s blind date based on a first name and hair color.
Posting on the internet should be done with the assumption that your mother, employer, the government, and your neighbor will see it. Or should involve lying.
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I completely agree with all of this. And yes – it is concerning when people do “detective work” like this (it can be construed as doxxing); this board is supposed to be anonymous – if people want to “out” themselves, they certainly can - but there are many valid reasons why they might not want to.
You’re spot on with your observations! Yes, we can all take the opinions offered here with a grain of salt, but I like to at least try to put myself in the poster’s shoes. It’s not necessary to “shoot from the lip” just because you think you have the answers.
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Tossing another suggestion out there since it sounds like it crops up after a few days of work. Pssm2 or MFM. I’d probably be playing with the diet a bit.
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For a 150 posts I felt like this thread stayed SO civilized with a lot of different opinions and perspectives. I found it super interesting and of value to the greater community. OP was cagey with some details and never answered the question raised at least five times about what their trainer thought and that resulted in some hyper fixation that probably wasn’t needed. I hope OP stays safe and has resolution. Every horse teaches us something, some lessons are harder to swallow than others.
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I, for one, must have missed the posts that folks are referencing as deleted. The thing I would add is that I appreciate different ideas which often give me a perspective I may not have had before. We all have different backgrounds and different experiences and I learn from everyone.
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