Bullied by Other Boarder

Okay, so without going in to a great amount of details, there is a crazy boarder at the barn I’ve recently moved to. And I’m for real when I say crazy. Apparently she is on her ninth life at this place (this is a small but very nice diy farm, four borders including myself). The owners are elderly and apparently feel bad for her, she sucks up to them, but has been extremely rude, foul mouthed around my daughter and myself, bossy, and low key bullying towards me. She doesn’t show up for a five days at a time to take care of her animal, myself and other boarders give in and feed him and muck his stall so the animal doesn’t suffer. One afternoon she showed up what I’m guessing was strung out while I was there with my daughter and her two young friends, screaming and yelling profanities and I immediately went to the owner to give my notice of leaving.

Long story sort of short, he told me please don’t go it’s time for her to get the boot, he’s put up with too much from her. Well that didn’t go as planned because she harassed him and his wife, gave them the poor me nonsense to them for a week and half, and they’ve gave in and are letting her stay. But apparently she’s on notice if she messes up. Myself and the other borders are floored (they’ve informed me of her reputation of theft, lies, and animal neglect from this girl). She’s literally harassed the owners to the point where I believe it’s easier to let her stay, and I’m starting to wonder if they’re worried what she will do if not allowed to stay. I know the advice I’ll be given is to leave, I just moved here seven weeks ago but the location, property (three grass acres for my two mares themselves), price, everything is ideal, other than this crazy. It’s been three days of being given her millionth chance and she’s already doing petty crap such as knocking over my tidy kept buckets I soak my girls feed in, my supplements, etc.

Today she had the chance to be vindictive, the owner asked her to grab his two horses and bring them in so he could do something with the one, well she brought them both in and put them in MY freshly cleaned, bedded, and hayed stalls that I had set to go for when I came to bring my horses in this evening. My expensive hay eaten in the stalls and I had to completely muck both of them again… I was ticked, simply because she did it JUST to mess with me. She lied, per usual, and said the owner asked her to put them in there, which I immediately verified was not the case.

Owner told me to tell him of any stunts she pulls, and she’s out, but I’m worried of her messing with my horses. I put a camera over their stalls for the evening while they’re in but I just don’t know how crazy this girl is especially when they’re out in their field at night, or during the day honestly for that matter since their field butts up to the road. Has anyone dealt with this level of looney before?? I’m on the hunt for a new barn because I know that’s probably what I’ll just have to do for peace of mind but I’m so bummed that this whacko is ruining what would be such an ideal situation for myself and girls. Advice or similar stories appreciated, I’m beyond aggravated.

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honestly … move. Get out while you still have your sanity as there Zero chance on anything improving


Yes, you’re just going to get the advice expected. The BO’s have shown you they won’t toss her out, and everyone (including yourself) are enabling her bad behavior by taking care of her horse. Move yourself out and be done with it.

Unless you want to let her horse go without stall cleaning and feeding and then call animal control on her.


Yup. You gotta get out ASAP. All of my crazy horse people stories start out bad and end far worse. Head for the hills. Pronto.


Go. Now. The owners have shown you they can’t manage situations. Leave tomorrow even if you need to go to a pasture. You and your horse are not safe there.


Leave ASAP, even if they were to kick her out, she may perceive it to be your fault that she had to leave and retaliate against you by harming your horses.


I agree that you should start looking for another place to board your horse ASAP.

No, three acres of pasture is not worth that level of crazy. The owners have issues. If she actually steals anything of yours before you leave, call the police. The owners won’t help.


I also agree with the other posters, the advice you did not want is the only answer. Leave.

Clearly the owners have issues too. Think about it, who asks the crazy boarder to bring their horses in? How many ways can that go wrong (like it did). And if they did not ask her to bring the horses in and put them in your stalls, how was it not noticed for all that time (they ate all of your expensive hay).

Yes, the crazy people win here. But you do not lose, because you get to take your horses somewhere that they will be safe.


Others have suggested and I agree: Move! You cannot keep your horse safe in this situation.

Rest of post is just my own experience with someone similar.

To me (armchair psychologist) it sounds like a mental issue --I dealt with one person who had similar passive-aggressive behavior and often lacked a filter of any kind --as it turned out, she had a “closed head brain injury” from 1995 that those who knew her longer than I said “changed her personality completely” and a life-long problem with depression.

I knew none of this when she invited me to a clinic --for which I paid handsomely. After many emails back and forth, she held the clinic having never sent me (or 5 of the other 10 participants) the location and times.

Not being a person of great means --I asked for my money back. She said “you signed a paper that said NO REFUNDS” —I pointed out that my payment was made in anticipation of a service that was not provided --and my money needed to be refunded.

I sued her and won my case (small claims --successful, but very time-consuming)

At ruling (she wasn’t there) she seemed to go off the rails. She did many irrational actions including threats, subpoenas to 30 people including my sister whom she’s never met (court denied all requests as the case had been adjudicated) . She then hired a lawyer (I’d won $750) and appealed the decision (at this point her legal costs would have been about $5K --know this b/c my kid is a lawyer). She continued to pepper the court with self-generated and lawyer generated motions and documents until the judge told her lawyer to have her stop.

The lawyer (who was out of his depth --criminal lawyers are specialists --he was trying to avail in a civil case and couldn’t remember the woman’s name half the time --also said that he had never had so much paperwork from one client in his 30 year practice). He won a “do over” --judgment to set aside the original decision --all good --I still won (there was never a question of that --I had all the evidence and he had only “his opinion.”)

I was in court six times over over 7 months --had a blast --I was retired and had nothing else to do but dress up and go hang out at the court house and argue with an intelligent adult --in front of an intelligent adult --with an audience --so cool! Ultimately the judge issued a “show cause” which meant the woman would ARRESTED if she couldn’t show cause why she hadn’t paid the judgment --two days later I had the money in my hand!

But the victory was Pyrrhic; just about six months later the woman committed suicide. I doubt my little legal case was a factor --but I was still sad. I actually only met her once in person and liked her. I just wanted my money back.

My whole point is that her behavior sounds a lot like the woman you describe . . .move!


How do the other boarders feel about this?

I mean, obviously you have to leave, ASAP.

I’m not sure if it’s better to tell the owners you are leaving ASAP or to just keep it to yourself and disappear.

If she shows up shouting and threatening people, Call. The. Police. Especially if you think she’s under the influence of something.


I agree with Foxglove, she appears to have a mental issue. Out of curiosity, what do the other boarders do? Have you talked to them? Is it possible for all of you to talk to the owner together? I would tell the owner you are leaving due to safety issues. It’s shame you found a great place to board and one person has to spoil it.

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Three sentences in and I was thinking… time to move.

The only thing you can change is you and that means you have control over leaving. It is time.

I have talked with them, I think the one boarder sort of gets a kick out of the drama (older and bored, I assume) and the other thinks she’s a whackjob and had a problem with her stealing a few of her items, but apparently set her straight. This girl does not mess with them the way she does me. Actually, the girl called me up a week after I moved in insinuating that I left her a voicemail asking her to train my younger green mare. Would not let it go. Btw, this girl cannot ride and doesn’t not even understand the minimal basics, ironically she’s had a few horses here and they’ve all managed to have the same “rearing problem”… Anyways I firmly told her no, I absolutely never asked that or left a voicemail and then said I had to go and hung up. Perhaps that ticked her off, I have no clue. She then called me a few days later over some mundane nonsense and started the phone call off joking that my horses got loose and were running down the road… This was while the owners were on vacation, I immediately put a lock on their pasture gate.


Got a list of new barns to check out this weekend. Such a shame they are letting someone like this ruin their small farm and atmosphere.


how old are the owners. Could this be an issue of elder abuse? Do they have adult children that might need to intervene? I think there is something deeper going on here.


I would agree that shame this bad apple is ruining your whole bunch but it is what it is. If the owners don’t see this as an issue, then things won’t change. Stealing… that’s a non-starter if that is truly happening. You shouldn’t have to lock your horses in or out of anything (tack and feed, yes). Locking doors, gates, etc can be a safety risk if someone has to get your horse out and you are not there.

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She’s apparently stolen halters, leads, etc. But what floored me is she stole the gun holster and breast plate off the owners sons saddle. Lied and said her friend took it. Well her husband showed up after she was questioned about it with both items and gave them back! They’ve since split and obviously the owner still allowed her to keep her horse there. :woman_facepalming:

Anyways, the barn hunt has began. Thanks everyone for the responses, this is by far the strangest situation I’ve dealt with at a barn.


My thoughts exactly honestly, although the couple still seems to really have it together, I do think that is the situation and have brought that up.

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Block her number, take your stuff home now, tell all boarders (including her) and the BOs that no one but you has permission to move or handle your horses, lock the paddocks as you already have and go ahead and lock your stalls when they are empty. If BOs are on sight, might not be a horrible idea to lock the stalls and provide them a key/combo, or give/hide the key or a set of bolt cutters somewhere at the barn. Whack jobs know no bounds.