Buying the Right Horse: Talent vs. Emotional Connection?

[crestinglight]

I have two horses that I’m extremely interested in, and they are opposites in just about every way (but both awesome jumpers). My trainer is mostly concerned with which horse is going to be the most talented, the most rideable, a show winner, etc.

The gelding fits the bill for the classic hunter/jumper. He’s big, scopey, great mover, a Warmblood x Appendix cross. The other is a mare, mostly a dressage horse but does some stadium jumping and cross country. She’s a small, 15hh Bashkir Curly mare, and she loves jumping. My trainer certainly seems to be partial toward the gelding so far.

The thing is, I hit it off with the mare immediately, and felt very connected to her. She’s sweet, snuggly, quiet, and an awesome ride. I like the gelding too (he’s also pretty quiet and tried to please under saddle), but we didn’t have as much of an emotional connection.

I know that I would be happy with either, they’re both great choices. In the end, I have to choose one.

I’m just looking for general opinions here. Where do you stack emotional connection with ability? For example, would you buy a horse that maxes out at 3’6" over a one that maxes out at 4’ if you feel closer to them? Or do you think horse and rider develop that emotional connection over time, so it doesn’t really matter?

Thanks!

[KBC]

I have bought many horses that I thought I instantly clicked with…much to my regret.

The Awesome Mr Gibbs, well he ticked everything on my want list, every single box, was perfect, apart from lack of personality and I didn’t ‘feel’ anything for him.

Fast forward a few months, what do you know he has a great fun personality that he had never been encouraged to express, and he became my one and only heart horse in all my years of horse ownership. He, and his successor are the only two trainer recommended horses I have bought, both were the right decision.

[RedHorses]

What I wanted to do with the horse would be the more important criteria. What I want, not what my trainer wants.

What are your show goals? What are your riding goals?

If I wanted to compete at 4’ I would not buy a horse who maxed out at 3’6". But if I just wanted to enjoy doing things with my horse I would be inclined to buy the horse I just liked more (and presumably save some money).

[oppsfelldown]

I go talent first - is the horse capable of doing what i want done.

it would be incredibly frustrating to have a snuggle bunny horse that I cannot compete.

[crestinglight]

I totally hear you KBC. I’m still what you would call an “advanced beginner”, I’m only jumping about 18" or 2’ crossrails, but I plan on training hard and moving up the levels quickly. My trainer is a Grand Prix trainer, so he definitely knows his stuff. My trainer also has my best interests at heart, so I know he wouldn’t recommend something that wasn’t a good fit.

RedHorses, I also hear you. I think one of my problems is that I’m not sure exactly what I want. Right now I’m just focused on becoming a better rider and having a lot of fun, but I’m also really intrigued by the show world. I’m riding at a show barn, so that’s their focus, and I think I could get really into showing in the future.

I don’t think I’m good enough to show this year, but probably next year I’d like to give it a solid try. I’d be fine with 3’6" or 4’, I don’t see myself trying to go beyond 3’6" in the next 4 or 5 years, so either would be good.

I trust my trainer a lot, and he is very knowledgeable, but I’m just stuck at whether or not to trust him completely (basically let him pick which horse is right for me), or go with my gut. My gut may be totally wrong, so I’m loving the advice so far!!!

[chestnutmarebeware]

One thing that hasn’t been mentioned is resale potential. It sounds like the gelding would be much easier to sell at some point (unless you plan to keep them until they die). A small, off-breed mare will be harder to move.

I was actually pressured into buying a weanling that I had zero interest in (still mourning the horse I had lost a month earlier and was too apathetic to argue about it). Despite all the work I put in with her as a youngster, we never clicked (and I’m pretty sure she disliked me outright) until she came down with WNV as a 2-y-o and I had to sleep with her for five days, lifting her up onto her feet every few hours. She finally recovered, and we’ve been BFFs ever since. I think it took that experience to create the ultimate bond.

[TWH_Girl]

A real connection takes time, so I wouldn’t discount the gelding.

[crestinglight]

Great advice, thanks everyone! I definitely think feelings can blind us to what is best. Maybe the gelding just hasn’t had an opportunity to show me his personality, or maybe he takes a while to open up. He was definitely nice and quiet once I got in the saddle, it’s not like he was naughty or a jerk, just a bit more reserved than the mare. We also met under less-than-ideal circumstances.

Also, he’s actually $2k cheaper than the mare, because she’s a pretty strong dressage competitor, and I think he doesn’t have a ton of show experience yet.

Resale value is super important too. Once I got him showing, he could be easier to sell later on as an amateur show horse or a school master.

I think we need to try them both again, let my trainer ride them with the intent of finding where their limits are, and let him form a real opinion as to who will be best for me. It sounds like I need to shut down my emotions and figure out which is the most talented, then try to form a connection from there.

Thanks again all!

[SnicklefritzG]

I bought my current horse because he was currently competing at the level I was interested in and had the ability to move up. I didn’t think he had much of a personality. It feels like such a terrible thing to say…because he developed an amazing personality over the next year or two and now everybody is in love with him.

Maybe the personality was always there and just needed time to come out.

@TWH Girl

A real connection takes time, so I wouldn’t discount the gelding.

[UrbanHennery]

My gelding didn’t have a whole lot of “personality” when I bought him. And I knew him for the two years prior to that so it wasn’t just a first impressions issue. Turned out he just needed to have his own person (he was a futurity horse in full time training with a great trainer but apparently it wasn’t the same to him). A year later he was a whole different horse. And now, five years later, I’d happily give some of his personality back…

At the time I bought him anyway because he was more than capable of competing at the level that I wanted, I could grow into him, and he was the nicest horse I could afford. It was the right decision, even if we’ve since changed disciplines and found his physical limits.

[cnigh]

I bought my little Arab mare with eyes wide open. She needed a lot of work and a lot of TLC.

We clicked instatly when I first met her. I went with my gut and I am not at all sorry.

While it’s been slow progress, 9 months in, 6 months of riding and she is a different horse. Some people wouldn’t want a challenge like her, but she is proving to be a really good girl for me.

At the end of the day, you will be the one paying for the animal. Get the one you connect with.

[xQHDQ]

My vote is to go with the horse you clicked with. I’ve had the best luck with those I was in love with when I met them and the worst time with those I didn’t click with upon first meeting. All the talent in the world won’t win if the two of you don’t get along, and ability could grow if you both believe in each other.

[Alittledownhill]

I bought my horse for emotional connection, but here are the caveats.

1. I started in my 30s and have no innate talent whatsoever. I work hard and ride almost every day because I love it and want to improve, but my lofty goals include dominating a long stirrup class in the fall and someday hilltopping. My guy is perfect for those things. A large part of what I wanted was a pet to groom and cuddle and play with, so having a horse that I really loved was paramount. You, on the other hand, seem to be going places. You’re going to be frustrated if the horse can’t go with you.
   2 I’d been riding my horse regularly for a year before I bought him, so the connection was formed over time. I actually thought he was sort of soulless when I first met him, but I learned he has the biggest soul there is. I don’t think you can really tell if you love someone (human or animal) until you’ve seen the good, the bad, and the mediocre.

So I would go with the gelding and do lots of bonding stuff (go for walks, graze, etc). You’ll probably fall in love with him, especially if you reach your goals together.

[SuzieQNutter]

If her dressage is great she might be more with it.

Being a mare you might have trouble with her going in season.

[ladyj79]

You are an advanced beginner. Don’t focus on which horse is going to top out at 3’6. That’s putting the cart way way before the horse.

choose the horse that is the safest and most experienced and rideable for where you are now. Really honestly that is the best way to learn and progress.

[Feliz]

There’s nothing wrong with choosing one horse over another because you feel like you click – as long as that horse is going to be suitable for what you want. Just be really clear with what you want vs what you need. Personally my top needs are 1. Safe 2. Does the job that I want this horse for. I don’t worry if I don’t feel a connection with them in 1-2 rides.

I think your plan to see both horses again with your trainer is a great one. I’ve always found the 2[SUP]nd[/SUP] visit the most important for me – often it clarifies both the good & bad points in my mind.

However, I’d encourage you to think hard about your statement: “figure out which is the most talented”. You’re just getting started on the horse ownership journey so I’d think: “figure out which suits me best.” I know talent and potential are way more exciting, but what you need right now probably isn’t what you need in a year or two. Horses who are good at starting riders are always in demand, even if they top out at 3’. If the horse is suitable for you right now and is talented – jackpot!

When I got serious about competing I bought a mare who ticked all the boxes but was very workmanlike – I didn’t click with her but bought her. She was a fantastic horse, very sharp but I always felt very safe on her and she was great fun – almost always in the money, would go anywhere & do anything. After just over 2yrs she had to be semi-retired due to an old injury flaring up. I recently got to ride her again – after 7yrs! She’s still great fun, and still a total “let’s just get on with it” horse. Her new owner and I both laughed about it – she’s just all business.

I certainly don’t regret buying her – she really helped me move up & jump some bigger fences and I didn’t mind that she wasn’t a love bug. I don’t think there was any lack of connection with her – it was just a different connection.

My current horse ticked all my must have boxes and I fell in love with him on the first ride. This was something of a shock to me as I’ve owned a few horses and loved them all, but in a fairly pragmatic way. (I’ve watched way too many friends & acquaintances fall in love with horses that ranged from not ideal to totally unsuitable and wow, it can really suck all the fun out of ownership). I’ve now had him 5yrs and he’s the horse of a lifetime. He’s quirky and can be a difficult ride but he’s never dirty and boy, he tries hard for me.

But I don’t expect to feel that immediate connection again with future horse purchases – I was just lucky.

[fordtraktor]

@ladyj79

You are an advanced beginner. Don’t focus on which horse is going to top out at 3’6. That’s putting the cart way way before the horse.

choose the horse that is the safest and most experienced and rideable for where you are now. Really honestly that is the best way to learn and progress.

YES. Buy the one you feel comfortable on and like. You are a long, long way from worrying about 4’ jumps. Buy the one that makes you smile! Either of these horses sounds very capable of suiting you for years and years. And if the first one fails the vet check, buy the other.

[Toblersmom]

My personal opinion is that if you are just “jumping” 1.5-2 ft at this point (I use quotes because horses don’t really need to “jump” fences that short, it’s just an expanded canter stride), what you really should be doing is riding a whole bunch of different reliable school horses until you get some more experience and confidence and are starting to actually jump things a bit closer to what your end goals will be. Scopey horses that have good prospects at winning four foot classes (and not just getting around safely without being a total embarrassment) are often not particularly beginner friendly. They’ll often over jump little fences, make choices like taking a HUGE long spot if you mis-ride a distance rather than kind of sputtering in a little chip stride and popping gently over like a good beginner schoolie, be more sensitive to rider errors like getting an accidental pop in the mouth, etc. Not always, I suppose. Riding a variety of horses will give you a broader set of skills during your learning journey, even if the Big Guy has the heart of a safety-first Steady Eddie that can turn on the heat when asked.

If staying with lesson horses and riding a variety just isn’t feasible for some reason, I’d probably go with the Little Gal (and 15 hh is not particularly small IMO, unless you’re built like Hulk Hogan). She has some more versatility in her training background, so even if you can’t ride different horses you can do different things with the same horse that might be more challenging to do successfully with the Big Guy. As far as resale, if she’s priced fairly now and reasonably young, and you “outgrow” her jumping skills, you should be able to sell her on for a similar price, maybe a bit more depending on just how far you go and how much in the way of show record you develop (the same would go with the Big Guy). Bashkirs might be an “off” breed, but one with some decent marketability in the pleasure/ammy market because of the allergy thing.

[clanter]

only bought one horse by emotional connection… wasn’t looking for anything like this filly, was actually looking for an aged proven horse for our kids but while looking ran across this long yearling filly… it was the way she looked at us that interested me… so I bought her them leased horses for the kids.

This yearling developed into an outstanding horse that we kept the rest of her life. Oddly the very discipline we were looking to do this mare never did but she did nearly everything else. We let her natural abilities dictate the direction of her training

[MsM]

It is a balance for sure. I agree with those who said make sure you get a horse you can ride NOW. Future ambitions are great, but they can change for many reasons.

I have boarded with many people who bought the WOW horse that they had difficulty with. For some, it was too much for them and they could only ride with the trainer. They spent increasing amounts on training and lessons just to get some control. For others, they regretted that they couldn’t do fun stuff like trail rides or just hacking without their horse having a meltdown. (Or because trainer did not allow) Some never really bonded with their horse and ended up treating it more as sporting equipment - and for some of them, that was okay as the competition aspect was what they were focused upon. Others ended up mostly watching others ride their horse or selling it on.

You need to decide what your balance is. Connections can certainly develop over time if the horse is suitable and you basically like the horse. Connections can deteriorate if you find yourself trying to push your horse beyond its abilities or preferences too much.

I would not buy a horse that I really dislike or am not confident handling alone, right now. I would not buy a horse that I “clicked with” if I felt that it very soon would have difficulty with the work I wanted to do. But that is my balance. You need to find yours and also consider which would be a better, more tolerant teacher to help you develop. Good luck!